A Shameful Secret (10 page)

“Crawford?” Blackwater frowned. “What may I do for you?”

“I understand you have a stallion for sale. May I take a look at the horse?”

A flicker of something showed in Blackwater’s eyes. Was it relief or something more? Paul could not be certain, but he sensed an odd reserve in the other man, though he answered him fair enough.

“Yes, of course. The horse has a good bloodline, but I have recently bought another and thought I might sell.” He pulled a wry face, a gleam of some secret emotion in his eyes. “We could go and look at the beast now if you like? I have nothing better to do.”

“You seem at odds with yourself, Blackwater?”

Blackwater hesitated. “The devil is in it! I had hopes of being settled but it was not to be. The lady has no thought of marriage,” he confessed, taking on a confiding air.

“I am sorry for your disappointment,” Paul said, abandoning his intention of speaking to Miss Weston for the moment. His rival had been turned down, and he rather thought he might fare the same fate if he spoke too soon. Hester would need to know him better if he were to stand a chance of winning her. “Let us go and see the horse, Blackwater. You may find that your luck has changed.”

“I must warn you, Crawford. The brute has a devilish temper.”

Paul would normally have given a horse of that nature a wide berth, but the purchase of a bad-tempered horse was a small price to pay for the information Blackwater had just given him. And there was something in the other’s manner that he found false, but he ignored his instincts for it would serve his purpose to go along with Blackwater’s show of friendship for the moment.

He smiled and clapped Blackwater on the shoulder. “I enjoy a challenge,” he said. “As long as the horse is sound, I shall buy it from you.”

It was as he had suspected from the beginning, Paul thought as he accompanied Blackwater to the stables, which were some distance away. Unlike most young ladies of quality, Hester had not come to Bath to catch a husband. Indeed, it seemed that she was set against it. Now why was that?

He was convinced that there was some mystery in her past. She guarded her secret carefully, and time and patience would be needed to win her trust sufficiently to break down her inner reserve.

Paul felt quite cheerful about things. He was a patient man. Now that he knew he was not about to lose her to a rival, he was prepared to wait for as long as it took.

* * * *

Alone in her room, Hester washed the tearstains from her face. She did not regret turning down Mr Blackwater’s proposal, though she had been distressed by his evident disappointment. However, it had brought home to her the hopelessness of her situation. Even had the man she cared for above all others had asked her to marry him, she would have had to refuse. Unless . . . but it would be so hard to reveal her sin. She knew that she would see admiration turn to disgust in his eyes.

“You will never marry, girl!”
Her father’s angry words rang in her ears.
“No decent man would have you. You are disgusting, a thing of abomination in the eyes of decent people. I can hardly bear to look at you myself.”

The sting of his words had never left her. She might perhaps have eased her situation if she had cried rape, but though Richard Mortimer had refused to stop when she begged him, she knew that she had gone to his arms willingly enough. That knowledge added to her feeling of shame for she must be wicked to have allowed his passionate kisses, which to her mind meant that she was as culpable as he. Had she not allowed the intimacy, the rest might never have happened. She had forgotten her shame for a little while during her stay in Bath but soon the visit would end and then she would return to her home.

Hester tried to be brave as she faced the bleak future that awaited her, for she knew that her mother would never forgive her. Indeed, Araminta Weston blamed her daughter for the fact that she was a widow, claiming that her daughter had caused her father’s heartbreak and was responsible for his death. But she must not dwell on the future! And the past could only make her heart ache. She still had a little time of pleasure left, and she must make the most of it while she could.

* * * *

It was on the evening of Lady Jersey’s ball that Hester was invited to stay with Geraldine at her country home.

“I asked Mama if you and Countess Danbury could come for a visit,” Geraldine told her. “Thomas has spoken to her, and she says she will talk to Papa for us. Although we shall not marry until next year, I think it likely that I may be engaged on my birthday, which is in two weeks time. I should like you to be at my dance, Hester.”

“I am honored that you have asked,” Hester said. “But I am not sure what Charlotte will say.”

Charlotte had not mentioned the length of their stay in Bath, and Hester had expected to be leaving in a week or two. However, her cousin accepted the invitation with pleasure.

“It will be nice for you to stay with friends, Hester. There is much more freedom in the country, and I am in no hurry to return home. Danbury will do well without me for a while longer. Say yes to Geraldine, dearest.”

Geraldine was delighted. She kissed Hester’s cheek, telling her how happy she was, and turned to Paul in elation as he came up to them.

“Hester has agreed to come and stay, Paul. Is that not wonderful?”

“Yes, cousin,” he said smiling easily. “We shall all have more time to enjoy each other’s company at March Mallows.”

Geraldine’s eyes were brilliant as she hugged his arm, her excitement almost bursting out of her. “I am so happy. Mama told me that you persuaded her to agree to my engagement.”

“Your mama will not agree to the wedding just yet, but an engagement seemed a good idea since you are fond of Thomas.” Paul’s mouth quivered with amusement. “Think of all the expense it will save your Papa!”

“Oh you!” Geraldine laughed. You know Papa never cares for what he spends on me.” She smiled as Lucinda and Josh came to join them. “I am so happy.”

Her happiness radiated out of her like a beacon of light as Mr Jones left his sister’s party and came to join them. Geraldine went off to dance with him, leaving the others to choose their partners.

“Will you dance, Miss Weston?”

Hester consulted her card, but she already knew that this dance was free. She had left three spaces in the hope that he would ask her. Giving him her hand, she managed to retain her cool dignity even though her heart was beating madly.

“I am pleased that you could spare the time to stay with Geraldine. Lucinda and Josh have to return home to prepare for their own wedding, though they will attend her dance. And she, of course, will be a bridesmaid at Lucinda’s wedding.”

