A Song For Us (Fallen Tuesday Book Two) (A Brothers of Rock Novel) (14 page)

She sat at the piano and played the
first part of the song, practicing, calming her nerves.

“Okay,” Gray said. “Are you ready?”

“Sure,” Carina said.

“Remember, we’re just recording for
fun. If we mess up, we do it again. We laugh it off. This is fun, right?”

“This is a dream,” Carina said.

“Well, wake up,” Gray said and
laughed. “I’ll let you start when you’re ready.”

It took three takes for Carina to
settle in and forget about the idea of being recorded. Just like Gray said
though, when she messed up, they simply stopped and started over. It was no big
deal. Messing up actually made Carina feel more comfortable.

The fourth take was the winner.
With a calm, focused mind, Carina focused her eyes on the piano and nothing
else. She played the song just as she and Gray had worked on it.

When the piano solo came, Carina grew
nervous, but after just a few notes, she settled again. From the corner of her
eye, she watched Gray play his solo on the acoustic guitar. Together they
sounded incredible. The song only needed a few minor parts and some strong
lyrics to be considered finished.

After hitting the last note, Carina
took her hands off the piano and took a deep breath. She had the sudden to cry
and didn’t know why.

“That was great,” Gray said.

Carina opened her eyes and turned
to look at Gray. She heard the clapping begin just as she saw the rest of
Fallen Tuesday standing in the doorway to the room.

“Amazing,” Luke said. “Exactly what
that song needed.”

Carina was speechless. Had they all
just watched and listened to her play piano?

“I can’t wait to write for it,”
Luke said.

“Sorry about this,” Gray whispered.
“Didn’t know they would be here early.”

Carina could only nod.

“What do the rest of you think?”
Gray asked.

Mack, Trent, and Jake all gave
thumbs up.

“Let’s go listen for ourselves,”
Gray said.

Carina followed Gray silently.

The song sounded even better played
back. It was rich, alive, and true. For a moment, Carina could not believe that
she had been the one playing piano.

“I’ll run with it,” Luke said. “I
will. I’ll find something really important to share with this song.” He looked
at Carina when he spoke.

 “You know this was Gray’s song,
right? I mean, I didn’t write this.” Carina managed to speak.

“You made it into a song,” Mack
said. “Gray had an idea. You turned it into this. That’s pretty awesome.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Carina
said.

“Guys?” Gray asked as he opened the
door.

“Sure,” Luke said. “Let’s go get
set up.”

The band left the room and Gray
shut the door. Carina blinked as tears arrived.

“That was such an amazing feeling.”

“Of course,” Gray said. He crouched
down and kissed Carina’s cheek. “I have to go record some music now.”

Carina nodded and Gray left the
room. She sat and watched Fallen Tuesday write music, but the entire time, her
mind was elsewhere. She wanted all of this. She wanted to be in a studio,
writing and recording.

Carina also decided right then that…
she wanted Gray.

(14)

“I can’t believe how long that
took,” Gray said. “I am so sorry, Carina.”

Carina smiled. “Don’t be sorry. I
had a blast.”

“Sitting there listening to us
argue, record, write, and then do it all again?”

“Yes,” Carina said.

Gray took Carina by the hand and
pulled her close to him for a hug. “Sweetheart, the entire day is gone.”

“That’s okay,” Carina said. “You
finished another song, right?”

“Close to it,” Gray said. “What do
you want to do right now? We can do anything you want.”

“I really don’t know where I am,” Carina
laughed.

“Good point. I’ll have to take care
of everything then.”

“I’d like that.”

Gray hugged Carina tight. He really
hadn’t intended to be in the studio for as long as he was. The music became a
distraction to everything, including Carina. Gray hated to admit it, but he
needed to be distracted from Carina. After she approached him last night like
she did, and holding her on that couch, his hands and body were aching with
desire to offer her more.

