Above Rubies (Rockland Ranch) (23 page)

             
She self-consciously ran a hand through her wild hair and answered, “Your mom made me promise I’d seriously consider college and I stressed over it all night.  I’m sorry she woke you up, but thanks for feeding her.  Actually sleeping through a whole night would have been luxurious.” 

             
When she mentioned college he perked right up and reached for the baby again.  She automatically handed her over, as he suggested, “Get dressed and come feed her out here, and talk to me while she eats.”   He went back out the bedroom door without her saying anything and Kit got up to close the door and dress, knowing he was going to start up where Naomi had left off.

             
Admitting to herself that she didn’t usually oppose Rossen’s good intentions very well, she dressed, wishing she had a power suit that would bring both wisdom and confidence.  This college talk had been a long time coming.  She settled for the jeans and shirt she felt prettiest in and wended her way to the great room.  They were there cuddling and when Rossen watched her walk toward them with open appreciation in his gaze, she was encouraged enough to feel like she could manage this discussion.

             
Everyone else had already eaten and left and Kit knew it was just the three of them as she tossed a blanket over herself and began to feed her hungry infant.  Rossen was quietly watching her and his silence gave her butterflies.  Maybe she couldn’t handle this conversation.  She still hadn’t even gotten the answer to her last night’s prayer.  He didn’t say anything and she met his gaze openly, wondering why he didn’t just get to the point.   The only sound in the room was the baby nursing hungrily and she had begun to feel self-conscious by the time he asked, “Are you going?”

             
She hadn’t expected a question.  She’d assumed he would try to reason with her, and try to convince her, and get that "come on, you can do this" tone in his voice the way he usually did.  The question threw her and for the first time, she wondered if the reason she hadn’t felt that sense of calm after her prayer was because God was trying to tell her she should go.  It was a disconcerting thought.

             
She tried to buy some time to gather her thoughts.  “Go where?” 

             
Even to herself she sounded unsure, and he smiled.  “Nice try, but I know you way too well.  Why couldn’t you sleep?”  He obviously did know her well to make her face her own question.  She could tell from the look on his face that he knew she was unsure of this whole issue, which was a turnabout from her usual ‘there’s no way I can go to college’ mindset.

             
She leaned her head back against the top of the couch knowing she should just be dead honest with him from the start.  He was wise, and she knew he had her best interest at heart, so why should she feel like she had to oppose this?  The same chaotic mix of issues filled her head and she was more confused than ever.

             
She finally looked up and answered his question, “All this time, since I found out I was expecting her, I’ve felt like college had become out of the question.  But I promised your mom, so I really did give it some thought.  I came to the same conclusion, that there’s no way I can be a single mom and a college student too, so I took it to God in my prayers last night—the way you guys have taught—the whole ‘make a decision based on your best judgment and information and ask Him if this is the right thing to do’, kind of prayer.”  She sighed, “And I haven’t had much peace of mind since.”

             
Rossen didn’t say anything, just kept looking at her in that calm, steady way he had and she felt like squirming at the obvious answer to her prayer.  Finally she said, “Okay, so I realize I need to go, but I still can’t see how I possibly can.  I have no money, and letting you help me survive is a whole different issue than letting you pay for school.  I have a baby, and I’m not sure I could just hand her off to a stranger to watch while I went to class or to the library or somewhere.  I haven’t taken an ACT or even applied.  I’d have to get accepted, find the money, make arrangements for an apartment, find childcare, the whole nine yards in slightly over two months.  Now, I’m not questioning God, but maybe we’re just reading this wrong.  Maybe I’m supposed to go next semester or next year or something.”

             
He still didn’t pitch in and she said, “Remember when I said no one could be mad at you?  Well, sometimes I’d like to be!  Why are you just sitting there watching me?  Can’t you at least tell me what you’re thinking behind those blue eyes?  What is this?  Death by let’s make her decide for herself?” 

             
He began to laugh and sincerely apologized, and then she really did want to be mad at him, but it was still impossible.  The baby started to stir, and she covered herself and handed her over, then got up from the couch and went to get herself a glass of milk.   

             
The baby burped and she watched him begin to talk to her and cuddle her and let her play with his fingers.   She softly asked, “And how can I take her away from you?  Won’t it kill you?”

             
He looked up at her and she felt like she could see into his soul when he answered honestly, “Both of you leaving will kill me, but you need to do this.”

             
She knew he was right because of her prayer, but she still didn’t understand.  “Okay, but can you please at least tell me why?  What would be wrong with just settling down and being a mom and a secretary slash sculptor?  Isabel has already found that I can make a decent living with my art.  Your dad has said that he’d let me either buy or lease some land here near your family and Sean said he'd help me build a little house.  What would be the problem with that?”

             
His voice was sad when he asked, “Kit, how many states have you traveled to?”

             
“Four, why?”

             
“And how many real dates have you gone on?  Or proms?”  She looked down at her hands, embarrassed to admit she’d only dated a few times and had never been to a prom, but he went on, “I’m not being rude.  I’m sure there were tons of guys in your high school who dreamed of going out with you, but my point is, you can’t skip a whole season of your life.  I know you have a beautiful little girl, and some things have happened along the way that make it seem like this is out of the question.  But if you don’t spread your wings now, the opportunity will be gone and you’ll be settled down without ever being able to enjoy being a young adult.  There’s supposed to be a space in between childhood and settled down that's fun and exciting and you learn and grow at an incredible rate right now.”  He paused and handed the baby back to her to feed again.

