A Tiger in Eden (12 page)
Are you mad, he goes, what the fuck’s your problem this is a golden opportunity. Mr Carson’s well connected and you’re pissing him off already, he’s right this is easy money. I didn’t think you’d be scared after all you’ve done.
Is that what you think, I says, that I’m feared? Aye well maybe you’re right I’m just sayin’ we’d be the lowest rung on the ladder here and totally expendable sure for all intents and purposes we’re just a couple of drifters and they’d save forty grand just by walking away at the end never mind the fact they might put the two of us in a shallow grave just to keep our gobs shut, don’t tell me you’re actually considering this, have you no sense?
Actually what I was thinking, he says, was that we could deal with the two Pakistanis and take the whole lot two hundred grand each and disappear.
I laughed then, aye brilliant idea a couple of hard cases from Pakistan sure we’ll just tie them up and do a runner to Argentina dead easy are you off your fucking head sure we’ve no idea who we’re working for here could be the Triads or the Russians or worse. Even if we could pinch the money sure we’d be looking over our shoulders the rest of our lives it’s bad enough now I don’t want to be looking at every Pakistani wondering if he’s going to pull out a machete and chop my fucking arms off, the whole thing stinks so it does.
Olly flopped back on the grass with his arms over his head and an aul scowl on his face. He could see the sense in what I was saying, he just didn’t want to believe it.
Putain
, he goes, thumping the grass with his fist. I thought we could do this thing together you and me make some money and have a good time.
Sorry brother, I says, count me out sure I’m fed up with this life-on-the-run business.
So what you going to do, he says, work in an office settle down and get married, look at yourself in the mirror sometime Billy
sérieusement.
I know, I says, you think I don’t know how it goes sitting on some train or bus on the way to work every morning the same aul faces no talk reading the celebrity news in the paper, every cunt worried sick about the mortgage or the credit card bill or the repayments on their fucking piece-of-shit Toyota Corolla big ball of fucking knots in their guts an aul feeling of dread sitting on their shoulders destroying them before the day’s even begun. You think I don’t know about that life I seen it all around me everywhere I go, fuck sake people standing in the queue at the supermarket or at the hole in the wall or at the bus stop in the fucking freezing rain or in the dole office. You think I don’t know what the world’s like sure I seen more than most men could stand and I done things I’m not proud of, the only way I could get out was to touch the face of fucking Heaven on a Friday night, pills and trips and dust and fighting and drink and sticking my knob in every wet hole I could find knowing there was millions of others out there who felt just like I did, that’s what I depended on because I knew there might not be a tomorrow and the soundtrack in my head was the only thing made it all bearable sure if you could only hear it you’d know what I mean.
I can’t do it no more Olly, I can’t keep running when all I’m doing is trying to run from myself and I can’t be involved in any passport scams or wild money-making
schemes. I done enough bad shit in my life and I need to get myself sorted out before it’s too late, maybe it is already maybe I’m just kidding myself on but I got nothing left no more enthusiasm for nothing I’ve just got to stop and face up to the world before it crushes me like the fucking worthless bug that I am.
That was about it between me and the Frenchman. Sure he said I was having a meltdown and I says, aye well it’s about time, I mean it’s not like I burst into tears or nothing. I know I keep saying how what I done’s going to fuck me up but it’s not that bad, like yer man Sigmund Freud said psychotherapy works on every cunt except the Irish who don’t seem to need it. I mean I was all right I could still function and go about my business and have a laugh and that, I just needed to have a good look at myself and square everything away in my head so’s I could get on with things and maybe work out what the fuck I was going to do with myself.
I could see the years stretching out ahead and there wasn’t much future for an aul Orangeman thug outside of his natural environment so to speak. I had the chance
to leave all that shite behind and I was only now realising after all this time that I’d sort of fallen into that dead young or was pushed whatever way you want to look at it but I could do anything I wanted within reason, I wasn’t stupid or nothing I mean no genius either but I wasn’t a lost cause yet, that’s what I’m saying.
