A Widow Redefined (18 page)

My heart ached. The old pain felt as fresh as the day he’d first spoken those words.

“I know,” I replied.

I wanted to disappear, to do anything to stop that memory from advancing. I quickly changed the subject.

“So Dr. Friedman, what brings you to this party?”

He grinned and said, “I was in town and wanted to surprise my cousin. Sabrina will be shocked to see me.”

With that, he waved and strode past me. I walked over to my car, climbed in, and shut the door. I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard.
Dr. Friedman is Sabrina’s cousin?

I repeated the phrase over and over in my mind on the way home. Then I came to a realization. Dr. Friedman wasn’t from the Chicago area. He was from Minnesota. He practiced at the Mayo Clinic.

I remembered a head nurse telling me how lucky I was that a specialist like Dr. Friedman was in town helping Justin, that he was one of the top cancer doctors in the country.

The oncoming light turned red. I slowed and came to a stop. I remembered something else. I’d never received a bill from Dr. Friedman. In all the shuffle of papers and insurance claims, I assumed it had somehow been taken care of. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I had never received an invoice with his name on it. Of course, I never went in search of medical bills that didn’t arrive. And here I’d thought it was a fluke, or just plain Irish luck… but it wasn’t. This was Sabrina’s doing.

A well of emotions overflowed inside me and I began to cry. There was no stopping it. I lost all control. I sobbed, wondering why Justin had to die when he had one of the best doctors in the nation. I wondered for the thousandth time why he couldn’t be cured. I continued thinking these thoughts, feeling hopeless, while at the same time trying to pay attention to the road.

My sadness was soon replaced with something else— gratitude. I was so thankful Justin had a friend like Sabrina. Someone who cared enough to help, someone who knew important people. I wondered if she’d paid Dr. Friedman. Or if he’d done it as a favor to her.

I pulled up to my house and turned off the car. I wiped my eyes dry and sincerely hoped my mom and Tyler weren’t waiting up for me. I didn’t want them to get the wrong idea, to think I’d had a bad time.

Once I walked in, Mom came from down the hall to greet me. She could see I’d been crying. “Honey, are you okay? Did something happen?”

“No,” I said. “I’m fine. I just heard a song on the radio and it set me off. Must be PMS.”

She nodded.

“I had a good time,” I said. “I’ll tell you both about it tomorrow.”

I walked to my room and kicked my shoes off. They landed in a heap of undone laundry. I carefully unzipped and hung up my borrowed gown. Then, with all my might I pulled down the control-top nylons and flung those to the ground before putting on a t-shirt and sweatpants. After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I was finally in my bed, sweet bed.

My body said sleep but my mind said think. Luckily, it wasn’t a weeknight. I could stay awake all evening if I chose to.

What I chose to do was remember Justin. He was so excited about getting a real Mayo Clinic doctor, said it was a gift from St. Jude. He had me believing there was nothing to worry about. I guess that was just what he wanted me to think.

Did Justin know Dr. Friedman was related to Sabrina? Justin was a proud man. He wouldn’t have accepted a favor that large. Of course he didn’t know. And Sabrina was smart enough not to tell him.

God, how I wished things had turned out differently.

I tossed and turned for a bit, thinking about the evening’s events. I smiled, remembering Kathy’s heavy Irish accent. Some of the phrases she’d said were so funny to hear. The super-models were all right, as nice as they could be to an ordinary woman like me, I guessed.

I closed my eyes and began drifting off. Then, in a far corner of my mind, I found myself thinking about Gordito, the cat.

S
unday morning I woke up to the smell of breakfast. Usually I helped with that, but my late night thinking threw me off schedule. If I were a normal person, I’d have a hangover.

I climbed out of bed and shuffled to the kitchen. “Hey guys,” I said.

“Hi Mom. How was your friend’s party?”

“Oh, it was okay. Lots of different kinds of people.” I paused, then added, “You know what was really good? The food.”

I sat down and pushed my chair in. I was starving. Mom and Tyler sat down too.

“So that’s it then?” she asked. “No details?”

