A Sense of Duty: A Former Navy SEAL Falls in Love and Begins a New Journey with his Private Consulting Company: Dark Horse Guardians (8 page)

Twice he was captured by Taliban forces. Once he suffered severe beatings, cigarette burns and mutilation with a rusty razor blade. He escaped. Another time in captivity he was saved by his tactical team, guided by an Israeli operative named Moshe. Gus, Elvis, Javier and Nate found him thanks to Moshe's pinpoint accuracy. Ben was minutes from being beheaded. In fact, the sword that was to be used was now packed in his belongings. He often took the sword out and held it. It was an unusual piece, hand forged and heavy. He never wanted to forget the barbaric enemy he was fighting. The beheading sword served as a reminder that his enemy did not adhere to rules of engagement. They were brutal, savage animals. He never wanted to forget how close he came to dying. It served as a constant reminder to live life to the fullest every day because it could be his last.

He was just now beginning to conquer the nightmares and insomnia, also suffered by his brothers. He knew the medical explanation of his night terrors was due to the gruesome nature of his missions and going for years without a normal sleep pattern, fueled by caffeine and adrenaline. And his medical training taught him the sleep problems were physiological, not mental weakness. The past ten years his life consisted of irregular schedules and sleep depravation for long periods of time, which threw off the Circadian rhythm. It proved he was a human being. Many nights he woke covered in sweat, giving orders, with the sound of fireworks surrounding him. He automatically reached for his rifle in these dreams. The chair in the corner of the room was sometimes an intruder or someone wielding a razor blade or aiming a gun at him. He slept with a bottle of water to douse himself when he woke from these nightmares. It seemed to help. Also, having Einstein in his life helped tremendously. Einstein loved him unconditionally and as Ben raised him from puppyhood, the task took him out of himself and back to the normal world. Walking Einstein and training him filled many empty hours. The professional dog trainer he worked with counseled him without Ben even realizing it. Einstein regulated Ben's internal clock. But most importantly Ben found himself once again immersed in feelings of love and tenderness as he lived with the dog. A simple game of fetch, a long walk, or a nap together bonded the two. Special consideration was given for Ben to have Einstein on campus with him as much as possible.

Ben had finally come to terms with Post Traumatic Stress. His physical wounds were nothing compared to the mental anguish, but he managed to deal with it in his own way. He thought of the thousands of fallen heroes who made the ultimate sacrifice in Iraq and Afghanistan. Ben could never bring them back, but he sure as hell could spend his life punishing those responsible. He made his own jihad with the enemy. In his consulting work, he planned each mission with the knowledge that killing one more evil bastard would make the world a better place. He now slept better. Maybe it was because the punishment he meted out was so well deserved. Maybe it was because he did not have government red tape to deal with. Maybe it was because he now commanded his own unit. He chose his own missions, sometimes hired by the CIA, but often by other intelligence agencies. He now performed tasks that the U.S. government didn't want to be responsible for, but they were willing to pay for. His skills were highly valuable. He would always remain a shadow warrior. His fight was for freedom. He was a guardian, a protector, for those who suffered at the hands of Islamic radicals.

~ Lara ~

Lara was examining her relationship with Ben on the phone with Olivia Henderson. "Oh god, don't tell Eric about this. Do you think I'm moving too quickly with Ben? Did I bring him to my apartment too soon?" Olivia was Lara's sounding board, especially in matters like this. She was always calm and rational, "Well, Lara…I don't think Ben is like any guy you have met in the past and he's completely different than Eric." This was true. Ben wasn't trying to impress her. He wasn't concerned about how he looked or the acquisition of things. He never boasted about his accomplishments, although they were many. He had a quiet dignity about him, but was personable and friendly. Olivia added, "He seems comfortable with himself. I like this guy, Lara." Ben exuded responsibility, maturity, masculinity. These were the qualities that drew Lara to him. "What about the fact that he's married? Well, separated, actually. Oh god, Olivia, I am just so fearful of getting involved and having it fall apart. It's going to take so much to get close to him, and if it doesn't work out…" Olivia said, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." Lara continued with her analysis, "As happy as I am to be with Ben, I also realize we are polar opposites in many ways. I'm a nine-to-five person; Ben has always been a globe-trotter working 24/7. I want marriage and a family; Ben is already married and has a child. I have lived a life of organization, checklists, schedules; Ben has a spontaneous impulsive personality." Sensibly, Olivia said, "But opposites attract." Lara was quiet for a moment, "True." Olivia added one last comment, "He's had quite a career already, Lara. I think he is looking for someone to share his life with. There is a maturity about him. I think he knows what he wants. And, Lara, you are not committed to Eric. You are dating. And, even though he is my nephew and I love him, I want you to know I am neutral on the subject. You came into Eric's life just as Nicole broke off their relationship. It's been a win-win for both of you." Lara thanked Olivia for listening to her anxious ramblings. When she hung up the phone, Lara realized there was one thing that she had in common with Ben: both had a need to be in control. That might present a problem. Lara smiled to herself imagining what a pair they would make, two control freaks with obsessive compulsive disorder. The real fear Lara was wrestling with was losing her own self-control with Ben. Yet, ironically, she experienced an incredible sense of peace and safety when in his presence. She completely trusted him.

