Accepted (6 page)

"Having fun?" He asked, and a knowing smile ran across his face.

I studied him for a minute, trying to figure out how drunk he was. He sat down — quite adeptly, I might add — showing no signs of the alcohol-induced clumsiness I had watched befall Becca just minutes before. It seemed to me that none of my friends were graceful drunks.

"Um," I began, oh so elegantly, "fun isn’t the exact word I’d use."

I figured honesty was the best policy. Besides, he’d probably get so drunk that he’d forget we had this conversation.

I was shocked when he nodded at me before replying, "Yeah, these kinds of parties aren’t really my scene either, but…" He shrugged. "I figured I’d check it out ‘cause it’s the first one of the year."

Then, looking across the room, he began laughing and said, "Plus, they can be pretty entertaining"."

I followed his eyes to the door and watched as a pretty blonde girl walked over to a couple who had just entered the basement a minute before. The blonde calmly turned to the guy in the couple and proceeded to dump her beer over his head. Then, just as calmly, she walked over to the keg and got a fresh beer.

I felt Colin laughing next to me. "See? That’s some entertaining stuff."

I laughed with him.

"So…you don’t drink." He said it like a statement, but still I answered him.

"Nope," I shrugged. "I’ve never tried it."

"Me neither."

"Really?" I’m not sure why I found that so surprising, but I really did. "You’ve never had a drink?" I could hear how incredulous my voice sounded.

He laughed loudly at my obvious shock.

"What?" he asked, still laughing. "Do I look like a total lush?"

I blushed, embarrassed. Why did I make such a big deal? He didn’t even wince when I told him I’d never drank, and then I all but freaked out when he admitted the same.

I put my head down. "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that." I apologized, staring at the floor.

He put his finger under my chin and lifted my gaze to his. "Hey," he smiled, "I’m just kidding. It’s not a big deal." He sat down on the little concrete ledge next to me and leaned over, pushing his shoulder into mine. "Anyway, it looks like you and I needed to stick together. I think we’re the only two sober people in here." He laughed.

I laughed with him.

"So," he began, changing the subject, "How was your second day of classes? I meant to ask you in class this morning, but you rushed out."

Okay, so maybe I had been avoiding him a teensy bit. It was really hard, especially after seeing him shirtless the other night, to remember that I couldn’t like him like that. I’d tossed and turned the rest of the night on Tuesday, just trying — unsuccessfully — to get the image of him in just his sweatpants out of my head.

Deciding that I shouldn’t want him and not wanting him are two very different things.

"It was good. I have three classes. All in the morning." I could barely answer. All of a sudden, I was picturing him shirtless again, and I was having trouble keeping my train of thought.

"Another thing we have in common."

I looked at him, confused. Had I missed something?

"What is?" I could feel a smile playing on my lips when I asked. It was the "another thing" part that had me smiling.

"Morning class," he chuckled. "The rest of your little crew despises mornings." He gestured toward Amber, Randi and Becca.

"Ah, yes. I noticed that."

"Yep, it’s pretty much just you and me." He smiled, nodding.

I was still smiling back.

"I was hoping to see you," he continued.

I looked at him, confused again.

"Then you should have stopped by?" I hadn’t meant it to come out like a question, but I couldn’t help it.

"I meant in class." He laughed.

I felt like I was taking an oral quiz in a class that I was completely unprepared for.

"You did."

"Yesterday." He kept laughing and rolled his eyes.

Enough.

"Okay, you’ve lost me. We have class together on Tuesday and Thursday, yesterday was Wednesday. You saw me in class…today." I said the last sentence very slowly, enunciating every syllable, just in case he didn’t understand. "I thought you said you didn’t drink."

He laughed harder.

"I meant yesterday, Ashley. I have Genetics Wednesday mornings. I was hoping you did too … I don’t drink, and if I sound like an idiot…" He looked down at his hands, resting in his lap and bumped me again with his shoulder, "Sometimes, you distract me."

I turned to look at him, surprised. His face was just inches from mine. He turned and looked me in the eyes, and in that moment, I wanted many things, the most outrageous being to lean in that few inches and touch my lips to his. The most honest being to tell him that he distracts me, too.

