Abide with Me (21 page)

There was silence on the other end. After a moment Trent said, “Man, I can’t believe this. What is going on? And does this have anything to do with me? With us?”

“Trent, like I said, we need to talk about this in person,” Raymond said sternly.

“When? I’ll catch a plane tonight. I don’t like the way your voice sounds. You know you’re the most important person in the world to me. This project can wait. If my baby is upset, then I’m upset.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Raymond said. He needed to stall. He
didn’t want Trent showing up in New York or Seattle before he could figure out what he wanted to say to him. “Let’s just look at our schedule and then plan it. What we need to talk about can wait. I’m busy and you’re busy.”

“Do you still love me?” Trent asked.

“Yes.” His quick response surprised him. Raymond knew that if he really loved Trent, one huge mistake shouldn’t destroy his love, but he also knew being analytical about it didn’t stop his pain.

There was a relieved sigh in Trent’s voice when he said, “I’m so glad to hear that.”

“Everything will be fine,” Raymond said. He had to appear strong, even though he felt tormented by the questions he had yet to ask Trent.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Look, you go on out and have a nice dinner. I’ll give you a call in the next couple of days,” Raymond said.

“That’s cool. As long as you still love me, then I’ll be okay,” Trent said.

“Okay, take care.”

“I love you and I miss you,” Trent said softly.

“Back at you,” Raymond said as he placed the phone back in its cradle.

Raymond decided to have a glass of wine to mull over his conversation with Trent, but before he headed toward the small kitchen in his suite, the phone rang again. Hoping it was Jared, he picked up the phone on the second ring. “Hello,” Raymond said.

“Raymond Jr.,” the familiar voice taunted.

“Pops. How you doing?” Raymond asked.

“I’m not doing too good. What is this shit your mother tells me about this man you live with hurting your chances for the federal bench? You need to get rid of him right away. If this kinda shit gets
out, it can not only ruin your chances for the bench but fuck up the rest of your life. What was he doing to get arrested by an undercover cop?” There was not a drop of calm or fatherly love in his voice.

“Pops, I don’t want to talk about this,” Raymond said.

“I don’t give a damn if you don’t want to talk about it. If you didn’t want to talk about it, then why did you tell your mother? Now you got her worried about what kind of person you lie down with every night. If you’d listen to me, you’d kick his ass out and find some young lady who understands your problem, who’d be willing to work with you. I know a few men like yourself who have wives, kids, and successful careers. Them white folks don’t want you on the bench anyhow and this will give them the ammunition they need to keep you off!” His father’s words were rushed, making him sound out of breath and frantic.

Trying desperately to keep his voice soothing, Raymond said, “Pops, I didn’t mean to upset you or Mama. I just needed to talk to someone, and Lisa, the lady helping me through the confirmation, doesn’t think Trent’s arrest is going to be a big stumbling block.”

“Then both of you are the biggest fools I know living in Seattle,” Raymond Sr. said as his deep voice boomed through the phone line. Raymond Jr. felt a bolt of nervousness blast through his stomach as he remained silent. He didn’t understand why he was nervous instead of mad at his father’s words, attacking both him and the man he loved. He knew he wasn’t mad at his mother, but he was sorry he didn’t think before telling her about Trent. She was still a mother and a wife. She was only trying to help her child, like any mother. It didn’t help that her husband was the person she went to when she had a problem.

“Raymond Jr., are you still there? Did you hear me? Don’t try that silent bullshit with me. You need to finally stand up and be a man and get that boy out of your life. You owe that to me, your mother, brother, and the millions of people who died so you could have an opportunity like this. Being on the federal bench wasn’t even something my classmates
and me could even dream of. And here you have it handed to you on a silver platter and you gonna let somebody who says they care for you fuck it up? As your mother says all the time,
I don’t think so
.”

If Raymond didn’t know his father was mad, he knew it when he used profanity. Raymond could count the times on one hand when he had heard his father use such words, but Raymond had heard enough. “Pops, I am a man and I will handle this. Trent and I will handle this. We don’t need you or anyone to help us get through this. I’m only sorry this has you so upset,” Raymond said calmly.

“Then prove it. And I don’t want to hear about what you and Trent are going to do. Matter of fact, don’t mention his name to me again. You need to do something about saving this nomination. Go to the senator’s office and tell her you’re getting rid of that criminal, that you’ve learned the error of your ways, and that you’re getting ready to straighten your life out.” Raymond could hear his mother in the background advising him to calm down or hang up the phone.

“Straighten my life out! Fuck that! And how do you propose I do that, Pops?” Raymond lost it. He had never used profanity toward his father or any member of his family, even when he was joking around.

“Don’t get smart with me. And don’t be cussing me, ’cause I’ll get on a plane and dare you to do it to my face! You know damn well what I’m talking about. This is important, Raymond. Do something. Stop letting people
fuck
over you, especially black folks.”

“Pops, I got to go,” Raymond said.

“Go where? I’m not through talking about this,” his father screamed.

Raymond didn’t respond. What he did surprised him and shocked his father. He hung up the phone without another word. Raymond was able to blink back the tears of sorrow and fury that sprang into his eyes. And that made him proud.

