A Stray Drop of Blood (64 page)

Abigail’s fists balled up and pressed against her legs. Her spine was rigid. Angry and hurt and determined, she looked more beautiful than ever. “This is not how I wanted to handle this.” Her voice was so tight it sounded like a plucked string. “I am sorry I lost my patience, that I grew angry. I hoped to reason with you, to remind us both of the decisions we made on Golgotha. I had hoped that we could return to the path together, help each other.”

Titus regarded her for a long moment. “If you think I can be your friend again without touching you, you are mistaken.”

“
That was my fear. That was why I moved in here. Phillip will be guarding me all night. Attempt to touch me again, and I will not be able to keep him from doing what he has wanted to do all week.”

Titus balked, sneered, and started to turn away. “I do not need you so badly that I would force my way into your room. There are plenty of women willing to satisfy me if you are not, Abigail.”

“
Titus.”

He paused at the door but did not turn around.

She was silent a moment, though he swore he could hear each painful pound of her heart. Surely it was not his own–surely his had stopped beating altogether. “Please, do not shun Samuel because of me. He adores you, and it will upset him if you ignore him because of your anger with me.”

Titus made no reply, he simply wrenched open the door and surged outside, slamming it closed again behind him. That she thought she had to remind him not to be a monster with the child was as insulting as the threat had been. He stormed past Phillip and Miriam, who gave him a wide berth and hurried back to their mistress.

He spotted Caelia standing just where he had left her, looking expectant and eager. At least some women seemed to retain their loyalty; certainly, she had gone to his father when he was away, that was only to be expected. As a slave, she had no say over that. But had she not been waiting as soon as he returned? Had she not been hoping to return to him, to be his again? And even over the past months with Abigail present, she had not given up that hope.

He did not hesitate. He strode to her, pulled her to him, crushing her, and devoured her mouth. She responded as though he were the first taste of water she had received after a month in the wilderness. He ended the embrace as abruptly as he had begun it, stepping away. Part of him wanted to command her to wait for him in his room that night.

Perhaps he would have, had the kiss stirred anything but revulsion within him. “Go back to my father, Caelia. You have nothing I want.”

Chapter Forty-One

“
She is worse today.”

Phillip could not argue with Miriam’s whispered observation. For the past two weeks, Abigail had been withdrawn. It was understandable. Her fall from Titus’s favor had given the rest of the house a reason to snub her, so even appearing at meals was impossible. Miriam had to fetch all of her food from the kitchen and bring it to her so that she would not have to face Aquilia or Caius or Titus. The one time she had gone out, none of them had looked at her, and the servants had actually avoided her, too, as though she were not even there. It had been debasing, and Miriam had held Abigail as she wept afterward. She had not repeated that torture since. The next day she had attempted to send a missive to Arminius to try to make arrangements to move out to the villa for her remaining time in Rome, but that had proven an even greater trial for her; Titus had intercepted the message and proceeded to corner her and rail at her stupidity and lack of concern for Jason’s child’s life.

Phillip had seen her flinch when he called Benjamin simply “Jason’s child.” It was what Caius always referred to him as, as though her part in his creation was null. She had retorted with a claim that if he was so concerned, he should volunteer to send an appropriate entourage with her for their protection, but Titus had gotten that cold smile on his face. He had said that she had already gotten more than enough from him.

That night, Abigail had taken off the amethyst necklace she had been wearing under her tunic and had Miriam slip into Titus’s room when no one was there and leave it. Titus had not so much as appeared in the same room as her since. That had been a week and a half ago. Abigail had tried to be strong after that, and probably would have done fairly well had it not been for Samuel. Titus had started out still seeing the boy daily, laughing and playing and hearing of his day. But in the past week, those visits had tapered off as Titus spent more and more time away from the house. Samuel had started to sulk, and nothing Abigail could do raised his spirits.

“
Do you think it is because of Samuel?” Phillip asked just as quietly, wishing his mistress did not look so broken inside today. She sat with her shoulders hunched forward, as though too tired to straighten them, and her head was bowed. The silent movement of her lips told him she was praying. She had been doing a lot of that lately. He could not see that it did much good, but the one time he had made that observation, Abigail had gotten a strange smile on her face and told him he had no idea how bad it would be otherwise.

Miriam shrugged. “I do not think it is only that, but who is to tell? There is much burdening her spirits. Titus, the children, concern for her mother. Who is to tell if this is something new or just the rest weighing heavily?”

Phillip’s jaw clenched. “You have no idea how much I would like to break the nose of that–”

“
Hush.” But Miriam smiled. “If she hears you, she will scold.”

They watched her for another minute in silence before the maid sighed. “Perhaps it is Caius. He has been lurking about when he has no cause to, just looking at her. Perhaps she is concerned he will try something, now that Titus does not seem to care.”

Phillip tilted his head in thought. “I daresay Titus would care quite a bit if his father touched her. He may be angry, but he is not indifferent. Though you may be right about the concern that could cause Abigail.”

Miriam nodded, but then her face grew worried as she glanced through the open door into the house. “Titus is coming.”

Phillip did not need to turn to follow her gaze to feel the approaching presence of an angry man. Moreover, he did not waste time with looks, he simply moved stealthily forward so that Titus could not barrel past him and lay hold of Abigail. He did not actually draw close to his mistress, since she liked to maintain the feel of independence, but he was near enough to be able to leap to her aid if necessary.

It was not necessary. Upon reaching the door, Titus came to a sudden halt, scanned the immediate vicinity, and headed for Phillip, not Abigail. When he was beside him, he pitched his voice down so that the mistress would not even hear him.

“
Be wary tonight, Phillip,” he warned with sparking eyes. “My father has already begun drinking, and it is Abigail’s name that falls off his tongue. Do not trouble her with this in case it is nothing, but bar the door after she falls asleep, and keep careful watch.”

