A Saint for Life (8 page)

{15}

Christian

“How am I still hungry?” Zoe laughed, and her smile lit up the entire room.

“I was just thinking the same thing! How about I grab more ice cream? How much do you want?”

“Bring two spoons and the carton. I promise I’m not a pig!” We both continued to laugh.

I brought the ice cream back into the room, listening to her suggestion. This enabled me to sit closer to her since we were sharing. The night just continued to get better.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if we finish this off tonight. Gabe won’t be happy, but this is so good,” Zoe said while taking in another spoonful of ice cream.

“Gabe seems like a really great kid!” After being around her and Gabe tonight, I really missed all of the good times I had with my brother.

“He is, especially after everything he has gone through. The kid is so strong.”

“Can I ask what happened? Why he’s in the wheelchair, I mean? It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.”

Zoe looked at me, and just seeing the way her emotions changed I could tell things weren’t good. A knot formed in my stomach, and I realized I cared for her already more than I probably should. Gabe mentioned earlier that his father had died and their mom wasn’t around. That sentence ran through my head, and I couldn’t help but admire how strong Zoe appeared to be for everything she has been through. Worried to hear what she was about to say, I shoved another spoonful of ice cream in my mouth.

“I knew this would be brought up eventually. You see, my family has gone through a lot in the last seven or so years. Gabe is sick. He’s really sick.” She looked down at her feet.

“What do you mean, sick? Cancer?” I questioned.

“Yeah. Leukemia.”

Instinctively I took her hand, which, surprisingly, didn’t catch her off guard.

“Zoe, I’m so, so sorry.” I felt for her. I knew what it was like to lose a brother, but I can’t even imagine losing my parents too.

“We found out about three years ago when he was in kindergarten. Things were already a mess, and it just continued to get worse. Right after Gabe was born, my father passed away. My mom didn’t handle it well. She got sick, but in a different kind of way. She had a broken heart, and nothing could cure it. She had become mentally ill. When Gabe was diagnosed and the money situation became more difficult for us, she left. Now it’s even harder, but we get by. Gabe’s attitude is amazing for a kid that has gone through so much. I like to believe that his good spirits are what keep him going. He is still going through treatments, so he’s out of school for now. Dr. Sheehan is hopeful he’ll fight this. The money has been hard for us; hence I am always working. I just want to be able to spend more time with him. I feel so bad.”

Zoe stopped talking. I was at a loss for words. I flashbacked to how I felt after James died.

“I’m sorry. I know that was a lot; I didn’t mean to let it all out like that. I just don’t talk about it a lot,” Zoe said, letting her hand go from mine and placing it in her lap.

I grabbed her hand back quickly, and brought her in closer to me.

“I lost my brother in an accident.” My voice cracked while I spoke.

“I didn’t know that. I’m sorry.” Her eyes widened.

“Not many people do. I don’t really talk about it either.”

“How old was he?”

“A freshman in college. He had just started at Siena. It was the reason I chose to go here. Loss is a horrible thing. I’m sorry you have had to go through it too—more than I have, I mean.” Our shared grief seemed to bring us closer together.

“I’m sorry too. Not many of my friends have experienced a close loss like I have. It’s kind of nice to know I’m not the only one for once.”

“You’re right. You’re not alone. I know we hardly know each other, but I’m always here to talk if you need me.” I rubbed my thumb in a circular motion on her hand and she let her head drop down on my shoulder.

“I just hope I don’t lose Gabe. He’s all I have left. I can’t lose him. I just can’t.” Her eyes were teary.

“You won’t lose him. What else can they do?” I said, pulling her in even closer to me.

“Not much. Not much at all. It would be easier if they could find a bone marrow donor, but I’m not a match, and they haven’t been able to find one in the donor system yet. I’m scared that by the time they find one, it’ll be too late.”

A powerful gust of wind blew inside through the window, putting out the only source of light. The flames of the fire quickly died, and darkness filled the room. Through the silence I could now hear her breathe, and I watched her shoulders rise as she inhaled deeply. Placing my thumb on her cheek, I wiped away the visible tears that began to fall. A few tears had soon become a film of water covering her glowing green eyes. Slowly moving my hand to the edge of her face, I brushed away the hairs that fell in front of her lips. Our eyes met, and a sudden burst of heat rushed through all of the limbs in my body. As I closed my eyes, our lips touched for the first time. I kissed her, and my heart started to beat like a runaway train, faster and faster. 

{16}

Zoe

I walked Christian to the front door. I didn’t want him to leave.

“I had a great time tonight,” we both said in sync. Laughing, he bent his head down to kiss me once more. Our lips were barely touching when a sound came from the living room.

“Wait here,” Christian whispered while placing his finger on my lip.

