A Tale of Two Cities and Great Expectations (Oprah's Book Club) (30 page)

Doctor Manette sat meditating after these earnest words were spoken, and Mr Lorry did not press him.

‘I think it probable,’ said the Doctor, breaking silence with an effort, ‘that the relapse you have described, my dear friend, was not quite unforeseen by its subject.’

‘Was it dreaded by him?’ Mr Lorry ventured to ask.

‘Very much.’ He said it with an involuntary shudder. ‘You have no idea how such an apprehension weighs on the sufferer’s mind, and how difficult – how almost impossible – it is, for him to force himself to utter a word upon the topic that oppresses him.’

‘Would he,’ asked Mr Lorry, ‘be sensibly relieved if he could prevail upon himself to impart that secret brooding to any one, when it is on him?’

‘I think so. But it is, as I have told you, next to impossible. I even believe it – in some cases – to be quite impossible.’

‘Now,’ said Mr Lorry, gently laying his hand on the Doctor’s arm again, after a short silence on both sides, ‘to what would you refer this attack?’

‘I believe,’ returned Doctor Manette, ‘that there had been a strong and extraordinary revival of the train of thought and remembrance that was the first cause of the malady. Some intense associations of a most distressing nature were vividly recalled, I think. It is probable that there had long been a dread lurking in his mind, that those associations would be recalled – say, under certain circumstances – say, on a particular occasion. He tried to prepare himself, in vain; perhaps the effort to prepare himself, made him less able to bear it.’

‘Would he remember what took place in the relapse?’ asked Mr Lorry, with natural hesitation.

The Doctor looked desolately round the room, shook his head, and answered, in a low voice, ‘Not at all.’

‘Now, as to the future,’ hinted Mr Lorry.

‘As to the future,’ said the Doctor, recovering firmness, ‘I should have great hope. As it pleased Heaven in its mercy to restore him so soon, I should have great hope. He, yielding under the pressure of a complicated something, long dreaded and long vaguely foreseen and contended against, and recovering after the cloud had burst and passed, I should hope that the worst was over.’

‘Well, well! That’s good comfort. I am thankful!’ said Mr Lorry.

‘I am thankful!’ repeated the Doctor, bending his head with reverence.

‘There are two other points,’ said Mr Lorry, ‘on which I am anxious to be instructed. I may go on?’

‘You cannot do your friend a better service.’ The Doctor gave him his hand.

‘To the first, then. He is of a studious habit, and unusually energetic; he applies himself with great ardour to the acquisition of professional knowledge, to the conducting of experiments, to many things. Now, does he do too much?’

‘I think not. It may be the character of his mind, to be always in singular need of occupation. That may be, in part, natural to it; in part, the result of affliction. The less it was occupied with healthy things, the more it would be in danger of turning in the unhealthy direction. He may have observed himself, and made the discovery.’

‘You are sure that he is not under too great a strain?’

‘I think I am quite sure of it.’

‘My dear Manette, if he were overworked now—’

‘My dear Lorry, I doubt if that could easily be. There has been a violent stress in one direction, and it needs a counterweight.’

‘Excuse me, as a persistent man of business. Assuming for a moment, that he
was
overworked; it would show itself in some renewal of this disorder?’

‘I do not think so. I do not think,’ said Doctor Manette with the firmness of self-conviction, ‘that anything but the one train of association would renew it. I think that, henceforth, nothing but some extraordinary jarring of that chord could renew it. After what has happened, and after his recovery, I find it difficult to imagine any such violent sounding of that string again. I trust, and I almost believe, that the circumstances likely to renew it are exhausted.’

He spoke with the diffidence of a man who knew how slight a thing would overset the delicate organisation of the mind, and yet with the confidence of a man who had slowly won his assurance out of personal endurance and distress. It was not for his friend to abate that confidence. He professed himself more relieved and encouraged than he really was, and approached his second and last point. He felt it to be the most difficult of all; but, remembering his old Sunday morning conversation with Miss Pross, and remembering what he had seen in the last nine days, he knew that he must face it.

