A Stray Drop of Blood (65 page)

She felt small, warm fingertips run over her arm, her hand, onto her face. “Why do you cry, Mother?” Samuel asked into her ear, curling up beside her. “Is it because Titus does not love us anymore?”

Abigail unwrapped one of her arms from her head so that she could put it around Samuel. “Not us, my son. You he still loves. It is me he hates.”

Samuel buried his face in her shoulder. “If he hates you, then I will not love him.”

“
Never stop loving anyone, Samuel, or you will be as bad as the one who hurts you.” She kissed his forehead weakly. Moving her eyes, she saw Miriam and Phillip both standing a few steps away. “Help me up, please.”

They did so, and once Abigail was standing, albeit without much strength, she looked at Miriam. “I well remember this illness. I will tell Titus today.”

~*~

Abigail paced the chamber slowly, singing to Benjamin as she rocked him in her arms. She had spent most of the day in thought and prayer, but still anxiety balled up just below her throat, threatening to overwhelm her. Much of what would happen to her in the next years of her life relied on what Titus would say when he walked in and she told him she was pregnant with his child. If he wanted to have anything to do with the babe, whether it include a relationship with her or not, then she had no choice: she must stay in Rome. She could not ask him to give up everything to follow his child back to Israel, especially when Abigail had access to an estate nearby.

On the other hand, if he wanted absolutely nothing to do with any of them, she would have to consider how she was going to protect her family from the harsh rule of the Sanhedrin. She could always claim the pregnancy was the result of a rape; it would be a lie, but it would be a lie that would protect her children. Still, it was one whose very idea weighed heavily on her conscience. How could she claim that the babe was a result of violence?

The third possibility was moving somewhere else entirely, somewhere where no one knew that her husband had died before the second child was conceived. Somewhere where she could claim to be a widow, true enough, and simply never share that the two babes she had birthed had different fathers. But she could not ask Ester to leave the only place she had ever known, and she could even less contemplate spending the rest of her years absolutely alone, without anyone she loved. If she stayed in Rome, she would be without her family, she was sure, but at least Titus would be nearby. Even if he never wanted to speak to her, she would know he was there. He would answer her call if she ever truly needed him.

Like now.

She pushed that from her mind. She fully expected Titus to be angry, but she prayed he would calm quickly so that they could discuss the possibilities for her future. But she would not judge his immediate reaction as being an indicator of his true decision. She, after all, had had weeks to consider this possibility, to adjust to it. For Titus, it would be a slap in the face.

“
He comes.” Miriam rushed from the window facing the street. According to the plan they had already laid out, she took Benjamin, and she and Phillip left the room and went outside to the garden to make sure Samuel did not decide to dash inside to visit her or Titus.

Nerves dampened Abigail’s palms and accelerated her heart. She forced herself to quit pacing, listening instead for the approaching footsteps of Titus. He would have to walk by this small cubiculum, no matter where he was going within the house. She would call him in when he did.

“
How unprecedented. Abigail, alone.”

Abigail spun around to see Caius standing only a few feet away. She had forgotten this room was connected to another; it had not concerned her, because she was only interested in Titus, who would arrive from outside. She had not considered that Caius was already home and could find her here. She was more irritated than afraid, however. Titus had to be approaching even now.

She squared her shoulders. “I am waiting for Titus. And I need to speak with him in private, so please leave.”

Caius smirked and took a few steps closer. “Have you not caught on? Titus does not want you. He wants nothing to do with you. He keeps you here now only for the babe’s sake, so what could you possibly have to say that would interest him?” He reached out and ran a hand down her arm.

She slapped his hand away. “Do not touch me!”

He grabbed both of her arms and dragged her against him. “I will do as I wish with you. You are nothing but a slave and a harlot.” He gave her a hard shake. “Why should I not just kill you now? The boy would be better off without you. Why should I leave my son in your talons? Why?”

He shook her again, and the fear surged up when she saw the violence in his eyes. “Please!” She tried to break free of his hands, tried to push him away. All in vain.

“
What new trick do you have in mind now, whore? Why must you speak with him, what do you have planned?”

“
Nothing, I–”

One of his hands around her throat cut her off. She gagged, trying to gasp for breath, clawed at his hand.

“
Tell me.” He relaxed his grip enough for her to gulp in the air so quickly it made her cough.

Wheezing, she saw little choice but to reply. “I carry his child.”

She knew a momentary breath of relief when he released her. It was followed by blinding pain as he backhanded her in the face, sending her reeling. “Conniving witch!” He caught her by the shoulder only to hit her again. Dizziness flooded her head, blood flowed from her nose, and the ground rushed toward her. She heard a cry of pain that must have been hers, but she was not aware of actually opening her throat to make the noise. The hard stone of the floor struck her and sent a bolt of agony all up her right side. She barely heard the shouts that filled the room over the rush of blood in her head, but she felt clearly the foot that kicked her in the stomach with all its force, once, then again.

She doubled up at the pain.

~*~

Titus had hit the room a few seconds before Phillip, so he was the one to drag his father away from Abigail, leaving Phillip to rush to his mistress to see if she was all right. He threw Caius into the wall. “How dare you lay a hand on her?”

“
You would thank me if you had any sense.” Caius knocked his arm away. “She will manipulate you with this child just as she did Jason, she will talk you into marrying her just because she carries your whelp. I will not have it! Better to kill her myself than to have the Asinius name lost to a Jewish slave.”

“
Touch her again, and it is you who will die.” His jaw muscle clenching, he turned back to find Phillip lifting an almost-unconscious Abigail in his arms. “Take her to her room and clean her up.” He turned to the door, where Miriam had just rushed up in. “Go tend her. I will make sure Antonia takes the children inside.”

