A Sin and a Shame (27 page)

“I know, it’s just that—”

He interrupted. “I don’t know why you’re talking like you expect to lose our baby.” He lowered his voice. “We’re not claiming that, and it would help to have Pops and Serena praying for us anyway.”

She held out her hand and when he took it, she pulled him onto the bed. “Sweetie, you and I are a family now. It’s not that we don’t need other people’s prayers, but we have to stand for ourselves, together. And this is a wonderful time to begin doing that.”

He sighed.

“I know nothing is going to happen to…our baby.” She rested his hand on her stomach. “But I also know how hard it would be if something were to happen. And it would be so much harder on me if I started telling people.” When he said nothing, she added, “Did you know that Tina just had a miscarriage?”

His eyes widened. “No, I didn’t know that.”

Jasmine nodded. “And she spent an hour in my office crying about it. She’s been so stressed. And then there’s my cousin…,” she paused, trying to think of a name, “Faith. She had three miscarriages before she carried her son to term.” She stopped again. “And Dr. Edmonds told me fifty percent of all pregnancies end in a miscarriage.” She paused and checked those words into her memory to give to the doctor later. Just in case. “All I’m saying,” she continued, “is that I want to share this beginning with just you and me, and our baby.” Then, she added, “And God.”

A moment passed before he nodded. “I can’t say I agree, but I don’t want you under any stress. So we’ll do this your way, but I was sure excited about giving Pops this news.”

“We will. Soon.”

“So, what are we going to tell Pops now?”

“Tell him to stay home.” She spoke the words before she could stop herself. “So we can be alone.” She kissed him.

“I wish,” he moaned. “We’ll just say we wanted him to be the first to visit us as husband and wife.”

She stood, “Okay, I’m going to freshen up a bit.” She took a few steps, stopped. “By the way, don’t say anything to Tina about her…miscarriage. It’s still really hard, you know?”

He nodded, but then the ringing phone brought his smile back. “That’s either Pops or the food.”

Inside the bathroom, Jasmine leaned against the closed door and wished there was a window she could escape through.

She turned on the faucet and splashed water on her face. She’d handled the reverend before and certainly she would handle him now.

“So,” Reverend Bush began
as he leaned back in his chair. “Do you two plan on staying here or will you be looking for another place?”

Jasmine’s eyes narrowed, trying to decipher his words the way she’d been doing all afternoon. Every word he spoke, every gesture he made, every time he laughed, or didn’t, Jasmine became the explorer, searching for the true meaning.

The reverend was pleasant enough. He’d smiled and played nice from the moment he arrived. But although he’d asked about Serena and her daughters, shared in their memories of the wedding, and now wanted to know more about their future, Jasmine wasn’t fooled. She knew behind that gleaming smile, the reverend was just waiting for her to fall, drop to the mat so that he could give her a ten-count.

“We were thinking about looking for something right away,” Hosea said. “But now…” He stopped, looked at his wife, eyes pleading, for permission to say more.

Jasmine jumped from her chair. “Are you finished, Reverend Bush?” Before he could respond, she lifted his plate. Made a pile with that one, hers, and Hosea’s. She rushed into the kitchen, knowing Hosea would never say a word about the baby without her.

Still, she listened, as she placed the remnants of their dinner on the counter.

“So, are you going to be moving?” the reverend asked again.

“Yeah, we’re going to be looking for something larger.”

“I know a good realtor on Long Island.”

“Actually, Pops, we’ve looked at some of those condos on Park Avenue, although I think they’re a bit pricey. But either way, we plan to stay in the city.”

“Really?” His tone carried a frown. “I would have thought you’d want to stay on the Island. It’s a much better place to raise children.”

Jasmine rushed back into the dining room. “Reverend Bush, can I get you anything else?” Her question sounded like the benediction—be blessed and may peace be with you as you get out of my house.

This time, it was the reverend’s eyes that narrowed. Like he was doing his own exploration of her words. “Pops,” Hosea began before the reverend could respond to Jasmine, “I told Jasmine she can’t keep calling you Reverend Bush.”

