A Shameful Secret (9 page)

Forcing herself to behave naturally, she smiled at her friends and joined in the general laughter and chatter, which was mostly inconsequential. She must make the most of this fleeting chance of happiness, for it was unlikely to come her way again.

* * * *

Paul was thoughtful as he watched Hester’s expressive face. He wondered if she knew how faithfully her eyes reflected her moods, but thought not. She was skilled in the art of appearing serene while underneath something was distressing her. At the start, he had suspected that she had been badly hurt at sometime in the past, and he believed that Richard Mortimer might have been the one who had hurt her. She had given no hint of it when they spoke, but he felt every change of mood in her, and he trusted his instincts.

What had Mortimer done to cause those shadows in her eyes? If he knew for certain . . .  He gripped the dish of hot, strong coffee he was holding so fiercely that his knuckles turned white. Mortimer should pay for whatever he had done to her!

Paul felt an urgent desire to follow the rogue to London and thrash him, but another part of his mind urged caution. He ought to stay here to protect his cousin for the remainder of their stay in Bath.

In two weeks, Geraldine would return to her home, and he believed it likely that her engagement might be announced quite soon. The Honorable Mr. Thomas Jones came from a respectable family. His lack of fortune could be remedied by their marriage, for Geraldine had money enough to see them well settled. There was no real objection to the match apart from her age, and after what had happened here, he had no doubt that her father would give his consent to it.

Paul intended to speak to Lord Holbeach when he escorted his aunt and cousin home. He believed that his uncle would realize Geraldine’s safety would be assured by an engagement. She could still visit London the following year but with a ring on her finger. The wedding would not take place until next summer.

With his fears for Geraldine set to rest, Paul intended to make the most of this visit. He would pay court to Hester Weston in a gentle, subtle manner that would not alarm her and hope to win her trust and with it, perhaps, her heart.

Josh and Paul escorted the ladies to the Pump Room and then took their leave. They had no need of the waters for their own benefit and, unlike some gentlemen, did not wish to stay and ogle the ladies who took the hot baths. They had arranged to spend the afternoon at a gentlemen’s club where they would take some exercise in the form of a little sparring with a retired pugilist.

* * * *

Nothing was said of this to the ladies, of course, and they all expressed a wish to meet again that evening. Hester noticed that some of the sparkle left Lucinda’s eyes after Josh’s departure, though she smiled and chattered to the friends they encountered at the Pump Room. Feeling an unspoken sympathy for her, Hester admitted to herself that she also experienced a loss of pleasure when the gentlemen had departed.

She told herself that it was foolish to allow her happiness to reside in one particular person, but though she tried to be sensible, she could not change her feelings. She had become attached to Captain Crawford despite her determination not to give her heart. Since it had already happened, there was no point in denying it, but she must take the greatest care not to let him guess the truth.

Hester must continue to behave as if they were merely friends for the remainder of their stay in Bath.

When they met again that evening, she greeted him with her usual smile, but since he was promised to Lady Blackwater as her partner at Whisk, she accepted Henry Blackwater as her own partner.

“We do well together, Miss Weston,” Henry said when they were successful for a third hand. “I believe you bring me good fortune.”

“You are very good to say so,” Hester said and laughed. He was putting on one of his droll faces, and she knew exactly what was amusing him for a gentleman with a rather odd taste in waistcoats had just entered the room. “No, no, sir! You must not make me laugh or I shall forget what card I have laid.”

* * * *

At supper, Hester joined her friends, but Henry accompanied her, mixing easily with the others and teasing both Lucinda and Geraldine. However, his manner towards her was most particular and was remarked about by more than one of the company. Indeed, Lady Blackwater herself had become aware that her nephew was paying attention to Hester, and she made a point of seeking Charlotte out that evening.

“What kind of family are they?” she asked pointedly. “Has the Weston gel any prospects?”

“Not from her family,” Charlotte replied honestly. “However, I think I shall settle fifteen thousand on her when she marries.”

“Fifteen thousand?” Lady Blackwater nodded. The Countess of Danbury was known to be generous and could afford to be. Her maternal grandfather had been a wealthy man and had left her a huge fortune in trust, and she had married well twice. “That is very satisfactory—but what of the bloodline? I trust they are gentlefolk?”

“Country gentry,” Charlotte said hiding her smile at this grilling. “Nothing to distinguish them as a family, but Araminta Weston was a Sefton. Her father was the third son of the earl.”

“Ah . . .” Lady Blackwater smiled with satisfaction. “Very well. I am glad we have had this little talk. No more needs to be said for the moment, but I have no objection to the gel.”

“Hester is a good girl,” Charlotte replied. “I love her dearly.”

“Then we must await events, must we not, my dear countess?”

The two ladies looked at each other in mutual agreement. Neither lady doubted that Henry Blackwater would make Hester an offer, and naturally she would accept, for it was an excellent match.

* * * *

Hester was sublimely unaware of all these people making plans for her future. She went home happily at the end of the evening, content with having won a little pin money and having enjoyed herself. Undressing, she sat before her mirror and dreamed of the life that might have been hers had she never met the Earl of Mortimer’s grandson.

Hester had just finished dressing in a pretty rose-pink walking gown the next morning when Charlotte looked in at her door.

“May I come in, dearest?”

“Yes, of course.” Hester turned to greet her with a smile. She could have no idea that the past weeks had transformed her, banishing the worn-down look that had crept over her these past several years. Her eyes were shining, her cheeks rose-tinted, and her hair glossy as it curled about her face before being confined in a sleek twist at the back.

