Accepted (11 page)

Okay, I’m not going to lie; I was puzzled by this. First, I’ve only celebrated Halloween once in my life way back when I was little. So, completely aside from the fact that I had no idea what she meant by "group theme," I was under the impression that Halloween was a children’s holiday that involved dressing up like a character of some sort and begging neighbors for free candy.

"What do you mean by 'a group theme'?" I wasn’t even going to try to pretend I knew what she was talking about.

"We’ll all dress up in a theme." Luckily, she breezed right over the fact that I was clueless, probably because she was so excited. "You know, like Charlie’s Angels or the Spice Girls."

Oh man, they expected me to dress up for Halloween. The only time I dressed up for Halloween was when I was six and lived with my grandmother. She made me a silver costume shaped like a chocolate kiss candy. We spent the entire afternoon walking around her neighborhood and, when we were done, sat on the family room floor and ate candy for dinner. It was one of the best memories I had, and I doubted dressing up with this family
could
compare.

"Um, Amber, holidays aren’t really my thing. I don’t really do Halloween." I shrugged, knowing from her obvious excitement that I was in for a battle.

I sat there and watched as Amber went from super excited to heartbroken. She looked so devastated over my reaction that it was actually a little bit amusing.

Slowly, she crossed the room and sat on her bed. As Randi stayed in the doorway, Amber looked over at me with the saddest expression I’d even seen her make.

"But, Ashley, it’ll be amazing. It’ll be the best Halloween ever. There’s a big Halloween party and everything, and you can’t go if you’re not dressed up. Randi and Becca and I really want to go, but we won’t go without you."

Except that they’d gone to every other party that semester that I’d skipped.

I opened my mouth to respond politely that I really don’t mind them going without me and that I think I’d rather sit that one out, but Amber beat me to it.

"Please, Ashley, it’ll be great. I promise. We really want to do this together — the four of us." She looked both so sad and so earnest, I swear I thought she was going to break into tears at any second.

I don’t know if it was the look on her face, or if it was just that I craved feeling included, but I broke down and nodded my head yes.

"Yay! I’m so excited! Come on." Amber jumped up and grabbed my arm.

"Wait? Where are we going?" I’d had my heart set on taking a jog before dinner. I still had a lot of thoughts running through my head, and going for a run was my go-to way of clearing them.

"We have to go costume shopping."

"Now? I have…" I tried to think of a good excuse, but there really wasn’t one. I just went with the college stand-by. "I have a ton of studying — huge exam coming up. Do you guys need me? Can’t you just pick something out?" I shrugged and smiled, hoping it worked.

Amber looked over at Randi, still perched in the doorway. She nodded. "Sure," Amber said. "Are you going to be here? I’ll call you with ideas."

Knowing my run wouldn’t take long, I nodded yes. "I’m just leaving to get dinner, but I should be here."

"Cool! See you later."

****

Amber, Randi and, I assume as I didn’t see her around all night, Becca, were gone for quite a while.

I received one phone call from them stating that they had fallen in love with a group of costumes with a Wizard of Oz theme. They asked if I would be the cowardly lion. I figured that would be the safest costume of the bunch — what with the fur and the mask, so I happily said yes.

When the girls got back and presented me with my costume, I didn’t even open it. I looked at the package for a picture, but it was missing. It was just brown furry fabric in a plastic, rectangular package. I just assumed it was as I pictured it in my mind — baggy with lots of orange and brown fur. Needless to say, it was a bit of a shock when I finally opened the package the following week as I was getting ready for the party.

They don’t make costumes like they did when I was six.

Actually, the costume I wore when I was six had more fabric than this one.

"Amber!" I peeked my head out of the door of my room and yelled for her.

I heard footsteps moving rapidly down the hall, and then she burst into the room.

"What’s wrong?"

And, as I took in her costume, I realized that
nothing
was wrong. She already knew what my outfit looked like — an orangey-brown version of her tin-man costume — the only real difference being that she had a silver cap on her head where I had lion’s ears.

I stood there, gawking at her for a minute, when suddenly she squealed. "Oh my goodness! You look so cute in your costume!"