In reality, Lara had a long list of fears. Her greatest fear was remaining alone for the rest of her life. She did not want to miss the experience of being married and having a family. She feared becoming an old maid. Her second greatest fear revolved around her physical safety. Constantly aware that another attack could take place, Lara wanted to be prepared for it…if and when it happened. She worried about losing her phone, her internship, her potential job, her best friends, and her safety net. She feared flying in a plane, was germ-phobic and had claustrophobia. She worried about not being able to bear a child. Lara's anxieties were endless and caused her exhaustion at times. She had created a seemingly safe little bubble in which to live and feared stepping out of it. Lara wanted certainty in her life, but Ben filled her with uncertainty right now. Eric Henderson was a steady guy with a good job and he was constantly calling and texting
begging for her time and attention. Eliot Stone was in the same category. He was a steady guy, older and established. She enjoyed Eliot's company. But with either man there was not the excitement she felt with Ben. She tried to think rather than feel, what carried more weight? Steady vs. Excitement? She rationalized that Ben could potentially offer her both.

The next morning she woke early. Lara pulled on a soft white flannel robe and brewed a fresh pot of coffee. While in the shower she heard her phone chime with a text. Wrapped in a towel, she glanced at the message. Ben was waiting on the front porch with freshly baked blueberry muffins. She knew they were having breakfast but didn't expect him to be there at 6:00 AM. "Be right down" she messaged back. Towel drying her hair into a damp mass of waves she slicked on rose-colored lipstick and dressed in jeans and a faded blue sweatshirt. She ran down the staircase barefoot with two
mugs of coffee.

~Ben~

Ben was thrilled to see Lara as she opened the wavy glass door to his freshly shaved face, smiling blue eyes, and dimples. "Coffee?" she asked as she handed him a hot steaming mug and he thanked her. They sat together on the white porch glider enjoying the sunshine, eating freshly baked muffins on a tranquil September morning. Ben felt transported to another world with Lara on the porch. The pink Victorian had arches, spindles and curly decorative cutouts all around the top and sides of the porch. It gave the illusion of sitting in an outdoor room. The view from the porch was particularly tranquil. Directly in front, framed by the arches and cut-out was a lush flower garden. It was planted so the occupants of the porch could relax and watch the birds and flowers from the vantage point of the glider.

"Lara, I had a great time with you last night." Ben spoke softly. "It's a perfect setting for breakfast, isn't it?" she smiled. He loved how she looked just rising from sleep. Ben studied her green eyes fringed with thick black eyelashes and how they contrasted her perfect porcelain complexion. He watched as she ate the blueberry muffin with her fingers, delicately breaking off bits and slipping them between her rose-colored lips. He had already eaten his muffin in two bites. As they sipped coffee, their discussion flowed easily "Where do you live now?" Lara asked. "I am staying at my uncle's house temporarily," Ben explained, "But, Harris has the house on the market for sale and I feel uncomfortable imposing. I'm actively looking for a rental right now. He's been charitable, however. He gave me space on the second floor. It's just a bed and a bath. I'm thankful for his hospitality as it allows me to have Einstein with me at night." Lara wanted to know more. "Tell me about Einstein, where did you get him?" Ben observed her every move. She was feminine, innocent and charming. He was so wrapped up in watching her, he could barely continue talking. "I got Einstein as a puppy when I finished my last deployment two years ago. The moment I saw him at the breeder's in Canada, I knew he would be a great companion for me. I've spent a lot of time alone, Lara. Einstein is my best buddy." Lara suddenly realized that Einstein was Ben's service dog.

