Accidental Love (Accidental Crush #2) (16 page)

"
I know. I will. Please tell him I love
him
."

"
You
tell him." Then I hear silence on the other end, and I know Ryan hung up. The only sound I can hear is my heart pounding in my ears. The room is spinning and my hate for Rebecca is bubbling over. I take a deep breath and dial Todd's number.

TODD

I have five missed calls from Ash
, but I can't do it. Every time the phone rings, I want to pick it up, but I can't. I'm not ready to talk to her.

I want to kill Casey. I hate that I
'm so far away, though maybe it's a good thing. Ash keeps leaving messages, but I can't bring myself to listen to them, either.

"
Let's go. Tonight, we'll get your mind off everything," Brian says from my doorway.

I reach for my phone
then decide to leave it behind. I can't even look at the picture of Ashley that pops up every time she calls me. Her smile, her eyes… I miss them already.
I'm so pissed.

"
Come on; you just need to have a little fun." Brian smacks my back.

"
Did you talk to her?" Ryan asks. I know he's concerned about both of us. I really wish he wasn't her brother right now.

"
No. I can't." We've known each other long enough that he can tell by my tone he shouldn't push any further.

"
Tonight is our first college party, boys. A first of many to come." Brian drapes his arms around our shoulders as we walk down the dorm hall into the unknown world of college parties.

***

So college isn't all bad. This party is sick, and a nonstop keg is just what I needed tonight. Brian was right. I'm pretty sure this is the most I've ever drunk, and I feel great except for when Ashley pops into my head, or I try to use my right hand and the bandage wrapped around it reminds me of what happened. Yet, right now, I don't care about any of it: Ashley, football, scholarships, the cute girl that won't stop hanging on me. Her name is Cindy or Carrie. Shit, I think it starts with a C...

"
Hey, how you doing?" Ryan shouts over the blaring music. I see him eye the cute blonde sitting next to me on the couch.

"
I'm good. Really good." I nod my head, feeling like I've got it all under control. I mean, I feel the five or six beers—actually, I'm not sure how many. I lost count, but I feel great. No pain and I'm happy for the first time since I stepped foot on this campus.

"
He's great," what's-her-name shouts back to Ryan as she rubs her hand on my knee.

Ryan doesn
't miss it. "He's got a girlfriend at home. Did he tell you that?"

Did I tell her that? Shit, I can
't remember.

She smiles up at Ryan
. "So? She's not here."

I
'm just as shocked as Ryan, but I think I like this girl. She's pretty badass, and it's clear she just wants to have fun. That's all I want tonight, too. Ryan is far less impressed, though. He gives me a look that says everything I know he won't actually say in front of this girl. "Don't do anything stupid, Todd. You don't know the whole story yet." Then he walks away and disappears into the party.

"
Now, where were we?" the cute blonde says as her hand runs up my leg.

"
Um, I think I was just reminded that I have a girlfriend." I say with a smile.

"
Yeah, let's forget about her for tonight." She leans in closer to me, her hand getting into we're-no-longer-just-talking-as-friends territory. When I instinctively push her hand away, I feel the bandage on my hand rub against her skin, which reminds me of everything.

"
What happened to your hand?"

"
Oh, this? It's nothing."

She strokes her fingers over it gently.
"It doesn't look like nothing."

I shrug
. "It's nothing I want to talk about tonight." I take a sip of my beer to put some space between us for a second. I know I'm drunk, but I don't care. I just want to keep drinking until I'm as numb as my heart feels right now.

"
Are you a freshman?" she asks. For a second, I almost forgot she was here.

"
Not yet." I shake my head as I take another sip of beer. "I'm here for football camp."

"
Oh, really?" She scoots closer to me, her hand back on my knee. She gives me a wide smile. "I'm a cheerleader, you know?"

"
Nope. I didn't know that," I say, not really caring if I make a good impression on this girl. Damn Ryan. Why did he have to bring up Ash? He's a real buzz kill, and now I can't stop thinking about her.

"
Well, I am." As her hand rides back up my inner thigh, my brain is telling me to stop her, but I don't.

"
What position do you play?" she asks. Speaking of positions, her hand is now in a very direct position, if you know what I mean.

"
I'm a kicker." I try to adjust myself without being rude or too obvious. I know she can tell I'm enjoying this.

"
That is my favorite position, Todd." She straddles me in one move. This girl is smooth. College is awesome.

She runs her fingers through my hair
, and I know I need to stop her. However, before I know it, her lips are on mine then her tongue slips into my mouth. My tongue twirls with hers out of habit. She tastes wrong—she tastes like beer—but I close my eyes and get lost in the moment.

