A Table for Two (16 page)

"That sounds really good. I'll meet you at your house."

"I'M SO BEAT." Ridley stretched out on Laurie's sofa and kicked off her shoes. "I haven't had one single decent night's sleep this entire week."

"Do you want to take a nap before we eat?" Laurie asked. "I can grade some papers for an hour or two and we can eat later on."

"That's nice of you, but I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. I think talking to you would help me more and maybe I'll sleep better tonight."

"Let's talk, then. Would you like a cold beer?"

"Yes, please. The colder the better."

Laurie went into the kitchen and came back with the beers. After she handed one to Ridley she flopped into a chair next to the sofa and propped her feet up on the coffee table.

Ridley stared at her beer bottle and spun it around in her hands a few times. With her thumb nail, she picked at the upper edge of the center of the label. "This has been one hell of a week for me. TGIF doesn't begin to describe how glad I am it's finally over."

"Some weeks feel longer than others," Laurie said.

"This one did and it was only four days long. Honestly, I don't know how I made it. I must have been functioning on autopilot."

"Why don't you tell me what's bothering you?"

"Before I say one word, I want a promise from you." Ridley sat up and took a long drawn-out drink of beer. "A solemn promise."

"Okay. What is it?" Laurie asked.

"I want you to keep this between us. Don't tell Karen about anything I'm going to tell you. I don't want her to know, not yet anyway. Please?"

"Of course, I promise. Just because Karen and I are together, doesn't mean I have to tell her everything. You and I have been friends for many years and you've always been there for me. You've earned the right to confide in me and to trust me to respect your secrets."

"Thanks," Ridley said.

"Is this about last weekend by any chance?" Laurie asked. "Is it about Dana?"

"Uh-huh. It's about Dana."

"You're attracted to her aren't you?"

"That's not the half of it. Something happened to me the first time I met her. I can't get her out of my mind and I can't stop wanting to be with her, to talk to her and to touch her. It's like she's gotten under my skin. I can't remember ever feeling this way about anyone."

"Oh, Ridley, honey. You've got it bad, haven't you?"

Ridley closed her eyes and bobbed her head. "That's an understatement."

"But why are you so upset about it?"

"I'm upset because I made a fool of myself and she made it clear she's not interested in anything other than a friendship with me," Ridley explained. "Not ever."

"Why? What did you do? What did she say?"

"Hold on, I'm getting to that part. Sunday night at the shore, after you and Karen went to your room-- and by the way, don't think I didn't catch on to your little plan. You faked that headache and made up the story about the book so I could be alone with her." Ridley leaned to the side, stretched her arm out and punched Laurie in the shoulder. "You think you're clever."

"Apparently, not clever enough to put one over on you," Laurie replied. "I want you to know I didn't tell Karen you were interested in Dana. I whispered sweet nothings into her ear at dinner and told her I had a plan to be alone with her when we got back. That's how I got her to play along with my scheme."

"Well, thanks for that anyway."

"You're welcome. So, go on with your story."

Ridley told Laurie about her walk on the beach with Dana. "While I was telling her about how he died I broke down and started to cry. She does that to me. She makes me feel ripped wide open and I can't seem to control my emotions whenever I'm with her. Next thing I knew, she was holding my hand and she was so sweet, so gentle, I..."

"Uh-oh."

"Yeah...uh-oh is right. It got colder and I put my sweat suit jacket on her shoulders and told her how beautiful she was and then I grabbed her from behind and held her and when she turned around, I almost begged her to let me kiss her."

Laurie moved to the edge of her chair. "Did she let you?"

"Yes, she did," Ridley turned away to avoid meeting Laurie's wide eyes.

"Don't turn away. Look at me."

"I'm a little embarrassed."

"What on earth for? You shouldn't be embarrassed to tell me anything. I don't see anything wrong with what you just said. It's the best thing I've heard in a long time."

Ridley met Laurie eyes. "Good Lord, Laurie, that was some kiss. It took my breath away. It's all I've thought about since. I can feel it in every cell of my body, as if it's happening all over again, right here and right now. I wanted her more than I've ever wanted anyone."