That’s what I tried to tell Olly, I think he understood but he wasn’t ready to be going down that road himself just yet sure he had the spirit of adventure or whatever in him.
The last I seen of him was when he jumped on a bus for the Cambodia, he heard it was even cheaper over there and not ruined yet by tourists like the Thailand was. He didn’t know what he was going to do other than try to shag loads of wee Khmer girls and he said cheerio to me in the middle of a busy street it was about eight o’clock at night and dead warm, he was all cheerful to be embarking on another adventure but I was a wee bit cut up though I didn’t show it.
He gave me a big hug and says,
T’inquiète pas Billy, l’avenir te trouvera!
I knew the first part was don’t worry Billy but the rest was a bit beyond me so I shouts what was that as he was clambering on the bus with his aul filthy rucksack over one shoulder. He disappeared for a minute getting himself a seat I suppose and then just as the bus goes to pull away he leans out the door and gives me a wave laughing like a madman, the future will find you, he shouts, pumping his fist in the air and whooping and then he was gone.
Even though he was a bit of a cunt I liked our Olly and I was sorry I couldn’t be more fun for him, he was one of those lads out there doing his own thing and not worrying about tomorrow or the next day sure you have to admire that. I felt dead weird after he was gone sure that was me on my own again, he was about the closest thing to a friend I had and I’d no idea when I’d ever see him again, maybe never.
‘Cos I was feeling miserable I checked out of the shitehole we were in and got myself a room at the Sheraton, it was expensive but fucking lovely, I just wanted a bit of luxury before going on my way. I went shopping too and got myself some new gear clothes and a rucksack that didn’t stink of monkey shite, a CD Walkman too and a bunch of aul albums. I got Oasis Tricky Leftfield Faith No More Chemical Brothers, fucking magic so it was listening to good music again.
I called up the contact I’d been thinking about, this aul fella who’d been recommended me by Big Jim just in case I ever needed an out. Milan was his name, he was Croatian and he’d done identity work with Big Jim for years before doing a runner, something about the war over there, sure I never pried, best not to with men like that. God knows who he was really. He’d been living in Thailand for years sure he was even married to one of the locals and had a couple of kids. I’d met him once before and stayed at his place down the coast for a couple of days when I first flew in but he had a car rental business in Bangkok too, it was supposed to be a front but I
think he enjoyed it more than doing forgeries. Anyway he never done much anymore but he was glad to hear from me and said he’d sort me out with a new passport and a bank account and everything, he didn’t ask no questions about where I was going or nothing sure he’d more sense but I told him it wasn’t urgent anyway I wasn’t in trouble with the peelers or nothing.
That makes it easy, he says, have you decided on a new name?
I had to think about it for a minute. I didn’t want to change it too much ‘cos that would be a pain, then I ‘membered the song Tanya played for me back on the island ‘Summertime’ and how her favourite singer was Ella Fitzgerald so I says to Milan I says, I want to keep William ‘cos that’s my real name but change Montgomery to Fitzgerald. Billy Fitzgerald, he goes, that sounds all right, no not Billy, I says, I want to leave Billy behind when I was a wean my granda used to call me Will before he passed on and I think I’ll start using that instead.
Will it is, Milan goes, I’ll have it couriered over to the Sheraton in a day or two and get your money transferred to a new account in that name though that might take a few weeks, you should go for a holiday in the meantime.
A holiday, I says, sure my whole life’s a fucking holiday it’s time to move on.
Whatever you say Will, he goes, it was weird hearing it but I’d have to get used to it. Billy Montgomery was almost dead now and Will Fitzgerald was coming out of the womb all sticky and covered in goo. I’d high hopes
for the lad sure he couldn’t do any worse than his father.
