A Will To Change (Hope) (31 page)

I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or the fact that I was so pissed off, but the thought of banging the hell out of Janelle seemed like a good way to release some of this anger. “Nothing that I know of. What did you have in mind?”

“Anything that you want,” she smiled, moving her lips to mine and sticking her tongue down my throat.

I knew exactly what I wanted and it had nothing to do with Janelle. But, for tonight, she would just have to do.

I headed down to the locker room at work and changed from my scrubs into my jeans. I removed the elastic band and took out my ponytail, fluffing my hair out with my fingers, just the way Will liked it. After a quick dab of lip gloss, I was on my way, taking the short walk from the hospital to Clancy's. This was the first birthday of Will's that we were celebrating together and I wanted it to be extra special, as a thank you for everything that he had done for me over the past few months. We hadn't seen each other in a few days and I was missing him like crazy. Tomorrow was the day that I needed to give Callie an answer by and I still wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I was more confused than ever. Every time I thought I would just go for it, Will's face and how much I was going to miss seeing him popped into my mind.

Brian and I had gone out again the other night, but I hadn't mentioned it to Will. I hated feeling like I was sneaking around behind his back, but I knew it was a sensitive subject for him. I really liked Brian, but he wasn't Will. If it meant choosing between having a relationship with him or a friendship with Will, I would always choose Will. I had to admit that Brian’s kiss was to die for, making me wonder what else he was able to do with that tongue. My thoughts of Brian were quickly replaced with thoughts of Will and what it would feel like to be kissing
him
. As hard as I tried to remove those thoughts, I was having more and more of them and I hated it. I hated that I compared Brian to Will.

Brian, Will, and Adam were already sitting at the bar when I walked in. “Hey there, birthday boy!” I said to Will. I wanted so badly to give him a kiss on the cheek, but was unable due to the death grip that Janelle had around his neck while she smothered him in kisses.

My stomach churned a bit, watching the PDA that they were putting on for everyone. I could tell that Will had a little too much to drink because his eyes were glassy as he stared at me like he was looking right through me.

“Hey, Gabs. What do you want to drink?” Brian asked.

“Oh, I’ll just have a diet coke for right now.”

Janelle finally loosened her grip, but not before giving Will a little tongue. She whispered something in his ear and they both laughed before she walked away. I was feeling a little angry and uncomfortable at the same time, wondering what she had said to him.

“So, did you have a good day?” I asked.

“Just fuckin’ great,” he said, taking another sip of his beer.

“Well, I think maybe you should take it a little easy with the drinking.”

“What are you, my fuckin’ mother?” he said with a sarcastic edge to his voice.

I didn’t know why he was acting this way and it was starting to piss me off. “What is your prob…?”

“Here you go, Gabby girl,” Brian interrupted, handing me my coke and wrapping his arm around my waist.

Will’s normally bright blue eyes looked grey. He glared at Brian and his eyes narrowed. “Don’t fuckin’ call her that!” he said, slamming his beer down on the bar.

“Call her what?” Brian asked.

“‘Gabby girl’. Gabby, don’t let him fuckin’ call you that!” he slurred.

“Will, just…stop!” I said, trying to calm him down a bit. He lifted his beer to his lips, chugging it down as fast as he could, slamming the bottle down on the bar before getting up and walking off toward the bathroom.

I grabbed his birthday card from my purse. I was so glad when Walt and Tim came walking in, diverting Brian’s attention from me for one brief moment, allowing me to slip the card into Will’s jacket pocket that was sitting on the bar stool.

“I’m just going to hit the ladies room,” I said to Brian, giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek.

“Hey, Gabs,” Walt and Tim said in unison.

“Hi, guys!” I replied back, flashing them a quick smile.

I grabbed my purse and headed into the bathroom, feeling like my bladder was going to explode. I had my head down when I walked in, finally raising it and wishing that I hadn’t. It took me a moment to realize what I had just walked in on. Will and Janelle were in a stall with the door half open. He had his pants down around his ankles and his head resting against the wall while Janelle was down on her knees, Will’s hands running through her hair.

I covered my mouth with my hand and gasped.  “Oh my -.”  I quickly ran out of the bathroom, feeling like I was about to vomit. I didn’t know why. I knew what Will was all about, but coming face-to-face with it was too much to take and it hurt like hell. I quickly made my way back to the bar, forgetting all about my need to pee. I could feel my eyes welling with tears and knew that I needed to get out of there before Will was done getting his “birthday present”.