I shrugged and put a scoop of scrambled eggs on my fork. “Let’s see,” I said. “I met a bunch of people. A doctor. A lawyer. A computer consultant from Ireland. Oh, and I met two super-models who do ads for Sabrina.”

“Neat,” Tyler said. “And you thought it wouldn’t be any fun.”

“Not as fun as hanging out with you,” I said, elbowing him.

“And your dress, did that work out?” Mom asked. “Did you get any compliments?”

I thought of what Miguel had told me. “Yeah. Sabrina said she loved it. That it was a perfect choice with my hair.”

Mom and Tyler seemed satisfied. We continued eating and then moved on with our regular weekend plans. Mom had to run some errands, so I cleaned up and got up to date on Tyler’s homework and art class project. In the evening, we did our workout routine.

•••••

Monday morning I got up early and dropped the borrowed dress at the dry cleaners. When I arrived at work, I discovered a relaxed, easygoing atmosphere.

“What’s going on here?” I asked Barb.

She was sitting with her feet up on her desk and her arms crossed behind her back. She looked like she was sunbathing. Fatima sat in her chair, texting.

“Dave had a family emergency. He had to go out of town. He’ll be back Wednesday.”

“Who’s in charge then?” I asked.

Barb looked smug and replied, “Nobody.”

My co-workers were acting like crazy people. I decided to ignore their odd behavior and get started on my own work.

After a while, I heard Barb put her feet down, and papers start shuffling. The rapid clicking sounds ceased from Fatima’s direction, too. I guess if I wasn’t going to act mutinous, they wouldn’t either.

They suggested we go out to lunch, as a group. I didn’t want to be a stick in the mud, so I went along. Thank God we were back in time, because Dave called in. I just managed to make it to the phone.

“We’re holding down the fort,” I told him. “Everything’s fine, same as usual.”

The line cracked in and out on his end. “Things are not going well here,” he said, “but I’m doing my best. Tell everyone to just continue with their tasks. You ladies know what to do. I’ll call back tomorrow.”

Then he hung up. He never elaborated on what was going on with his family.

Later that evening I logged onto the computer to send an email to Sabrina.

I wrote: “Thanks for inviting me to your party and lending me the dress. I dropped it at the cleaners this morning. It will be ready on Friday. I hope everything continued to go well after I left.

Oh, and an odd thing happened to me on my way out. I bumped into Dr. Friedman. He said he was stopping by to surprise his cousin, whom I found out is you.

Sabrina… I know what you did for us. And I cannot find the words to express how grateful I am. You have no idea how much having Dr. Friedman there meant to Justin. He thought him showing up was a miracle straight from God.

I realize me bumping into him was purely by chance, and that you had no intention of telling me about it. But things happen for a reason, I guess.

I want you to know that I feel so lucky to have a friend like you.”

I signed it Amy, then hit send.

•••••

Tuesday was a normal day at work. Dave had called in and spoken with Fatima, and she assured him everything was still okay. He still didn’t share any details of his family emergency, but that didn’t surprise any of us.

That night my mom had her book club so Tyler and I went to the library so he could look for a yoga DVD.

“How come we’re looking for a yoga video?” I asked him.

He scanned the titles, tilting his head to the side. “Sam’s doing it twice a week. He says it loosens him up and makes his parkour moves better.”

Understood. Tyler was going to do anything Sam did. I was thankful he was a nice kid and was into sports instead of trouble.

“Here’s one,” I said, holding it up.

Tyler checked the description. He decided it would work. All we needed to do was stop and get the yoga blocks at the store.

Doing yoga with my son that night was one of the most relaxing things I’d experienced in years. Tyler thought so, too, then went to finish up his homework.

I decided to check my email before bed. Lots of junk, and a response from Sabrina. It read: “I’m glad you enjoyed the party. And you didn’t have to clean the dress. But since you did, do you want to come by with it this weekend? We could swim again or do something else. I just can’t do the following weekend because there is a legal matter I have to take care of and I’ll be out of town.”

I was surprised she didn’t say anything about Dr. Friedman. Was she embarrassed? Did she not want to take credit? With her there was no way to know for sure.

