A Real Cowboy Rides a Motorcycle (21 page)

"I don't think like that, Zane. We have to tailor our dreams to fit our reality, or our heart breaks a little bit with every single heartbeat."

Listening to her made his heart break a little bit. She was so brave and courageous, and he wanted her to fight for what she wanted. He wanted her to get married and have those kids and teach until her smile reached her eyes every second of every day.

But at the same time, he wanted her for himself, and those two pictures weren't compatible. Which did he want more? To make himself happy by keeping her and giving her the half-life he could offer her? Or by letting her go so she had the chance of finding that guy who could give her everything?

"What about you?" She asked. "If you could have anything you really wanted, what would it be?"

He didn't hesitate. "You."

Tears filled her eyes. "Zane—"

Before she could finish, her phone rang. Her boss's ringtone. Sudden fear rippled through him. "Don't get it."

"I have to. He needs an answer." She scooted off the bed and ran to her purse. He leapt up after her and grabbed her wrist just as she pulled the phone out.

"Don't. Let's talk—"

She looked at him. "Why, Zane? Why shouldn't I answer it?
Why
?"

He hesitated. Why? What good reason did he have? Just because he didn't want her to go off on the grand adventure of her life, accepting a great job that would propel her to the kind of stardom she deserved, so he could keep her on the back of his bike, living in shit hotels, making her live life as a teacher, just because
he
thought that was a better choice for her? The truth was,
she
was the one with the parent dream. She might not be able to have biological kids, but there were a lot of ways to be a parent. She didn't need a man who didn't want kids. What she needed was a man who wanted kids as much as she did, who didn't give a shit about where they came from.

He didn't give a shit about where kids came from, but being a dad...he couldn't do it. She could find her way back to teaching in a year or two, but if he kept her, she'd never find the man who could heal her heart.

Slowly, he dropped his hand from hers. "Never mind." He turned away and walked back to the bed, leaving her with the chance of her lifetime.

Taylor's heart seemed to crumble into a thousand pieces as she watched Zane walk away from her. Yes, she hadn't truly expected him to declare his love for her when she'd told him she loved him, but when he'd said all those words, something inside her had come to life, hoping so desperately that there was a way to make it work. She didn't want to let him go, and she didn't want him to let her go...

He disappeared into the bathroom. He left the door open, but turned on the shower and got inside, giving her privacy.

The phone rang again. Edward's name flashed across her screen. For a brief second, she remembered how she used to feel when she saw his name, back when they were first dating. Her heart would leap and a huge smile would spring onto her face. But he'd never made her feel the way Zane made her feel. She didn't want his job. She didn't want that life. She didn't want to talk to him.

But at the same time...Zane had made the choice they both knew was right. Maybe that was his role in her life. Maybe his job had been to make her love again, and to teach her to have faith in the goodness of other people. Maybe his role had simply been to heal her, so she could go forward with the life that she was meant to live.

Maybe he was destined to simply be a memory.

Maybe it was time for her to stop running away from what she wanted and start fighting for herself...but what did she want?

A text message flashed across the screen from Edward.
This is the last time I'm going to call, Taylor. Answer the damn phone or the job goes to someone else.
The phone rang again, his name flashing across the screen,.

This time, she answered it. Slowly, her hand shaking, she lifted it to her ear. "Hi, Edward."

Zane stayed in the shower until the hot water ran out. And then he stayed in the cold water for as long as he could take it. It wasn't until he was chilled to the bone that he finally turned off the water. Once silence reigned, he waited, listening for the sound of Taylor talking to her boss.

There was no conversation coming from the main room.

Was she asleep? Had she packed her bags and bailed on him? Sudden panic rushed through him, and he jerked the bathroom door open. When he saw her curled up in the bed, her hair spread over the pillow and her hands tucked under her chin, he was so relieved he had to grab the sink to keep from going down to his knees.

Jesus.

How could he let her go? But how could he be the selfish bastard who kept her from what she wanted?

He took a breath and grabbed a towel, carelessly wiping the droplets off his skin, never taking his eyes off her. She was asleep, her chest moving in a slow rhythm, her eyelashes soft against her cheek.

He tossed the towel on the sink, then walked across the room. He knelt beside the bed and bent toward her. "Taylor," he whispered.

She didn't stir.

He brushed her hair back from her face, his fingers drifting over the incredibly soft strands. She was so beautiful and courageous, full of love, warmth, and vulnerability. He kissed her, a soft kiss, the kind of tender, gentle kiss he'd never have the courage to give her if she were awake. "Hey, babe," he whispered, keeping his voice low so as not to wake her, so she wouldn't hear the words that he had to say. "I want you to stay, but I can't take away your dream of being a mom. You'll find the guy who will give you that. I'm the one who can't handle watching you with someone else, because there will never be anyone else for me. You're it. You're my one and only. You're my forever."

He waited for a moment, almost hoping that she'd heard him in her sleep, hoping a foolish hope that she'd wake up and somehow show him a way that it could all work.

But she didn't stir, and her breathing stayed in the deep, even rhythm of sleep.

Which was for the best.

He let out his breath in a deep sigh, then eased the covers back and climbed in beside her. He wrapped her up in his arms and tucked her against him, her back tight against his chest, her hips nestled tightly against his. She felt so good and so right in his arms. He'd never wanted anyone to have a claim on him, but he knew that if he could wake up every single day with her in his arms, he'd have found the life he didn't deserve. But not at the cost of her dreams. He wouldn't do that to her. He pulled her even more tightly against him, knowing without asking that she'd accepted the promotion. Would she leave tomorrow? If not, then would it be the day after, as soon as Mira was settled? Maybe the day after that, but it would come.

