Aarushi (28 page)

Privately, the Ghaziabad lawyers—and some people close to the Talwars—saw the failure to stretch the trial beyond Judge Shyam Lal’s tenure as Mir’s greatest failing. They felt this is what denied the Talwars a fair trial. The casual remark to Mir about Judge Shyam Lal’s birthday thus wasn’t that casual at all. It may have seemed mischievous, a dodgy tactic, but the point was it was one way of preventing this judge from pronouncing the Talwars guilty.

In the end, the judge did just that. The Talwars were sentenced to life imprisonment. Judge Shyam Lal retired four days later.

Several months after the conviction I was bound for Ghaziabad once again. But this time I went past the town, down the highway for another half-hour, crossed the railway tracks to the left, and arrived at Dasna jail, the main prison serving the Meerut–Muzaffarnagar range in western UP.

On the short road before the high walls and large gate was the customary shop that sold shirts, handicrafts and condiments made by Dasna’s inmates. There were no customers, just a bored salesman who must wonder constantly about the wisdom of a store in the fields that surround Dasna’s walls. Its purpose seemed to be to tell visiting VIPs that inmates were being useful. Dasna had many ‘VIP’ visitors.

Once let in, I was led to the visitors’ area to the left of the gate. The part of it that was used for visits had the look of a narrow junior school classroom. It had the standard bench-cum-desks, where inmates and visitors sat. A ‘sardar’ (a supervisor from among the inmates) was around, but seldom interfered.

Vikas Sethi, an employee of the Talwars, had taken me to Dasna. Although the rest of the family did their best to visit once a week, Vikas was Rajesh and Nupur’s only regular visitor. It was important that he went. He took with him small supplies of food, books and, of course, money. This trickle of money and goods was the accepted system in Dasna—and the Talwars were grateful for it.

Nupur Talwar greeted me with a smile, and before I could even finish saying ‘how are you’, laughed and said with her customary irony: ‘We are veterans here now. We’re experienced! We are doing fine . . .’

Rajesh was quieter. ‘We have to make do . . . what choice do we have? I am trying to understand why we are here, trying to understand destiny,’ he said, as Vikas slipped him a few 500-rupee notes.

Nupur matter-of-factly explained that small comforts were all for sale in Dasna. There were inmates who washed clothes and dishes and cooked. ‘You just need to pay,’ she said. That’s how they always were, the Talwars: Rajesh, emotional, his anger and despair scarcely hidden; Nupur, getting on with life—giving it a good fight.

The Talwars had become Dasna celebrities. Once Rajesh set up a dental chair in the prison clinic, many VIPs in the area—police officers, magistrates—drove down for dental work. They were also brought out and exhibited before VIP visitors to the jail.

As I was leaving, Rajesh Talwar told me he was keeping a diary to pass his time and express his thoughts because the atmosphere in jail was choking his spirit out of him. I wanted to read his diary and, a week later, I received a brown spiral notebook with a plastic cover about the first two months of Rajesh’s sentence. I sat down to read it immediately. Afterwards, I decided that the prison diary should speak for itself, and so I will share some excerpts here. Midway through the diary Rajesh lists several of his inmates. For the sake of clarity here is this list, as it appears in the diary, at the very beginning.

Mantriji (Mr Khushwaha): He’s been here almost two years, caught in a political web, and may get bail now in a few days. He’s a very good person and it is probably because of him that all of us are in this barrack. Most are worried that if he gets bail then what happens to us? Do we move from here or do we stay here?

Faujis: Vijay and Vivek: They came in due to a bank robbery. And an armyman in a bank robbery becomes a very serious thing. They operate both the kitchens in the jail.

Birbal: He’s from Bihar and misses home a lot. He’s in for smuggling of drugs. He’s what’s called a numberdaar and looks after Mantriji and also some of the other inmates of the barrack like me, Dr Verma, Guptaji and Shashikant.

Jagdish: He looks after everyone’s clothes and the dishes and is paid 2500 a month along with food for the duties.

Sundarji: Also an ex-armyman he is the superintendent numberdaar. A powerful man as far as inmates go due to his connection with the authorities.

The builders: They have just come. Some problem with the society they were making. UP has a lot of land problems. Out here one realizes how much lawlessness there is in UP.