‘The occupation resumed under the influence of this passing affliction so happily recovered from,’ said Mr Lorry, clearing his throat, ‘we will call – Blacksmith’s work. Blacksmith’s work. We will say, to put a case and for the sake of illustration, that he had been used in his bad time, to work at a little forge. We will say that he was unexpectedly found at his forge again. Is it not a pity that he should keep it by him?’

The Doctor shaded his forehead with his hand, and beat his foot nervously on the ground.

‘He has always kept it by him,’ said Mr Lorry, with an anxious look at his friend. ‘Now, would it not be better that he should let it go?’

Still, the Doctor, with shaded forehead, beat his foot nervously on the ground.

‘You do not find it easy to advise me?’ said Mr Lorry. ‘I quite understand it to be a nice question. And yet I think—’ And there he shook his head, and stopped.

‘You see,’ said Doctor Manette, turning to him after an uneasy pause, ‘it is very hard to explain, consistently, the innermost workings of this poor man’s mind. He once yearned so frightfully for that occupation, and it was so welcome when it came; no doubt it relieved his pain so much, by substituting the perplexity of the fingers for the perplexity of the brain, and by substituting, as he became more practised, the ingenuity of the hands for the ingenuity of the mental torture; that he has never been able to bear the thought of putting it quite out of his reach. Even now, when, I believe, he is more hopeful of himself than he has ever been, and even speaks of himself with a kind of confidence, the idea that he might need that old employment, and not find it, gives him a sudden sense of terror, like that which one may fancy strikes to the heart of a lost child.’

He looked like his illustration, as he raised his eyes to Mr Lorry’s face.

‘But may not – mind! I ask for information, as a plodding man of business who only deals with such material objects as guineas, shillings, and bank-notes – may not the retention of the thing, involve the retention of the idea? If the thing were gone, my dear Manette, might not the fear go with it? In short, is it not a concession to the misgiving, to keep the forge?’

There was another silence.

‘You see, too,’ said the Doctor, tremulously, ‘it is such an old companion.’

‘I would not keep it,’ said Mr Lorry, shaking his head; for he gained in firmness as he saw the Doctor disquieted. ‘I would recommend him to sacrifice it. I only want your authority. I am sure it does no good. Come! Give me your authority, like a dear good man. For his daughter’s sake, my dear Manette!’

Very strange to see what a struggle there was within him!

‘In her name, then, let it be done; I sanction it. But, I would not take it away while he was present. Let it be removed when he is not there; let him miss his old companion after an absence.’

Mr Lorry readily engaged for that, and the conference was ended. They passed the day in the country, and the Doctor was quite restored. On the three following days, he remained perfectly well, and on the fourteenth day, he went away to join Lucie and her husband. The precaution that had been taken to account for his silence, Mr Lorry had previously explained to him, and he had written to Lucie in accordance with it, and she had no suspicions.

On the night of the day on which he left the house, Mr Lorry went into his room with a chopper, saw, chisel, and hammer, attended by Miss Pross carrying a light. There, with closed doors, and in a mysterious and guilty manner, Mr Lorry hacked the shoemaker’s bench to pieces, while Miss Pross held the candle as if she were assisting at a murder – for which, indeed, in her grimness, she was no unsuitable figure. The burning of the body (previously reduced to pieces convenient for the purpose), was commenced without delay in the kitchen fire; and the tools, shoes, and leather, were buried in the garden. So wicked do destruction and secrecy appear to honest minds, that Mr Lorry and Miss Pross, while engaged in the commission of their deed and in the removal of its traces, almost felt, and almost looked, like accomplices in a horrible crime.

When the newly-married pair came home, the first person who appeared, to offer his congratulations, was Sydney Carton. They had not been at home many hours, when he presented himself. He was not improved in habits, or in looks, or in manner; but, there was a certain rugged air of fidelity about him, which was new to the observation of Charles Darnay.

He watched his opportunity of taking Darnay aside into a window, and of speaking to him when no one overheard.

‘Mr Darnay,’ said Carton, ‘I wish we might be friends.’

‘We are already friends, I hope.’

