A Will To Change (Hope) (7 page)

“Get off me!” I tried my best to break free.

He finally loosened his grip, then pushed me hard onto the ceramic tile floor. I sat there, trying to catch my breath as the pain radiated up my tailbone. I didn't want him to see me cry, but I couldn't stop the tears. It hurt too badly. “Cry all you want because I don’t fuckin’ care anymore, the same way that
you
don’t care anymore. You’re nothing but a piece of garbage that I lowered my standards for.” He stared down at me with his cold green eyes before storming into the bedroom and slamming the door behind him.

I sat on the floor for some time, waiting for the pain to subside a bit. After about ten minutes with no relief, I decided to get up and take some Advil, hoping that it would help. I knew Evan had a tendency to get nasty after drinking, but he would normally just sleep it off. He was never physical with me so I was having a hard time grasping the whole situation. I didn't want to chance getting into it again by going into the bedroom to get my pajamas so I curled up on the couch, crying myself into a restless sleep.

I awoke the next morning to the bright sunlight shining through my living room blinds, and the strong aroma of coffee flooding my nasal passages. I opened my eyes to find Evan sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee in his hand.

“French vanilla with extra cream and one sugar, just how you like it.”

I went to move and the pain in my back suddenly jogged my memory of last night. “Please, just leave me alone,” I whispered.

“Gabby, I’m sorry. I had way too much to drink last night and I just had a really shitty day.”

“Oh, so that gives you the right to push me around and talk to me like I’m a piece of trash?”

“No, it doesn’t, and I’m so sorry, baby.” He hadn’t called me “baby” in well over a year and I knew the only reason that he was doing it now was because he felt guilty. I sat up and had to catch my breath from the pain shooting up my spine.

He went to hand me the coffee and I put my hand up. “I don’t want it.”

I got up as quickly as my aching body would allow. I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. I cringed when I heard him getting up and walking into the kitchen behind me. I tried my best to ignore him as I stretched to reach for the Advil in the cabinet. Every move I made took my breath away. He reached around me and grabbed the bottle with ease. I snatched it from his hand, unable to even look at him. My anger only intensified when I looked down at the bruising on my wrist. Thankfully, I was off for the next two days so I was hoping that my back would be feeling a little better by then. I knew that the bruising would still be on my wrist, and that was going to be a hard one to explain to everyone at work.

“I want to take you out to dinner tonight. Anywhere you want. I’ll make the reservations,” he said.

I nearly choked on the sip of water that I had just taken. “You are unbelievable, you know that?! I don’t want to go anywhere with you. I can hardly walk, my wrist is all black-and-blue, and you think that a cup of coffee and a ‘sorry’ are just going to make up for that?”

“Gabby, please. You know how I get when I drink scotch. I’m sorry, baby.”

“Don’t ever call me that again!” I shouted.

I went into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I carefully lowered my aching body onto the lidded toilet seat, where I was planning on staying until he left for work. Tears rolled down my face just thinking about the situation I was in, knowing that I had nowhere and nobody else to turn to. I looked down at my feet and clicked my heels together, remembering how my dad would tell me to do that when things seemed too tough to handle and repeat, “There’s no place like home”, just like Dorothy from the
Wizard of Oz
. The only problem with that was this was my home and it was the last place in the world I wanted to be.

Three weeks had passed. The doctor assured me that I would have another week at the most in this place, and I was holding him to his word. Gabby had become my angel through all of this. She was the one and only thing that I looked forward to each day. I could tell that something had been bothering her over these past few weeks. As hard as she tried, she couldn't disguise the sadness in those beautiful brown eyes of hers. She really didn't speak much about her personal life. She seemed more content hearing about mine. 

I had just gotten done with physical therapy when I looked up to find Delia entering my room. “Hey there, handsome. Is your phone broken? I've been texting you like crazy.”

I shrugged my shoulders. I wasn't going to lie, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings with the truth, which was that I didn't text her back because I didn't feel like talking to her.

She ran her hand along the side of my face. “You know, we've got a lot of catching up to do when you get out of here. I’m so sorry about the way we left things the last time we were together. I want to make it up to you.” She smiled.

Relief swept over me when Gabby walked in with a bag of medication. “Gabby, are you ready to do the dressing change now?” I pleaded, hoping that she would pick up on it.

“Oh, not un -.” My eyes widened and, thankfully, she finally got it. “Oh, you know, actually, yes. I'm not going to have time later so now would be great.”

“Yeah, okay. Let’s get it over with.”

“I'm sorry, but you're going to have to leave while I do this,” Gabby said to Delia.

