A White Coat Is My Closet (25 page)

Connie just stood with her hand on the door of the med room and shook her chin. We both knew we were laying it on thick. “It’s refreshing to see someone willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. A lot of people might prematurely conclude that Dr. Wang is selfish and unreasonable. How benevolent of you to endeavor to emphasize her more positive personal attributes.” She suppressed a smile. “As difficult as they may be to appreciate.” The smile crept farther up her cheeks. “Or even see!” She started to back through the still open door. “I think she told me she was going to be in the residents’ office.”

“Thanks, Connie. Wish me luck.” I started to walk away but called over my shoulder before she again disappeared into the med room, “And if you change your mind about the linen closet, just let me know. I could use that twenty for lunch money.”

She waved her hand at me dismissively. “You can put that money toward your sexual-harassment defense. Or better, use it to stock the linen closet with more Snickers bars.” She again broke into a grin. “There’s nothing you could do to satisfy me that couldn’t be done with chocolate.”

I could still hear her laughing through the closed door.

Peggy looked up at me with an almost disdainful glare the minute I walked into the office. Refusing to be intimidated by her coolness, I pulled my sign-out sheet out of my pocket and launched into my monologue before she had an opportunity to object. “Hey, Peggy. Thanks to having had a relatively quiet night and already having ensured that the work on all my patients is done, I’m ready to sign out. I won’t impose on you too long. This shouldn’t take more than a minute.”

Before she answered, she looked at her watch cynically. “It’s only a little after two.”

Trying to avoid being baited into an argument, I replied, “Pretty fortunate, huh? Given that all my team’s work is completed, I was confident you would want to give me the opportunity to get out and enjoy what’s left of the day. Don’t think for a minute that I don’t appreciate your consideration.” I expended my best effort in trying to smile warmly.

“Cut the crap, Zack. It’s so patronizing. Sign-outs are at four. What if we get an admission? I will be unavailable to cover for you.”

My smile immediately disappeared. “First of all, there’s nothing to cover. I prefaced this discussion by saying that all my work was done. Secondly, as of now, there aren’t any admissions pending. Thirdly, even if you were to get an admission and something unforeseen occurred with one of my patients, I’m sure you are capable of running interference. It’s called multitasking, and it’s one of the prerequisite skills for being a physician. Now, I’ll stop being patronizing if you stop being such a hardass. You want to take my sign-outs? Or should I page the residency director, explain the situation, and get his permission to leave?”

Peggy looked at me like she’d swallowed a lemon. “Relax, Zack. I’ll take the sign-out.” She smirked condescendingly. “You can be such a girl.”

I could feel my ears burn red hot. It was just like her to wield a low blow. She probably assumed I was gay and relished the opportunity to interject a vicious little dig. It took all my restraint to contain my anger.

“Fine, Peggy. I’m a girl, but you’re a bitch. Fortunately, we won’t have to be littermates much longer. Let’s just get through this.”

It took less than ten minutes to summarize the condition of each of my patients. Because they were all pretty stable, none would require that Peggy even stick her head into any of their rooms. I concluded by telling her about Christopher. “He had a relatively good day today, and his pain has been pretty well controlled. Unfortunately, he starts another round of chemo tomorrow. His nurse will start hydrating him tonight at 8:00 p.m. The chemo will hang at two in the morning. They’ll premedicate him with Benadryl and Zofran to try to prevent the nausea he historically feels as it’s infusing. I hope he does okay. He’s a brave little guy.”

Even Peggy, who typically gave the impression of having a heart of stone, seemed genuinely moved. She shook her head, and her expression actually revealed a hint of sympathy. “I hope he does well too.”

I put the computer printout with all the relevant patient information in front of her and bolted for the door. I didn’t want to give her an opportunity to create a reason to prevent me from leaving. “Okay, Peggy, see you tomorrow.” Then, in the interest of demonstrating my willingness to take the high road, I said, “If you have a quiet night, I’ll do everything I can to get you out early tomorrow.” I didn’t even turn around to hear a reply.

When I got home, the message light on my answering machine was blinking. I hit the play button and began peeling off my scrubs to change into my gym clothes. I had my shirt pulled halfway over my head when Sergio’s voice came wafting out of the speaker. With my eyes covered by fabric and with my arms twisted in the sleeves, I almost lost my balance.

