A Secret Passion (34 page)

“Thank you, Lord Graystock, for your kind invitation to my sister and to me,” Theo continued.

The earl bowed to Theo and Jane. “Where is Mr. Thompson? I am sorry he was not able to be present,” Lord Graystock said.

Startled, Jane responded. “Why, he’s at university for the start of the term.” She turned to Clarissa and Sir Thomas then. “But he did ask me to send you his warmest regards and best wishes on this happy occasion.”

Sir Thomas embraced Jane and added, “And now I may finally call you my niece. Doesn’t that sound grand? And you may both call me ‘Uncle Thomas’ instead of that stodgy old title!”

Theo laughed and shook hands with his newest relative as Jane moved again to Clarissa’s side, furthest from the earl’s penetrating stare. Jane felt all the awkwardness of Lord Graystock’s presence and could not make her mind or her mouth function as etiquette dictated.

“And has Mr. Thompson’s ankle healed properly, then?” asked Lord Graystock with the minimum of words.

“Yes, quite. When last I saw him, he was walking with the barest limp. The doctor said he would be fully recovered in another few weeks’ time,” replied Jane without looking at him.

“I am glad to hear it,” he replied. A silence fell on the group, all the more noticeable because of the boisterous goings-on all around them. Jane felt deafening pressure to fill the void.

A tall, dark beauty moved toward the group and slipped her arm through Lord Graystock’s. “Ah, there you are, my lord. I have been searching quite throughout the Hall for you. Have you forgotten the tour of the portrait gallery you promised me? And of course Mama?” The circle moved back to include the intruder. “But I see I have interrupted you.”

“Not at all, Miss Kellery. May I introduce you to our new guests?”

The elegant young lady looked toward Jane and Theo. “Oh, there is no need, I have known Jane forever. We had our come-out in London together, even the same dancing instructor. And of course, I have met her brother. Mr. Fairchild?” she said with a curtsy to Theo and a tilt of her nose toward Jane. “I was so sorry to learn of your unfortunate misadventure with Mr. Billingsley this past spring, Jane. A bit of a muddle, was it not? Whatever happened? The town fairly buzzed with your news, but then you up and disappeared. I am sure I had no idea I would find you here! It has all subsided, you know, what with the
ton
’s attention drawn to newer
on-dits
…” she would have prattled on, clearly bent on rattling Jane, had not Graystock intervened.

“Shall we ascend to the gallery now? Perhaps your mother grows weary waiting for us.”

“Oh, of course, sir. I would not dream of inconveniencing you, or taking you away from your guests, though,” Miss Kellery added with a sparkle in her eyes. She had a very clever way of drawing all the gentlemen’s attention to her bubbling form.

“Not at all. It is my pleasure.” He escorted her through the maze of people toward the doors.

With Miss Lavinia Kellery and Lord Graystock gone, Jane regained a small degree of her usual poise and made an effort to please her aunt with every expression of happiness she could compose. And it was not difficult, as her aunt had never appeared as radiant or as happy as she did that day. Jane tried mightily to hide her anguish. Lavinia had, without doubt, captivated Lord Graystock with her vivacity and charm.

After she consumed the obligatory number of cakes and fruits, and spoke to the required number of people, Jane took her leave with a huge sigh of relief. She felt guilty not staying a bit longer after the urgings of Lady Graystock. She arranged to meet Clarissa at the cottage before they both departed that same late afternoon, one toward Portsmouth, the other toward Chichester. Theo refused to budge from the Hall due to the pouty charms of the local squire’s daughter.

“If you want to return to the cottage for the exciting job of repacking our few possessions, go right on ahead, Jane. I’ve had enough of carting you around!” whispered Theo, thoroughly put out by Jane’s repeated requests to leave.

Stung by his words, she turned and walked from the yellow room, through the Hall, and out the door pulled open by the lounging footman. She was able to release all the pent-up air in her lungs only when she had walked a quarter mile past the tree-lined drive. When she was sure she was out of sight, she moved behind one of the large oak trees in the field and leaned against it. She burst into tears and sagged down the length of the support until she found herself surrounded by tall grasses at the base of the tree. She tried to stifle her sobs, fearing that someone, possibly one of the villagers, might come along. But no, she would be the only fool willing to leave the celebration this early. But she could not stay. Seeing him was too much. Her still-raw emotions were ripped open just by the sight of him. And on top of it, Lavinia was dangling after him. Jane could not imagine a more exquisite or intelligent lady. And her brother, Mr. Kellery, had clearly sanctioned the acquaintance.

She had been such a prideful, stubborn fool! Her love for Harry had been but a transitory affection that barely skated the thin ice beyond camaraderie. She had fed on the memory of those immature sensibilities during her marriage and beyond, imagining her feelings to be tenfold what they were in truth. The emotions she felt for Rolfe were pure agony and would haunt her every waking moment unless she did something to extinguish them.

With excruciating clarity, she realized she must bolster her courage and swallow her pride…
and go back to face him again
. She would never be able to form a future without him if she didn’t find the courage to talk to him, to offer herself to him. And if he didn’t want her anymore, which in all probability was the case, well, then he would have to tell her, so that she could pick up the mantle of her complete humiliation and go back to Cornwall brokenhearted, perhaps, but at least with a clear mind.

She pushed her soggy handkerchief into her pocket and shivered as she rose from her damp spot. She tried in vain to smooth away all the creases in her dress and shrugged her shoulders. She would return to the party even if her dress was wrinkled and wet in the back. Oh, there would be a few raised eyebrows, to be sure, and many more if she was able to wrest Lord Graystock away from the fawnings of Lavinia and the glorious festivities—all for a moment of privacy. But she didn’t care what anyone thought, she was able to convince herself. Almost.