But I went with the safest.

I waited a second to make sure I was composed and smiled at him. "I took genetics last year at my old school. That would have been really fun, though." I gestured back and forth between us. "Being in another class together, that is. I can help you, if you need it. I love genetics. It’s probably my best subject." I looked away from him and waited for him to respond. It took a minute.

"Yeah, it would have been fun," he said quickly and quietly, but his voice sounded different to me. "I’ll let you know if I need any help."

I looked at him. He looked back, his face perfectly calm. I smiled, and he smiled right back, but it was a different kind than I was used to. It just wasn’t right. The smile didn’t fit Colin’s calm face. It was a little bit sad, and it didn’t reach his eyes.

"So, what classes do you have Monday, Wednesday, Friday?" He changed the subject.

I started to answer him when Randi suddenly bounded up to us, completely trashed, and fell onto Colin.

"Hey you," she slurred, wrapping her arms around his neck.

He laughed and looked at her with amused affection. "Somebody’s had a little too much to drink, huh?"

"Just a lil’ bit." She giggled as she attempted to gesture how much with her thumb and index finger. "I wanna go home." She pouted. "Will you walk me home, Haney?" She gave him a look that even I could barely resist.

Drunk or not, Randi was good.

And, sure enough, he didn’t resist.

Colin chuckled. "Sure. Come on." He stood up, pulling Randi with him. As he turned to leave, he looked at me one last time. "Are you…?" Colin trailed off.

I shook my head. "No, no, go. I’ll stay and do Amber and Becca duty." I smiled up at him. He smiled back.

Still not the same.

"Alright, see you later." And he was gone.

I sat there waiting for another hour, hoping that Amber, Becca, or both would want to leave. Finally, I decided I’d waited long enough, because I wanted to leave.

I walked around looking for Amber or Becca and found them with a group of girls from another floor of our dorm. When I got their attention, I told them I was heading home.

Unlike them, I had an eight o’clock class; I had an excuse.

I walked up the basement stairs and out the front door of the generic fraternity house, hoping the entire way that I would at the very least recognize what side of campus I was on.

As I stepped outside and realized, thankfully, I did. Unfortunately, I was at the farthest point on campus from my residence hall I could possibly be, and in the three hours I’d been inside, the temperature had dropped significantly. It was freezing. The cute little gold tank top didn’t seem like such a good idea now.

I shoved my hands in the pockets of my jeans, braced myself against the cold, and headed home.

I’d walked about five minutes when I noticed a dark, hooded figure walking toward me. Quickly, I looked around for someone, anyone else walking near me, but there was no one. I was alone on this little stretch of campus, a stone path that led me between the science building and some big stone administration building.

The path wasn’t like a road; I couldn’t cross the street to avoid this stranger. At night, the buildings were locked, and there weren’t even any trees around for me to hide behind.

While I was busy pondering the lack of escape routes in the unlikely event that this person was intending to attack me, the hooded figure picked up his pace, almost breaking into a jog.

I stopped dead in my tracks and watched him jog toward me. He was still too far away to make out anything other than he was male. I couldn’t yet see his face because of the hood.

I decided I should do something; I just didn’t know what. My first thought was run; I was good at running, but I was wearing heels for the first time in my life and couldn’t imagine what it would be like to run in them.

And while I was busy wondering what it would be like to run in heels, my would-be attacker called my name.

It was Colin.

I just stood there.

"Hey! Are you okay?" he asked just a little breathlessly when he reached me.

I shook my head. "What are you…?"

He cut me off. "I was worried about you," he said, smiling a little sheepishly.

Thankfully, it was a smile I recognized.

"I thought you might get lost, you know, if they were too drunk." He continued, "Plus, it got pretty cold, and I knew you were just wearing a tank top." Colin then gestured at my shirt and handed me a sweatshirt that I hadn’t even noticed he was holding.

Surprised both by his change of heart and his thoughtfulness, I took it and smiled up at him gratefully.

