A Sound Among the Trees (26 page)

Eliza disapproves of Grandfather having slaves. I look at Tessie, and I do not think I like it either. I wonder why he has them. There is no one here I can ask except Eliza and Tessie, and I do not possess the courage to ask either one that question. Not yet. There are other slaves here at Holly Oak. But I cannot ask them either. We have never had more than a couple of words pass between us. Perhaps I will ask Eliza later. Tomorrow maybe
.

There is much in the newspapers these days of Southern states that wish to keep slaves and Northern abolitionists who wish to see the practice ended forever. Papa once told me that God would not have a man own another man as though he were a horse or a carriage, but he also told me that when I am at Holly Oak visiting my mama’s parents, I am to respect them and their way of life
.
I am not visiting Holly Oak now. I live here. Is this now my way of life?

I so wish Mama and I could come to Maine for the Christmas holidays as we did last year. Grandfather won’t consider it right now because he said there are too many things happening in the North that he doesn’t like. Political things. Sometimes he will have gentleman friends over to Holly Oak, and they will sit in the garden and smoke pipes and talk about all the things they do not like about Washington. I know they do not mean the city itself. They mean the government and who decides what the states can do and can’t. The women are never allowed to sit with them. Not that Mama nor I would want to. Mama certainly wouldn’t. Eliza wants to and they won’t let her. It makes her angry. She sits and listens at the open parlor window anyway
.

I miss you all so very much. Shame on you for telling Will I asked about him! But I am glad he and John are well and have survived the first year at West Point. Perhaps at Christmastime, if Mama and I are there, they will come home on the train in their uniforms as they did last year, and this time we will recognize them!

Love to Aunt and Uncle and Grandmother Towsley
,

Yours most sincerely
,

Susannah Towsley

27 December 1860

Holly Oak, Fredericksburg, Virginia

Dearest Eleanor
,

I trust you had a happy Christmas and that Cousin John made it safely home for the holidays. Thank you for the beautiful drawing
.
You have such talent! And Mama loves the scarf you made. Did you see Will? Is he well?

Christmas here at Holly Oak was very strange. We had a nice goose and presents and carols, but everyone’s thoughts were only on what South Carolina has done. And what it might mean for us
.

I hardly know where to begin, dearest cousin. So much has happened since last I wrote you
.

Grandfather is never home now, and when he is, he is always stomping about the house, angry. This morning he said what has happened with South Carolina is only the beginning. “The beginning of what?” I asked. He was talking to Grandmother, and he didn’t realize I was even in the room. I had just begun this letter to you. Mother was in the room with us too. But everyone always forgets when she is in the room. Sometimes even I do. Grandfather looked at me—stared at me—and it was a strange look. It was like, for a moment, I was not his granddaughter; I was someone else. Someone he didn’t like. Then he looked away and his face seemed sad
.

“These are not good times,” he finally said. “These are hard times. What South Carolina has done, more states will do. Mark my words. More states will leave the Union.” And Grandmother told him to please hush. “No. I will not hush,” he said. “This is my home. This is Susannah’s home. We are Virginians.” He turned back to me, and it was as if he were waiting for me to say something. I could only stare at him. I didn’t know what it was he wanted me to say
.

“Leave her out of it,” my mother said, and every head turned to her. She had barely said anything in days. She wasn’t looking at any of us. She was looking down at her hands, lying still in her lap. Then she stood and walked out of the room without another word. We all watched her go. As she neared the doorway to the parlor
,
I saw that Eliza was leaning on the door frame and had certainly heard everything
.

No one said anything as Mama left. Grandmother excused herself to follow after her. Grandfather watched her leave too. His gaze rested on Eliza for just a moment and then again on me. Then he told us he was going to the mill. And he left
.

Eliza was quiet for just a moment. Then she nodded toward this letter you are holding, Eleanor. “Writing to your cousin in Maine?” she asked. And I said yes. Then she walked over to me, stood over me and the letter. “Your grandfather sometimes forgets that your papa and his family are from Maine and that you were born in Washington. And then on days like today he remembers.” She paused, as if she wanted those words to settle in on me
.