I let my hands explore her back
. My head is screaming stop, but my body is telling me to keep going, so I do. I can't believe this girl. Is this what all college girls are like?

"
You're really cute," she whispers in my ear, her lips on my earlobe and her warm breath on my neck. "And you're a good kisser." Her lips crash back into mine.

S
uddenly, I feel myself being pulled off the couch. It happens so fast I don't know what is going on until I feel Ryan's fist crack against my jaw. I didn't see that one coming. This is a really shitty day.

I
'm on the floor, surrounded by strangers except for Ryan and Brian, who are standing over me.

"
Jesus, Todd. What the fuck?" Ryan shouts as he flexes his hand. I know it must hurt because I can actually feel the side of my face, and since everything else is numb, I know it's pretty bad. I'm starting to taste blood in my mouth, so I wipe it with the back of my non-bandaged hand, and sure enough, I'm bleeding from somewhere.

"
What is wrong with you?" the cute blonde screams at Ryan as I get up off the floor.

"
Why don't you ask him that question?" Ryan shouts back at her, then he turns his attention to me. "She's my sister, asshole."

"
She kissed Casey!" I shout back as I step closer to him. In my brain, that justifies everything.

"
Did you talk to her?" he screams, inches from my face.

I feel Brian
's hands on my chest, trying to put space between us. In this moment, I don't care. I can take on both of them if I need to. My heart is broken because of his sister, and he's punching me in the face.

"
No. And it's none of your business." I push Ryan square in the chest as a few of the other guys from camp start to come over in an attempt to help Brian separate us.

"
Maybe you should, because I did. She says she didn't kiss him, he kissed her, which is more than I can say for you." He glares at the cute blonde.

At
those words, I no longer care that he's my best friend or that we are surrounded by strangers. I lunge for him with my fist, but Brian is fast and pulls me back. Maybe it's because the room is spinning, but Brian has superhuman strength right now as he continues to pull me back until I'm up against a wall. I can see the other guys bringing Ryan outside.

"
Todd!" Brian screams in my face to get my attention. "You've gotta pull it together or you're gonna get kicked out of camp."

"
I don't give a shit about camp!" I shout back before I realize what I've just said out loud.

"
That's not true and you know it!" Brian shouts back. "You need to go back to the room
now
." He straddles his hands on either side of me so I'm pinned against the wall.

***

That's where my memory from last night ends. It feels like there is a jackhammer in my brain, pounding away. As I slowly open my eyes, the bright light streaming in through the slats in the blinds feels like knives going through my eye sockets.

I look around the room
to see it's empty, then I slowly move my eyes toward the alarm clock. It says three o'clock. I quickly realize any fast movements make me feel like I'm on a rocking boat, and I think I might be sick.

I
'm not sure where Bri and Ryan are, but I'm kind of glad they aren't here. I don't know if I can handle seeing Ryan right now.

Everything from last night comes flooding back
, and I feel like such a shit. I can't believe I kissed that girl. I can't believe Ash kissed Casey. I feel my stomach turn over, and I don't know if it's because of my pounding head or my broken heart.

I see my phone on the table where I left it last night and instantly think of talking to Ash. I close my eyes and concentrate on breathing in and out because that
's about all I can handle at the moment. I finally make my way to the table to check my phone.

There are twelve missed calls from Ash
with at least five messages from her. I can't do this right now. I just need to lie down. So I take my phone back to bed with me and close my eyes.

L
ying still is the only thing that helps. And the deep black silence is the only comfort I have.

Chapter
17: Back to Work

I'm going crazy. I haven't talked to Todd in two days, and I hate it. I hate that he thinks I kissed Casey, especially after knowing everything that happened with them. Today is my first day back at work with Casey since "The Incident"—that's what I'm calling it.

I told Sid everything
, and in that moment, she was my supportive best friend, not Todd's sister. She said he hasn't called home, either. Luckily, Ryan has called home and talked to Mom and Dad, so at least we all know Todd is still alive. I've left fifteen messages and now his mailbox is full. I know I should stop trying and give him space, but I wish he would just talk to me. I want him to know I love him.
Him
. I hate this.

The only other person I
've told about the picture is Shane. He's promised he will be at the pool all day today so I can spend my breaks with him and avoid Casey as much as possible. Yet, as good of a plan as that is, I'm still going to see Casey, and I need to talk to him eventually. He has no idea about the picture.

If I see
RTS, I'm going to have to punch her. So much for being kind to the patrons at the pool. She is such a bitch. Every minute Todd doesn't call, I feel my hatred and anger for her grow.

