Abide with Me (34 page)

To get Nicole disqualified, Ava started a vicious rumor that she was pregnant by one of the pageant producers from her home state. The rumor spread like grease on a hot skillet and, in the interest of fairness and avoiding embarrassment, the pageant’s board of directors had all of the contestants tested.

Only Ava’s test came back positive.

After Ava was forced from the pageant and sent back to Jackson, Nicole went on to become Miss Ebony Mid-South, but then shocked officials by giving the crown to the first runner-up. Nicole had been so disgusted by the test and rumors, she vowed to never again enter a pageant for African-Americans only. Three years later Nicole Springer was competing for the title of Miss America. In Jackson, Ava was trying to track down Bobby Earl Braxton, local football star, for child support for her two-year-old daughter, Yancey.

Ava loved her pretty little baby, but motherhood was not on Ava’s agenda. When Yancey was five, Ava left her with her mother, Essie Dean, and headed to New York and Broadway. On her final callback for a role in
Dreamgirls
, Ava recognized the young lady auditioning right before her as Nicole Springer. When Nicole walked right by Ava without even a glance, Ava became furious. Nicole got the part and Ava returned to Jackson, but not for long.

Five months later Ava headed to Europe, where she had heard that
it was a lot easier to break into the business. Ever since Josephine Baker, Europeans had welcomed black women artists, and Ava saw a second chance for a stage career. So she left her baby again with her mother, who had loaned her the airfare to Paris, as well as money for a month’s hotel stay.

Ava worked hard honing her singing and dancing skills while waiting tables. She was talented and ambitious, and knowing whom to sleep with was an asset as well. After Bobby, Ava knew instinctively who the little fish were, and she wanted to swim with the sharks. She controlled, contrived, and connived her way until her career took off, then soared. Virtually unknown in the States, Ava Rose became a household name throughout Europe and even had a hit song in Japan.

Ava and her mother stayed in close contact through letters, postcards, pictures, and the rare transatlantic phone call on Yancey’s birthday. Each week, Ava sent a package to her mother and daughter. There were little inexpensive gifts at first, but later, when the money began to flow, she sent designer dresses and jewelry.

Yancey received a constant stream of letters and pictures from Ava as well. Her vanity mirror was bordered with pictures of Ava decked out in evening gowns at clubs, or in sundresses and wide-brimmed hats on the Riviera. Yancey idolized her glamorous mother and wanted more than anything to be just like her. Yancey never forgot her own frequent trips abroad to visit her mother beginning when she was nine years old, but could not forget the sadness she felt when she returned to Jackson to her devoted grandmother. Her father was never around, so as a teenager she fantasized that he was related to Toni Braxton, full well knowing it wasn’t true.

Ava made sure there was plenty of money for Yancey’s ballet, tap, and modern dance classes, and for her singing and elocution lessons too. Yancey sent her mother her report cards, her class pictures, and trophies from Little Miss pageants she won all around the mid-South.
More than anything, Yancey took to heart Ava’s advice to not let anything or anyone get in the way of her dreams. And though they were an ocean apart, Yancey grew to be just like her mother, in more ways than one.

Ava returned to the States at least once a year, spending a little time in Jackson, but weeks in New York City pursuing her Broadway dreams. She came close several times, but Ava’s last shot at Broadway occurred when she was assured a major role in a Bob Fosse musical,
Big Deal
. Ava was certain this would be the part she had worked all her life for, but it was not to be. One of the producers and a casting agent had promised her the role after catching her act in Paris and two New York auditions. But the day before rehearsal started, the casting agent and producer were replaced and so was their leading lady. Ava’s agents didn’t get the bad news to her in time, and when Ava was told at the stage door of the theater the part had gone to
Dreamgirls
alum Loretta Devine, Ava vowed to never return to New York. It was a horrible day for Ava, and to make matters worse, she literally bumped into Nicole Springer, another member of the
Big Deal
cast. Again Nicole didn’t even recognize Ava, and only smiled and said, “I’m sorry.” Ava felt lower than low and cried all the way back to her hotel. Ava couldn’t bear to tell her daughter that she wouldn’t be performing closer to home as she had often promised.

When Ava returned to Europe, her yearly trips to the States stopped, and so did the visits from Yancey. Ava married a French millionaire; she divorced him some two years later, but was financially set for life thanks to a generous clause in their prenuptial agreement. Ava’s interest in her cabaret career began to wane the more time she spent shopping all over Europe. Every now and then, she thought of staging and producing a stunning show-’em-what-they’ve-been-missing New York cabaret debut. But something always stopped her from following through with that dream, and instead her focus shifted to Yancey’s dreams for Broadway.

It was only when she received a call from Yancey informing her that Mama Essie was ill that Ava returned to the States. When Essie died two months later, Yancey prayed that she would finally have her mother to herself. And for about a year, she did. The mother and daughter, who were more like sisters, grew closer. Ava attended Yancey’s pageants and dance recitals. The two of them took trips to London and spent weeks attending shows on the West End. And during that time Yancey heard the stories of the evil Miss Pretty and how she had forced her mother to pursue her showbiz dreams on another continent, taking Ava away from her mother and the daughter she loved. All those years, all her life, all that time without her mother.
All because of one person
, Yancey thought. Someone had to pay.