Hosea chuckled. His father chuckled.

Jasmine did not.

“Yes, Reverend Bush does seem a bit formal, Jasmine,” he said. “What would you like to call me?”

In that instant, she knew this was what God’s grace was about—the Lord providing you with a muzzle when you needed it most. Instead of the litany of names she had for him, she only said, “Reverend Bush is most comfortable to me…right now.”

Hosea stood, strolled to where his wife stood, and held her from behind. “Come on, happy families don’t call each other by their last names.” He chuckled as if he’d told a joke.

“Son, it doesn’t matter what Jasmine calls me. All that matters is how she feels about me, and how I feel about her.”

Their eyes met, a staring duel.

He said, “It’s taking me some getting used to, having a daughter-in-law.”

Jasmine’s arms crossed.

“But today was enjoyable. I’m glad you invited me into your home, Jasmine.”

“This is Hosea’s home too.”

“Indeed.” He nodded. “Jasmine, I’m fine with whatever you call me.” He passed her the smile again, the one that she knew was meant to disarm, make her believe that all was well up until the moment the gauntlet chopped her body in two. “I had a good time,” he said as he stood. “We’ll do this again. Next time at my house.”

Jasmine took slow steps toward the reverend as he reached for her, then held her as if he really were a loving father-in-law.

While the reverend embraced his son, Jasmine wondered what the reverend’s game was. And then she wondered if he had a game at all. Maybe the grudge was over. Maybe the truce had begun.

Once alone, Hosea said, “I only have to repeat that performance for eighty-nine more days.” He sighed. “I don’t know how I’m going to do it.”

“You’ll do fine.”

Suddenly, Hosea lifted Jasmine’s tank top. “This is your daddy, little one. We’re getting the world ready for you.” He kissed her stomach. “I love you already.”

Her eyes watered as she held her husband. But an instant later, she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to force away the image of Brian Lewis charging into their lives, demanding that Hosea never call himself Daddy again.

G
ood morning, Mrs. Bush,”
Mae Frances’s driver said the moment she stepped out of the building. “I haven’t had a chance to congratulate you.”

“Thanks, Gerald. You’re waiting for Mae Frances?”

He nodded, looked at his watch. “Yeah, but I’m a few minutes early.”

“Doing anything special with Mae Frances today?”

He shrugged. “Unless she has a special errand, we’ll be doing what we do every Monday and Thursday, drive around Central Park. Just enough to get Mrs. Van Dorn out of the house.”

Jasmine still couldn’t figure out how a woman whose cabinets were bare could afford a driver. “So, what do you guys do on the other days?” she probed.

He frowned. “I’m only here on my days off, Mondays and Thursdays. Sometimes, I get by on a Sunday, but that’s not often.”

It was her turn to frown. “I didn’t realize you only worked two days a week.”

“I work five days, I just come here on my days off for a couple of hours.” He leaned forward, lowered his voice. “It’s been tough sometimes, but I felt sorry for Mrs. Van Dorn after the divorce. So, I asked Dr. Van Dorn if it was okay if I took her around the city a couple of days a week. He said it was fine as long as he didn’t have to pay for it.” He shrugged. “I didn’t expect it to turn into so many years, but I just call this my volunteer time.”

Volunteer time?
Jasmine’s frown deepened.

He said, “I’m sure glad you and Mrs. Van Dorn are friends, Mrs. Bush. She’s been a lot happier since you came into her life. Before you, no one came to see her, except for Dr. Edmonds.”

The mention of her doctor’s name tickled her curiosity again. But before she could ask a question, Mae Frances’s voice floated over her shoulder.

“Jasmine Larson, seems you’re running late this morning.”

“Yeah,” she said wanting to push her friend back into the building. “I have some errands to run before I go into the office.”

“Do you want a ride?”

“No, thanks.”

The woman peered at Jasmine. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine. I’ll see you later.”

Mae Frances slipped into the backseat and Jasmine watched the car weave into traffic.

So Gerald brought his car by twice a week to drive Mae Frances around for free. Jasmine shook her head. Mae Frances had a boatload of tricks.

