A Sadness Within (20 page)

“So this group in Chicago isn’t exactly good, are they?” Her voice rang above the quiet sounds of her playing.

“No, they aren’t. They hurt people. They take too much. They are reckless in their actions. Sometimes, they
kill
people.” I tried to gage her reaction but I could only make out the concentration etched in her brow as she continued to play. “Will isn’t as bad as everyone else. There is still a shred of his humanity left, right?”

I nodded and she stopped playing. I could tell by the confusion on her face that she didn’t completely understand how it worked. I told her about my father’s theory regarding our souls and how I believed that Will hadn’t totally lost his. I told her about the light in his eyes and that I believed it was because of her.

“I thought I was broken when I met Will,” she continued to play. The notes sang beneath her fingertips, almost as a sort of soundtrack to my story. “I thought that no one could love me because… because of… I don’t know. I just didn’t think it was possible. Everyone in this town thinks they know me, but they don’t. Still, I just can’t bring myself to leave. This is my home. I have felt so empty inside for years. Except when I play. It was the only way I felt alive. Until I met Will.”

“You know he loves you, don’t you? He fell in love with you because of who you are. He told me once that when you played, it was angelic. It made him feel for the first time in many years. I think it’s what brought him back to life... brought him back to me... to us. It was you who saved him. Or, maybe you saved each other.” I stood next to the piano and placed my hands on top, feeling the vibration through my fingertips.

“And now, I’ve turned him away.” Her voice was a whisper and her hands slid off the piano keys. “I didn’t know and he tried to tell me. I didn’t know. I thought he was something… someone else.” I watched as a tear slid down her cheek and landed on the ivory and I was torn apart all over again.

“I think I should find him.” Julia looked up suddenly and said.  “I need to apologize and tell him how I feel.”

Relief flooded through me. She was right. She needed to find him. And I wanted my brother back.

“I am fairly certain I know where he is. We can leave for Chicago in the morning.  I don’t think he will run off. Besides, you need to rest.” She looked relieved and exhausted at the same time. Like a weight had been lifted from her.

I grabbed her arm and pulled her to her feet and into the kitchen. There wasn’t much more than blood in the refrigerator so I gave her some water and ordered a pizza.

After I got some food into her, I coaxed her to go upstairs to lie down and get some sleep. I needed to make our travel arrangements. I quickly steered her away from Will’s room, fearing that it would be emotionally too much for her to be in his room. Instead, I took her to a spare room where there would be no reminders.

“Thank you, Celia. You are wise beyond your years, you know that?” she said, a smile crossing her tired face.

“Well, I
am
almost 100 years old.”

She giggled a little, as she laid her head on the pillow. Her expression changed back to reveal the sadness that had been there before.

“Celia, do you think we’ll find him, so I can tell him how sorry I am?” I could see the tears welling in her eyes again as she blinked them rapidly away.

“Yes, I do. But we can talk about it more in the morning. Get some rest right now.”

I sat in the room until I was sure that she was asleep.  Once her breathing evened out, I went to find my father. He needed to know what had happened. As usual, I found him in his study.

“Father, I need to speak with you.”

“Ah, Celia,” he turned to look at me, and his eyes suddenly became alarmed. “What has happened? Are you okay?”

“I know why Will left.” I hesitated, unsure how to continue. “She knows. Julia knows. Will told her at the cemetery. She saw the graves and was afraid. She ran from him. She found out and didn’t think she could handle it, and Will ran. He was so close. I mean, he had been doing so well. I thought we were finally going to get the old Will back, and we did, for a few weeks. He didn’t leave because he couldn’t handle this,” I said gesturing around. “He left because he thought that he had lost her.”

His eyes sank and he let this new information absorb. Finally, relief washed over his face as he realized what this meant. 

“Julia came over tonight. She wanted to know everything. We’ve been talking and now she’s asleep upstairs. I convinced her to get some rest so that I could figure things out. She wants to go to Chicago, to find him. She wants to get him back.”

“She’s
here?
But I thought she said that she was scared of him . . . of us.”

“She was, at first, but then she had a few days to think about things. I guess she realized that she still loved him. She wants to find him to tell him.”

“Well, that could be difficult. You know how his friends in Chicago operate,” my father could not hide the venom in his voice when talking about them. “It would be extremely dangerous for her to be anywhere near them.” He shifted in his chair and ran his hand along the side of his face.

“Yes, but I don’t think that I can get him to come back here to talk to us about this. I’m not even sure we could get him to talk to her. He hasn’t answered a single one of my phone calls. And I’m not so sure that he would believe me anyway, if I told him that she wanted to talk to him.”

We talked for most of the night, trying to decide the best course of action. Eventually, we decided to explain the risks, and if Julia still wanted to find him, we would support her.

“Well, I guess we’ll leave things up to her. This should be her decision,” he said. “We must tell her of the dangers in the city and let her decide.”

As if on cue, I heard her stir outside the door. Julia walked in, looking slightly better than before, but her eyes were still sad.

“Ah, Julia,” my father crooned. “It is delightful to meet you. I am Will and Celia’s father, Samuel.”

He clasped his hands around hers.

“Hi. It’s wonderful to meet you too.” She let a small smile slide out between the corners of her mouth.