Mainly he needed to have a few moments to let that last explosive minute sink into his consciousness. While he waited for reality to catch up, he headed toward the garden. Samuel was standing just outside staring at the door, from which he had no doubt heard the cries of his mother.

“
Titus!” The boy launched himself at Titus’s legs. “What is happening to Mother?”

Titus picked him up and help him close. “My father hit her, but she will be fine.” He wanted to believe that, though from what he had seen, the blows had looked hard enough to knock down a grown man, to say nothing about a slight woman.

“
I must go to her.”

“
No, not right now.” Titus held him still when he would have squirmed to his feet. “Let Miriam and Phillip tend her first. I will take you to her soon, but for now you must go with Antonia and help her with Benjamin. Will you do that for me?”

Samuel looked torn, but at length he nodded somberly.

“
You are a good boy.” Titus put him back on his feet. To the concerned nurse, he said, “Take them both and go to Panther. My father is in a rage, and I would put nothing past him.”

Antonia moved to obey. Titus headed for the bedrooms. A few steps from her door, he stopped.

Abigail was pregnant. That was what the entire drama came down to. Not pausing to discern what it was he felt at that realization, he moved with renewed energy to her door, not even bothering to knock before entering.

She was sitting up, perched on the edge of the bed, her arms wrapped around her middle as Miriam dabbed at the blood on her face. Her left eye was already swollen almost closed, a mottled red that promised to turn dark with bruising in a few hours. Just looking at her made him ache. He held his ground until Miriam murmured, “There, the bleeding has stopped.” Then he stepped forward.

“
Leave us.” Titus spoke softly enough that the loyal servants would not fear to obey him. He stood aside to let them pass but did not advance into the room until the door closed behind them. Even then, he took only a few steps before halting again. Abigail sat without moving, her good eye focused on him, and waited silently for him to speak. It was just as well that she did not immediately launch into excuses. He wanted simple answers. “How long have you known?” He tried to soften his tone, but he had a feeling some of his anger slipped out, if her slight recoil was any indication.

“
I have suspected it for a few weeks. I was not sure until this morning, when the nausea began.”

Titus’s fingers curled into a fist, but he had the good sense to hide his hand in a fold of his toga to keep her from noticing. “And were you planning to tell me this, or simply go to a local harlot and try to poison yourself, as you did when you learned you were carrying Jason’s child?”

Abigail flinched and turned her head away, struggling to keep her breathing even. “How can you even ask that, seeing how I love my children?”

“
It is reasonable enough. I will not abandon all hopes of a career and marry you. But your honorable status of widow is tainted and ruined if you have a child that obviously did not belong to your husband. You will be outcast everywhere. Your son will suffer.”

“
He would if I were to die by poison, too. And I could not choose the life of one of my children over the life of another.” She shook her head vehemently, though it must have hurt her. She raised a hand to her temple and winced. “I know what this child will cost me, but it is ours. I will have it, and I will love it.” She paused a moment to let that sink in. “I was only out there today to tell you I was pregnant. And to ask you what your will is. If you want me to leave and never bother you again, I will. If you want your child close enough for you to visit, I am prepared to move to the villa permanently.”

Titus regarded her with disbelief. “You do not want to live in Rome, you have said it yourself.”

She returned his gaze with her good eye. “I will not take your child from you unless you command it. Things have changed, Titus. I will never be accepted back into Israel now. They were not very tolerant of me as it was; do you not remember how the Pharisee offered me to Barabbas? I do not wish to find myself stoned.”

“
But what of Ester?” He could not imagine that she was suddenly so willing to give up all that she had been holding dear.

“
Ester will understand my decision. She will hold that it is fitting for a woman to leave her family for her husband. I know,” she then added quickly, raising a hand slightly to fend off the words that had leaped to his lips, “you will not marry me. I would not ask it of you. But as I swore to Jason when I was given to him as his slave, I will swear to you now. You may treat me as you will, but I will honor you as my husband and lord for the rest of my life.” Her lips trembled. “I love you, Titus. After you, there can be no other.”

He shook his head. “How is it that honoring me as your husband involves forbidding me to touch you?”

Abigail raised her chin a notch. “I honor and love you enough to try to spare your soul the sin to which I tempt you.”

Titus dug his fingertips into his palms. “Even now, when you are willing to stay here, when you are willing to give up all other parts of your life, when you are willing to have my child in spite of ostracization, you are not willing to budge on this?”

“
You do not understand.” Her whisper sounded fierce, colored by her bruises and her passion. “As a man, you are not judged for this, but I am. By having your child, I submit myself to scorn and hatred, while you receive slaps of congratulations on your back from all of your friends. You have the freedom to walk away from this situation, and I cannot stop you. The world will not forgive me, Titus. But God will. He will only if I repent earnestly, and it is only then that I can forgive myself. Tell me, my love, how would you have me live if I have not even that? How am I to stand against the scorn of society without the strength of my God?”

Titus had nothing to say in response. He nodded to acknowledge that he had heard her, then he gave in to the instinct he had been fighting for the last few minutes and went over to her. He sat beside her on the bed and put an arm around her, drawing her gently to his side. It was the first time he had touched her in a month and a half, and he did not want to hurt her.

“
I love you,” he whispered into her ear. The words relaxed her a degree, and she let herself be molded into his light embrace. “That will never change. Know that, no matter what happens.” He put a finger under her chin to urge her face up, careful of her injuries. “I will have to think about this, Abigail, and consider my options.”