A Rose Revealed (33 page)

His eyes played hide-and-seek with mine before they settled down. I looked straight into him.

“Tell me you don’t love me,” I whispered. “Look me in the eyes and tell me.”

“I have nothing to give you,” he said, his voice cracking. “Only brokenness.”

I smiled. “But you’ve already given me wholeness. You’ve made me laugh and cry and feel more alive than ever in my life. So we’ll never play tennis together or go skiing. Big deal. But we’re good together, Jake. You know it and so do I. The more I pray about us, the more my heart’s drawn to you. The whole time you weren’t speaking to me, I prayed and prayed and wanted you more than ever. God and I know you’re the man for me. We’re just waiting for you to agree.”

Suddenly he reached for me, wrapping both his strong arms about me, pressing me to his chest. “Rosie, Rosie, you win. You’re right. I love you so much my teeth ache. I think of you all day and dream of you all night, but how can I ask you to take less than you deserve?”

I pulled back and looked at him. “How about asking me to take what I want?”

“And you want me?” His voice was incredulous.

“With all my heart.”

He pulled me to him again, and this time he kissed me as I’d dreamed he would, with enough passion to leave me weak all over.

When I’d finally gotten my breath back, I rested with my cheek against his chest, my head in the hollow of his shoulder. “Tell me,” I said. “Say it again. I want to hear it. I need to hear it.”

I felt as much as heard the rumble of laughter and smiled too.

“I love you, Tiger. I love you with all my heart. Marry me?”

I lifted my head, looked at him, and said, “How soon?”

Epilogue

Three years later

I
t was a lovely May morning as I sat out on the back deck with a cup of tea in my hand and a forbidden doughnut on the table tempting me.

“Jake, come take that away before I eat it,” I called to my husband. “I weigh enough to sink the Titanic as it is.”

Laughing, Jake wheeled to the table and moved the doughnut out of my reach. He continued around the table to me.

“You look beautiful, Tiger,” he said, resting his hand on my very pregnant middle. His compliment was rewarded with a swift kick from his gestating offspring.

I leaned my head back and smiled up at the trees with their summer canopies growing fuller daily. “Did you know I dreamed of sitting here with you?” I looked at him, dressed today in a white shirt and tie, dress pants, and shoes. “When I found out this was your house being built, I stopped in the driveway one night on the way home from work and dreamed of sitting on the deck with you for a breakfast picnic just like this.”

“Was that before or after you proposed?” His black eyes gleamed, and the sun struck glints on his dark hair.

“You can tease me all you want about proposing,” I said with a grin, “but one of us had to have some common sense.”

He picked up my hand and kissed it. “I’m glad you were so smart. I wouldn’t have missed this ride for the world.”

We had waited six months from the night I proposed before we married. During that time, Jake lived in this wonderful house, Elam and Esther moved into the
grossdawdy haus
, and I roomed with Annie Stoltzfus in what proved to be a mutually beneficial arrangement. To this day I love Annie like my own mother, and I mourned deeply when she went to be with the Lord several months ago.

Elam and Esther and their two babies still lived in the
grossdawdy haus
, but it wouldn’t be long before they moved into the main house, and John and Mary moved into the addition. Esther was pregnant again, and needed living space would be the deciding factor.

Becky and Sam had sought us out last Sunday at church, and I guessed from the electric joy pulsing from them what they wanted to tell us. They would be having a wonderful Christmas present, and Becky glowed at the prospect of being a mother again. I had been so pleased that they waited to have a baby. Now their marriage was stable, Sam was foreman on a construction crew, and their faith was more vibrant than ever.

Jake and I had gone to Texas twice to visit Davy and Lauren. I wanted them to move to Pennsylvania, but some wishes just don’t get granted. Their year-old daughter Carrie was the image of Lauren and as sweet as she could be.

If there was any difficulty in Jake’s and my marriage, it would be my occasional resentment of The Chair. When I was feeling its limitations, it became uppermost in my mind. I realized that Jake hadn’t been completely wrong when he hesitated to marry me.

“How am I supposed to hug someone in a chair?” I asked through tears one day. “Just answer me that!”

Jake looked at me with sad eyes, and I immediately felt terrible, just as I did anytime I raged against the chair. If it was terrible to me, I knew it was many times worse for him.

I fell on my knees and leaned into him, “I’m sorry.” I wrapped my arms around his middle and put my head on his chest. I straightened immediately and sighed. “See? I’ve got your belt buckle in my chin!”

“I guess the great blessing of the chair is that dealing with it keeps both of us in prayer,” Jake said as he rubbed my chin. “Just don’t let it come between us, Tiger. I couldn’t stand that.”

He wheeled himself to the sofa and, using his board, slid himself onto it. He lay down and held out his arms. I fell into them, and he hugged me quietly. Finally I levered myself up on an elbow. “I have no regrets, Jake. You need to know that. I’d marry you all over again in an instant. All that the chair is is frustration. You, on the other hand, are my life.”

But today as I sat at the table on the deck with the warm spring sun shining on us, I had only happy thoughts. I absently patted the little fiend who was kicking me to death internally and with impunity as contentment flooded through me.

“It’s time, Tiger.”

I nodded and pulled myself upright. It was not an easy feat. I straightened my voluminous dress and picked up my purse, and then I walked to my husband.

“I’m so proud of you, sweetheart. This is a big day for a little Amish boy.”

He swept his arm around my waist and pulled me to his lap.

“You’ll be sorry,” I said. “Especially when I try to get up.”

He nuzzled my neck. “Never will I be sorry about you.”

The front doorbell rang and a voice called, “Anybody home?”