             
“I’m not sure why you need to go do this, but I truly feel you should.  At least try.  God wouldn’t have made you feel like you should without providing a way to do it.  Move ahead like it’s going to work out and deal with the issues as they come up.  Yeah, having a baby is going to make for some awkward conversations on a few dates, but good honorable men will be able to know your heart and the ones who bail aren’t worth the bother anyway.  Who knows, maybe she’ll turn out to be the short cut to sorting through the chaff.” 

             
He smiled, but it didn’t come anywhere close to reaching his eyes.  She almost came right out and asked him why he would send her away when she knew he was in love with her, but she didn’t have the guts.  And she probably knew the answer anyway.  He was doing this for her. Thinking it was in her best interest and she knew he thought she would go off and find a boyfriend who was in the dating stage of his life like she should be.  It was a great theory—who knew, maybe it would even work.  In her heart she didn’t think so. 

             
If he would do this for her, she would do it for him.  She knew even as she made the decision that it wasn’t going to be a long term thing, but he didn’t have to know that.  Perhaps if she went and made an honest effort at living this season of her life, then she could come home and someday he'd consider her grown up enough.  If not, then she'd come home anyway and raise her daughter here where she was loved.             

             
He was watching her closely and she knew he saw when she made the decision. 

             
With a sad smile, he said, “Go learn and grow and have fun.  Eat pizza at two in the morning and date and break a few hearts.  Go to prom looking as beautiful as you did the night of Slade and Isabel’s wedding, and take a karate class and statistics.” 

He gave her a
nother sweet, sad smile.  “You probably won’t struggle with that one like I did, but everyone should have an experience with stats.  Find out what it’s like to have roommates.  Some will be friends the rest of your life and some you’ll want to murder, but you’ll learn how to deal with them.  Have your own phone that all the guys are gonna want you to keep their numbers in and find out who and what you love and don’t love.  If you hate it, you can quit and come home and cuss me.”

             
When she said, “Okay,” he gave her a high five, but he looked sad as he did it.  He said, “I don’t think you’ll ever regret it.”

             
She already did, but he needed her to do this.

              They went ahead liked they’d talked about, acting like it would all work out and for the most part it did.  Kit decided to go to Utah State University.  It had a reciprocity program because they lived so close, so with her grades, she could have in-state tuition, and she could live with Joey and Treyne, and also because USU had great programs in both the fine arts of sculpture and music.  She went right to the university to take her ACT to expedite it and with her scores in hand, went back with Rossen to the student financial aid office to determine what might still be available for scholarships and grants.  Her grades and ACT scores were high enough that she got an Honors-at-Entrance general scholarship.  And because of her Native American ethnicity there were a number of scholarships set aside that were available too. 

             
By the time she, Rossen, and Mimi left to go home to Wyoming that afternoon, she had enough financial backing for her entire four year degree, tuition, books, and living expenses included.   As they drove they were quiet except for the radio playing softly.  She cried quietly because her dream of college was actually going to come true and she no longer wanted it.  Knowing now that she would really be going, she couldn’t even begin to face the idea of living away from Rossen in just a few weeks time.  He'd become the best friend she’d ever had and even if she hadn’t been in love with him, she’d have been sad.  As it was, she didn’t think they could do it and wondered why she'd felt God wanted this.

             
                                          ****

             
He thought she was crying because she was finally on her way and he was sadder than he’d ever felt.  He had some questions for God too, wondering why He had ever let him fall in love with someone he couldn’t have.

             
                                          **** 

             
When they got home, she put the baby down for a nap and went to saddle her horse.  Slade found her in the main barn, sobbing her heart out against her horse’s neck.  He asked her what was wrong and she tried to tell him.  She didn’t think he could understand, but he actually appeared to understand a lot more than she thought he would.  He was far enough removed and he knew Rossen well enough to know what was going on, and he seemed sad for them both.  He tried to comfort her and he was actually the one to suggest she leave Mimi at home with Rossen when she left. 

             
At first she was horrified at the idea.  How could she even dream of driving away from her little daughter for what right now seemed an eternity?   Slade reminded her that USU was only two and a half hours away and that she could come home when she needed to.  She thought out loud, “But I don’t have a car and the others won’t want to come home that often.”

             
Slade shrugged.  “Why don’t you just buy one of your own?”  She'd never even conceived of the idea and he laughed at her and said, “You have the money for it in your account.  I mean you can’t buy a Ferrari, but there’s enough for a safe, nice car.”

             
She climbed on her horse and rode off with her mind going a million miles an hour.  Leave the baby and buy a car.  The more she thought about it the better it sounded.  It would solve the childcare issue.  Rossen would probably agree to watch over Mimi if Kit could arrange someone to provide back-up help sometimes.  Kit thought of Slade’s ranch hand Hank and his wife Ruby.  They were only five minutes away and Ruby adored Mimi.  Then too, she'd have an excuse to come home when she needed to without it being that she was coming to see Rossen.  She rode back to the house to find him.

             
                                          ****

             
At first, Rossen shook his head.  He didn’t think she'd be able to leave her baby when it came right down to it, but she looked okay with it and he knew he’d like it better.  This way he wouldn’t have to lose both of them and she would come home a lot more often.  He didn’t analyze that thought too closely for fear he would see the incongruity of it, in light of him sending her away to meet other guys, while he hoped she would hurry home.