“What is this the beginning of?” I asked her. “Why is Grandfather so angry?” And she said, “Nothing good will come from South Carolina leaving the Union, Susannah. And if the rest of the South follows suit, God only knows what will happen.” I asked her if all this was happening because the South wants to keep its slaves. And she said, “It’s because the South doesn’t want to be told by Northerners who don’t live here what to do or how to think. The slaves are objects of ideologies and philosophies, but they labor and sweat and die like slaves. How long do you really think we can pretend we don’t see that?” And then she left me too, and I now I am alone in the room
.

I do not know what the New Year will bring, Eleanor. Say nothing to Grandmother or Cousin John of my concerns. And if you see Will before he and John return to West Point, tell him hello for me
.

Yours always
,

Susannah Towsley

12 April 1861
Holly Oak, Fredericksburg, Virginia

Dearest Eleanor
,

Thank you for your letter and the lovely necklace you sent for my birthday. It was quiet this year. No one seemed to think it a remarkable occasion. Grandmother took me to Richmond to buy two new dresses, and we ate at a restaurant where the waitstaff brought me a little cake with tiny pink roses on top. But when we returned, it was like any other day. Mama sent for me after we arrived, and when I went into her room, she was still in her dressing gown. She kissed me on my cheek, whispered, “Happy Birthday,” and then pressed her grandmother’s diamond and pearl ear bobs into my hand. I’ve always loved them, but she just handed them to me like they had been mine all along and I’d been careless and left them in her room by mistake. I thanked her, and she nodded and turned away toward the window—the one that faces north
.

I am sorry I have not written to you sooner, but I have been in a bit of a daze with the goings-on of late. I cannot think of Mr. Davis as my president and not Mr. Lincoln. Papa liked Mr. Lincoln. He would’ve wanted him as president had he lived. And I cannot quite grasp the notion that so many states have left the Union. Grandfather says Virginia is sure to follow. He says it like he cannot wait for it to happen
.

I have been at the haberdashery more and more these last few weeks. Sometimes Grandmother is at the store too, but most days it is Eliza and me. Eliza is happiest when she is away from Holly Oak and at the haberdashery, and I do not think it is solely because men are forever coming to buy gloves and hats and ruffled shirts and trying to woo her. She and Grandfather argue about nearly everything, which makes for an unhappy house. Plus, Mama’s inability
to emerge from her grief makes Eliza angry. It makes me sad, but it irritates Eliza. My mother used to be like Eliza. She is her older sister, so this should not surprise me. But it is getting easier for me to forget that my mother was once a lively woman who wasn’t afraid to say whatever she felt needed to be said
.

I have met a few girls at various parties. Yet even there the only talk is that of secession and freedom from Yankee chains. The parties have not been enjoyable
.

Pray for us, Eleanor. I am afraid. No one smiles in this house anymore. Inside the house all the anger feels heavy. The heaviness scares me some. How long can you hold up something heavy before your arms give out and it crashes down on you?

Love to you and Grandmother. Do you think Cousin John would like it if I wrote to him at West Point?

Yours always
,

Susannah Towsley

27 April 1861
Holly Oak, Fredericksburg, Virginia

Dearest Eleanor
,

It has happened, Eleanor. Virginia has seceded. Shots were fired at Fort Sumter. Grandfather says there is no turning back now. He says the Confederacy, if is it to endure, must now be prepared to defend itself. Eliza told me President Lincoln has called for seventy-five thousand militiamen. Dear Eleanor, will he call upon the cadets at West Point? Have you heard from John or Will?

I pray for their safety. And ours
.

Yours
,

Susannah Towsley

27 July 1861
Holly Oak, Fredericksburg, Virginia

Dearest Eleanor
,

Terrible news. We have heard there has been a battle at Manassas. There was dreadful fighting
.

Men and women came to watch the battle on the hillsides as though it were a spectacle and had to flee from the gunfire. Many Union soldiers were killed. There is shouting in the streets today because the Confederate Army was victorious. This was all Grandfather talked of at supper tonight. And all the while he was boasting, Tessie was serving us without so much as a crease of consternation on her brow. What does she think of what the South has done? Is doing?