“Hey, Dr. Zachary, it’s Sergio.” I heard a soft chuckle. “The guy from Saturday’s bike ride. Just calling to see if you survived your long day of work and to ask what you’re doing this weekend. If you’re not busy, I thought that I’d introduce you to some authentic Italian food. I’m cooking. If you’re going to be free, give me a call. Talk to you soon.”

By the time I succeeded in getting my shirt off, I was breathless. Less from the effort, more from having heard Sergio’s voice.
If you’re free, give me a call!
Hell, I’d crawl a mile on my hands and knees over broken glass to accept the invitation. Fortunately, I was going to be off the entire weekend. Our call schedule required us to be on call every fourth night, so we each only had one full weekend off a month. I had been on call Sunday and anticipated being on call again Thursday. Even if I had a horrifically busy night on call Thursday, I was still guaranteed to be able to leave sometime Friday afternoon, and I wasn’t scheduled to return to the hospital until early Monday morning. I was ecstatic.

I finished changing into my workout clothes, threw a clean towel into my gym bag, grabbed a water bottle from the refrigerator, and sprinted for the door. Sleep deprivation be damned. I was so energized I felt like I could leap tall buildings in a single bound.
Eat your heart out, Superman. Zack got invited on a second date. Now who’s the man of steel?

I waited until I had gotten home from the gym and had finished showering before I nervously pushed Sergio’s number into the phone. Once again, the prospect of talking to him had reduced me to a jittery high school girl. My mind flashed briefly to Peggy’s snide comment. Bitch. Maybe, however, she wasn’t too far from the truth. I unconsciously ran my hand over my chest to confirm that I wasn’t developing breasts.

The phone rang four times, then his answering machine picked up. Because it was after five, I suspected he was already at work. I was disappointed but also a little relieved. After having spent such a great day with him, I wasn’t sure why I suddenly found myself tongue-tied. It must have been that damn amazing kiss. Three days later, it still left me speechless. I was so consumed in the fantasy of having his lips pressed against mine I paid no attention to his outgoing message. Only the abrupt sound of the beep signaling me to begin speaking brought me back to reality. Having given no consideration to what I intended to say, I just began blathering like an idiot. “Hey, Sergio. It’s Zack. Yeah, I seem to have a vague recollection of having taken a bike ride on Saturday. Was it with you? Just kidding. Actually, I’ve thought of little else.” No sooner had the comment escaped my lips than I felt my cheeks flush. Had I really just said that? Way too much information. Trying to salvage a modicum of dignity, I continued in what I hoped would be a tone of indifference. “Dinner this weekend sounds great, especially if authentic Italian food is on the menu. I’ll bring the wine. Will look forward to talking to you before then to confirm the address and time.” My voice softened. “Thanks, man. Second time in less than a week that you’ve made my day.” The last comment escaped my mouth before I could successfully engage my filter, but I couldn’t help giving him a small hint as to how amazing I thought he was. I was a romantic at heart.

The next few days in the hospital were relatively quiet. Peggy only got two admissions the night she was on call, so, as promised, I worked to get her out early. I figured she’d be less inclined to give me shit in the future if she too was able to reap the benefits of a slow shift.

Christopher tolerated his infusion of chemo as well as could be expected. I succeeded in keeping his discomfort under pretty good control, but he was still really wiped out. It was difficult to get him interested in playing, even if the bribes included superheroes and ice cream. As testimony to his sweetness, however, even though he felt beat-up and exhausted, his friendly personality endured. Not even being hit by a proverbial truck prevented him from trying to smile and say thank you. That kid was really worming his way under my skin. When my workload allowed, I tried to spend as much time with him as possible, though much of it was with him falling asleep in the crook of my arm as I read the adventures of Superman to him.