“Gabby!” Will shouted as he came stumbling out of the bathroom.

“What’s the matter?” Brian asked.

“Brian, can we just go?” I pleaded with a sense of urgency as Will came closer. I didn’t want to talk to him. I couldn’t even look at him, and I was mad at myself for being so angry about this whole thing. Will was not my boyfriend so why was I so pissed over walking in on him getting a birthday BJ? Was it because I secretly wished that
I
was the one giving him one?

“Brian, please!” I shouted.

“Okay,” he said, throwing money down on the bar.

“Gabby!” Will grabbed my arm just as we were about to exit.

“Get off me!” I shouted.

“No. What the hell is your problem? Why are you so pissed?”

“I’m not pissed. I just want to leave.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to go back to Brian’s and fuck his brains out, okay?!” I knew that I was wrong for saying it at that particular moment. Will was drunk and already irritated with Brian for whatever reason, but the words escaped my lips before I could even stop them. I was just so disgusted by what I walked in on and the fact that Will would never want me in that way.

“Woo hoo!” Tim shouted. “Go Peterson.”

“You fuckin’ stay the fuck away from him!” Will shouted.

“You can’t tell me what to do! You don’t own me!” I shouted back.

He wrapped his hand tightly around my wrist and pulled me into him. His perfectly full lips were dangerously close to mine and all I could think of was how they would feel all over my body. “Stop it, Gabby!”

“Just leave me alone, Will.”

“Will, just calm down,” Brian said.

“You shut the fuck up, Peterson! Just because you want to fuck her and forget about her.”

Brian shook his head. “You’re such an asshole, McAdams.”

“Is that what you want, Gabby? Just to be a piece of ass to be forgotten about after he fucks you?”

“Well, he hasn’t forgotten me yet!” I snapped.

I watched as all of the color drained from his face and his posture stiffened. “Gabby, please tell me that you didn’t.” The pain in his eyes was tearing me up inside.

“Come on, Gabby girl,” Brian said, grabbing my arm.

“You fuckin’ jerk off!” Will shouted, lunging at Brian and knocking him down on the ground, punching him over and over again.

“Will! Stop it!” I screamed.

Adam and Tim were finally able to pull Will off. I looked down at Brian’s bloody face and immediately felt guilty over lying and causing Will to become so enraged. I grabbed some ice from the bartender, watching as Will went storming out the door. I helped Brian up and held the ice on his face as the onlookers quickly disassembled once the action was over. “I am so sorry, Brian. I didn’t know he was going to fly off the handle like that.”

“It’s not your fault, Gabby.”

“Are you okay, man?” Tim asked.

“Yeah. I got a good right hook in on him,” he answered as his lip gushed with blood.

“What the heck is his problem?” Adam asked.

“He’s nuts when it comes to Gabby. He’s got some sick obsession with her,” Brian replied.

Okay, now
Brian
was pissing me off. Will was not obsessed with me. We were friends, very good friends who just happened to look out for each other. “He’s not obsessed with me, Brian. He just worries about me, that’s all. This was all my fault. I should have never lied and led him to believe that we were sleeping together.”

“Well, I can make an honest woman out of you.” Brian smiled, revealing the huge gash in his lip.

I shook my head and smiled back, holding the ice on his lip. “I think I caused enough drama tonight with our little made up affair,” I teased.

“Anytime you’re ready, Gabby. I’m sure you’re worth gettin’ a busted lip over.”

The whole Gabby thing had me going nuts. I just punched one of my best friends in the face, made a complete ass out of myself, not to mention that Gabby probably hated my guts. The thought of him putting his hands on her made my stomach turn. I knew I needed to get over it, but I couldn’t. Gabby deserved so much better than that. I walked into my apartment and hurled my phone across the living room, trying to escape Janelle’s endless texts reaming me out for blowing her off the rest of the night. There was only one person on my mind right now and that was Gabby. My hands reached into my coat pocket as I went to take if off. I felt sick when I pulled out a birthday card with my name on it clearly written in Gabby’s handwriting. I quickly read over the pre-written humorous sentiment which I would’ve found funny at any other time, but I was too focused on Gabby’s writing underneath.

Dear Will,

Happy Birthday to the cutest and funniest best friend in the world. I know this is only the first birthday that I’ve known you, but I can honestly say that it seems like forever. Thank you for always being there for me and I hope your day is as special as you are to me.

Lots of love ~