I looked down at myself, covered only in a mini-dress with fur around the edges and said, "Seriously? Amber, I feel naked."

"You’re not naked, Ashley. You look amazing. Come on, let’s see how Randi and Becca look." She took my hand and led my down the hall to their room.

I really shouldn’t have been surprised to see their costumes, but I was. They were as scantily clad as me and Amber.

Randi was adorned in a blue and white checkered dress with a large bow on her head and braided pigtails hanging down her shoulders. Becca was wearing a brown, green, and orange dress with a floppy hat. Both costumes were really cute — they all were. Becca’s even had fabric straw strategically hanging from it, but none would ever be mistaken for the real thing.

I turned toward the mirror Randi had hanging over her small bookcase and took in the vision of the four of us in our teeny, tiny Wizard of Oz themed costumes.

We were going to freeze.

****

When we arrived an hour later, the party was in full swing.

While the girls headed to the bar for a drink, I decided to wander around and check out everyone’s costume. Then, I saw him.

Colin was standing directly across the room from me. He was surprisingly easy to spot, mainly because he wasn’t wearing a costume. Colin saw me, and we locked eyes. I smiled instantly, forgetting that we were on the outs, just happy to see him and recalling the last cold night I ran into Colin at a party.

Then, I remembered that Colin still wasn’t speaking to me. I quickly looked away, embarrassed at my obvious joy at seeing him, and continued drifting around the room.

As I looked around the room at all the students dressed in Halloween attire, I began to feel more at ease. To my extreme relief, I was not alone in the scanty costume department. Almost all the females in the room were wearing outfits fashioned of various lengths of tight skirts and low-cut tops: sexy witches, super heroes, insects, and animals — though I was the lone lion). You name it, there was a slutty costume representing it.

By the time I made one full revolution around the large party, I was beginning to feel at ease. And then, Colin came over to me.

And, once again, I remembered my near-nakedness.

"Hey."

It was the most beautiful sound I’d heard in weeks. In the past eight days, I’d walked passed him a dozen times in the hallway of our dorm. I’d sat in rooms with him and eaten meals across the table from him, but this was the first word he’d uttered to me since he’d turned and walked away from me over a week ago.

I grinned at him, unwilling to hide my pleasure at seeing him.

"Hey," I repeated back.

"Nice costume," he said as he grinned at me.

I immediately felt myself blush but brushed it off and shrugged. "They told me Cowardly Lion — I thought it would be a safe costume. I certainly didn’t expect..." I gestured down to my mini-dress. "This." I shrugged again.

Colin raised his eyebrows. "Hoping for a full-body fur suit and a mask?"

I rubbed my hands over my bare arms. "Hey, at least I’d be warm." I smiled at him.

He chuckled. "Yeah, you’re gonna freeze to death, but at least you look cute."

I blushed again, then looked at him, remembering that his costume was noticeably absent.

"Hey," I began accusingly, "where’s your costume? You’re the only person here without one." I wasn’t exaggerating either; he was literally the only person in the room who wasn’t dressed up.

He looked down at me, his eyes twinkling. "I was wondering when you’d notice. I didn’t feel like dressing up."

He just didn’t feel like dressing up? I’m standing here half-naked, and he just didn’t feel like dressing up.

"Oh, I noticed as soon as I saw you, but how’d you get away with that? I thought we
had
to dress up."

He raised his eyebrows. "Had to?"

I sighed, exasperated. "Yes! Amber and Randi told me I had to dress up – it was like a party requirement. Costumes are mandatory." I was getting a little annoyed.

Colin chuckled softly. "Well, then, this is my costume."

"You can’t be
you
for Halloween!" I should know; I asked.

Still laughing, Colin asked, "What’s the big deal, Ash? It’s just a costume."

And I didn’t know how to answer him. I really wasn’t sure what the big deal was or why I was so upset.

"I don’t know." I shrugged. "I’m just aggravated. I’m…" I was searching for the words. "Not comfortable. I feel naked. They made me dress up, and I just wish they hadn’t." I was kind of whining at this point.