Delia let out a deep breath of frustration. “Are you serious?” Gabby raised her eyebrows and nodded. “Well, what’s the big deal if I just sit here and talk to him while you do it? It’s only going to take a few minutes!”

“Umm, no, it’s more like a few hours, and there are no visitors allowed in the room when it’s being done. Those are the hospital rules, not mine,” Gabby said in a very stern voice.

Delia glared at Gabby, and Gabby glared right back. I tried to hold in my laughter. Delia had a good six inches on her, but there wasn’t any doubt in my mind that Gabby could take her down in a fight. She was like a pit bull…a cute, gentle, caring pit bull. Okay, maybe more like a cocker spaniel with an attitude, but if there was one thing about her I admired, it was that she didn’t take shit from anyone.

“Well, can I at least say goodbye?!” Delia asked Gabby in a very sarcastic manner.

“Sure!” Gabby happily replied.

“In private!” Delia snapped.

Gabby, no. Please tell her no!
She looked at me in defeat and shrugged her shoulders. “Umm, sure. I’ll be right back to do the dressing change.”
Gabby, of all the times for you to turn into a kitten!

Delia waited until she left the room before sitting on the side of my bed. She pressed her forehead up to mine as her hands began a downward descent which, surprisingly, was having no effect on me at all. “We have to get this guy back in action before he forgets what to do!” She smiled before placing a soft kiss on my lips.

“Ready?!” Gabby shouted as she came back into the room.

Delia rolled her eyes at the sound of Gabby’s voice. “Call me as soon as you get out,” she said, rubbing her thumb along my cheek and placing another kiss on my lips. She got up and raised her eyebrows at Gabby.

“‘Bye! Have a great day!” Gabby exclaimed, flashing Delia the most adorable sarcastic grin that I had ever seen.

Delia flung her purse over her shoulder, glaring at her one last time before storming out of the room. Gabby looked at me and, once the coast was clear, we both began to laugh.

“I think she hates me,” she said as she sat down on the side of my bed.

“Thanks, Gabby girl. I owe you one for that.”

“Why didn’t you want to see her?” she asked as she began to take off my old dressing.

“It’s complicated. Let’s just say I grew tired of her.”

She nodded. “And all of these other women that have been visiting you over the past few weeks? You’re not tired of them?”

“They’re okay. I mean, I’m not in love with any of them. They serve a purpose.” I grinned.

“Got ya!” Gabby said with a shake of her head. “Are you afraid to fall in love, Will? Is that why you don’t want to narrow it down to just one?”

“Falling in love is a fuckin’ joke! I get that it’s okay for some people and it works, but for me, it aint ever gonna happen. I love my life the way it is. I don’t have to answer to anyone and I still reap the benefits.”

She creased her forehead. “Hmm…I guess that makes some sense. Kinda.”

“Are you happy being in love, Gabby?” She looked up at me with surprise as her eyes widened.

She quickly looked away and I knew right away that I had struck a chord. “I don’t know. I’ve never been in love,” she answered, finally meeting my eyes again.

“Well, what about your boyfriend? You’re not in love with him?”

She shook her head and I could tell that it was taking everything inside of her to not cry. “No, it’s more of a convenience type of thing.” I stared at her, waiting for her to elaborate, but she just changed the subject completely. 

As I listened to her go on and on about all of the new movies coming out over the weekend, I couldn’t help but wonder what was really going on in that pretty little head of hers. For the first time since I had known her, she looked weak and vulnerable. My mind quickly shifted back to the bruising on her wrist just a few weeks ago. She had just dismissed it as nothing and changed the subject, the same way that she had done just now. My stomach felt absolutely sick and I was hoping that my suspicions were wrong. I don’t know why, but I felt this underlying need to protect her. She was my Gabby girl, my angel, and if anyone was hurting her, I would kill them.

I rushed around my apartment, readying myself for my unwanted breakfast date with my mother. I had been avoiding her for weeks, but I knew that I couldn’t anymore. The only positive out of this was that it would alleviate me from having to see her again for a few more months. Will was being released this afternoon. I was off for the weekend, but I was planning on going to the hospital to see him before he left.

Evan was going to his uncle’s summer house in the Hamptons for his family’s annual Labor Day weekend picnic. It had been one month since our altercation and I still wasn’t really speaking to him. I slept on the pull out sofa every night, tried my best to customize my schedule at work to be opposite his, and was doing anything that I could to avoid him. I had looked at some apartments in my price range, but they were all one step away from living in squalor. Still, part of me couldn’t help but think it had to be better than my current situation.