After talking to the band, they
decided to call it a day for now. Luke had a date with Amy. Jake and Trent each
had their own plans, and Mack wanted to take a ride on his motorcycle. He said
he was going upstate to visit a friend. Nobody questioned it but Gray had a
strange feeling that Mack would just ride until dusk, find a hotel, and drink
himself to sleep. It wasn’t such a terrible thing to do once in a while, but it
all depended on what was on Mack’s mind when he started drinking.

“Anyone talk to Frank lately?” Gray
asked.

“No,” Mack said. “That’s why we’re
in such good moods.”

The band laughed and hugged before
splitting up. As Gray watched them get into their cars and Mack on his
motorcycle, he realized that his little visit had become more of a stay now.
Guilt hit him for not being back in Liering to check on his mother and brother,
but there was nothing he could do about that now. He’d call and check on things
later.

Later came quick for Gray as he and
Carina enjoyed dinner at Tommy Two’s. Gray explained the story between Luke and
Amy, hoping to keep his own mind off the tension between them. Flying her out
was not a mistake, but it certainly touched on his emotions in a way he hadn’t
expected.

After dinner, they were back at
Mack’s place, in the basement. It was comfortable as much as it was
uncomfortable. For the first time in his life, Gray felt nervous around
someone. He knew if he kept tempting himself with Carina he was either going to
lose his mind or fall in love.

“Do you want to write something?
Play something?” Gray asked.

“I’m out of musical inspiration
right now,” Carina said. “I’m actually really tired. That’s a long day being in
the studio like that.”

“It is,” Gray said. “That’s why there
are times we just crash there. It’s draining to work like that. But it’s
rewarding.”

“What’s it feel like?”

“You should know,” Gray said. “You
recorded today.”

He stood at the back of the couch. Carina
sat on the couch, but it felt like she was miles away. It didn’t matter what
time it was, whether it was too early to call it a night or not. Gray wanted to
sit next to her and holed her again. Just being with Carina was enough to make
any night worth while.

“What I mean,” Carina said, “is
that all this stuff you’re recording will be heard by millions of fans. They’ll
listen to it on the radio. They’ll buy the album. They’ll come see you guys in
concert. What’s it feel like to record something that you know so many people
will hear?”

Gray swallowed. “Well, I really
hadn’t considered that. Wow. Makes me really hope the music is worth it.”

“Trust me, it’s worth it.”

“I don’t know what the feeling
actually is, Carina. The way I look at it is that the band wrote something we
believe in and want to share with our fans. I can only hope they feel the
same.”

“If they don’t?”

“Wow, that’s another heavy
question.”

“I’m sorry,” Carina said. “I
shouldn’t be asking this. I don’t want you to think the music isn’t good.”

“No. It’s a fair question. I think
about that a lot. What if the fans didn’t like the new songs… if they didn’t
like the guitar parts. The drums. The lyrics. What if they decided to move on
to another band… sure, I think about it. But I can’t control it. All I can do
is pick up the guitar and let my heart and mind do their jobs. That’s why the
studio sessions look like they do. It’s up to us to write and record. When we
finish, then we can bring in someone to produce it, mix it, master it, whatever
the hell they want to do.”

“Is it scary?”

“Terrifying,” Gray said. “Just as
terrifying as it was when we took the stage at a small club and there was
twenty people there. It’s the same feeling as standing on stage in front of
twenty thousand.” Gray paused and watched the way Carina stared off. Her mind
was working. “Why are you asking all this?”

“Just curious,” Carina said.

“I like it.”

“Like what?”

“I like hearing you,” Gray said. “I
like when you open up.”

Gray’s cell phone began to ring. He
looked at the screen and sighed.

“I need to take this. I’ll be right
back.”

Gray went into the bedroom.

“Hey Mom,” he said, answering the
call.

“Gary, where are you?”

Gray sighed. “I had to come to New
York to meet the band. We’re recording.”

“You left Liering?” she asked.
“Without saying goodbye?”