The thought that this might be the last night he would ever hold her made something inside him tighten, a raging anger fueled by gaping loneliness he hadn't felt since the night he'd sat alone on his eighth birthday, watching the shadows on his bedroom wall while he listened to his mother screw her new boyfriend, completely forgetting that it had been her son's birthday that day.

She'd never remembered a birthday after that, and he'd learned not to care. He'd learned not to feel. He'd learned to accept what he could from his brothers, and to appreciate his talent as a bull rider. And most importantly, he'd made sure to never let anyone matter to him.

But Taylor mattered. She mattered on a thousand different levels. She mattered so much that he was willing to rip his heart out of his chest and let her get on that airplane and walk out of his life.

An image of an airplane cutting across the Wyoming sky flashed through his mind, and the greatest sense of desolation rolled through him. She would be on that plane soon.

But tonight, he had her.

Tonight wouldn't last forever, but he wasn't going to waste it.

"Taylor." He pressed a kiss to the nape of her neck. "Darlin', wake up."

She mumbled something and snuggled more tightly against him. For a moment, he considered being a good guy and letting her sleep. Then he decided to fuck it. He was being the hero by letting her go. Tonight, he was going to be the selfish jerk, and he was going to use every last second he had with her to fill his soul with enough of her love to sustain him the rest of his miserable, vagrant life. He palmed her belly, and began to nibble on her neck. "Taylor," he whispered. "Wake up."

Again, she mumbled something incoherent, but, even in her sleep, she pushed her hips back into him as he moved his hand lower on her belly. This woman, who trusted no one, had learned to trust him even in her most vulnerable moments.

That was worth everything to him.

Grinning, he rolled her onto her back and moved over her. He kissed her, a slow, tantalizing seduction of lips and tongues while he slid his knee between her thighs and wedged himself where he wanted to be.

He knew the moment she woke up. Her breath changed, and her muscles tightened, but he didn't stop kissing her. There was no way he wanted to give her the chance to talk about the job offer, no way he wanted to give her the chance to steal this last time together that they had.

She didn't try to stop him. Instead, she slipped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, even as she wrapped her legs around his hips, locking her feet together behind his back. "My sweet angel," he whispered, just before he slid inside her.

Neither of them was getting any sleep tonight, no matter what.

When Taylor finally woke up, the sun was low in the sky, and Zane was still wrapped around her. He was holding her tightly, tangled around her from head to toe, his face buried in the curve of her neck. He was breathing deeply, finally asleep, after making love to her all night, all morning and most of the day. He'd let her sleep twice, while he'd run out to take care of the animals, but when he'd come back at noon, he'd told her Steen was back and he was taking the rest of the day off. He hadn't left the bed since then, and neither had she.

And now, it had to be close to dinnertime, and she'd spent the whole day in bed with him. She'd thought the other day had been the best day of her life, but it had been topped. If she stayed with Zane, would every day with him keep getting better? What a life that would be to look forward to.

She sighed, trailing her fingers over the dark hairs on his arm where it was locked across her chest, his forearm angled between her breasts as if he was claiming her even in his sleep.

They hadn't talked once about the future. They'd talked about his childhood with his mother, the first time he'd met Chase, and the glories of bull riding. She'd talked about being so sick as a child, and her father's sadness when she'd had the surgery that had taken away her childbearing capability, a sadness she hadn't understood for a long time...until she finally had.

They talked about the boys at the Garage, and the one who had died. Zane had cried for the boy who'd died, for his inability to save him. He'd let Taylor comfort him and take away his grief and guilt, which had been one of the most beautiful moments of her life. She'd never felt so close to anyone, even Mira.

She knew she mattered to him. Zane was a loner, and he'd somehow, someway, found a place with her. Was that enough? Could she take that and hope it would make his life enough? "Zane?"

He grunted and tightened his arms around her.

"Zane." She lightly hit his arm.

"Yeah." His voice was groggy with sleep.

"Do you think..." God, could she really say it? "Do you think..."

His body stiffened almost imperceptibly. "Do I think what?"

"We could...make this work?" She held her breath, her heart pounding. She couldn't believe she'd said it. God, how could she say it? That was so selfish of her. "Never mind. Forget I said it—"

She started to pull away from him, and suddenly she found herself on her back, pinned to the bed by a man who looked surprisingly irritated given that he'd been dead asleep only moments before. "You need to understand something, Taylor." His voice was rough and steady, his gaze burning through her with intensity.

She swallowed. "What?"

"I'm not letting you go because you're right that someday I'll want biological kids and you'll destroy me by taking away that dream."

Tears threatened. "Zane—-"

"No." He cut her off. "Listen to me. You know how you said the fact I love my nephew means I'm going to want biological kids someday?"

"Yes." She'd never forget the look on his face.

"In case you forgot, that kid's not my biological nephew. Chase isn't his biological dad."

She stared at him, his words sinking in. She'd totally forgotten. How could she have forgotten? Chase was so in love with Mira and the baby that she hadn't even thought about the bloodlines of the baby.

"I have no blood ties to that baby, and I'd slay a demon for him. Do you understand?"

Slowly, she nodded, her heart starting to pound.

"Here's the thing, sweetheart. My mother was total shit. And so was my dad. They both sucked as parents. Biology doesn't mean anything when it comes to family and love. If I decided I wanted to be a dad, there's a thousand ways to become a dad other than knocking up a woman with my sperm. In the end, all that matters is that you've got a kid who needs a parent who will stand behind them and fight the entire damn world on their behalf. I'd be that dad, and it wouldn't matter one bit if my blood ran in their veins or not. You need to understand that." His voice was fierce and angry, so full of emotion that she could almost feel it.

She realized he was telling the truth, the absolute truth. He didn't care about biology when it came to children. He truly didn't. For the first time in her life, hope flared in her belly, a terrified, faint hope that she'd never dared have in her whole life. "Zane—"