Phillip nodded firmly, pressed his lips together.

Titus looked over at Abigail, shoulders still bent, head still down, lips still moving. “She looks terrible. Has she been eating?”

“
As much as we can make her.” Miriam stepped up beside Phillip. “If you wish to ease some of the shadow from her eyes, try spending some time with Samuel today.”

Titus turned his piercing eyes on the maid. She actually flinched, and it brought a cold half smile to his mouth. “I will do that now. He is with Antonia?”

She nodded. Titus looked at Abigail again, and this time, the touch of his gaze brought her head up. Phillip watched as emotion flashed through her eyes before settling into something between resignation and pure emptiness.

Titus spun away. “See that she eats more.”

Once he was gone, Abigail cleared her throat. “What did he want, Phillip?” She wrapped her arms around herself as if she were cold, though the day was warm and bright.

“
To discover where Samuel is. He is going now to see him.”

Abigail’s face relaxed only a degree. She stood. “Good. Benjamin should be awaking soon. Let us go in.”

Phillip and Miriam followed. The maid shook her head. “It does not appear to be worry over Samuel.”

Well, if it was over Caius, he actually hoped the old man tried something tonight so that he would have an excuse to bash his head against a wall and erase that worry, too.

He kept that reflection to himself.

~*~

Abigail knelt down in front of her trunk and pulled out a length of cloth from the bottom of it. Squeezing her eyes shut, she fingered the tassels of Jason’s prayer shawl and whispered the same prayer that had been on her lips for the last three weeks. “Jehovah, ease my worry.”

So heavy it all weighed. The pain of losing Titus. The fear of his father, who had grown no bolder but also would not relent in his stares. The concern over Samuel’s injured feelings, which had eased only slightly when Titus spent that single afternoon with him last week.

And the other. Dear Lord, the other.

“
Mistress?” Miriam settled beside her and put a warm hand on her shoulder. Phillip had gone to check on Samuel in the back garden.

“
Yes, my friend?”

Miriam’s brows were creased, her hesitation obvious. “Mistress, I do not mean to pry, only to serve you as best I can. You are so dear to me, more like a sister than my owner, and . . . may I ask you something?”

Abigail only nodded. She knew that whatever Miriam requested to know, it would be out of her devotion.

Miriam cleared her throat. “I know every woman is different after the birth of a child. Some do not get the return of their courses until they wean, others right away. I have noticed that in the month I have been here, you have not experienced any bleeding. Is this normal since Benjamine was born?”

Tears surged Abigail’s eyes, two escaping before she could blink them away. “No.” She drew shuddering air back into her lungs. Her fingers linked through Miriam’s. “They returned two months ago. And then . . . I am afraid, my friend. I am terribly afraid that I carry Titus’s child, and I will be ruined if I do. My son will be ruined.”

“
This is what has been causing you so much distress.” Miriam wrapped her arms around Abigail’s shoulders and held her. For just a moment, Abigail let herself weep into her friend. “Perhaps it is simply your despair that makes you late. I have heard of such things. I myself was a bit late this last time, out of my fear from that night with Caius. Or perhaps the nursing is still having an effect after all.”

“
Perhaps. I have been praying it is that. But every day I awake and wait and nothing happens.” She turned her eyes on Miriam. “What if I am pregnant, Miriam? How will I look my mother in the eye? How will I return to Israel? Who will respect Benjamin if his mother . . .” She stopped herself with a hand over her mouth, trying to hold back another sob.

“
Hush.” Miriam smoothed back Abigail’s hair. “It will be all right. In spite of his anger, Titus loves you, Mistress. He will take care of you if you have his child. Perhaps he would even marry you.”

Abigail wiped at her tears and breathed a dry laugh. “No. That is one thing he will not do. But he would think I expect it of him because Jason chose to marry me, and he would grow angry.” She shook her head. “If I am with child, Titus will not be happy. He will be furious.”

Miriam sat up straighter, thunder in her eyes. “And why should
he
be furious? He is the one who manipulated you into his bed,
he
is the one who chose the time to do it,
he
is–”

“
That is enough.” Her loyalty made her smile a bit though. “I am just as guilty as Titus. But let us wait a while longer before we resign ourselves to this. It could be as you say, I could simply be late in my cycle. And until I am certain, neither of us will say anything to anyone.”

“
Of course.” Miriam fell back to her knees and kissed Abigail’s hands. “I will do your will in all things, without question.”

Abigail smiled truly for the first time in days. “The Lord was smiling on me when he led me to you. You are my friend, Miriam, and we both know you do my will only when you agree with its benefit for me, and I thank you for that as well. I have very little use for people who do only what they are told.”

Miriam returned the smile and stood once more. “I disobey only because you expect it of me.”

“
You disobey because you realize how unwise your mistress can be. But in this I suspect we can agree. It is best for the suspicion to remain a secret until it is proven or disproven.”

Miriam nodded, her face serious.

Good. She would undoubtedly add her prayers to Abigail’s. Perhaps it would urge the Lord to answer sooner.

~*~

Abigail was just putting Benjamin back down after his first feeding of the day a week later when the nausea struck. She barely made it to the facility down the hall before she fell to her knees, retching violently. Even though her stomach was empty, still the heaves shook her until she was reduced to an exhausted ball on the ground.

Tears burned her eyes to match the acid in her throat, and she pounded the floor with her fist. “Why?” she cried in Hebrew, rolling onto her knees again but unable to sit up. She rested her head on the cool floor, then covered it with her arms. “Why do you do this to me, Jehovah? Must I pay the rest of my life for one week of sin? I repented. Lift your heavy hand from me, I beg you, I cannot handle these consequences.
Eli
!
Lama sabachthani?
”