“I’m sorry,” Gray said. “I had to
get out of there.”

“How do you think I feel?”

“I don’t know,” Gray said. “I hope
you didn’t call to argue with me.”

“Have you been checking on Peter?”

“I did before I left,” Gray said.

“Gary, I can’t do this alone. This
isn’t fair…”

His mother’s voice cracked a
little.

“I don’t know what you want me to
do,” Gray said. “I got into his apartment.”

“How?”

“I took care of it,” Gray said. “I
didn’t find anything. I don’t even know what I was looking for, okay? There’s
nothing we can do to fix what Peter did. He did this to himself. Does that mean
I don’t love my brother? No. I love him. You love him. We can’t fix him… he
can. If he wakes up.”

“That’s why I’m calling,” his
mother said. “I need to talk to you, Gary.”

“You are talking to me, Mom. I
answered when you called.”

“I wish you were here.”

“I’m not though.”

Gray listened to his mother cry. It
hurt him, but the stone wall he learned to put around his heart when it came to
her prevented him from caring too much.

“Are you still there, Gary?”

“I’m right here,” Gray said. “I’m
still listening.”

“He’s not waking up,” his mother
said.

The pain squeezed Gray’s heart.
“Okay.”

“I had to talk to the doctors
today. I had to go to the hospital, alone.”

“Did you see Peter?”

“Yes. I finally saw him.”

“I’m sorry you went alone.” Grays
guilt was building.

“He’s just there,” his mother said.
“I wanted to shake him. Wake him up. I talked to him. I waited for him to wake
up.”

“It doesn’t work that way,” Gray said.

“I know. I know.”

“What did the doctors say?”

“The time has to come to make the
decision. He’s been out for too long.”

Gray shook his head.
No. This
wasn’t going to happen like this…

“Are you there?”

“I’m here,” Gray said.

Anger flowed through his body.

“They’re worried that the longer he
stays like he is the more problems he could have if he ever does wake up. He
can’t stay like this forever, Gary.”

“I agree.”

“I’m the one who has to do this. I
have to make this decision. I have to tell the doctors to pull him off the
machines.”

“What happens then?”

“He either fights or dies. Chances
are… he’ll…”

His mother couldn’t say the word
again. She cried and Gray clenched his phone.

“He’ll die,” Gray said. “Peter’s
going to die.”

“Yes,” his mother said. “Yes.
There’s nothing else they can do for him. Keeping him on the machines is going
to make things worse. Not to mention the financial-”

“That’s bullshit,” Gray said.
“There is no financial worry. I’ll pay for everything. If they feel he could
wake up with those machines, he stays hooked up. I’ll send a check tomorrow.”

“It’s not that simple,” his mother
said. “They think it’s best to let it go.”

“Let it go? Just like that?”

“This is impossible for me. How can
I make this decision? I’m going to kill my own son.”

“You’re not going to kill your
son,” Gray said. “Shit, Mom, please don’t think like that. If Peter is… is gone
already… the machines are keeping his body alive. What about the rest of him?
His mind? His soul? Is he there?”

“How can I do this?”

“You don’t have to do this alone,”
Gray said. “We can decide together.”

“But it’s me,” his mother said.
“I’m the one who has to give that final answer.”

“I know,” Gray said. “When does
this have to be done?”

“As soon as possible.”

“Not tonight,” Gray said. “Okay? Not
tonight. Sleep. In the morning, we can talk and figure it out.”

“Gary, listen to me,” his mother
said. “I’ve made the decision in my heart and mind, but I just can’t bear to
say it.”

“Tell me.”

“Who will take care of him? You
have your band. You have your life to live if he wakes up and needs care for
the rest of his life…”

“Okay,” Gray said. “Just stop. I
don’t want to do this now.”

“I do.”

“Then talk to yourself. I can’t
talk about this. He’s my goddamn brother. I am so angry at him and yet I love
him so much. I support whatever the decision has to be, Mom. I can’t imagine
what it’s like to be in your shoes right now, but we both have to understand.”

