A Street Girl Named Desire: A Novel (12 page)
Read A Street Girl Named Desire: A Novel Online
Authors: Treasure E. Blue
They were about to step in their building when they noticed a crowd of guys watching someone get a beat down. Scenes like this were typical, and depending on their mood, the girls would either walk past or try to get a glimpse of the action without getting too involved. Today, they weren't in a hurry. Hattie Mae never questioned them when they were a little late coming in from school. She always just assumed they were out being girls. She didn't worry about them as much anymore. But today, there was something about the action that made them have to get into it.
“Hold up, Tiah, I think that's Carvelas fighting!” Desire shouted once they got closer to the chaos.
Tiah squinted her eyes and said with surprise,“Carvelas? You think so?”
Desire said,“Yeah, I think so, come with me.”
They walked toward the melee and discovered that, sure enough, it was Carvelas, fighting valiantly against a local troublemaker named Lyfe. Lyfe was tall, lanky, and had a mean scowl. He had a reputation as a big gun on the block. He ran with a pack
of other troublemakers, who considered him their leader. He was used to getting whatever he wanted from his followers: cigarettes, blunts, takeout from the corner restaurants, even sex from the girls who followed up behind them all. Desire and Tiah had mostly avoided him up to this point. But not today. Desire pushed her way into the brawl and said to Lyfe,“Leave him alone, nigga.”
Lyfe didn't know Desire or Tiah, so he assumed they were just average Janes. He huffed,“What you say, lil bitch?”
Calmly, Desire said,“You heard me.”
He could punk the average person out with a simple stare, but not Desire. She read right through him and knew he was a faker or he wouldn't be fighting a boy like Carvelas, who was clearly smaller than him.
Bloodied and bruised, Carvelas stepped in front of Desire. She couldn't believe how he looked and wondered what on earth would land Carvelas, of all people, into the middle of a brawl. He was normally so quiet and peaceful. He panted,“Desire, I ain't afraid of him. I got it.”
“I know,” said Desire.“You showed him what's up.”
She took Carvelas by his arm and attempted to walk away. The crowd around them made their objections known, as they protested loudly that the fight was ending. Desire heard laughs and taunts aimed at Carvelas:“pussy,”“scared little nigga” and even“he got a bitch fighting his battles for him.” Lyfe stepped in front of them and said,“Bitch, where you think you going?”
Desire looked at him and said,“Yo, check this out, I ain't gonna be too many more bitches, nigga. Now, if I ever see you touch him again, you gonna—”
Lyfe cut her off and jumped in her face. He said,“You gonna do what?”
Desire answered point-blank,“You gonna get your back dirty.” She then smiled.
Lyfe looked around and said,“Who the fuck this bit—”
Before he could get the words out, Desire and Tiah were on him, as Carvelas held Lyfe's crew back. Chaos erupted on the street while Desire kicked Lyfe all over his body. Tiah sat on his chest and held him down so Desire could do her damage. Desire was like a wolf. The old, familiar urge to fight had been reawakened and renewed. As she pummeled Lyfe, she beat down the Corleys, the other foster families, the pack of bitches who had chased her down the street the day she met Tiah. She was even fighting the mother who had abandoned her. Even Tiah was shocked at Desire's ferocity. Desire barely knew Carvelas, and here she was fighting for him like he was Hattie Mae.
An NYPD squad car squealed its siren. This caught all of their attention, except Desire's. Carvelas had to stop her, grab her hand and lead her away from the approaching car. Lyfe's crew ran in one direction. Carvelas, Desire and Tiah ran in the other direction—but not before Desire kicked Lyfe in the nuts one more time for good measure.
They finally reached a corner where they were out of sight and danger. They all stood with their hands on their knees, trying to catch their breath. Carvelas looked around them for any sign of Lyfe and his crew. When he was sure the coast was clear, he started leading them back to his building in a roundabout way.
“What was that all about?” Desire asked Carvelas.