“My father and I were just talking. We know where Will lives.” Her eyes lit up. “But, I think you had better sit down so I can tell you the rest.”

An hour later, we had briefed Julia on the Chicago coven and the dangers that we would face there. It was decided that only Julia and I would go. There was no love lost between the leader, Chris, and my father. It would be much more dangerous for him to go. We would take the train in order to rest and conserve our strength. With any luck, we could find Will alone, but we needed to be prepared if we ran into Chris. I wasn’t sure that this plan would work, but Julia seemed to believe that if she could just talk to Will, things would work out.

“Julia, you’re sure that this is what you want? You could always walk away and I wouldn’t think less of you,” my father asked quietly. I could hear the pain behind those words as I knew that he longed for Will’s happiness.

“Yes,” she answered resolutely. “I made a terrible mistake.” I could see tears springing to her sad eyes. “I know I shouldn’t, but I love him. Despite everything, I love him no matter what he is. He makes me feel.”

If I could cry, I would be crying right along with her. She loved him. I could really see that now. She had forgiven him… but would he forgive her? My only hope was to find Will in Chicago and let Julia explain. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be too late.

“W
hat the hell is your
problem?” Chris spat in my face. “You have been like the walking dead since you returned.” He grabbed my shirt and pulled me up roughly, trying to get a reaction or at least my attention.

“Nothing,” I said. My voice sounded normal, but I was afraid that my eyes would betray all of my secrets. I shoved him off of me and straightened my shirt, feigning anger. “Let’s just go. I’m ready. I need to get out of here.” I added the last part for good measure. In all reality, I could care less what I did.

I had only been back in Chicago for a week and had tried to get back into the swing of things, going out at night, satisfying the blood lust with the occasional human, but it wasn’t enough. There was a distinct void that was now permanently housed in my chest. The ache that had been controlled before with blood never left, only now it had a name. The ache had been there for decades, but I had never known what it meant. Now I knew, and it made me want to die. I thought I had been miserable before, but now I knew immortality was nothing but a silent hell for me. My life would never be the same. Julia had awakened human emotions in me that I could never forget. The love I felt for her would never change, and I would have to live with this knowledge for eternity.

Still, I would always be haunted by the look on her face when I admitted to her what I really was. The terror that took residence in her eyes was harrowing, and I regretted ever making her feel that way. I regretted making her feel anything for me. And, I missed her. I missed the smell of her hair, her eyes that swallowed me whole, and the softness of her hands. Ah, her hands. The way her hands flowed across the ivory keys of the piano entranced me. I could never forget that.

“Yo, Will, let’s go!” Chris was standing holding the door open shouting at me, waking me from my stupor. The others were already outside waiting.

Another night out. More people in this town to terrorize. What used to thrill me, only sickened me now, but still, I went along with it. There was nowhere else for me to go. There was no one else who would accept me. Reluctantly, I mustered up a smile and sauntered out the door trying to convey that I had no care in the world. I would pretend that everything was just fine; that I enjoyed living like this.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I checked it as I walked. Celia. She had been calling me all week but had been rather insistent tonight. No doubt to convince me to come back. I couldn’t talk to her. I didn’t want to talk to her, at least not yet. I hit ignore on my phone as the sadness settled in my chest. I just needed blood. It would all be better after that, I tried to reason. I would feel stronger, yet my stomach churned at the very thought of the unknowing and unwilling victims of the evening, who would pay the price for my unhappiness.

The others were slightly ahead, leaving me to walk alone. I watched them all surround Chris. Why had I never noticed? They followed him blindly, like a god. Granted, he was known for taking others in, but I had realized since coming back how little anyone questioned him. He made it sound like everyone in the group would all be equal but really, we were all there for him. Things between the two of us had been strained ever since I came back. Chris was constantly berating me with questions about my few weeks with my family. I answered them nonchalantly, trying my best to act as if it meant nothing and was merely a trip to get my father off of my back. But he was so perceptive and never seemed to be happy with my answers. The last few days were making me realize that perhaps I needed to find a way out of this life, even if I couldn’t go back home.

“Hey, Will,” Kyle had fallen back and into step with me. “So what’s new?” It sounded just like small talk, but I had a feeling there was an ulterior motive.

“Not much. Just aching to get out there.” I flashed my teeth in a sinister grin hoping to give him the hint.

“Well, I just wondered if you were okay. You haven’t seemed the same since coming back. Did your crazy old man finally get to you?” He threw the question out there casually, a hint of mock concern.

And there it was, the reason he had been sent to come “talk.”

“No my crazy old man didn’t get to me. He doesn’t keep fresh blood around so I don’t have as much fun as I’m used to. It just makes me feel weak for a little while after. I’ll be fine once I feed a few more times.” The lie tasted bitter on my lips.

“Good. I don’t suppose you’ve been successful in getting your cute little sister to join us down here, have you? I’d be happy to show her a good time.” Kyle tried to grab my shoulder in fun, but I swept it away not wanting to be touched.

“Leave my sister out of this!” I snarled and he instantly backed away. He held his hands up in mock defeat.

“Kidding! I was just kidding,” he said but quickly jogged up next to Chris, no doubt to fill him in on what I had said.

Christ, it was going to be a long night.