I wondered if Miguel would go with her to address the legal issue she mentioned. Why hadn’t they gotten together? He seemed genuine, sincere. Maybe Justin actually was helping her, putting someone right under her nose, but she wasn’t paying attention.

I responded to her email and said Sunday would work. I planned to bring up the subject of Dr. Friedman then. It was much too big to ignore.

When Dave returned to work Wednesday morning he seemed to have aged in the few days he’d been gone. He never told us what happened, which was typical of his character. I wondered why he acted like that? After Justin died, and I was devastated, Dave had been very comforting. He’d spent time listening to me sob at my desk, without complaining. And I’ll never forget how he gave me two weeks off with pay—weeks I didn’t have coming—to rest and recover.

I appreciated all he’d done for me. Maybe that’s why I didn’t revel in his absence. I respected my boss. And if not talking about his family emergency was what he preferred, then I wouldn’t pry.

•••••

Wednesday night Mom offered to take Tyler to Josephine’s.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

She smiled. “He’s turning in his assignment, the one of my hand.”

I could see it was important to her, and I didn’t want to take away her chance in the spotlight. “Be my guest,” I said.

I mused about how being a model for a child’s art project could make a person feel so good. I could only imagine how the models who worked for Sabrina felt.

After they left I sat on the sofa and closed my eyes. It felt good to just do nothing. When I opened them a few minutes later, I saw the yoga blocks resting on the floor by the TV. We usually skipped working out on Wednesdays, but I felt compelled for some reason, so I walked over and picked up the DVD.

The instructor looked to be over fifty, yet she had the nicest figure. Health seemed to emanate from her. I want that, I thought.

After I finished the workout, I lay down on the floor. It was the second most relaxing night I’d had in years. We would have to buy our own copy of the DVD after returning this to the library.

I had more time to myself, so I curled up on the sofa and picked up a book to read. In a little while I heard Mom and Tyler come back, so I got up to greet them.

“Hey honey, how was your lesson?” I asked Tyler.

“Good,” he said. He wore a smile that ran from ear to ear.

I looked at my mom for an explanation. She winked as she passed, code for “I’ll tell you later.”

Tyler left to use the bathroom. Then Mom whispered in my ear, “He showed Josephine some of his jumps. You should’ve seen her. She was so impressed. All she kept saying was how cool he was.”

This news filled my heart with joy.

“And how did he do with his assignment?” I asked. “Did she like your hand?”

Mom lifted her hand in the air, displaying it. “She specifically said she loved the model. Said the wrinkles added character to the work.”

“Character, huh? Is that what they call it?” I said, ribbing her. “Oh you know what, I told Sabrina I could stop by on Sunday and return her dresses. Could you watch Tyler for a little while?”

She shrugged. “Sure.
Vogue
magazine hasn’t called yet.”

I laughed. My mom was a good sport. I loved having her here with us.

Tyler walked into the kitchen, still wearing his massive grin. He’d also changed into sweatpants. Probably planning to go out in the yard and practice a few more moves, just to stay “cool.”

•••••

Sunday morning I rose early and made breakfast for everyone. I felt guilty when I found out my mom was taking Tyler to the community pool and I was going to swim at Sabrina’s.

On the way to her house I thought about how I used to be uncomfortable having such a rich friend. Now it didn’t seem to matter. It was funny how much had changed and in such a short time. Just a few months ago, I’d despised and not trusted this woman. My life was filled with sadness, constant memories of the past. Now, neither was true. And it surprised no one more than me.

When I got to Sabrina’s, Henry answered the door. I hadn’t seen a lot of him lately and assumed he was only working special events, like her party. Since I didn’t have a jacket to hand him, he just welcomed me back.

Sabrina wasn’t there, so I stood in the foyer, waiting. A minute later, the door opened and she walked in. She was outfitted from head to toe in stylish active wear. She must’ve been out running.

“Hey. Perfect timing,” she said. “Now we can hit the pool.”

I’d wondered how she stayed in shape. She had such a nice figure. Of course, she hadn’t had any kids yet, so she was ahead of others our age.

“I’ll go change into my suit,” I said.

While in the guest bathroom, I noticed for the first time that my own figure had improved. I could finally see some benefits of the family workout routine.