Ben felt the big question was coming. It seemed Lara finally got up enough nerve to ask what she was most curious about, "And what is the status of your divorce?" Ben became somber for a moment. "I have a legal divorce underway, but my wife is fighting me. I want custody of my son, William, as I feel Sienna is an unfit mother. With my son living in Canada, my time with him has been very limited. That has been the hardest part, not seeing my son." Lara asked tentatively, "Do you think your wife will eventually be cooperative in the divorce proceeding?" Ben furrowed his brow; then spoke with certainty, "She has to agree to the divorce, that's all there is to it." Ben did not want to continue the conversation about Sienna. He felt certain the divorce would get through the negotiation phase very soon. Or, at least he hoped it would. He could tell by the way Lara brought up the subject it signified concern on her part. He did not want the issue to be a roadblock to a relationship he very much wanted to develop.

~Lara~

Ben turned to Lara with intensity in his blue eyes, "Now, what's this rule about not dating married men…technically, I'm separated, not married you know. And, I will soon be divorced." Lara said coolly, "It protects me from getting my heart broken." Curious, Ben asked, "Has someone broken your heart in the past?" Lara avoided his eyes. "No. I generally do not allow anyone close enough to accomplish that." Ben asked softly, "Do you think you can trust me, Lara?" He continued with his subtle Irish brogue. "I want to see you, just be with you. I know it sounds pathetic, but I am lonely here in Maine knowing no one but Harris and Einstein. Being with you, having dinner with you, walking Einstein, talking with you the past few days has been so much fun. I would like to continue seeing you, if that's all right. I don’t want to become a pest or bother you in any way."

If only he knew how much power he held over her already. He touched her heart with his words. She paused for a moment pretending to contemplate an answer; she had made up her mind immediately upon meeting him, "You can see me, Ben, as often as you'd like. I think you are fun and exciting." Oh god, she sounded like a stupid gushing schoolgirl head-over-heels in love. Her answer made him smile and his blue eyes lit up. His dimples melted her cool façade.

As soon as Ben left her porch to sign paperwork at the university, her phone rang. It was Don Henderson. Lara was surprised it took this long for him to call her; she expected him to phone last night after meeting Ben for dinner. "You had him in your apartment, didn't you?" He asked matter-of-factly. Lara ignored his question, asking, "What did you think of him?" Don gave Lara his first impression of Ben. "I like the guy." Don said. "I like him a lot. He's a man of substance, a self-made man, and I have a deep respect for that. And, it's obvious he's intelligent. The only small detail that bothers me is he isn't divorced just yet." Lara told Don everything, including her feelings of happiness when she was with Ben. But, most importantly, she told him that Ben did not know everything about her either. Don chuckled and said, "He will find out soon enough about you. I think he's a great guy, Lara. I mean, take it slowly. I think the divorce will be a requirement. But, get to know him. My god, people get divorced everyday. Some of them get divorced two or three times. He's a big boy; he knows what he needs to do before he can enter into a serious relationship with you. Oh yeah, don't forget about Eric. He's madly in love with you, but I think you already know that." Then, he said, "Hey, I've got to run, see you at the dojo." and he hung up. Yes, there was Eric. She knew the subject would need to be raised...at some point.

Looking at the time reminded Lara of her standing appointment with Rusty at the shooting range at 10:00 every other Saturday. He would be waiting for her. She picked up the leather sack and a bag of extra ammo and scrambled to the back of the house to get into the red Fiat. It was a twenty minute ride to the range in Casco and she did not want to be late. Arriving just in time, Lara waved to Rusty. He was a solid man, five foot ten, but the way he carried himself made him appear larger. He greeted Lara with open arms and a bear hug, as usual. "I have some cool stuff to show you today." he said with excitement. Rusty always had new and interesting weapons to show her, long guns, automatics, revolvers of every size, type, and firepower. He also loaded his own ammo. Today he had some new targets, which he staggered throughout the range, and they moved and looked like real bad guys. Rusty had his own private shooting range and taught classes on gun safety. He was also a licensed firearms dealer with a small shop at the range. Enjoying the challenge of the new moving targets, Lara and Rusty fired guns of all types for two hours. Finally, Lara gave in. "I'm starving, let's go get lunch." Rusty nodded and she helped him unload all of the weapons, clean the guns and put them in their proper cases. As they worked together side by side, he said, "Lara, there's something different about you today." Lara told him about meeting Ben. He said, "We need to have a talk at lunch today, about Ben Keegan, young lady." Lara stopped moving for a moment. The way he uttered that statement filled her with curiosity.