“I don’t feel there’s much more to
understand,” his mother said.

“Then I guess we’ll see where it
ends up,” Gray said.

He suddenly felt numb. He stared
around the bedroom but didn’t actually see anything. His mind took over,
picturing Peter in the hospital bed. Picturing Peter in the apartment, face
down, still trying to actually believe that this could happen.

“Gary? Did you hang up?”

“Not yet,” Gray whispered.

“I met with the doctors, Gary. I
was there. I saw their faces. I heard their words. They were trying to be as
nice as they could be about all this.”

“I get it,” Gray said. “I get it.
I’m sorry if I seem a little angered. Okay?”

“Thank you. Get some rest.”

“You too, Mom. Please… don’t… just
get some rest, okay?”

Gray hung up and put the cell phone
on the dresser next to him.

This was what it had finally come
down to then. He knew it was always a possibility and that it was probably more
of a reality than that, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Peter was his damn
brother, no matter what.

Gray told himself he would let this
slip away. For tonight at least. In the other room, he had Carina who could make
any decent man smile. When Gray saw Carina standing in the doorway to the
bedroom, he froze. He hadn’t closed the bedroom door when he took the call. The
look on her face proved she heard everything.

“You heard that?” Gray asked.

Carina nodded.

“How much of it?”

 “Gray… I am so…”

Gray shook his head. He didn’t need
this right now. Instead, Gray went to Carina. His hands were at her hips and he
drew her close. His lips touched hers, keeping her from saying anything that
would twist his emotions even more. Carina put her hands to Gray’s face and
then hair, and kept kissing.

This was it.

Gray couldn’t take it anymore. He
cupped Carina’s ass and lifted her. Her legs wrapped around him and he turned,
destined for the bed. There was no stopping this force between them tonight. It
had already felt like a lifetime. They had shared passionate music together,
exploring each other’s dreams, and now Carina knew enough about Gray that he
almost felt vulnerable. He wasn’t used to that feeling.

Gray walked to the bed and sat Carina
down. Their kiss broke and Gray looked down at her. Her hands touched his legs,
and her fingers spread. Gray throbbed and resisted the need to thrust at Carina.
His hands touched her face, his thumbs gently caressing her cheeks. This was
the complete calm before the storm. Gray knew it because he was the storm. Carina
nodded at him, acknowledging she was ready for the coming night.

That was all Gray needed.

His hands slowly moved down as Carina
fell back to her elbows. As he cupped her breasts, he squeezed and groaned,
loving the way Carina’s face looked so beautiful yet flustered.

Carina’s hands made no waste of
time either, one hand pulling on Gray’s belt while the other touched him. Her
hand pressed tight against his hardness, rubbing, loving.

Gray pulled at Carina’s shirt,
forcing her to sit back up. Her shirt came up and over her head, but Gray
wasn’t done with that. As Carina lowered her arms, Gray forced her to stand
again. She was against him, their lips fluttering. She pulled at his belt, and
it sounded like a leather whip as it pulled through the belt loops. She smiled seductively
as she did so.

Gray reached behind Carina’s back, and
with the quick flick of a couple fingers, her bra was undone. Carina pressed
herself tight to Gray as though she didn’t want him to see her breasts.

“Take your shirt off now,” Carina
whispered, kissing Gray’s chin.

“Take a step back,” Gray said with
a smile.

Carina leaned away from Gray enough
for him to grab his shirt and tear it off. By the time he did, Carina had let
her bra fall to the floor. With her hands rested at her sides, Gray was able to
see her naked chest. Her handful sized breasts with pink rose nipples made Gray
desperate to satisfy her desire. When his thumbs made circles around her nipples,
Carina put her head back and moaned. Gray began to taste Carina’s chest. His
soft, gentle kisses turned into nibbling. He couldn’t get enough of her.