A Soldier for Christmas (18 page)

He now knew that beneath the responsible girl and straight-A student and faithful Christian, she was afraid that she wasn’t worthy of being loved. That her past was like a wandering black hole sucking up all the goodness that would ever happen in her life.

She started up the snow-covered stairs, shame sputtering through her.

“Kelly, are you all right?”

She shook her head; she wasn’t all right. His question was like a knife piercing deep. She hesitated midstep. “Thank you for—” She couldn’t look him in the eye so she stared into the storm where her mom had disappeared. Her throat closed up again. What did she do now?

“C’mon, let’s get you out of the cold.” Mitch padded towards her like a lone alpha wolf.

She didn’t have to look to know how shadows darkened the hazel-green of his eyes or to see the wince of sorrow around his mouth. She felt the emotion in his heart as if it were her own. She didn’t want to feel so much, to be too close to anyone. Ever again.

But he was coming ever closer, the nearly silent sound of his boots halted directly behind her. She could feel his affection radiating like the wind against her cheek, and when she heard the faint rustle of his jacket she knew, even before the solid weight of his big hand settled on the dip of her shoulder. Peace trickled into her cracked heart like hope, like mercy. And her love for him flared brightly, like a light burning despite the darkness, a love she could not put out.

His touch remained, firmly guiding her as they ascended the steps together. Helpless to stop him, unable to speak, her hopes gone, she swiped the snow from her face and felt tears burn behind her eyes. Whatever she did, she would not cry. Could not.

She had to face this—face him—with as much dignity as she could muster. She was a pro when it came to pushing shame and hurt down into the rooms of her heart and locking the door. She had to do that now.

He was going to withdraw now—she knew it. He’d seen her in a different light—and he would never see her the same way again. The only thing she could do was to expect his coming rejection and his inevitable departure.

Her fingers fumbled stupidly with her key ring.

“Let me.” His words were a gentle fan against her cheek as he leaned closer and took the keys from her.

For Mitch, all it took was one touch to her hand and a supernova of certainty blazed through him. He felt whole. It felt right, having her here at his side. Tenderness brightened in degree and volume until his heart could not hold it all.

As he unlocked the door and held it for her, blocking the worst of the wind-driven cold, he had time to think. He could see why Kelly was so persistent at pushing him away. Well, other than Joe, whose leaving had been accidental, he could see a long line of people in Kelly’s life who hadn’t had the character or the inner fiber to love her enough to stick by her.

It made sense, he thought, as he followed her into the apartment and closed the door against the driving snow, that she’d lost faith. She felt her heart had been broken too much. A long line of experiences of never belonging, of never having anyone to depend on, might lead you to believe that.

But he was the one man who knew how to stand and fight for what—and who—mattered. He saw now why people risked so much for the chance at real love. For the chance to make a marriage work, despite the uncertainty and the failure rate. He would have no life of any value unless he had her at his side. She gave meaning to his life. To him.

The question was, had he come all this way for nothing? He couldn’t see an answer either way, yes or no, as she shrugged out of her snow-flocked parka.

He was used to danger, he was well-trained and prepared to handle any adversity in the field. He risked his life every time he went out on a mission. He spent his life training and working and practicing to be good at what he did. But when it came to Kelly, he was walking along a vulnerable path. No flak jacket existed to protect him from heartbreak if she shot him down.

She held out her hand for her keys. “Th-thank you for coming along when you did.” Her voice echoed faintly in the hallway, and she didn’t meet his gaze. “I-I’m glad you’re back safely.”

“Good.” Mitch placed her keys in her gloved palm. “I need to know that you care for me. And how much.”

What did she do with this man and his constant caring? She wanted to lash out, to say whatever it took to push him back, to put safe distance between her heart and his.

She squared her shoulders and faced all six-feet-two-inches of him. If only there was a way to change the deepest places within her, all the cracks and old wounds, so that she was good enough and whole enough to try to hold a dream again. A part of her wanted to tell him the truth, the part of her that loved him beyond all reason and good sense and with every last bit of her soul.

He padded closer, soundlessly, as stealthy as a stalking wolf, until he towered over her, close enough to touch, one hundred percent good man and noble heart. “Maybe it would help if I went first.”

“I don’t think that will help at all.” All it would do was to shatter her a little deeper. She had no more strength, she was not strong enough to keep the walls around her soul from crashing down.