When I signed out Friday late afternoon, I was damn near giddy. I had gotten very little sleep the night before, but my spirits soared nonetheless. It was still relatively warm outside, so there was still some daylight yet to be enjoyed, and from the moment I said good-bye, I didn’t have to step foot back in the hospital for another sixty-two hours. The prospect was monumentally thrilling. Best of all was the anticipation of spending time with Sergio. Apparently, Osvaldo’s had been booked for a private party Saturday night, and Sergio had opted out of working. Therefore, he had designated Saturday as the night he would make me dinner. He had called me while he was working a few times during the week. Though we hadn’t been able to have extended conversations, they were enough to keep me almost jittery with excitement. Our last conversation concluded with him giving me his address and instructions to arrive hungry. I congratulated myself for hanging up without asking him to clarify if he meant I should arrive hungry for food or just hungry for him. Despite having a big appetite, presented with those two options, I probably would have opted to skip the meal entirely.

My enthusiasm must have been obvious, because even some of my colleagues commented as I was completing sign-outs.

Diane observed me inquisitively and asked, “So, Zack, if your smile gets any bigger, I might feel obliged to treat you for facial seizures. What gives? That life-size inflatable doll you ordered finally going to arrive this weekend? Should I ask the pharmacy to send up that industrial-size jar of K-Y so you don’t return to work chafed on Monday?” She smiled sweetly at me and acted as if she’d just made the most sincere, benevolent offer on earth.

I couldn’t help but chuckle a little but didn’t want to allow her the satisfaction of thinking she was funny. I replied with the same sincere tone and sympathetic smile. “Gee, Diane, that’s so gracious of you to offer, but I wouldn’t think of leaving with your jar of K-Y. You might find yourself with a little down time
while having to be here working
, and I wouldn’t want to be responsible for you having to experience any, shall we say,
friction
.” The emphasis on the fact that she was going to be left working was intended, but I had to elaborate to get in one more good-natured jab. “I saw the cucumber you hid in the residents’ room for your night on call. It appears to have slightly rough skin. We all know you’re a tender little thing and that the cucumber is intended for a purpose other than just a healthy midnight snack. You’d find yourself in a painful predicament without the benefit of the lube.” My grin broadened. “And just so you know, we’ve made some significant technological advances.” I attempted to make the tone of my voice more serious, like I was imparting the details of a cutting-edge scientific discovery. “There are now devices that come with batteries. Multiple speeds for more satisfaction.” Between my elation at the prospect of being free for the weekend, sleep deprivation, and the mutual teasing I was sharing with Diane, I was laughing pretty uproariously by the time I concluded my last jibe. “Save a vegetable: switch to Black & Decker.” The interns witnessing our exchange were now laughing as well.

Though Diane was also now smiling, she made a stoic attempt to appear unfazed by my teasing. “Really? Technological advances? Sounds like your ass is speaking from experience.”

“Ouch, Diane.” I tried to look offended but turned the joke around as quickly as possible. “A speaking ass? How did we sink down to that area of the anatomy? I had no idea you intended to point the cucumber in that direction, but whatever floats your boat.” I smiled as I picked my bag up off the table. “You have a good weekend, and I’ll expect a full report on Monday. If that cucumber ends up getting julienned, I will only be able to assume you had a fair amount of free time on your hands.”

“Give the cucumber a rest, Zack. If there is one hidden in the call room, it’s because you snuck it in there. Maybe that’s why you’re so happy—you had a call night full of organic ecstasy. Remind me to wear gloves when I dispose of it. It will have to be thrown away with the hazardous waste.”

Now the whole room was laughing. “Careful, Diane. That cucumber might one day represent the foreplay to producing our love child.”

“A little green love child. Just what I always wanted. If it has your ears, he will look just like a miniature Yoda.”

Just before the door closed, I squeezed in one more reply. “But on the bright side, he’ll know how to use the force.”

I got home, changed quickly into running shorts, and bolted for my car. It was already five thirty, so I had little over an hour of adequate daylight. Just enough time for an invigorating run. If I took side streets, I figured I could be at the base of Runyon Canyon within thirty minutes, so I would still have plenty of time to get to the top and back down before it got too dark. Given its popularity, the trails in Runyon Canyon were hiked frequently, so the ground was worn smooth and was free of obstacles. Even in fading light, it was pretty safe to run there. Besides, the incline made for a challenging workout, and the opportunity to be outside was infinitely better than having to settle for running on the treadmill in a crowded gym.