D
esire had never had a real boyfriend. The only pictures of romantic relationships she got were from the television and the streets. In her mind, they all were based upon nothing but drama. She saw men as dogs who just wanted to sex you and then dump you. The only thing they had ever seemed good for was providing backup in a fight, and she had changed her life, so she didn't need anybody to have her back as much anymore. However, over time, her relationship with Carvelas began to mimic something like a girlfriend/boyfriend thing. Something that had started in church as what was, in retrospect, a silly little scheme had blossomed into a tight friendship. Though it was clear that Tiah was Desire's main sidekick, Carvelas followed behind
as a close second. They often walked to school together and met each other in the hallways. They talked on the phone whenever Carvelas could actually catch Desire, although he was too shy to call as much as he really wanted to. He had his pride. But his pride broke down when he needed to ask someone to the prom. Desire was the only woman he wanted on his arm. One day, Carvelas met her in the hallways, not to talk or walk her to class, but to hand her a letter.
“What's this about?” she asked him, shocked. It was the first letter she had ever received in her life.
“Just read it,” Carvelas commanded. He disappeared in the mob of loud students, leaving Desire standing there with her mouth open. She ripped the letter open as soon as she made it to algebra class. Luckily, she sat way in the back, and nobody ever really paid attention anyway. She was overtaken by Carvelas's words as she read.
Desire
,Well, I guess you should know by now that I got some feelings for you that's more than fiendship. I don't know what they are, but I guess I just really wanna get to know you better. I mean, more than just hanging out in the hallways and after school. And I know what you thinking. I ain't trying to get down with you like that. That's not what I'm about. Plus, I know Sister Evans don't go for that no way. But I really like you. I respect you. I ain't trying to do nothing but be somebody in your life that you can count on. You seem so strong, and I like that. Maybe you don't need nobody to count on. I don't know. I just know I'd like to try to be something in your
life. That's all. Whatever you want me to shape up to be is fine with me. That day I saw you sing, I don't know, I just felt something for you. I was playing. You was singing. It was like we was a team. I just want to explore that a little more. I don't usually talk like this and I hope this don't throw you off. I ain't trying to ruin our fiendship. I totally understand if you ain't feeling me like that. It's not gonna change the way I feel about you. I was wondering if we could start getting to know each other better at the prom. My people know who you are. They gonna hook me up with the dough to get us a limo and everything. We can step out in style. I want to ask you to be my date
.
Desire was overtaken. She had finally heard from the horse's mouth that Carvelas did, just as Tiah had said, want to “do it to her.” Not now, but this was how it started, Desire knew. What she liked about his letter was that there was one in the first place. Carvelas proved with it that he was different. But then again, she had already known that. He didn't want to jump over the steps no other dudes were ever interested in. He wanted to treat her right first. There was something the algebra class was supposed to be doing, but Desire wasn't interested. She ignored the problem Mr. Garcia had put on the board for them to do and wrote out her own problem with Carvelas in the notebook in front of her.
Carvelas
,You know I feel for you too, boo. You my buddy, my backup, in church and on the streets. We got a lot of music to make together, I'm sure. I guess I just don't know about everything
else you talking about. I'm not into hitting the sheets. That's not my style. And you're being nice about it now, but how I know that's not all you want? I don't know, I guess I just don't trust nobody. Ain't been too many people in my life to trust. I don't think I want to take the chance that you're one of them. I just like things the way they are now
.
She knew enough to make Carvelas wait for her answer, which really wasn't an answer, just more questions. She met Carvelas at his locker after school and gave him the letter. She walked away before he could ask her if she wanted him to join her on the way home. She didn't even tell Tiah what was going on, nor Hattie Mae. The next morning, Carvelas was standing at Desire's locker when she arrived at school, with a letter of his own. As she had done, he walked away as soon as he gave it to her. She answered him, again, after school. For days, she and Carvelas wrote, communicating without spoken words, fighting out their feelings on the page.