About thirty minutes after Raymond had hung up on his father, his phone rang again. Once again he hoped it was Jared, but he knew better. It was most likely his mother. By now she would have chewed his father out for his comments and would want to console her son. Raymond also knew that if he didn’t answer the phone, she would call back until she reached him. Raymond figured since he wasn’t going to sleep a wink, at least his mother should. But the phone stopped ringing, to Raymond’s relief.

His comfort was short-lived. Two minutes later the phone started to ring again and this time Raymond answered quickly.

“Hello,” he said with agitation in his voice.

“Whassup, yo?”

Raymond recognized the voice as the next-to-last person he wanted to speak with.

“Basil.”

“Yeah, I told you I was going to call you. Whatcha doing?”

“Looking over some work.”

“I hear tension in your voice. Are you all right?”

“I’m fine. What can I do for you?”

“Maybe the first thing is telling me what I can do for you. Let me do something to get that tension out of your voice,” Basil said.

“I’m cool, but it’s kinda late. Can I give you a call later on this week?” Raymond wasn’t having any of Basil’s seduction bullshit. Not tonight.

“Naw, you sound like you need something and I ain’t trying to hear no. I know exactly what you need.”

Now Raymond was getting annoyed. He knew Basil was the last thing he needed. Raymond would have welcomed the Jehovah’s Witnesses before he would open his door to Basil.

“Basil, I don’t think I’m interested in what you think I need. I’ve got to go.”

“Now wait a minute. I ain’t talking about that. I’m calling to invite you to the gym. Let’s go work out.”

“Work out? This time of night? And where are we going to do this? In your private gym?” Raymond asked sarcastically.

“I wish I had a home gym. Naw, I’m talking about a trip to World Gym. It’s open twenty-four hours and it’s only about six blocks from your hotel. A good workout will release some of that tension. And for the record—you’re the one with the mind in the gutter, Mr. Tyler.”

“But it’s past midnight,” Raymond protested.

“So?”

Raymond thought a minute. He knew after the phone calls with Trent and his father, sleep would be difficult, if not impossible. Maybe a tough workout would do the trick as well as a couple of drinks.

“Okay, give me the address,” Raymond said.

“It’s on Broadway between Sixty-fourth and Sixty-fifth and I think the address is 1926, right above the Saloon restaurant. Do you want me to swing by and pick you up?”

“Naw, the walk will do me good,” Raymond said.

“Then let’s say in a half hour.”

“I’ll see ya there.”

Basil bounced into his doctor’s office in a jovial mood.

“Wanna know why I’m in such good spirits?” Basil asked.

“Sure.”

“I spent the night with Raymond,” he smiled.

“And that made you happy?”

“Yeah.”

“How did that happen?”

“I just called him, and to be truthful, I didn’t exactly spend the night with him. The other night I was sitting at home thinking about how I could see him. I knew he’d put me off if I suggested we do dinner or anything resembling a date or an invitation for sex. Anyhow, you know how I go to the gym late at night?”

“Please remind me why you go to the gym late at night.”

“Partly because it’s a way to unwind after a long day, and partly to avoid all the faggots hanging around the locker room trying to get a whiff of my stuff. Some of them still show up late at night but not that
many. I don’t give a damn what gym you go to, they are always there.” When the doctor didn’t show any bewilderment at what he was saying, Basil continued. “So back to my story. I called Raymond and I must have caught him at the right time ’cause he agreed to meet me at the gym. We worked out for a couple of hours and then right before dawn we went and had coffee. We talked the whole time. Or at least I talked. He seemed to have a lot on his mind.”

“What did you talk about?”

“I was telling him about some of our sessions and how I thought they were helping out. Now, before you start flipping cartwheels, I’m not sure if this shit is helping or not, but I knew that’s what Raymond wanted to hear. That I might be making progress in accepting who I am. Whatever the fuck that is. I hinted that I might finally be accepting my situation, and when I worked everything out, I’d be looking for somebody permanent in my life.”

“How did he react to that?”

“He didn’t. He just had this blank look on that handsome mug of his.”

“Did he say what was bothering him?”

“Naw, but I’m certain it has something to do with that boyfriend of his.”

“How so?”

“Well, when I asked how the boyfriend was doing, he snapped at me, ‘I don’t talk about my partner to people he doesn’t know.’ It was one of those bitch moments of his I remember. But with Raymond I don’t mind it like I do with the honeys and mofos like Monty. Raymond’s bitch moments aren’t like a woman’s or Monty’s. He seems more poised and in control, you know, like someone who knows they’re a little bit smarter than you, but they don’t want to be arrogant about it. Raymond has gained a little weight and I can tell it’s bothering him, but he’s still a great-looking man. I mentioned it to him and he seemed a little pissed, but I told him I could help him lose it and
he really seemed interested. When gay men like Raymond gain weight, it’s usually a sign that something ain’t right.”

“So meeting with him made you happy. Did you tell him that you’re interested in him?”

“Fuck no. If he wants some of this and I know he does—Mr. Tyler will have to come for me,” Basil said confidently.

“And what if he doesn’t?”

“Oh, he will. But if he doesn’t, then I’ll have to give him a little help,” Basil said slyly.

“And how do you propose that?”

“I’ll just figure out a way of reminding him how sweet a piece of me can be. Maybe I’ll plan a midnight swim. If the two of us get in the water together, I know he’ll remember how it was when we kicked it in Atlanta. I just got to check my memory bank and figure out which one of my friends has a place in New York with a private pool. It’s probably not that many.”