A Summer To Remember: Novella (Lost Love Book 1) (5 page)

Isabelle

The door is inconsiderately pulled open from the other side, causing me to stumble into the hall. Kyle's hollering in my face. “Where the hell have you been Izzy? I've had mother fuming on the telephone at me. Asking whether you're pregnant. What's more, you mysteriously disappear."

   “I’m sorry. I needed alone time.” 

“What about the rest of us, huh, thinking of yourself yet again. Playing the Marta. You haven't let anybody get close since Josh passed away. Give us a chance to help you, let us in Izzy." Do I generally put myself first? I know I should've faced my parents and told them Josh was the one for me. But I was weak and scared.

The room becomes uncomfortably awkward. Kyle's pacing the foyer while grunting under his breath. "Are you pregnant?" Kyle asks in a strained voice. Nikki gains my attention, encouraging me to answer.

Well, here it goes nothing. Taking a deep breath, I let the words flowing freely from my mouth. "Yes, I'm pregnant and before you ask like our delightful folks. Josh is the father." Kyle's taken back.

"They asked you who the father was? Shit." Sending him the best glare I can muster. "No, I made it fucking up. What the heck do you think?!" Kyle runs his hands through his hair and apologizes "I'm sorry Izzy." The room is shockingly quiet.  Self-consciously I scan the room. I’m shocked to see Xavier giving me an encouraging grin. I flash him a bashful smile, giving a nod of his head, a little gesture as though to say go ahead. I pluck up the courage to tell them everything.

  In a quiet voice, “I’m sorry for disappearing today, I didn’t mean to worry any of you. It wasn't my attention at all.” I swallow my distress and carry on. "My high school sweetheart Josh, passed away." Shocked gasps sore through the room. Xavier's encouraging smile vanishes leaving a glare in its place. His eyes dropped to the floor. Could they know I was the cause of his death?

Haziness seeps into my body, my eyes become blurry. Unable to concentrate on anything. White noise fills my ears. My throat is smoldering from attempting to squeeze air into my lungs. Everything starts spinning. Somebody tries to gain my attention, but my brain isn't functioning properly and I can't work out who. Before I know it I'm being maneuvered into somebody's warm grasp. A deep drawl, whispers, "your safe Isabelle, Take a deep breath for me, princess." Listening to the guidance given, my body relaxes. Nikki's flipping out in the corner, Kyle's advising her to quiet down. Chaos erupts around us, yet we're lost in our own world. Xavier's sea blue eyes are locked with mine. “Everything will be okay Isabelle.”

"Why not call me Izzy like everyone else?"

"Why would I call you Izzy when your name is Isabelle. At any rate, I like to differ from everybody else." He puts his lips against my temple, delicately placing a kiss. "I'm taking you to bed." His lips quirk into a smile. "Head out of the gutter, princess. I implied I'm taking you to your room." I bury my head into his chest to disguise my flushed cheeks. His body vibrates as he lets out a boisterous laugh. "Fuck, you're sexy," he growls. He ascends from our laying spot on the floor. I holler and screech at him to put me down. I can walk by my bloody self. He doesn't pay attention, my body stays cradled in the warmth of his arms. Xavier takes two steps at a time, pushing my door open with his shoulder. He strides into my room and tenderly places me onto the bed, not ready to be alone. My arm’s cling to his neck. "Will you lay with me, please?"

Hesitation masks his features, quickly retracting my words. I was stupid to think he would still be interested after finding out about the pregnancy. Who wants to take on another man’s child. I drop my hands and turnover leaving my back facing him. The rooms silent, he hasn't left, neither has he said anything. The bed dips behind me, arms enclosing around my waist. We lie in a comfortable silence.

The silence is broken when my stomach makes an almighty grumble. I haven't eaten since breakfast. Giggling, "I figure we ought to get some food."

Entering the kitchen, I search the kitchen cabinets, to see what's available. To my disappointment, there's not a great deal. The main thing I can think of is pasta.

"Where is everyone?" I protest to Xavier.

"I'm not certain. I was with if you recall?" Can't resist the urge to laugh, I try to place where I had my phone last. Upon entering the family room, I spot the phone laying on the table. Bending to pick it up I see the message symbol flashing in the corner.