Rakesh: Also a numberdaar. Doesn’t talk at all. Haven’t heard him talk at all unless spoken to.

Shashikant: He’s a customs officer in for corruption. Will probably get bail soon.

Mr Gupta: He’s a businessman who was caught along with Shashikant for giving a bribe.

Dr Verma: Part of the NRHM scam, will probably get bail by next week.

Dr Rajesh Talwar: That’s me. Convicted for the murder of my own child and servant. It seems so strange and unreal, but that’s what it is.

The diary begins on 25 November 2013, the day of the verdict.

We could not believe what was being said. He was saying we were guilty of murdering our own child and Hemraj. Had everyone gone mad? For the media, excellent news.

27 Nov:
Met Nupur at about 1 pm. She was looking very ragged and tired. Wanted to meet someone from home, she was worried about her dad. But the place is so far . . . how can they come every day? I knew once both of us go in less people will visit, maybe not more than once a week. No one can stop this world.

Hope we can meet someone together tomorrow. The things that one takes for granted outside . . .

Want to talk very badly with my own people, but can’t . . . It’s only been three days.

Cold water baths.

Had to put a thumb impression on paper which showed us as convicted prisoners.

28 Nov:
Came back and played some chess to pass some time and lost to Vivek.

Met the deputy jailer, he is a nice man and is always cracking some joke.

It is Friday, I don’t think it’s going to be easy. The lawyers and Dinesh will meet on the weekend and if they work like this then we will take a long time.

29 Nov:
Met the jail superintendent [JS] regarding something to do for Nupur and myself. He really shocked us by saying that the media is asking why we were not being sent to Agra [jail]. That if it happens will completely finish us. Anyway gave an application and hope that does not happen.

30 Nov:
It’s been five days and this is going to be an endless punishment, feeling quite tired already.

Some correspondence regarding shifting [to Agra] and I hope that does not happen. That will be complete death, in fact, worse than death. I just don’t understand why our life is going from bad to worse.

1 Dec:
Where we were last Sunday, and where we are today. Extremely depressed getting up . . .

Met Ajay and Radhika and Nupur all together just now. For some time it felt that we were meeting together somewhere till one comes back to the barrack and reality hits you again.

Supposed to have had some good food today because Dr Yadav is leaving tomorrow.

3 Dec:
Still can’t understand how this happened to us. If only I would have gotten up . . . I could not even save my dear Aaru. Very difficult to live without her.

Met with the JS along with Nupur and Mantriji. He promised he would let us do some work at the hospital.

He was talking about exactly what happened that night. Told him about what the first team had said, about the narco etc. He also found the whole honour killing thing very vague.

4 Dec:
Ajay and Dinesh will come tomorrow. I hope Dinesh is not too negative. Just can’t understand God’s ways.

5 Dec:
I should be able to start the dental clinic in a day or two but still nothing for Nupur to do. How will she pass the time?

7 Dec:
Went off to the hospital to arrange for a few things there. Got X-ray installed and meanwhile got a call for meeting Nupur. Waited for at least one hour before she came.

Met Mantriji and saw the place where table tennis is played. Maybe I’ll play tomorrow. Could not play anywhere, now playing in jail.

After I came back, everyone got a rude shock. Two new inmates were unceremoniously thrown out of the barracks. That’s to remind us that we are in jail and nothing can be taken for granted. Your ego should be thrown out of the window.

8 Dec:
Will try and meet Nupur. Wonder what happened with the appeal. The complete lack of information and knowing that this can be endless leaves one with a very bad feeling.

6.10 pm [the same day] Seems as if the lawyers are not doing anything. Tanveer also seems busy with himself and so does Rebecca. Don’t know what to do.

9 Dec:
It’s been two weeks in jail. Tanveer has still not worked out the appeal. Not even started. He’s obviously in no hurry to get us out or he thinks that it is now not possible.

Miss Aaru so much and that time and our life. People talk about their children and what they are doing. They come and meet them in jail. But for us, nothing.

10 Dec:
Met Nupur in the afternoon. It’s really strange what life has dealt us. But this is what it is. Just thank God for what he is giving us in this situation.

12 Dec:
Went to the hospital and checked out all the stuff. Met with the law mantri since deputy jailer had called me there. Felt like some sort of an animal in a zoo whom people want to see.