As my mom
's car approaches the curb of the drop-off area, I feel my heart slamming against my chest, and I'm having a hard time catching my breath.
Calm down,
I keep repeating to myself. However, the closer our car gets, the closer I get to the reality of facing Casey. Maybe he'll call in sick? That thought gives me a glimmer of hope for a brief second until I see his Range Rover in the parking lot.

"
Are you okay, Ashley?" Mom asks with a face full of concern.

I shrug it off and say out loud what I
've been repeating to myself the entire way here, "Yeah, I'm fine." Well, I haven't convinced myself, but I think my mom has bought it. "Bye, Mom. See you at four."

As soon as I get to the gate
, Shane is there waiting for me. I feel like I can almost breathe, almost. Then I see Casey going into the break house, and I feel the sweat on my palms as my heart starts to palpitate.

"
Do you have a paper bag?" I ask Shane.

"
No, why?" He gives me a look like I've definitely lost it.

"
Because I think I'm going to hyperventilate."

Shane laughs, but I don
't think he realizes how serious I am. "I'm not kidding, Shane."

He takes one look at me and I must look pretty bad b
ecause his laugh quickly changes to concern. He sits me down on the bench right next to the entrance of the pool. "Ash, you need to pull it together. You can't go in there like this."

"
I know. Thanks, Einstein."

"
Just take a deep breath."

So I do
. I listen to him, drop my head between my legs, and just concentrate on breathing.

"
Thanks for being here, Shaney," I finally say once I have my breathing under control. Even though I'm pretty sure I'm having a heart attack, Shane being next to me is the only thing that makes me feel like I can actually do this.

"
Anytime, Ash." He smiles at me. "Have you talked to him?"

"
Which one?" I ask, returning his smile for the first time.

He gives me a look that says,
really?

"
No, but Ryan called home and talked to my parents, so I know Todd is still living. Sid said he hasn't called home, either."

"
Maybe he broke his hand when he punched his locker and can't dial his phone." Shane smiles.

"
That would explain it," I respond, returning his sarcasm.

***

Thanks to Shane, I've managed to avoid Casey for the first hour other than a smile and a nod from across the pool. However, our break is coming up, and I know I can't avoid him forever.

As soon as he gets down from his chair
, he comes over to me and Shane. As usual, he gets a little closer than a normal friend would, then he bends down so his lips are near my ear.

"
We need to talk," he whispers and gives me that smile that reveals just how perfect and white his teeth are before he starts to walk toward the break house.

"
So that's Casey?" Shane says as we both watch him walk down the paved path to the break house. I hate that he knows we're still watching him. "He's cute."

"
Shut up." I smack him in the arm.

Shane raises both of his eyebrows
. "Hey, I'm just stating facts." He smiles. "Cute and rich."

"
Shane
!"

"
Okay, I'm sorry. I'll stop. I know you love Todd. Poor you, two gorgeous boys like you."

"
You can go home. Thanks for nothing."

"
I'm sorry, Ash." He wraps his arm around me. "It's just, I think you should stop for one second and enjoy the awesomeness of this situation."

I just give him a look,
one that says I suggest you stop talking before I make you. "I'll be right back."

As I walk to the break house
, I have a new sense of confidence from Shane's little speech. Without realizing it, he made me see that I'm the one who has the power here. Wait, maybe he did realize it.

I look back at Shane
to see him watching me with a smile that says, 'it took you long enough to figure it out.' He then gives me a nod of encouragement.

Maybe Shane is as wise as he
's been claiming to be for all of these years.

I just shake my head and smile.

***

I walk straight to my locker, although I know I can
't avoid Casey forever. I need to face it head on. I mean, we need to talk eventually.

Luckily
, Casey is much braver than I am. He comes right up to my locker.

"
Hey." He leans his back against the lockers, his voice softer and more gentle than usual.

"
Hey," I say back, matching his tone.

There
's a long, uncomfortable silence before we both speak at the same time. "I'm sorry," we say over one another then start to laugh.

"
Ash, can I talk to you for a second?" He looks down at me with his bright green eyes.

"
Sure." I close my locker and follow his lead. We end up cross-legged on the floor under our usual air vent, the cold air falling down on us, feeling so good.

"
I'm really sorry I kissed you." He shakes his head. "I didn't know for sure you had a boyfriend."

"
I think that was my fault," I say softly. I feel bad. I never meant to lead him on, or worse, hurt him.

"
No, I had a pretty good idea and normally I wouldn't care. I don't know what you're doing to me, Ashley Taylor. I like you a lot. I mean, as a friend. And I don't want to do anything to mess that up." He smiles at me as his hand brushes against my knee.