"Plus, I didn’t want you to walk home alone if they weren’t ready — we
are
in a major city, after all. So, I figured I’d walk back and…" He trailed off.

"Thank you." I pulled the sweatshirt over my head.

He smiled warmly down at me and said, "Any time."

And by the look on his face, I could tell he really meant it.

"So," he began as we started walking. "You never got to tell me about your other classes."

Oh yeah, we had been discussing that earlier before Randi so rudely interrupted us.

"They’re okay. They’re just core classes. You probably took them last year."

"Oh, like English Comp?" He made a face as he said it.

"Yeah and, like, Spanish." I made a face back at him. "None of them are sciences. Science classes are my favorite," I whined, and then realized what I was saying.

Oh man, I sounded like such a nerd.

Luckily, Colin didn’t comment on my "nerdiness." He just replied, "I know what you mean. I get so annoyed when I have to take Humanities classes like history or English. I’d rather take physics or anatomy."

Nice…Colin was a nerd, too.

"So, about earlier…" I began, but Colin cut me off.

"It’s cool." He said it quickly, softly, but his tone left me unable to argue. The conversation was closed.

But I wanted to say something, to explain. I wanted to let him know that I hadn’t meant to upset him, and if I did — well, I obviously did — that I’m sorry and didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. I wanted to let him know I really liked him and that he’s a really great friend to me. I wanted to let him know, because I never wanted him to look at me again the way he’d looked at me before with that smile I didn’t recognize.

But I just walked next to him and kept quiet.

"Have any fun after I left?" He was struggling to keep the conversation going.

I chuckled once. "No. It was infinitely less entertaining without you there."

And it really was.

"How about you? Have any fun on your walk back with Randi?" I struggled to keep a smile on my face as I said her name. I was still a little annoyed she’d interrupted our discussion; she had a knack for doing that.

Colin laughed loudly. "Now that was entertaining. Randi is going to have a rough morning tomorrow."

I winced. I’d witnessed my fair share of hangovers, and they were definitely not something I wanted to experience firsthand, especially not on a day I had to go to an early class.

"Hangovers are definitely one of the reasons I’ve never tried drinking," I explained honestly. "I just cannot justify making myself feel like crap, you know?"

Colin laughed again. "Now that’s an interesting way of looking at it." He looked over at me, concern replacing the amused look on his face. "Are you warm enough?" he asked and he fell back a step and moved to walk behind me. He put his hands on my shoulders and began rubbing them up and down the tops of my arms to warm me.

The very action caused me to shiver, but not from the cold.

"I’m fine," I answered. My voice sounded strange, almost breathless, though I wasn’t out of breath.

I wanted to slow down or stop and lean back against him just to keep his hands on my arms — just so he would keep touching me. But I knew that was wrong; it couldn’t happen.

But I couldn’t just speed up either or shrug him off. I couldn’t risk hurting him like earlier.

I couldn’t lean in to him, and I couldn’t step away from him.

So, I turned my body a little, trying to face him, hoping at the same time that he would both pull me closer and let me go.

He let me go.

"Thank you, Colin...seriously — for coming to get me, for the sweatshirt. I really was freezing." I turned completely around and looked up at him, my face getting warm as I looked into his eyes.

He looked down at me, and when he smiled, it didn’t reach his eyes. "No problem."

I turned and started walking again. "Yeah, I guess the tank top wasn’t a very good idea. I let the girls get a little carried away helping me get ready." I shrugged. "Not the best idea."

He shrugged. "Hey, you didn’t know the weather was going to go crazy tonight. Plus…" He looked down at my outfit. "The tank top looked great." He paused and stopped walking again. "You look really beautiful tonight, Ashley."

Again, I could only say thank you.

Colin certainly was making it difficult not to want him. He was almost too kind, too thoughtful, too caring…too perfect. I’d never met anyone like him before. He had been good to me, from, literally, the moment we met. I couldn’t lose him.

"Ashley…," he began, but I cut him off. I couldn’t hear what he was going to say. I couldn’t take a chance of having to say something back that would take his smile away — that would make him look at me like he did at the party.