"Maybe I'm missing the point, but you're wonderful and attractive and she's wonderful and attractive and I just don't see why this is a problem?"

"It's not a problem for me, but it is for her." Ridley took another swig of beer.

"Why is that?"

"She told me she didn't want to get involved with anyone." With her thumb, Ridley peeled a long continuous strip of paper from the label on her beer bottle. "What she probably meant to say was that she didn't want to get involved with me."

"That is not possible. There's nothing wrong with you or the way you feel or with anything you said or did. Don't be so hard on yourself."

"What am I going to do?" Ridley asked.

"I don't know," Laurie said. "Karen told me that Dana had a bad experience with a woman she was in love with, someone she met in Chicago. She told Karen that was why she decided to move back here but Karen doesn't know exactly what happened between them because Dana never told her any of the details. Since Dana's been back, she hasn't brought up the subject again and we haven't asked about it."

"She did tell me she'd been in love with someone and it wasn't over for her."

"That must be the same woman. Did she kiss you like she meant it?"

"God, it felt like it to me," Ridley answered. "I thought I'd never feel this way about anyone. I've had my share of women but no one has ever touched me the way Dana has."

"Maybe she's that woman you've been searching for."

"I think she is. So why isn't she excited about finding me?"

"I think you should give her time. Once she gets to know you..." Laurie paused. "Well, let me put it to you this way. I think you're something special and I'm positive she will too. If she doesn't, she's out of her mind."

"I hope you're right. She said she wanted to be friends, but she might have said that to let me down easier. What if I don't see her again? I can't ask her out at this point and I'm pretty sure she won't be calling me. I feel so helpless."

"I think you'll see her again and I can tell you one thing I do know about her. She's a nice person and she's honest. I don't believe she'd lie to you just to be kind."

"Careful or I'll start to feel encouraged."

"There's no reason you shouldn't be. Why don't you give her a call? What have you got to lose? Friends get together, don't they? Ask her to do something and see where this friendship takes both of you."

"I'm not sure I can stand being her friend."

"I understand that," Laurie said as she got up. "Let me call in our order and while we wait for it, we'll put our scholarly minds together and see if we can come up with some fool proof plan to get you two together."

"Thanks. God knows, I'm open to suggestions," Ridley said.

ON THE SATURDAY after the weekend at the shore, Dana stood in the restaurant kitchen chopping soup vegetables on the butcher-block island. As usual, she'd shopped at the wholesale markets earlier that morning and she and Tracy had already decided on the dinner specials. Now, they had plenty of time to do some of the prep work before anyone else got there.

"Damn it all to hell and back again." Dana sucked on her left index finger after she cut it with her chef's knife. About twenty minutes ago, she'd nicked a small chunk of tissue off the tip of her left middle finger with the vegetable peeler. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm all thumbs today."

"It's not just today. You've been out of sorts all week since you came back from the shore." Tracy got a bandage from the first aid kit and brought it over, along with a paper towel. After Dana washed her hands and dried her finger, Tracy put the bandage on and went back to work at the counter. "You've done nothing but grumble and fumble and you've been cursing up a storm. Would you like to tell me what's going on?"

"No, I wouldn't, but since you won't leave me alone until I do, I might as well get on with it." Dana laid her knife down and faced Tracy. "I've been thinking about Sarah, okay? If you must know, she's been on my mind at lot."

"I should have known." Tracy stopped slicing carrots and stared at Dana as if she were trying very hard to keep from saying what was really on her mind.

Dana picked up her chef's knife again and proceeded to chop the living hell out of one of the peeled onions from the pile in front of her.

"Whoa! What did that poor innocent onion ever do to you?" Tracy came over and put her hand on top of Dana's knife wielding hand. "Stop before you cut your finger off and put that knife down while we talk this over. You have got to let go of that girl. I don't know what you were doing with her in the first place. We've been over and over this, haven't we?"

Dana laid the knife down. "We have, but I can't get her out of my system."