I smile back at him
. "Yeah, me either. I mean, I like you a lot, too, as a friend." I nudge him with my elbow then instantly wish I didn't. Why do I keep touching him?

"
It's Todd, isn't it? Your boyfriend." As his eyes pierce mine, for the first time, Casey gives me a look that makes me think he hates Todd as much as Todd hates him.

I look down and start to pull at the deep orange carpet beneath us.
"Yeah, it is," I say, finally meeting his eyes again.

"
Why didn't you ever tell me?" His question is completely heartfelt and genuine. No games, no show, just pure Casey, maybe for the first time.

"
I honestly don't know." I shrug, almost ashamed to admit it. "I guess I liked the attention." I look over at him and his lips spread into a smile, which sets my guilt at ease, at least for a second.

"
Oh, really?" he says playfully as he nudges me back, and I'm grateful it's clear we can get past this.

"
But Rebecca sent Todd a picture of us kissing, and now he won't talk to me, so I'm not sure what's going to happen."

"
Rebecca what?" he says, his playful tone changing instantly.

I press my lips together and shake my head with raised eyebrows
. "It's true."

"
Fuuuck," he draws the word out, his tone matching exactly how I feel.

"
Yup."

"
So you haven't talked to him?"

I shake my head no and start to pull at the rug again, trying to hide from Casey exactly how hurt I am.

"You might not know this, Ash, but Todd and I don't exactly get along."

"
That might be the other reason I never told you." I smile at him.

"
Do you know the whole story?"

"
I've heard bits and pieces, but not from Todd." I make sure that's clear. "He would never really talk about it."

Casey bites his lower lip
. "Yeah, well, that makes sense."

"
Hey, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." I place my hand on his arm. It's clear he's a swimmer; every muscle in his arm is incredibly defined.

He looks over at me
, and I can see how important this is to him. Any trace of a smile is gone. "Todd dated my sister, Dylan, last year over the summer. She really liked him." He gives me a quick smile. "That seems to be a running theme." When he laughs at his own joke, I instantly appreciate that he's making this moment lighter than it really is.

I smile back to encourage him to continue. I didn
't think this is where I wanted this conversation to go, but I'm hanging on his every word. I can't wait to hear his side of the story, at least.

"
Well, they broke up at the end of summer, and Dylan was really upset when she went back to college." He pauses and looks at me. "You see, my parents care more about image and money than they do about us." He says it so matter-of-factly it makes me sad for him. "So they basically told her to suck it up. To get over it. So she did, at least on the outside. I knew she was depressed. I knew it, and I didn't say anything." He shakes his head and looks down at the same orange rug I've been pulling at.

"
Anyway, she was unhappy at school—some shit with her sorority and pressure from my parents—and she took a bottle of pills. Her roommate found her just in time." His voice cracks, revealing just how important his sister is to him. His eyes finally come back up to meet mine. "And I blamed Todd. I mean,
really
blamed him for everything."

"
I'm really sorry, Casey," I say, rubbing his arm.

He shakes his head
. "Don't be. Things are a lot better with her, and she's told me a million times it had nothing to do with Todd. I don't know if things will ever be the same with me and Todd again, though. I got him in a lot of trouble at work. We were tight before everything, and I really like your brother and Brian, but I don't think Todd and I can ever get past what happened."

"
Maybe you can." I smile at the thought.

He gives a quick
, sarcastic laugh. "Well, not now. That picture sealed the deal, I'm sure. What's with her anyway? Why would she do that?"

"
Well, you see, she hates me." I emphasize the word me. There's a lot of hate going on here.

"
Why?" He gives me a look like that is preposterous, making me smile.

"
Because she was dating Todd before me, and he broke up with her."

"
Wow. He gets around, huh?" I smack him as hard as I can, his firm bicep hurting my hand more than I've hurt him. He just grins. "You really like him, don't you?"

I
grin back. "Yeah, I really do."

***

I'm exhausted from the roller coaster of emotions by the time I actually make it home and lie down on my bed. Still no calls from Todd.

I
'm getting ready to text Sid just to confirm he's still alive when I feel my phone buzz. I pick it up, already preparing myself for the disappointment of not seeing Todd's name on the screen, but it is his name.

Can we talk?

My stomach drops as if I'm on a giant roller coaster.

Please
,
I type back and then delete it.
Is that too desperate?
Oh, who cares? I type it back and take a deep breath before I hit send.

My phone rings within seconds
, causing me to feel as nervous as the first time we ever talked on the phone. It's only been two days, yet it feels like two years.