Nikki: We've popped out to grab a bite to eat. It took a lot of persuasion to get Kyle to leave, however, I figured we should give you some time.

Me: Thank you, much appreciated chick.

Nikki: Don't hold out on me girl. Is he a good kisser?

Choosing not to supply her with an answer, I place the phone back onto the table. Hands encircle my waist. Xavier's warm breath hits the back of my neck causing me to shiver, "What are you smiling about?" Xavier queries.

"Nothing." I shrug while pulling away from him and make my way into the kitchen. I leave Xavier remaining in the room, with a puzzled expression.

~#~

Having Xavier holding my hand every night, helps to keep my bad dreams under control. He sneaks into my room when everybody resigns to their rooms, I watch the door handle for his arrival. My stomach does somersaults, excited for my hand in be interlaced with his. Every night he hums the same tune, I have no idea what it is yet it presents me a feeling of peace.

"What's the name of the tune you continue to grace me with?" He's reluctant to answer. His forehead wrinkles, "my mother used to sing it to me when I was a child." Is the only reply given, I let it drop, not wanting to push him any further.

He's taking considerably longer to arrive tonight, I wonder if he’s changed his mind. Maybe it’s for the best, I shouldn’t be relying on him with me being pregnant. Also, I have a difficult day tomorrow. Almost certain I will be an emotional wreck.  

"Izzy, wake up beautiful."

"Josh, Is that you?"
Cupping my face, his fingertips gently caressing my face.
"It's me, gorgeous."
I step back.
"What's going on? Why are you moving away from me? It's that kid isn't it."
Shaking my head, tears well in my eyes.
“Are you cheating on me with that boy?”

My hands tremble, Am I cheating on him for liking another person. Giving up on sleep, I climb out of bed and pull on a pair of jeans or attempt to. I can't do them up, I attempt to breathe in but it's no use. Instead, I stroll over to the full-length mirror and turning, so my side is facing the mirror. Moonlight shines through the window, illuminating my figure. A little bump is starting to appear. Placing my hands on either side of my growing belly, I begin conversing with my bump. Mummy, adores you, little one. Feeling bittersweet, I wish Josh was here, sharing this extraordinary moment with me. I go in search of food, the morning sickness has stopped. I'm beginning to feel somewhat better in myself. I grab a cereal bar while in the midst of making a flask of hot chocolate. I climb into the car, needing to feel close to Josh. The trip to the graveyard seems to take an entity. I'm not sure why the sudden feeling to be near him, maybe it's because of the dream. Taking an unsteady step towards his grave. I discover myself thinking about all the fun times we spent together. No one can replace Josh, he was my first love. The one individual who has my heart. 

"Hey Josh, you know I dreamt of you last night. It was very upsetting. I would never cheat on you. You know that right?! I could never cheat on your memory. My heart belongs to you Josh, you've had my heart since you wormed your way into my personal space. I'm sorry. I know I messed up. I should've never listened to my parents. You were always more important even in the end, although I didn't show it. I will regret the decision I made for the rest of my life. I hope you are looking down on us. A bump is starting to develop. I have a scan booked for just over a week's time, do you think it would be a good idea to find out the sex of our baby?"

I spend the rest of the morning endlessly, chatting away lost in my own bubble.
“I'm having dinner with your mother this evening. I'm kinda feeling stressed. Not knowing makes me nervous. Is she going to blame me for your death? I deserve the blame, I know I do, yet I'm not certain, how I will feel hearing it from someone important to you.”
The sound of footsteps approaching, gains my attention.

  "I gathered, you would be here," Kyle asks while drawing closer me. "“I’m worried about you. Are you okay? I mean really okay, none of this horse crap about being fine. I can see through your lies." Strolling over to the bench not far from Josh's grave. I lay all my trouble and worries onto Kyle, not leaving anything out. From the fact, I'm frightened about having dinner with Josh's mom. To being scared about the pregnancy and being alone. "You know, I'll always be here for you Izzy. So will Nikki." I give him a subtle nod before he goes on to ask me the one question I was not expecting. "I've seen the way both you and Xavier look at each other, how do you feel about him?"