“She’s just doing what she has to do,” Jasmine whispered as she raised her hand to hail a cab, but those words made her shiver and she lowered her hand. Rested it on her belly. She was no different than Mae Frances. They were both just women who were doing what women sometimes had to do.

J
asmine rushed into her
office, slammed the door, unzipped her skirt halfway, then exhaled.

She waited a moment before she flopped into her chair. That was the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened.

She looked down at her suit where the button had been—the button that had just popped off her jacket while she was standing in front of the room presenting Rio’s financial report. She didn’t care that the button had come off her designer suit. She only cared that the button had burst off her suit in front of thirty people.

It wasn’t that she’d gained a lot of weight. In twelve weeks, barely eight pounds. But still, every pound had congregated at her middle—and it thrilled Hosea.

“How much weight have you gained?” he asked almost every morning.

She’d stand on the scale and then moan the results.

“Don’t be upset, darlin’,” he comforted her. “According to Dr. Edmonds, you’re right on track.”

It wasn’t the weight gain that bothered her; it was that the weight gain could spill her secret. She still had a month to go before she came to the end of the first trimester—that was the lie. She was already twelve weeks and starting to show.

But the cover-up continued. Only Dr. Edmonds and Mae Frances knew her truth. And although there were times when she wished she had someone she could really talk to, there was too much danger in sharing this beyond those two.

She sank deeper into her chair when she heard the knock on her door.

“You okay?” Malik asked, when he stepped inside.

She nodded. “I needed to review some numbers for this afternoon’s meeting.”

“I was just checking because you seemed…different.”

She tilted her head. “What do you mean?”

He shrugged. Sat down. “I don’t know. Different. You’re glowing. Guess married life agrees with you.”

She smiled. “Definitely.”

“Did I ever apologize for thinking that you and Hosea were just…business as usual?”

“No, you didn’t,” she said sternly, but then added a grin. “But I accept your apology.”

“I’m glad you’re happy, Jasmine.” He stood. “And I’m even happier that you’re working here.” He shook his head. “Our numbers are outstanding. I’m surprised you haven’t hit me for a raise.”

“That’s coming.” She laughed.

“Oh, I almost forgot. I need a big favor.”

“Anything for you, Godbrother.”

“You know that workshop I planned to do in L.A. for J.T. and Lamont?”

She blinked, swallowed, nodded.

“Well, I’m in the middle of a major contract negotiation and I can’t leave New York. I need you to cover for me. Gabriella’s working on your reservations. You’ll be going to L.A. next Wednesday.”

She shook her head.

“Don’t worry,” he continued. “I know your plate is full, but you won’t have much to do.”

She needed to tell him this trip would never happen. But her mouth was as dry as Death Valley.

He continued, “I’ve prepared the entire presentation.”

“Malik,” she said finding her voice. “Just postpone the workshop until you’re able to go.”

He shook his head. “I don’t know how long I’ll be stuck here and J.T. and Lamont need some direction. This club may have been their idea, but our numbers are better.”

“I can’t go to Los Angeles.”

He looked at her as if he didn’t understand her words. Sat down slowly. Stared. “Why not?”

She shrugged, wishing she had more time to come up with an excuse. “I have a lot to do.”

“Not good enough, Jas. You’ll only be gone a day or so.”

“I
can’t
go.”

“Why not?”

“I just got married.”

“I’m asking for one night.” He paused, leaned across the desk. “Come on, Jas, I need you.”

He stood, but before he could take a step, Jasmine said, “I’m pregnant.”

Slowly, he returned to the chair. “Wow, you and Hosea didn’t waste any time.”

She lowered her eyes.

He said, “I guess I should say congratulations.”

“Yes,” Jasmine said, her eyes darting from the desk to the window, to the wall, to the door. “We’re very happy.”

When she looked at Malik, his eyes were narrow. “What’s up, Jasmine?”

“What do you mean?”

“This doesn’t make sense.”

“What? My being pregnant?”