She turned from the old oak tree and stepped through the tangle of summer’s spent grasses toward the road. At that moment she heard the pounding of hooves in the distance. She stepped onto the road and began walking back to Hesperides. Just before she rounded the corner onto Hesperides’ drive, a man on a dark horse entered the lane. Surprised by Jane’s figure, the horse skidded to a halt and reared slightly. Jane remained calm and moved to the edge of the road. When he had gotten the animal under control, she spoke.

“I am most sorry to have startled your horse, my lord.”

“You are frequently known to do that.”

“I am sorry.”

“You have said that already.”

A silence intruded, and Rolfe used it as an excuse to dismount.

“May I ask where you are headed?” he asked.

“I-I was returning to Hesperides.”

“Ah, I see you recollected you forgot your cloak,” he said as he lowered the folded garment from his saddle.

“Yes. It was silly of me to forget it. It is quite chilly. Thank you very much for bringing it to me.”

Rolfe shook out the cloak and wrapped it around Jane’s shoulders without touching her. “Well, I must return to our guests, but at least you are warm now.”

She grasped the cloak’s edges and pulled them tightly together. She did not know where to look now that the opportunity to talk to him was present before her. Before she could make her mind function, he was up on his horse again and turning around to bid her good-bye. Her mouth frozen, her hand in midair, she watched his horse start to trot away. Her vision blurred with tears, she tore out an agonized cry. “Rolfe!”

He stopped his horse and turned around. She ran in her soft slippers to him, grabbing his hand, which was full of the reins.

“I am so very sorry for everything I’ve done. I must tell you this. I am afraid I’ve made a very gross mistake and I don’t know how to fix it. The proper way of telling you this has deserted me. I beg of you to forgive me for all the wretched things I said to you in the past.”

Rolfe looked down at her with an unreadable expression. He did not grasp her hand in return. “You have my assurances that I have never sought or expected any apology from you. I thought our last meeting put to rest any questions or answers each of us sought to make clear. You have attained your point and your goal. I am happy for you, as you must be happy for me. It has turned out for the best. I always knew there was never any doubt of your success, and surely you cannot regret what you have done, for it is quite impossible to change it now,” he said.

She shivered as embarrassment flooded her. Clearly he was glad to be rid of her, and his feelings toward her had evaporated. And he had referred to her attaining her goal of returning to live at Pembroke. It was another reason to thank him. “Yes, and I must thank you for arranging everything. It was too much, really. I can never thank you enough.” Jane stopped. It had turned awkward. He wanted to be on his way. He had told her he was happy for her and asked her to be happy for him. “Will you, then, then… marry Lavinia?”

“Lavinia Kellery? I certainly will not!” he replied without pause. “But, rather, what if I did? It is not your affair.”

“Forgive me again. I did not think. You are of course right. I wish you very happy, my lord.” He was cross. She could see the two angry lines meeting between his brows. “I am so sorry to have taken you away from your party. Pray forgive me.”

“Enough of this! All this begging of forgiveness does not suit you. I must be on my way. Good day to you.” He rode back without once turning to look at her. She knew this as her feet felt frozen to the ground, unable to propel her forward.

She resisted the urge to call out to him again. She could not humiliate herself a second time. This miserable exchange would have to do for her final encounter. If her heart had not been so full of wretched pain, she would have been furious at herself for bumbling her one chance. She forced herself to turn around and trudge down the lane, filled with such embarrassment at his rebuffs that she was unable to think properly.

It was done. She had packed her belongings and shuttered the cottage for Clarissa, save the one window in the front room. She sat staring out the window, dressed in her modest gray wool traveling clothes, watching the sun fall lower and lower in the sky. She had convinced herself that with each passing minute she would feel less pain, but that had not been the case. She longed to be on her way, anything but this silence in the gloom, but she stayed and waited, praying for fortitude and peace of mind.

At long last a lone figure appeared, walking through the small grove of trees fronting the cottage. She rose to open the door for her brother but then stopped and stared.

It was he. Whyever had he come? More torture? Her body was numb to it now, not hesitating to face further torment. At least she would have one more memory of him to store in her mind for the long days and nights ahead.

She opened the door before he knocked. He walked the few remaining steps and removed his hat from his head.

“May I come in?” he asked hesitantly.

“Of course, my lord.” She ushered him into the front room, finding it difficult to meet his eyes.

“I am sorry it is so dark. I’ve shuttered the place for Clarissa and expect her at any moment.”

“Ah, yes. She asked me to carry a message to you. She and Sir Thomas have decided to postpone their trip to Chichester this afternoon. It has been decided that a storm is brewing, and my grandmother is adept at convincing everyone to abide by her wishes, as you know. She is overjoyed by all the gaiety, and has persuaded them to spend their wedding night at Hesperides.”

“Thank you for bringing me the message, although I am sure it was unnecessary. My brother will be along shortly, as we are to leave. He could have saved you the trouble of informing me.”

“That is the second message I was to relate. Your brother is having—let’s see, as he phrased it, ‘a bang-up time of it,’ and has accepted an invitation to stay at the Hall as well. My grandmother hastened me here to ask you to rejoin the house party as well, as it appears no one will be leaving tonight.”

Jane sat down on the edge of the small settee, her back rigid. “I see,” she said as she straightened the edges of her cloak. “Please inform Lady Graystock that I am most appreciative of her kind offer. However, I will remain here.”

She had every intention of having the carriage brought from the inn’s rebuilt stables. Her coachman from Pembroke could drive her to Bosham if they could not reach Portsmouth before any storm broke. In fact, looking out the window at the stillness in the trees, she thought the theory of a storm was a ridiculous notion accepted by willing invitees.