“We have a visitor, Hester.”

Charlotte looked so pleased with herself that Hester misunderstood.

“Has Robert come down from London to join us?”

“No, it is not your brother. It is Mr. Blackwater, and he has asked my permission to speak to you on a certain matter.”

Hester’s heart caught with fright. She had been hoping this would not happen, because she believed that Mr. Blackwater would be offended when she refused him.

“I hope you told him that he could not, cousin?”

“Now why should I do that?” Charlotte frowned and as she saw Hester’s expression. “What happened in the past is over, dearest. You must put it behind you and look to the future.”

“Papa said that no decent man would wish to wed me once he knew the truth. He forbade me to think of marriage, and I am sure that Mama would agree with him.”

“Araminta is no longer your guardian. Robert is the head of the family now, and I am certain he could be persuaded to give you his blessing. You must know that he cares for you too much to deny you happiness?”

“Yes, perhaps Robert might allow it,” Hester agreed, looking thoughtful. “But do you think that Mr. Blackwater would wish to marry me if he knew that I had born a child out of wedlock?”

“There is surely no necessity to tell him,” Charlotte said, an expression of alarm in her eyes. “Why should one little mistake be allowed to ruin your whole life, Hester? A modicum of subterfuge should suffice to keep your secret, my dear.”

“But you cannot think that I would lie to him?” Hester was shocked by what her cousin seemed to imply. “I would never marry without confessing the truth to my intended husband. It would be unkind in me to do otherwise.”

“You do not need to lie. A few tears on your wedding night would convince him of your innocence.”

“No, Charlotte. I am not sunk so low that I would deceive my husband. If I am ever to marry—and I doubt that I shall—it will be to a man who knows the truth and still wants me.”

“You risk remaining a spinster for life.”

“Yes, I think that may well be the case,” Hester replied, blinking back the painful tears. Her throat felt tight, but she managed to speak calmly, hiding her inner distress. “But even were I free to marry, I could not accept Mr. Blackwater’s proposal.”

“You do not wish to marry him? I thought you liked him?”

“I enjoy his company and his friendship, but I do not wish for him as a husband.”

“Ah, that is a very different matter,” Charlotte said, her eyes narrowing in thought. “But perhaps there is another gentleman you prefer?”

“No, of course not,” Hester denied but the blush in her cheeks betrayed her. “Even if there were, I cannot—must not—think of marriage.”

“That is nonsense, Hester. There is not the least need for you to remain unwed.” Charlotte hesitated. “What would you have me say to Mr. Blackwater?”

“You need say nothing. I shall see him, for I owe him that courtesy. He shall hear my refusal from my own lips.”

“You do not need to tell him your history, dearest.”

“No, I shall say nothing of that. I would confess my shame only to a man I trusted enough to hear me without censure even if he could not accept it.”

“Very well. Go down to Mr. Blackwater now, Hester—but tread carefully. You do not wish to hurt his feelings.”

“I shall try not to,” Hester replied. It was the last thing she wanted to do for she sincerely liked the gentleman and would keep his friendship if she could.

She glanced at herself in the dressing mirror once more before going out into the hall. Her heart beat rapidly, and she felt terrible for she was distressed at the prospect of hurting the man who had honored her by asking for her hand in marriage.

He was standing gazing out of the window when she entered the small parlor but turned almost at once, his face lighting with pleasure as he saw her.

“Miss Weston, may I say how delightful you look and how gratified I am that you came down. I was not sure that you would.”

“We are friends, sir.” Hester raised her head, unaware that she looked regal as she addressed him. “Charlotte told me that you had something particular to say to me. I came to beg you not to speak. I fear it might cause us both some distress.”

The light died from his face. “You are not prepared to accept an offer of marriage from me?”

“I like you very well as a friend, sir,” she replied with quiet dignity. “However, I do not wish to marry at this time.”

“I have spoken too soon,” he said looking rueful. “My besetting sin is impatience, Miss Weston. I should have waited until we knew each other better.”

Hester’s expression was serious as she looked directly at him. “I believe it would make no difference, sir. I am unlikely to marry. My mother is . . . an invalid, and she needs me with her. For the moment, she has a companion, but I must return to her soon.” It was the closest to the truth that she dare confess to him. “Forgive me if something in my manner led you to believe that my answer would be otherwise.

“You have been everything you ought,” Henry swallowed his disappointment as best he could. “Perhaps a companion may be found for your mother? If she could be brought to accept your marriage, I am sure something could be arranged.”

“No, I do not think so.” Hester half lifted her hand in apology. “I am truly sorry I cannot answer you differently. I hope you will not dislike me too much because of it, sir?”

“I could never dislike you,” Henry said.  “Forgive me for embarrassing you, Miss Weston.”

“Oh no . . .” She felt close to tears. “You did me too much honor, sir. The fault is mine.” She bowed her head as he left, feeling wretched.

She waited until he had gone and then turned and ran from the room. She knew that she had lost a friend and it made her wish that she had never come to Bath.

* * * *

As Hester sought the sanctuary of her bedchamber to weep useless tears, Paul stood across the road and watched Henry Blackwater leaving. For a moment, he thought he was too late, but the other man’s manner was one of dejection. He did not look like a man who had had his offer of marriage accepted.

“Blackwater!” Paul called to him. “Hold a moment, if you please. I would have words with you.”

A startled look came to the other’s face, and for a moment, he seemed as if he would refuse, but then stood and waited for Paul to come up to him. His eyes were narrowed, his expression slightly wary and not exactly friendly.