It was Saturday; day three of the Tylers’ vigil. Raymond and his mother had checked into the Marriott on Michigan Avenue and took turns sitting with Raymond Sr. so that at least one of them was always at his bedside, talking to him, even though he couldn’t respond, touching him, praying that he would come out of his coma. Kirby would take the evening shift after football practice, bringing his books and playbook as he sat by his father’s bed. This would give Raymond and his mother time to sit down and eat a real meal and freshen up. Kirby was grateful for Northwestern’s open football date, which allowed him to spend more time with his father.

One evening, Raymond and his mother sat quietly at a table in the hospital coffee shop, each lost in their own troubled thoughts.

It was Mrs. Tyler who broke the strained silence.

“I need to call your Aunt Mattie and see if she will go over to the house and send me your father’s insurance papers and burial plot information,” she said quietly.

“Why are you going to do that?” Raymond snapped. “I don’t want to hear no mess about some damn burial plots!”

“What’s wrong, Raymond?”

“What do you mean? You’re talking about burial plots, Pops is laying in the hospital unconscious, that’s what’s wrong!” Raymond lied.

“Raymond Tyler, Jr., don’t you dare lie to me. I can see something’s bothering you in the way you look at your father. You don’t touch him like Kirby and I do. Tell me what’s going on.”

“Mama, I feel like a dog saying this, but I’m so conflicted about Pops. I’m so mad at him and the way he’s treated me lately. I’m mad at him for the things he said about me and Trent, I’m mad the way he’s throwing Kirby’s accomplishments up in my face, like I’ve let him down and he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. Why can’t he accept my decisions about my life? I mean, I love Pops, you know I do. But if I’ve got to live my life according to his rules or lose his love, then I might learn how to live without his love. I’m a grown man and Pops has got to respect that.”

“Your father does love and respect you. He just wants the best for you and Kirby,” his mother said.

“He should want for us what we want for ourselves. And I know this might sound ugly, but I hope he doesn’t die on us and leave me with all this anger.”

Raymond couldn’t look at his mother after his last statement. He fully expected her to call him selfish and everything but a child of God. But she didn’t. Instead she asked, “And what else, son? You might as well get it all off your chest. What about Trent? That’s what started this episode between you and your father.”

“What about Trent?”

“You really love him, don’t you?” she asked with a soft smile.

The question surprised Raymond. He and his mother had never discussed such intimate details of his relationship. It had always been limited to “How’s Trent? Tell him I said hello.”

Raymond paused a second, took a deep breath, and said, “Yes, Mom. I do. Very much. But …”

“But what? I know we’ve never spoken about your relationship, but I knew you two loved each other. I could tell that when we visited you guys in Seattle. And if you love him, then that’s all that really matters. Your love is the only thing you have control of.”

“What do you mean?”

“Son, you can’t control how someone else feels about you. Of course when you love someone, you hope that love is returned with equal measure.”

“So I’m supposed to love him even when he cheats on me. Endangers my career and my relationship with my pops?”

“Trent is human. People make mistakes. You aren’t perfect, and neither is your father, or me, for that matter.”

“But I feel so stupid. Having some stranger tell me about the person I love. I thought everything was fine between us. I mean, when I was with the firm, I was always pretty busy and sometimes under a lot of stress, and maybe I didn’t spend as much time with Trent as I should. But he should understand that and how much I love him. Now that he’s confessed to what I heard, well, I don’t know what to do.”

“You pray about it and do what your heart tells you,” Mrs. Tyler said.

“Listen, I know I sound so selfish. Here I am thinking about myself while Pops is fighting for his life. But somehow it all seems connected. Everything I thought was solid and secure in my life is suddenly washing away like dust in a rainstorm. I just think I’m mad at the world right now and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Oh, Raymond, you’re not mad at the whole world. You’re just disappointed with two men in your life. Both of whom are good men. Both of whom you love. And both of whom have hurt you deeply.”

Raymond looked at his mother with a perplexed expression on his face.

“Raymond, your father and I taught you to always be fair. You’ve always been kind and sensitive to others, always righting wrongs and defending those who need defense. But, son, you got to fight for yourself now. How are you going to be the head of the family if your father doesn’t make it through this? You got to let Trent know how you feel, how angry and hurt you are. And if your father makes it through this, you’ve got to let him know how you feel. You can’t keep it all bottled up inside.”

Marlee took her son’s hand and continued, “You know, Kirby was right. Your father wanted very badly to be appointed to the federal bench and even the Supreme Court. When we first met, he told me one day he’d reach his goal. But it didn’t happen. But when you got nominated, well, I don’t recall ever seeing him more proud. It was like his dream had come true. A Tyler man was on track for the highest court in the land.”

“Why didn’t I know Pops dreamed to be on the Supreme Court? I always thought when he was elected state senator, he’d achieved his dream.”

“Because your father always shared his dreams with one person. Me,” his mother said as tears sprang from her eyes. Raymond reached across the table and touched his mother’s hand softly.

“I’m sorry, Mama. This helps me understand Pops’s reaction better.”

“Baby, you’ve got to make it clear to your father that this is your life. Life is too short to spend it pleasing other people. Even if those other people are your parents. And if this judge thing is not your dream, then you got to tell him that also. He may not want to hear it, but he’ll respect you for telling him.”

Several minutes passed in silence. Raymond stood and walked
around to his mother’s side of the table, then knelt next to her. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed his face to her bosom.

“Thank you, Mama. Thank you. I know you’re right. I just need some time to let it all settle. To finally figure out what my dreams are.” She stroked his head and patted his back like she had when he was a boy.

“Like I said, son, life is short. Tomorrow is not promised.”