13 Dec:
Did the composite fillings of the deputy jailer.

Sapna, bhaiya and Vibha didi had come. Sat with them for a while. They were encouraging and said that by April we should be out.

Came back to the barracks at about 5.30 and sat with the docs, Yadav and Verma. Dr Yadav was wearing a langot and we had a laugh about that. Laughed after quite a while. It’s so strange, I’m laughing even in jail.

16 Dec:
Very cold today. Lot of fog. It will be difficult to have a bath again, but have to. Hope someone comes to meet.

18 Dec:
This is the 25th year of our marriage and we will celebrate 25 years on the 19th of January. Could anybody imagine where we would be on our 25th anniversary? No Aaru, no house, no clinic, no money, and sitting in jail for something we haven’t done.

Nupur said they were getting food from the bhandara and food from the canteen had been stopped because of some fighting. She looked hungry and it’s really a shame what God is making us go through. Even looking forward to some food now.

19 Dec:
Just kept daydreaming of what would happen if the incident had not happened. Miss Aaru so much. Wonder where she is, and what she would feel if she saw us like this. Just no way to prove innocence. No one has proved anything in this case. Just that they are not satisfied by our reply.

21 Dec:
When I look at the paper there are so many things that Aaru would have liked, so much that she would have done. She left even without saying goodbye.

24 Dec:
Last night there was some issue regarding Sudhir and Jagdish. Never imagined we would be in such surroundings. Completely unbelievable.

Met Nupur after about 12 pm for a while in the garden and then met the two lawyers Sisodia and Satyaketu. Now they talk about not doing it in front of Shyam Lal, when everything is done. They never put their foot down earlier. That’s the problem with lawyers. They put all decisions on the client and then say, we told you so.

25 Dec:
Nupur was supposed to come in the afternoon but it was not allowed. Hope she manages to eat.

Today there is a special dinner of aloo mattar, zeera rice, methi aloo, kaddu and puri, and after that sweet dish (kheer). Trying to make the jail clinic into a good clinic.

26 Dec:
Everyone has just disappeared, enjoying the New Year. Not one has the time to see us.

28 Dec:
Nupur was looking okay today. It’s really strange how she bears Aaru’s loss. She used to constantly be with her.

30 Dec:
Met Nupur’s dad and mom today after meeting Nupur. Both were looking quite down. Dad was looking old, and didn’t look like he was comprehending much. What this has done to our family. We are destroyed. We were destroyed by Aaru’s loss and he has completely destroyed us by this kind of verdict.

31 Dec:
Shashikantji and Guptaji are still relaxing in bed. Birbal is doing exercise, while Mantriji is walking vigorously. The day, as usual, has started.

1 Jan 2014:
I got up to 2014. Aaru never even saw 2009.

Today is Papa’s birthday. Also wonder what he would say to what we are going through. I am thankful that he’s not there to see this, but I miss his presence.

3 Jan:
Sapna came and saw how Nupur stayed, and was shocked. She came to arrange for a satsang.

I hope the lawyers work on the appeal with unity. No one is affected by this except us.

4 Jan:
Everybody is spending time in this barrack, but they will all go free before me. But doesn’t matter, have the strength of mind to face any situation, and must give the same to Nupur also.

Dinesh is expected tomorrow, so I hope for some information. At least we know that there is someone outside to take care of our interests and who cares.

5 Jan:
Some people and Parminder Awana, the cricketer [of the IPL’s Kings XI Punjab], came. They were made to meet me, really don’t know why. How am I supposed to react? Obviously some of them think I’m a criminal. This is such a strange situation.

10 Jan:
Very cold, fog entering barracks.

By the time I get up Dr Verma is up and Mr Gupta is taking a walk, he’s diabetic so it is essential to do that. Mantriji is sleeping.

(Evening)

Miss Aaru so much. Can’t imagine she’s no more. She braved a lot. And she had to suffer so much. I can feel the pain that she must have felt, and it leaves me helpless. I couldn’t help her at all.

***

I met Shyam Lal three and a half months after the verdict, in his chamber in the Allahabad High Court. In Ghaziabad, Lal would be dwarfed by his chair, and hidden by the large desk in front of him. Here in the Allahabad High Court, he just sat across an ordinary table, the kind that could be found in every chamber down the crowded corridor, its legs stained with betel juice, with a man in a black coat sitting behind it.