“It will be a pleasure for me,” Hester said sincerely. “You have no idea how dull my life is at home, sir.” She blushed slightly, for she had said more than she ought.

“I should have thought all the local gentlemen would beat a path to your door, Miss Weston?” His eyes twinkled with amusement.

“Oh no,” she said. “Pray do not tease me, sir. I am a confirmed spinster. There is no reason for any gentleman to visit us other than Mama’s friends, who are quite elderly—though my brother may occasionally bring a friend with him to stay in future I dare say. He did not do so in the past for he thought our father too strict, but now . . .”

“Surely there must be a personable gentleman you favor?” His brows lifted as he quizzed her. “Or are they all fools?”

“Oh no,” she said, her cheeks coloring. “You would flatter me, sir. I am not at my last prayers, but you must have noticed that I have no real admirers, whereas Geraldine has many.”

“Perhaps you are wise not to wish for marriage. Ladies give up so much when they marry, do you not think so? In my opinion our property laws are iniquitous as far as women are concerned, though of course that may be remedied in the marriage contract.”

“But they also gain,” Hester said. “A husband, children, and a home of their own, these are prospects that most females prize. I know that Geraldine longs for the day she and Thomas marry.”

“You, however, wish to retain your independence, I imagine?”

Hester knew that he was quizzing her. She arched her brows at him. “As you do, Captain Crawford? I see that you have managed to avoid the petticoat trap.”

He laughed, amused at her sally.

“Touché,” he said. “My mother would take great pleasure in you, Miss Weston. She is urgent with me to find myself a wife before it is too late. I am required to provide an heir for the title you see.”

“Ah . . .” Hester’s heart beat wildly. Please let him not speak! “Then you must look for a suitable lady to oblige your mama, sir. Perhaps an heiress who will bring both breeding and a fortune to your family.”

“No, no, I do not need a fortune,” Paul replied, an air of innocence about him that sat ill with the gleam in his eyes. “I have thought of a modest widow, a lady who will bear with me in patience. Can you recommend anyone, Miss Weston? I should value your advice on the matter.”

She knew that his wicked sense of humor was at work once more. He was leading her on a string, playing her very gently. She wished with all her heart that she could follow where he led, but knew she must hold back at the last.

“I cannot say that I know of a lady you might wish to marry, sir, but I shall keep my eyes open now that you have made your requirements known. If I find a lady I think suitable, I shall introduce her to you at once.”

“She must be intelligent, serious, and yet have a lovely smile and a sense of fun,” Paul continued. “I think her hair ought to be dark but with a touch of red when the light catches it, her eyes brown perhaps—but most of all she must be honest.”

Hester felt her cheeks grow warm but then she turned cold, a sliver of ice sliding down her spine. He believed he was describing her, but how could he know that she was living a lie? He would not think her his ideal woman if he knew the truth.

“I have taken note of you preferences, sir.” She forced a teasing smile to her lips. “Believe that I shall be diligent on your behalf.”

“I wish that you will,” he replied and his blue eyes were more serious that she had previously seen them. “You see, I believe only the lady I have described would content me.”

Hester did not reply. What was he saying? Was he hinting that he cared for her? She knew that he did like her very much and her heart leapt. She was not a stranger to passion, for her innocent heart had responded to the man who had first seduced and then dishonored her, ignoring her cries for him to cease. For years, she had believed that her heart was irreparably broken and that she would never love again, but now she knew that she had fallen hard. She could have stayed in Paul’s arms forever, her body responding to his touch in a way that both terrified and delighted her.

As they danced the waltz, she felt as light as air, as if she floated on clouds. When the music ended and he released her, she was aware of a deep sense of loss. Yet, pride would not let her show any sign of preference, and she smiled with equal warmth on the next gentleman to claim her as his partner. He was very young, shy, and seemed to have two left feet, succeeding on treading on her toes at least twice, but she thanked him when their dance ended and left him feeling that he had just danced with the most perfect lady in the room. Hester would have been surprised if she had known just how popular she was becoming, both with the gentlemen and their female relations.

Had she known it, only her reserve had prevented at least three of her partners from speaking of their hopes, but she managed to get through the evening without any embarrassing encounters, though she knew that Geraldine had had to extricate herself from two overly eager gentlemen who had tried to get her to take the air with them. Hester believed that it was her lack of fortune, and perhaps her mature years, that had kept her safe, but it had been noticed that she smiled particularly warmly on Captain Crawford. It was generally thought that he would win the day, and at least three admirers held back because of his proprietary air.

Hester shed some tears that night as she lay in her bed. She had been distressed when she refused Henry Blackwater for his sake, but now her heart ached. If Captain Crawford were to make her an offer, she would be forced to refuse—but how could she bear to go on with her life knowing that she had broken his heart and hers?

Hester decided to return her books to the lending library the morning of their last day in Bath. They were to leave early the next day to journey to the estate of Lord and Lady Holbeach, and both she and Charlotte were busy checking off all the little jobs that must be done.

She had promised to fetch some new slippers that Charlotte had ordered and she wanted to buy a gift for Geraldine’s birthday. She had decided on a spangled scarf that her friend had seen in the window of a shop near the tearooms they sometimes frequented. It was after she had completed her errands and was on her way home that she saw
him.

Her first thought was to avoid him, but Richard Mortimer put himself in her way, forcing her to acknowledge him with a cool nod.

“Good morning, Miss Weston. Miss Hester Weston, I believe?”

There was a gleam of satisfaction in his eyes that sent a shiver down her spine. He had remembered her! Hester’s chest felt tight, and she could barely breathe, but she forced the panic down, counting to ten before she answered. “Sir. I pray you let me pass if you please.”