I took a step back and smiled again. Walking into the living room, I watched him slide his arms underneath Gabe, who was sound asleep. Picking him up, he headed over toward the stairs.

“He should be in his bed. Which room is his?”

I smiled and walked him toward Gabe’s room.

Lying him down in his bed, Christian covered Gabe up under his blankets and gently placed his head on his pillow.

“Stay strong, buddy. If not for me, do it for your sister,” Christian whispered before exiting his room.

He kissed me again as we got down the stairs, and I could feel my heart beating out of my chest.

“You didn’t have to do that. For Gabe, I mean.”

“I wanted to. Have a good night, Zoe. I hope to see you again soon.” He held my hand and kissed me on my cheek before shutting the door behind him. I stood there for a moment before heading up to bed.

How was I so wrong about him?

*

Once again I laid awake at three in the morning, restless and covered in sweat. I couldn’t sleep. Waking up in a panic with tears streaming down my face had become a common occurrence lately. The dreams were all different except for one detail that never changed, that one tiny detail that sent my heart beating right out of my chest. Gabe was in the hospital. Dying.

The negative changes in his health overpowered the positive, which, in turn, made my fear of losing Gabe more evident. The recurring dreams stemmed from the negative thoughts I couldn't shut out. Christian made his first appearance tonight in these nightmares. Standing by my side next to Gabe's hospital bed, he took my hand like he did before I fell asleep, sending energy quickly through my bloodstream like a fire upon a gas encoded stick.

As I lay awake in bed, I continued to replay the dream and the events that occurred hours before I went to sleep. I soon found myself wondering how my life went from so perfect to a constant battle between finding my own happiness and making everyone else happy. I grabbed the picture that stood still on my nightstand and held it close to my pounding heart.

The little girl in the picture had a smile so wide her eyes were shut. It was easy to recognize that she was laughing and really happy. Her dad was right behind her, pretending to push the swing but clearly posing for the picture. The happiness that thrived between the two of them wasn't fake. I looked down at the picture and stared at it. I tried to remember what being happy like that felt like, what it felt like to not have to worry about anything.

I can remember that day like it was yesterday. My dad and I were out in the back on the swings, as seen in the picture. My mom came out of the back door calling for us to come inside.

“Let’s just tell her now!” my father exclaimed.

“Are you sure?” my mother asked, smiling, and took out her camera.

“Zoe, your mother and I have some good news we'd like to share with you.”

The best part about that day had become the very moment the words escaped from his lips. I was going to be a big sister. It was the best day of my life.

Setting the picture back over onto my nightstand, time seemed to get away from me. It was already 5:30 in the morning. My shift at my other job started at seven, which meant I only had a few more minutes to lay in bed. Getting off of my pillow top mattress was a struggle. There was nothing more comfortable than a warm bed in the winter. Finally pushing my body above the bed and placing my feet onto the rug, I headed downstairs.

I stopped next to the kitchen to rub my eyes as I yawned, but a sudden noise sent my feet off the ground.

Peeking around the corner, a sigh of relief let loose from my mouth when I discovered it was only Janice.

“Looks like you had a busy night last night. I hope you didn't eat all of this by yourself!” She studied the empty cartons next to the sink along with the dirty bowls.

“Christian came over,” I said under my breath.

“Oh sweetie, that’s great! Things must be going really well. I thought you weren’t going to tell Gabe?”

“I wasn’t. We ran into him in the store, and well, the two of them teamed up against me. Things went surprisingly well!”

I sat down at the kitchen table, and continued to tell her about the events that occurred last night over a cup of coffee. Starting with Christian's arrival, I told her how Gabe wouldn't stop talking the entire time, and about the clear bond between the two of them.

“Gabe sat there and talked to him the entire night. Every question he wanted to ask Christian about basketball, he did. So Christian offered to teach him a few things when he was better. He was so sweet with him. “

“Does he know about Gabe's illness?” Janice asked.

“When Gabe went to sleep I told him everything.” I muttered. I still had a hard time believing it myself.

“Everything?” she questioned, wanting to know more.

“Yes. Everything. Even about Mom and Dad. I don't know what got into me. I just had a sudden feeling that I could trust him, and before I knew it, it all came out of my mouth. He lost his brother at a young age too. We really seemed to connect last night, even if it had to do with unfortunate circumstances.”

“That’s not a bad thing, Zoe. I told you the right guy was going to come around soon, that you would just know. You just have to allow yourself to be open to opportunities like this and stop being so nervous.”

“Wait, I haven’t even gotten to the best part. Before Christian left, do you want to know what he did? I keep visualizing it in my head. I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“He kissed you?” Janice laughed.

“Yes,” I hesitated, “but that’s not it.”

“Well?” Janice asked.