“Being pregnant so soon surprises me, but it’s the way you’re talking about it. You sound…like you’ve practiced these words.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Like I said, we’re very happy.”

“There you go again.” He leaned forward. “So, are you really pregnant or did you just tell Hosea that?”

The question surprised her. “Yes, I’m pregnant. Why would I make that up?”

He shrugged, but the way he peered at her made her move to one side of her chair, then the other. “How far along are you?”

“About six weeks,” she said, being very aware of where she was supposed to be.

“Wow, you’ve only been married six weeks.”

“I said ‘about’ six weeks. We haven’t had an ultrasound yet, but we know it happened in Bermuda.”

His eyes pierced her, making her shift more.

The two closest men in her life were so different. Hosea trusted her, suspected nothing. Malik never trusted her, suspected everything.

He whispered, “It’s not Hosea’s baby.”

Her first thought through the blasting beat of her heart was, men don’t have intuition.

“Whose baby is it?” he asked.

“I cannot believe you’re asking me that.” She put as much indignation as she could into her tone.

“Whose baby is it?” he asked, as if he refused to be denied.

She stood, planned to stomp across the room and out the door. But her skirt fell a bit; she’d forgotten the zipper. So she returned to her chair. But still, she spat with fury, “This is ridiculous.”

He backed away, but his eyes stayed settled on his godsister.

Jasmine crossed her arms, lowered her eyes.

“You just gave yourself away, Jas.”

She said nothing.

“You never said this is your husband’s baby.”

She raised her eyes, looked at him.

He said, “Brian Lewis.”

His name took her breath away.

His intuition continued, “You’re carrying Brian’s baby.”

Jasmine leaned back in her chair. This was a secret that she’d vowed to carry for the next, ten, twenty, thirty, forty, even fifty years. It couldn’t be this easy.

“No,” she denied.

He leaned forward, looked through her. “Jasmine, I know you.”

Her hands rose to her face, covered her shame.

“Jasmine, this is crazy. You’re still sleeping with Brian?”

“No,” she said. “I swear I haven’t been with Brian since before my wedding. Way before my wedding.”

“Couldn’t have been too ‘way before’.”

“I haven’t been with Brian since Hosea asked me to marry him.”

“That can’t be true if you’re six weeks pregnant.”

“I’m not, I’m twelve weeks…or so.”

“Oh, God—”

“But I tried to get rid of it.” Then, she explained, how the truth became a lie. And how now, she was going to make this lie the truth. “I did everything I was supposed to do, but now Hosea thinks this baby is his.”

“What about Brian?”

“I never cared about Brian. I don’t even like him.”

“You like him enough to have his baby.”

“It’s not his baby. It’s mine and Hosea’s.”

“Saying that won’t change the baby’s DNA. It’s not Hosea’s and you need to tell him.”

Jasmine wondered why she never noticed before that her godbrother didn’t have much sense. “You’re kidding, right? What do you think Hosea will do if I told him that?”

“He’ll leave you.”

Her eyes widened. “That’s what you want?”

“He’ll leave you. And then, he’ll come back.” He paused. “He won’t be happy, but trust me, if you tell Hosea now, he’ll be upset, but at least you would have told him early. The two of you can face the truth together.”

She shook her head.

“But if you don’t tell him, you’ll be building lies. And trust me, one day, he’ll find out. And it won’t be the baby that will bother him then.” He paused. “This won’t stay a secret.”

“Yes, it will.”

“It took me,” he paused and looked at his watch, “three minutes?”

“I just got a little rattled. And maybe subconsciously I wanted you to know because this has been so hard. But this stops with you. I’ll do anything to make sure Hosea never finds out.”

Malik shook his head.

She said, “I pray I can trust you.”

He held up his hands. “I won’t say a word. Not my place.” He stood and walked out of her office.

Jasmine had no fear—this would never travel beyond Malik. And perhaps this happened for a reason. He was her practice test. She’d failed, but it was only Malik. Next time, Reverend Bush would be the one she’d have to convince. When she faced her father-in-law her performance had to be Oscar worthy.