“On the back deck, Mom,” called Jake as I struggled to get to my feet. He held me tight. “Stay put, Tiger. It’s okay if she sees you in my lap. She knows I love you.”

I glanced at my belly. “It’d be hard to miss.”

My mother walked onto the deck and groaned. “Look at you two. Smoldering looks at nine o’clock in the morning.” Then her face brightened. “Oh, good. A doughnut.”

“I saved it for you,” Jake said as he helped me to my feet. “Now we’ve got to get a move on or we’ll be late. I don’t want to miss my first graduation ceremony.”

Wiping powdered sugar from her chin, Mom said, “I’m proud of you, Jake. Just think: a college graduate and a schoolteacher. And someday maybe a principal.”

Jake and I looked at each other and grinned. Mom’s dreams might come true, but right now graduating and teaching were enough.

“And you,” she said, pointing her finger at me. I looked at the lethal nail and hoped she wouldn’t start poking me. I didn’t think either the baby or I could survive. “At least you’re not chasing ambulances all over the place anymore.”

“I don’t chase ambulances, Mom. Lawyers do that. I ride in them. And I’ll be back riding in a couple of months. I may have given up my day job to stay home with the baby, but I’m not giving up the ambulance. I’d miss Harry too much.”

“Ah yes, Harry,” Mom said. “Such a nice man. Maybe you should stay with the ambulance after all. Those poor hurting people will need you.”

Jake and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes.

Harry had been a widower for a year and a half, and recently Mom had become very curious about him. Harry didn’t seem to return the favor, not that that stopped Mom.

“Into the van, girls,” Jake said, shooing us toward the garage. He patted my tummy. “All three of you.”

I looked at Jake and my heart swelled with love and pride. My graduate. My friend. My husband.

A Note to Readers

Dear Reader,

When Jake and Rose struggle with various aspects of forgiveness, I think they struggle with a concept that gives many of us trouble.

For those considering the claims of Christ, the idea that forgiveness is free, that salvation can’t be earned, seems almost un-American. We are a nation of folks who historically have made their own way. We are especially proud of those who pull themselves up by their own bootstraps.

But the Bible says clearly that God’s forgiveness is a
gift
. No bootstraps wanted or allowed here.

And often those of us who believe have just as much trouble accepting forgiveness. We get caught, like Rose, in feeling we must forgive ourselves.

I received a note one time from a young woman who had come to hear me speak.

“I believe God forgave me for the terrible thing I did, but I can’t forgive myself,” she wrote. “Help me please. Give me some hope.”

“Oh, God,” I prayed. “What in the world do I say to her?”

As I thought and prayed, I came to three conclusions:

           1. God doesn’t ever ask us to forgive ourselves. God will forgive us and we are asked to forgive each other, but never does the Bible ask us to forgive ourselves. I’m not sure what that means, but if forgiving ourselves were something we had to do, wouldn’t God have told us?

           2. All sin is an offense to God. We tend to think that the things we have done that have been blatantly wrong or that have caused others hurt are the worst anyone has ever done. Not so. All sin, big stuff and little stuff, is offensive to a holy God.

           3. If we say we have to forgive ourselves, are we saying Jesus didn’t do enough when He died for us? We need to add to it? What a scary idea that we would elevate ourselves to the level of Christ, even unintentionally. Salvation and the forgiveness that comes with it are “not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.”

God chooses to give forgiveness as a gift. All we need choose is to accept that God’s great gift is enough.

About Gayle Roper…

GAYLE ROPER is the award-winning author of more than forty books and has been a Christy finalist three times. She enjoys speaking at women’s events across the nation and loves sharing the powerful truths of Scripture with humor and practicality. Gayle lives in southeastern Pennsylvania where she enjoys reading, gardening, and her family.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

  1. Which of the three do you identify most with: Rose, Becky or Esther? Why?

  2. Jake was physically disabled, but not all disabilities are physical. His mother and Rose were more concerned about deeper disabilities. Your thoughts? Read 1 Timothy 4:7-8. Further thoughts?

  3. The Hostetter family was riddled with dysfunction despite Sophie’s love for them all. Could she have done things differently and prevented at least some of the tensions?

  4. The death of Becky and Sam’s Trevor is gut-wrenching. Does Becky’s lack of anger at God seem reasonable to you? How does Jeremiah 29:11 fit in here?

  5. Jake pushes Rose away out of misguided pride. Is pride always destructive? What about Romans 12:3?

  6. What do you think of the custom of shunning?

  7. Read and discuss Titus 3:9-11 and Galatians 6:1 and discuss in light of Question 6.

  8. What should you do about someone who will not change, will not be restored? What if the issue of contention is non-Biblical, like Davy’s driving a race car?

  9. Several people in this story skim the edge of the
Ordnung
, even break it—Mary and John, Becky and Sam, Davy, even Annie. What is a Christian’s responsibility to be obedient to the practices of his or her faith community?

10. Rose’s mother is distant to Rose, making her feel rejected and guilty—more guilty?—over the deaths of her sister and father. Your thoughts?

Be sure and read the other two Gayle Roper books in the Amish Farm Trilogy.…

Beloved author Gayle Roper begins a contemporary Amish series readers are sure to love.

Englischer
Kristie Matthews’ move to an Amish family farm in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, starts on a bad note as the young schoolteacher is bitten by a dog. A trip to the local ER leads to an encounter with an old man who hands her a key and swears her to silence. But when Kristie’s life is endangered, she suspects there’s a connection to the mysterious key. While solving the mystery (and staying alive), Kristie must decide whether her lawyer boyfriend, Todd Reasoner, is really right for her…or if Jon Clarke Griffin, the new local man she’s met, is all he seems to be. Mystery, romance, and a beautiful Amish setting…just the thing readers are clamoring for.