He took a box out of his pocket and cradled it in his palm. “This is why I’m here. To ask you to be my wife.”

Yes, her heart answered. She knew it was impossible, she was too afraid to believe. Her soul ached with dreams yet to be made and wished and to come true.

Step away, Kelly. Right now. Her heart did not want to. Her soul felt ripped apart and she couldn’t do it. She wanted to pray for the chance to say yes to this man, to wear his wedding ring and take his name and share his life.

There I go, dreaming again. Believing in fairy tales. She was a realist these days and not a dreamer. She would keep both feet on the ground. Mitch was not hers to keep. Not now. Not ever.

All the prayers in the world wouldn’t change it.

Wait, her heart told her.
Only
prayer can change it.

He cradled her chin with his free hand, gazing down at her and in his hazel eyes she could see his soul, full of love for and devotion to her.

Both the little girl she’d been and the woman she was ached to know what real love was like—real love that could last. That could shelter her from the storms of life, that would show her a loving man’s tenderness and care.

If only she could have this man to love. If only God could see fit to change her path, change her destiny and give her this one chance.
Please, Lord.
Her entire soul shattered with need.

As if Mitch heard her prayers, he slanted his mouth over hers. Her spirit stilled. Her heart paused. He covered her lips with his in a tender caress.

Her soul sighed. His kiss was like a dream. Sweetness filled her. Like the river whirling over the rapids, the power of it burst through her with the purest force—and there was no way to stop it. She breathed in the brightness. She curled her fingers into his snow-damp shirt and held on to this perfect moment. Where there was no emptiness. No shadows. No pain.

Just the rush of true love swirling up from her soul. Filling the emptiness. Pushing out the shadows. Healing every crack and fissure and broken place inside.

“I know you’re afraid of loving and losing again,” he said as he pulled an engagement ring of pearls and diamonds from the box he held. “But I want you to know that the love I have for you in my heart is infinite. Nothing can end it. Nothing can diminish it. Not hardship, not distance and not death. The truth is, only God knows what is going happen, but I want you to know I’m committed. I want to walk the rest of my life with you. So, will you marry me?”

She rubbed the heel of her hand over her heart, surprised it was whole. Didn’t the Bible tell her to hold on until morning? All sorrows ended, all hurts would heal, and joy would come? She had enough faith, after all, to dream. “I love you with all of my soul. Yes, I will marry you.”

“I am so glad.” He slipped the ring on her trembling finger. “Because my mother is hoping you’ll come to church with us tonight. She’s vowed to spoil you. As for me,” he brought her into his arms and cradled her to his heart, “I’m going to love you forever.”

“That’s a promise I’m going to make you keep.” She saw the future stretch out before her, full of promise, of family, of loving Mitch.

It was a night of miracles, she thought, as she laid her cheek against his granite chest. It had been a rough journey, but God had seen her through. He had brought her here, to Mitch. She was sure now that there would be more miracles to come.

Dear Reader,

Thank you for choosing
A Soldier for Christmas
. I hope you enjoyed Kelly’s story as much as I did writing it. Kelly fears her past may always have a hold on her and that’s why she’s afraid to believe in the possibility of a happy future. That is until the right man comes along to show her differently.

Sometimes it is so hard to understand why we have to go through difficulties or pain in our lives. It is a comfort to know that God doesn’t leave us to deal with hard times alone, but walks with us through our sorrow to the other side, where joy is always waiting. If you are walking through a painful time, please don’t lose hope. The best is yet to come.

Wishing you peace and grace,

1. How important has Kelly’s faith been in helping her out of a difficult past? In what ways?
   
2. What is the importance of the theme of service to others in
   A Soldier for Christmas?
   
3. What impact does prayer have on the developing love story?
   
4. Kelly learns that God has led her to a place of hope. Have you faced this experience in your life?
   
5. Kelly and Mitch have similar values. How important is this to their developing relationship?
   
6. Kelly and Mitch have vastly different experiences in life. How does this stand in the way of their romance? How does it help? How do these experiences make them stronger?
   
7. Kelly is afraid to open her heart to love. How does Mitch manage to get beneath Kelly’s defenses?
   
8. How does falling in love with Mitch change Kelly forever? How does falling in love with Kelly change Mitch, even half a world away?