Colin chuckled, raising his eyebrows at me. "They didn’t make you dress up, Ashley. No one can
make
you dress up. Did they hold you down and force the dress over your head"?"

"Practically," I mumbled before looking up at Colin and shrugging sheepishly. "No."

"Exactly."

"But they told me I wouldn’t be let into the party without a costume." Still whining.

"And?" Still chuckling.

"And they wanted me to come with them."

"Did you
want
to come here?"

I thought about that for a minute. If I really thought about it, I probably didn’t want to come. I just like so much to be included.

"I didn’t really care. I figured there probably wasn’t anything else to do, and I like hanging out with Becca, Amber and Randi. Plus, I thought the party might be interesting."

"But you didn’t really care?"

I thought about it for a minute and shook my head. "No."

"Well, that’s why I didn’t dress up, because I didn’t care."

"Yeah, but what if they didn’t let you in?"

"Ashley, if they didn’t let me in because of what I was or wasn’t wearing, then it’s not a party I care to be at."

And with that, I just stood there staring at Colin. I’d never thought about it like that. I barely wanted to be at the party — especially back when I thought Colin wasn’t going to talk to me — yet I went out of my way, and way out of my comfort zone, to make sure I’d be accepted there.

"Hey."

The word broke into my thoughts, and I looked up at Colin.

"You okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I’m fine."

He gazed down at me. "You looked pretty deep in thought there."

"I was just wishing that I’d had this conversation with you earlier, so I could have saved myself the embarrassment of looking ridiculous in a mini-skirt in forty-five degree weather."

"You don’t look ridiculous, Ashley. You look beautiful."

I scoffed. "Beautiful? I’m dressed like a lion that’s trying to be a…" And as I looked up into Colin’s face, I forgot the rest of my sentence. I forgot that I was mad at him for walking away from me and that he was upset with me for just wanting to be friends. I forgot that we weren’t speaking to each other and that we were avoiding each other. I forgot all of that and realized how much I missed him.

It’d been eight days, and even though I’d seen him dozens of times in those eight days, I missed him.

"I miss you." The words came out before I even realized I was thinking them. I tried to manage a chuckle to lighten the mood but failed. Instead, I just began to pour my heart out in the middle of the party.

"I miss talking to you, seeing you. You’re my friend, Colin, and I miss you. I know that you want to be more than friends, but I can’t do that right now. I wish I could. I…I think you know that, but…" I was again looking for the right words, but I didn’t know what they were, so I just continued with the only words I had. "All I have to give you right now is friendship. Please let that be enough, because I miss you."

I wanted so badly to look away, to move my eyes from his, but I couldn’t. I don’t know if his eyes were holding mine or if my eyes just refused to leave his face, but as I stood there, I watched him soften; I actually saw my words affect him. I kept staring into his eyes as they became gentler until, finally, he took my arm and pulled me to the side of the room, to the outskirts of the party.

"I miss you too, Ashley. I’m…I’m so sorry." And he leaned toward me, his face earnest. "I had no right getting mad at you, demanding you to like me. You told me, from the very beginning, that you just wanted to be friends, and I should have respected that. I just…got caught up." He looked down. "You know how I feel, Ashley, but that’s on me." He lifted his face back to mine. "If we can’t be more, then we
have
to be friends. You’re my best friend now. I hated not talking to you — not being able to smile when I saw you in the hall. I’m so sorry, Ashley. I was wrong. We have to be friends."

His face was intense. When he finished, he just stared at me, waiting for me to say something, but I didn’t know what to say. I just shook my head, and Colin smiled.

"I’m sorry," he said again, softly.

"I’m sorry too." I smiled back at him.

"So, are you ready to leave?"

I shook my head yes. "Definitely."

"Good. Come on." And he took my elbow with his hand and began leading me toward the door. "I hope you wore a coat, Ashley, because I didn’t bring a sweatshirt this time."

I laughed. "I did."

"Good," and he looked down at my costume with a teasing look on his face, "but seriously though, Ash, somebody has to teach you about dressing appropriately for the weather. It’s freezing out, and you’re half-naked."