“He really cares about Gabe. I could see it in his eyes, the way he spoke to him. He even carried him upstairs to bed.”

“Look at that smile on your face!” Janice and I laughed in happiness.

How could I have fallen so quickly in just one night?

{17}

Christian

“Hi, I need to speak to Dr. Sheehan.”

“What’s your name?” the receptionist asked.

“Christian Michaels.”

“Do you have an appointment?”

“Not exactly.”

“You need to make an appointment first.” She looked back toward her computer.

“I just need to talk to her for ten minutes. It’s important.”

“I’m sure it is, but Dr. Sheehan has a busy schedule today.”

“Can you ask her if I can see her? Tell her it’s regarding Gabe Gingras.”

“Have a seat.” She didn’t sound too thrilled.

I was about to turn around to find a seat when I felt someone tugging on the back of my sweatshirt.

“Excuse me.” I turned around at the sound of the quiet voice.

“Excuse me. Are you Christian Michaels?” The little boy continued.

“Yes, I am. What can I do for you?” I bent down to his level.

“Mom! It is him!” He yelled across the waiting room to a woman with dark curly long hair who motioned for him to come back to her.

“Can I get a picture?”

“Sure thing!”

“Mom! He said he’ll take a picture with me!” He grabbed my hand and ran toward her.

I bent down next to him and wrapped my arm around his shoulders.

“Say cheese,” the mother said, and we both smiled.

“What do you say?” She looked at her son as her eyebrows lifted.

“Thank you!” The little boy gave me a big hug and ran off to grab a book from the shelf.

“Thank you for making his day a little brighter.”

“Not a problem,” I responded before sitting down. I watched the little boy pick out a few books and play with the toys. His hat fell off, and I saw his bald head.
How could so many little kids be affected by something so terrible?

“Mr. Michaels?” the receptionist yelled out. “Mr. Michaels?”

My mind had been wandering off, thinking about what these kids have to go through each day and all of the challenges they must face.

“Mr. Michaels!” I stood up quickly.

“Sorry, I’m here.”

“Dr. Sheehan said she can see you quickly. Follow me.”

I was nervous. I didn’t even know what I was doing here. When I woke up this morning, the only thing that was on my mind other than Zoe was helping Gabe.

“Wait in here. She’ll be right in.” She closed the door behind her.

I looked around. All of Dr. Sheehan’s degrees and certificates were framed on the wall. On her desk were pictures of her family. The wall to my right had brochures for different treatments and informative packets about acute leukemia. As I bent down to itch my leg, my eyes caught sight of the vents along the bottom of the wall. I had another idea.

“So what can I do for you, Mr. Michaels?” Dr. Sheehan opened the door and sat down at the desk in front of me.

“I just had a few questions about Gabe Gingras.”

“Unfortunately, I can’t give you any information since you aren’t immediate family. What is your relation to him?”

“I’m a friend of Zoe’s. Can you actually keep this meeting between us? She doesn't know I’m here.”

“Why are you here?” She leaned in closer and her right eyebrow lifted.

“I want to help Gabe. Is there anything I can do? Zoe mentioned the treatments are expensive.”

Dr. Sheehan smiled at the conclusion of my proposal.

“Yes, there is. I can give you this packet, which will give you a general idea of what the treatments cost for cancer patients with and without insurance.”

“Ok, great. Thank you.” I flipped through the pages.

“So you really want to help?” She took off her glasses and looked into my eyes with sincerity.

“I do. I really do.”

“Zoe never mentioned you before, and neither did Gabe. Everyone here knows how big of a Siena fan Gabe is.”

I smiled.

“I only started hanging out with Zoe not too long ago, but I’ve grown to really care about the both of them. Gabe’s awesome.”

“He’s one of my best patients. He really admires you. He tells me every visit how badly he wants to go to a Siena basketball game. He won’t give up. Unfortunately, he’s been so weak it would be too exhausting for him.”

“I know you can’t give me much information, but is there anything medically I can do? What about my chances of being his bone marrow donor? Zoe mentioned that would be his best shot of beating this but that there hasn’t been a match.”

“That’s always a possibility. We can certainly do the testing to see if you would be a match and a proper donor, but if you do it’s going to limit your physical activity. If you appear to be a match through DNA we will have to prep you, which can be physically draining for some people.”

“What does that entail?” I questioned.

“You will have to have additional blood tests and physical exams spread out over a four to six week period to make sure that you are the best donor for Gabe.”

“Okay, that’s not a problem. How do I get tested?”

“I can do a cheek swab to test your DNA against his to see if it matches the six basic HLA markers.”

“Let’s do that. How long will it take to get the results back?”

“Not too long. But Christian, are you sure about this?”

“One hundred percent. And please don’t tell Zoe about this,” I said confidently.