‘You are good enough to say so, as a fashion of speech; but, I don’t mean any fashion of speech. Indeed, when I say I wish we might be friends, I scarcely mean quite that, either.’

Charles Darnay – as was natural – asked him, in all good-humour and good-fellowship, what he did mean?

‘Upon my life,’ said Carton, smiling, ‘I find that easier to comprehend in my own mind, than to convey to yours. However, let me try. You remember a certain famous occasion when I was more drunk than – than usual?’

‘I remember a certain famous occasion when you forced me to confess that you had been drinking.’

‘I remember it too. The curse of those occasions is heavy upon me, for I always remember them. I hope it may be taken into account one day, when all days are at an end for me! – Don’t be alarmed; I am not going to preach.’

‘I am not at all alarmed. Earnestness in you, is anything but alarming to me.’

‘Ah!’ said Carton, with a careless wave of his hand, as if he waved that away. ‘On the drunken occasion in question (one of a large number, as you know), I was insufferable about liking you, and not liking you. I wish you would forget it.’

‘I forgot it long ago.’

‘Fashion of speech again! But, Mr Darnay, oblivion is not so easy to me, as you represent it to be to you. I have by no means forgotten it, and a light answer does not help me to forget it.’

‘If it was a light answer,’ returned Darnay, ‘I beg your forgiveness for it. I had no other object than to turn a slight thing, which, to my surprise, seems to trouble you too much, aside. I declare to you, on the faith of a gentleman, that I have long dismissed it from my mind. Good Heaven, what was there to dismiss! Have I had nothing more important to remember, in the great service you rendered me that day?’

‘As to the great service,’ said Carton, ‘I am bound to avow to you, when you speak of it in that way, that it was mere professional claptrap. I don’t know that I cared what became of you, when I rendered it. – Mind! I say when I rendered it; I am speaking of the past.’

‘You make light of the obligation,’ returned Darnay, ‘but I will not quarrel with
your
light answer.’

‘Genuine truth, Mr Darnay, trust me! I have gone aside from my purpose; I was speaking about our being friends. Now, you know me; you know I am incapable of all the higher and better flights of men. If you doubt it, ask Stryver, and he’ll tell you so.’

‘I prefer to form my own opinion, without the aid of his.’

‘Well! At any rate you know me as a dissolute dog, who has never done any good, and never will.’

‘I don’t know that you “never will”.’

‘But I do, and you must take my word for it. Well! If you could endure to have such a worthless fellow, and a fellow of such indifferent reputation, coming and going at odd times, I should ask that I might be permitted to come and go as a privileged person here; that I might be regarded as an useless (and I would add, if it were not for the resemblance I detected between you and me, an unornamental) piece of furniture, tolerated for its old service and taken no notice of. I doubt if I should abuse the permission. It is a hundred to one if I should avail myself of it four times in a year. It would satisfy me, I dare say, to know that I had it.’

‘Will you try?’

‘That is another way of saying that I am placed on the footing I have indicated. I thank you, Darnay. I may use that freedom with your name?’

‘I think so, Carton, by this time.’

They shook hands upon it, and Sydney turned away. Within a minute afterwards, he was, to all outward appearance, as unsubstantial as ever.

When he was gone, and in the course of an evening passed with Miss Pross, the Doctor, and Mr Lorry, Charles Darnay made some mention of this conversation in general terms, and spoke of Sydney Carton as a problem of carelessness and recklessness. He spoke of him, in short, not bitterly or meaning to bear hard upon him, but as anybody might who saw him as he showed himself.

He had no idea that this could dwell in the thoughts of his fair young wife; but, when he afterwards joined her in their own rooms, he found her waiting for him with the old pretty lifting of the forehead strongly marked.

‘We are thoughtful to-night!’ said Darnay, drawing his arm about her.

‘Yes, dearest Charles,’ with her hands on his breast, and the inquiring and attentive expression fixed upon him; ‘we are rather thoughtful to-night, for we have something on our mind to-night.’

‘What is it, my Lucie?’

‘Will you promise not to press one question on me, if I beg you not to ask it?’

‘Will I promise? What will I not promise to my Love?’