The plan was to get the fuck out of Asia and stay well away from Europe sure I never wanted to go back there unless I had to like if someone died or I was accepting the Nobel Prize or something. That didn’t leave too many places that spoke English and the only person I knew and got on with was Tanya out in Australia so I decided to take her up on the offer of heading down to Cairns. I didn’t want to impose too much on the girl and it’s not like I expected her to shack up with me or nothing. I just figured I’d go for a wee visit and get a feel for the place and then maybe just stay there and go to night school or something and learn a trade if the money ran low sure I could always get a job labouring or whatever, that’s what all the thick Paddies do anyway. The point was it’d be a new start for me far from the old country and that was where I wanted to be, as far away as possible from them cunts. I fully intended never to contact Big Jim or any of them ones ever again Australia was going to be my clean slate and Will Fitzgerald would be the new man I’d become.
I was sitting by the pool letting all this sink in drinking a mai tai wearing my new shorts and a nice wee short-sleeved shirt that covered my aul tattoos. I didn’t know what I was going to do about them, seeing
NO SURRENDER
backwards in the mirror everyday was doing my head in a bit. I was thinking maybe I could get them removed in Australia or cover them up with something a bit less aggressive when this middle-aged fella came over
and sat at the next table. He was going bald on top and he looked like an eejit but dead relaxed, probably on a business trip or something I was thinking likely just had his knob sucked by some wee slip of a thing upstairs.
I was totally wrong about him though, he says bout ye how’s it going, sure I couldn’t believe it he was from back home and I reached for my back pocket looking for a piece the first thing I thought was fuck me he’s here to rub me out probably a Provo hitman, course I’d no piece on me and I starts looking around to see where the rest of his team was but there was only a couple of aul ladies sitting drinking tea not yer typical kill squad.
Fucking paranoid as fuck I realised then, calm yourself down Billy I mean Will I says to myself, aye not bad, I goes to him, what about yourself. His eyes lit up then, are you from Northern Ireland, he goes, I don’t believe it.
Aye, I says, been a while since I lived there but I’m a Belfast boy what about you.
He sits up then all smiles, unbelievable, he goes, sure it’s a small aul world isn’t it though. I’m from Larne, Tony Baird’s the name pleased to meet ye.
I shook his hand and said the words for the first time, Will Fitzgerald, he squinted then, I could see him thinking it was a bit strange ‘cos William’s a Prod name and Fitzgerald’s a Fenian one but he took it in his stride and goes, can I join you for a drink?
No bother, I goes, come on ahead sure what’ll ye have.
What’s that you’re drinking with the umbrella in it, he says, don’t tell us you’re an aul knob jockey no offence
like but my bap’s not buttered on that side.
I laughed then sure his sense of humour was like mine, straightaway I ‘membered what it was like back home with the constant craic. Are ye not, I says, sure I’m disappointed when I saw those shorts you’re wearing I thought sure you were an arse bandit like me.
He screwed his face up then and started to laugh, no rusty sheriff’s badge on me, he says, though maybe you’re a deputy yourself. Talking to him was just what I needed, a bloody good aul laugh for a change.
I got the drinks in and says to him, what’s the craic then Tony you out here on business or something, aye he goes, boring as fuck sure I won’t do your head in with it needless to say I work for a big accountancy firm and they’ve got an office out here sure they sent me out for a conference I don’t know why, they must of wanted rid of me for the week but I’m not complaining.
Accountancy, I says, aye right that seems to be popular out here you must be good with the numbers then I suppose, aye he says, always was my da had a Spar in Larne and I used to help him out with the books when I was a wean so it made sense to do it at uni.
Did you go to Queen’s then, I says, nah he goes, any excuse to get out of Northern Ireland sure I went to Aberdeen to get away from all that sectarian shite you know what I mean?
Totally, I goes, shifting in my seat to make sure he couldn’t see my Loyalist tattoos. I don’t blame ye, I wish I’d paid more attention in school and fucked off out of
there myself.