"I'm not sure, I like him. God, what's not to like but it’s not the right thing to do. The timing's off, It feels wrong to have feelings for another person so close to losing Josh. I don't want to be disrespecting him, you know?" Kyle grabs hold of my hand, giving it a little squeeze. “You can’t change who you're meant to be with plus Josh would want you to be happy." He leaves me staring after him as he makes his way back to the car.

  On the ride home, Kyle keeps me entertained. Singing along with the radio, dancing in his seat. I can't resist the urge to chuckle, it feels great. To laugh without feeling remorseful. The rest of the day is spent, playing on the Xbox* and a considerable amount of laughing.

~#~

It's quarter past six, and time to get ready for dinner. Feeling anxious is putting it mildly. Regardless I'm confused on why she needs me to go over, we've ever been close. But I Guess I’ll find out soon enough.

I've had a decent time today, yet something is niggling at me. Why didn’t Xavier, join me last night?! He doesn't appear to be off or annoyed with me, yet there must be a reason or am I simply being paranoid. A tap sounds on the door, it opens to uncover Xavier. His hands are running through his hair, giving off a nervous vibe. "I want to apologize for not keeping you company last night. I was exhausted from sleeping in the chair and totally zonked out." 

"It's okay, it’s not like you’re here to babysit me.” Crap, that came out bitchier than expected. Xavier's eyes shot to the ceiling, he's breathing hard. Gradually he begins counting to ten like he’s calming himself down. He sets his leveled eyes in my direction “I know I'm not here to babysit you, I like spending time with you. What's it going to take to make you realize how I feel about you?" he grunts before he turns and exits the room. Disappointed with myself, tears spring to my eyes, 'you will not cry' I chant over and over. I haven't got time for this shit, deciding to make it up to Xavier later.

  It's only a ten-minute drive over to the Andersons. The radio plays quietly providing background noise while I sing along to the music. Attempting to distract myself from the pending discussion. At Josh's burial service, Mrs. Anderson was hollering that I murdered her son. If it wasn’t for me he would still be alive. I come to a stop on the drive and stroll up the steps to the front door. I raise my hand to knock when the door bursts open. I'm surprised totally when Mrs. Anderson pulls me into a hug. "I'm sorry, dear." Without clarifying further, she directs me into the lounge. "Take a seat, sweetie, would you like anything to drink?" Declining her offer, she sits down alongside me, grasping my hand giving it a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry for the way I responded at the service. I was considerably upset and looking to place blame. I know it wasn't your fault, yet, my own for not understanding sooner." How could it be her fault? I was the person who should've stopped him. "What?! … I don't understand." What should she have known? Before I could summon an answer. She shakes her head. "How about we have some food, then I will clarify everything." Feeling completely bewildered and confused, I oblige to what she inquires. Tailing her into the kitchen, "Will you lay the table please dear?" discovering the utensils in the typical spot, I go ahead and lay the table. Dinner smells flavorful. It's not often we have home cooked food particularly while our parents are away on business. My stomach lets out an almighty growl, which deflects the tension in the room. We both burst into a fit of giggles. "Hungry dear?" nodding my head in smooth movements "Okay, take the garlic bread to the table and I will bring the lasagna." Sitting at the table, Mrs. Edwards begins dishing the food out. The room goes silent, both of us eating quietly.  The lasagna's gorgeous, god, how I miss home cooked food. The strain in the room has thickened, Mrs. Anderson places her cutlery on her plate and makes a sound as if to speak. "I'm not sure of the best way to clarify things, but I have to put forth a few questions first alright?" Anxiety builds in the pit of my stomach, 'what's going on?' I ask myself.

"Did you notice anything distinctive about Josh, days leading to his death?" Casting my memory back to the dreadful day. He was bit testy, nothing stands out, where is she running with this? “I can’t say anything stands out.” What is she holding back?

"What's going on?" I ask keeping my voice even. Waiting for her to proceed, she takes a full breath before pulling something from her pocket. "I discovered this in Josh's room. It's addressed to you." I reach and take the envelope from her hand, "before you open it, I wanted to let you know I received a letter too. I'm sorry, I let him down." Her voice breaks, tears stream down her cheeks, in a try to comfort her I wrap my hands around her. "It's not your fault if anybody’s to blame, I am."