Desire
,Well, I guess I should have known that it wouldn't be easy. That's really what I like about you. You tough, you protect yourself. You give everybody a hard time so they can't get close to you. I know you won't believe me, but I used to be the exact same way. I don't know why. I had a lot of bullshit happen when I grew up. Fights, drugs, my cousins dragged me into things I didn't really want to get dragged into. They called me stupid for going to school and wanting to work on
my music. I thought I was supposed to be out here pushing everything away that was good for me, jumping into everything that wasn't. But then, I don't know, one day I just woke up. Believe it or not, it was your grandmother who pushed me there. You was still away, hadn't started coming to church yet. She heard me practicing one day after choir practice, when I thought everybody else was gone. She was still there, cleaning up, dusting off the Bibles, tidying up the pastor's office. And she came in, and damn, I remember it like it was yesterday. She told me, “Boy, you can play your little butt off.” I was shocked cause I didn't know nobody was listening. She pulled out the hymnal and made me play some songs. It was cold outside, really a blizzard, and neither one of us was in a rush to get back out there. So we waited it out with my music, and I played for her all night. That was, I don't know, kind of like a turning point for me, a couple of years ago. But I don't have to tell you about your own grandmother. You already know. I guess I want to talk about you. Or me and you. What's up, Desire? Why you think I'm not worth the risk?Carvelas
,Read closer. I actually ain't never say you wasn't worth the risk. I'm just saying I have to take a chance to find out. And I don't know if I feel like doing that right now. Things are all right in my life. I'm singing in the choir, I'm handling my business in school, everything is gravy at home. I'm even thinking about trying to be a singer, like going to college to study it and having a manager while I'm there. Me and Tiah
talking about making a group. Getting some other girls together to sing and dance. I like my life, and for a long time I didn't. I just don't want to fuck up what I already got going on. I'm not surprised by anything you said about Hattie Mae. That's her ass all right. She really do love people more than she love herself. For a long time, I didn't love her. I didn't know I could. I guess it was the same thing with her as it is with you. You know, that trust thing. That whole not wanting to get hurt. But I don't know, I guess over time she convinced me. Maybe you can too.Desire
,We ain't got that much time. The prom is in a couple of weeks. I gotta get, you know, suited up. And so do you. It's been a lot of time already. You've known me for a long time. Damn, you had my back in a fight. You can fight with me but you can't love with me? Women …
Carvelas
,Oh, you love me now? Or I'm supposed to love you? Or are we supposed to make love? Okay, I'm sorry, I'm making fun of you, and I don't want to do that. I like hearing your feelings. I got feelings of my own. I'm just not ready to share 'em yet. The one thing I will say is that I been through some shit in my life. I had a lot of times when nobody was there to have my back, not even my grandma. I love her to death, but I know I gotta make my own way eventually. She ain't gonna be here forever. And I ain't got no reason to believe you'll be. I
gotta look out for number one. Guess it's that protection thing. I ain't never gonna lose it. Might as well tell you bout me. Bout Desire. This girl you think you can love. I ain't never had a mother. A lot of what you may have heard about me in church is really a lie. Grandma ain't really my grandma. She got me and Tiah cause we both didn't have nowhere to go. Can you believe that? Me and Tiah was both broke, homeless, foster home after foster home. How you think it feel when your own damn mama don't want you? If your mama can leave you, anybody can. Grandma could meet her somebody and get her a new life and leave me too. How I'm supposed to know? How I'm supposed to tell? I just like it better keeping people at a distance. I got Tiah and Grandma on the inside. That's enough for me
.Desire
,The things you telling me still ain't changing the way I feel about you. All that shit is your past. Sister Evans is your grandma. Believe it, she is. Just cause y'all ain't connected by birth don't mean it ain't true. I got shit in my own past to worry about. My daddy ain't want me. He didn't want shit to do with me. Never has, and I finally figured out he never will. But I found me some ways to get over that. I got my music. I member one time I was in this restaurant with my mother and her fiends. It was up on Sugar Hill. This piano music was playing in the background. It sounded like a million little bells ringing together like they was dancing. And when the waiter came to our table I asked him what the
music was. He said it was somebody named Monk. And I knew he had to be black cause they only played black music. And I was like, shit, a black man making a piano sound like that. And when I'm in church, I'm playing the gospel. But I'm playing jazz, blues, all that. I'm gonna play all that one day. Desire, you can sing. You can sing your ass off. You gotta focus on that now. You gotta let the past go. All that hurt you got is in the past. Focus on the present. Think about the future, with me maybe
.Carvelas
,You're asking me to do a lot. When you ain't walked in my shoes, you can't really understand where I feel like I need to go. But I guess you convinced me that you at least really want to go to the prom! I don't see the big deal myself. I mean, I ain't interested in getting all dressed up just to profile in font of people. Fuck that. I profile every day, on my own, and I ain't gotta spend money to do it. But I guess Hattie Mae would like to see me go. I guess I could do it for her. So yeah, we can go to the prom together. But wait until I buy my dress before you buy your suit. I ain't going with you unless we match
.