"Jesus, Dana. You seem to have forgotten how much she hurt you," Tracy said, not even trying to hide her anger. "She lied to you and cheated on you."

"I haven't forgotten, but anyone can make a mistake. She was confused and I'm not sure she knew what she was doing at the time. Did you ever stop to think she might be sorry for what she did? She loved me once and it was real, I know it was." Dana dabbed at her watery eyes. "I'm not crying...it's the onions."

Tracy shook her head. "You're hopeless. If Sarah loved you so much, where is she? I don't see her around here anywhere. Honestly, you could do so much better."

"I know you think that, but I loved her."

Tracy released an exasperated breath and said, "Losing your first love is always tough, but how are you ever going to get over her if you don't go out with other women? Why waste your time pining over someone you know you can't have, someone who clearly doesn't want you?" Tracy closed her eyes and rubbed the bridge of her nose with her thumb and index finger as if to soothe her frustration. "I don't know why I even bother," she said when she opened her eyes again. "If I had half a fucking brain in my head, I'd give up trying to talk sense into that thick skull of yours."

"I know you're frustrated with me and angry, but I can't help it. I tell myself to let her go. I know what she did was horrible. I know all that and I still can't move on."

Tracy's face softened and she waited a short time as if contemplating what to say next. "I think I know why you're having trouble letting go of her. You never had any closure. The whole nasty mess came at you out of the blue and when it was over, you were left hanging."

"You really think so? That kind of makes sense."

Tracy nodded. "I think if the relationship had lasted longer, you would have left her on your own at some point. I'm sure you would have figured out what kind of person she was and that would have been the end of that. You were always too mature for her."

"Too bad I wasn't mature enough to avoid getting involved with her." Dana turned away out of shame. Tracy was right about the lack of closure but she questioned the part about her having been more mature than Sarah. Whenever she let herself think about her relationship with Sarah, she never thought of herself as mature. She saw herself as foolish and naïve and she felt ashamed that she'd never suspected what Sarah was capable of. How could she not have seen it coming? She turned around again and addressed Tracy. "I'm glad you've figured this all out because I haven't. For a long time, I've avoided thinking about it or dealing with it by burying myself in my work and staying away from anyone except for you and my family."

"I'm aware of that. So, what started you thinking about this now?"

"I don't know, I..." Dana hesitated, unsure as to whether she wanted to tell Tracy about that night on the beach with Ridley. She'd gone over it in her mind a hundred times that week, but she'd kept it to herself thinking that if she did maybe it would be just go away. "No, that's not true. I do know what started this. It was the weekend at the shore with Ridley. We were walking on the beach the first evening I was there, just the two of us and..."

That got Tracy's undivided attention. She laid her knife down. "And what?"

"One thing led to another and we ended up kissing."

"So that's it. That's why you're all worked up." Tracy's face brightened and a faint smile began to elevate the corners of her mouth.

"I couldn't help it. She was sweet and nice and she was upset and..."

"Yeah, I get the picture." Tracy tightened her mouth as if to rein in her expanding smile. "So, how was it? Kissing her, I mean."

"I'm not going to lie. It was incredible."

"I can just imagine. And what else happened? What did she say?"

"She said she was attracted to me. She said I was beautiful."

"She's right about that and this is great news." Tracy's eyes lit up. "Damn, I knew that girl had good taste. How did you feel about what she said?"

"I'm not sure. No one has said that to me in a long time. I do know I wanted more, but it wouldn't have been fair to her. I don't think she's that kind of girl. She's very nice and kind and considerate and she's..."

"Very attractive," Tracy filled in the blank. "She's very attractive, Dana."

"Yes, she is. Even I noticed that, Tracy." Dana went back to chopping onions. "I'm not sure what there could be between us. I don't know if I could love anyone again and I'm not sure I want to. Besides, we have mutual friends and I wouldn't want to ruin that."

"Well then, let's stop making soup, because we need to get busy digging that hole you're planning on crawling into for the rest of your life. When we're done you can jump right in and drop out of the human race. No more problems."