Accidental Reunion (8 page)

‘Sorry.’ Taking a bottle of Lila’s preferred red from the wine rack, he started to open it as Lila rather shakingly took two glasses from the overhead cupboards.

It felt strange, surreal, both of them in a kitchen opening a bottle. It reeked of yesterday, felt so…so familiar that it hurt, it actually hurt.

He carried the glasses through to the lounge, waiting till Lila was seated on the sofa before passing her glass to her then joining her on the couch.

‘Yvonne and I aren’t together. We never have been,’ he said when the silence had gone on for far too long.

‘Then why did she say that you were?’

‘You tell me.’ When Lila didn’t respond he cast around for answers. ‘Maybe she likes me…’

‘Likes you?’ Lila actually laughed. ‘Oh, believe me, Declan, she likes you all right. The woman’s followed you to other side of the world, for heaven’s sake!’

‘Come on Lila, she’s not that bad. I think she just had a bit too much to drink tonight. Perhaps Yvonne thought if she said that we were on together, it might…’ He didn’t finish the sentence. Instead, he chose the safety of his wineglass.

‘Might what?’ Lila prompted.

‘Might stop us from getting back together. You see, Lila, I told her about us ages ago when we were still in Scotland. And whatever you think, she really didn’t like me then, at least not in that way. We were just friends. I wanted to move home and she’d applied for a job in Melbourne—there was nothing more to it than that. Of course I said that she could stay with me for a while, at least until she found her feet. If
Yvonne has been acting differently then it’s only in the last few weeks or so. Maybe she’s homesick or a bit lonely. And I guess if she has got a crush on me it must have been a pretty tough couple of weeks for her, what with me banging on about you all the time.’

‘You’ve been talking about me?’

‘Of course I’ve been talking about you, Lila, you’re all I’ve been going on about for the last few weeks, all I’ve been talking about since I finally made up my mind to come back home. Hell, I was hoping to bump into you at the shops one day or on the beach perhaps—but working alongside you, I couldn’t have planned that if I’d tried. I’ve been bending Yvonne’s ear, asking her if she thought there was a chance…’

He stopped talking, unsaid words hanging in the air, teasing her with the impossibility of what he might have been about to say.

His finger was running around the rim of his glass and he cleared his throat before he continued. ‘A chance for us. Whether we might be able to make things work this time around.’

Did they have a chance? From the few exchanges they’d shared it was obvious there was a lot of hurt there, a lot of damage already inflicted. And the world had changed so much since then. They were two different people now. Older if not wiser. With different goals and dreams. She sat quite still, watching his finger travelling aimlessly around the glass.

She should have left it there, waited for the morning to think things through, to open up and share with him how difficult her life was now, how a relationship with him, with anyone, in fact, was impossible.

But she didn’t.

This night was for them. Tomorrow could wait a while. Just to feel his arms around her again, feel the weight of his kiss…

She simply couldn’t let the moment pass. Tomorrow was an age away…

Leaning forward slightly, Lila took the glass from his hand, stretching over to place it on the coffee-table. She felt his eyes move, felt the weight of his gaze on her creamy cleavage, heard him swallow. He had always loved her breasts. His eyes moved quickly to hers but she knew he was aroused, knew that he wanted her, too.

She saw a flicker of uncertainty in his features, and she knew she should also feel it. But right now she needed to forget. Forget the problems, forget the pain, and let Declan make it all right, like he always had before.

‘Lila?’ His voice was husky, questioning, and she silenced him with a kiss, but he gently pulled back. ‘Are you sure?’

That they wouldn’t hurt in the morning?

No.

That she was doing the right thing?

Probably not.

That she wanted him?

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Taking his hand, she guided it to her dress, closing her eyes as he slowly pulled down the zipper.

‘I’m sure, Declan,’ she said, her voice thick with need. ‘I’m sure.’

*

Familiarity bred contempt.

It didn’t.

At least not when the hands that were holding you, touching you, were so attuned that they moved instinctively where they were needed.

When the mouth that moved slowly, teasingly across your stomach and up to your engorged and aching breasts knew when you couldn’t take restraint any more.

As the rough scratch of his thighs pushed between her legs, her body arched beneath him, desperate for a deeper closeness, desperate to seal their union.

He knew how much she needed him, wanted him, yet he made her wait. Made her wait until her long nails were digging into his muscular buttocks, until she was urging him to enter her sweet welcoming warmth.

And when finally he did, when he gave way to the primaeval instincts that engulfed him, Lila cried out in surrender, abandoning herself to the waves that swept over her. There was no need to wait now, no need for holding back, and they couldn’t have if they’d tried. They had waited for this moment long enough.

The oblivion she had craved came then. Nothing else mattered for that moment, just the exquisite pleasure that was hers and Declan’s alone.

And after as he led her to his bed, laying her down with infinite tenderness, for the longest time he held her. Stroking her, massaging her, touching her, loving her with such reverence, taking their time to get to know each other’s bodies all over again.

D
ECLAN
, I have to go home now. Mum will need to be turned.

Declan, I normally turn Mum at six. I ought to be getting back.

Lila lay in the darkness, staring at the clock, the weight of Declan’s arm solid and warm, trying to fathom how to tell Declan she needed to head for home. But no matter how she said it, it sounded wrong.

How could he even begin to understand?

What possible chance was there of them having a relationship? It was hard enough now, but in six short weeks Ted would retire, and that rendered it practically impossible.

Declan and Elizabeth had never got on in the past. Elizabeth had hated him with a passion, and Declan, well, he had tolerated her. Tolerated her idiosyncrasies, her constant snipes at him, with as much humour as he could muster.

Elizabeth was way past that now—in fact, she never spoke—but why should Declan turn his life around for a woman who had despised him? And if they were to have a relationship, that was what it would entail—a total turn-around. No spontaneous checking into luxury hotels after romantic dinners. No spur-of-the-moment trips. Every moment of
Elizabeth’s day had to be accounted for. How could Lila possibly land it on him?

She should have told him all of this yesterday, should have laid things on the line before they had gone this far.

But…Lila squeezed her eyes closed against the tears that were forming. She could never regret what had taken place. The solace she had found in his arms, the utter peace she had felt after they’d made love, would carry her through the uncertain months and years ahead.

Had she used him?

Yes.

Her only defence was that she loved him.

As she inched away his arm that was protectively draped around her, she held her breath as Declan gave a mumble of protest in his sleep. Only when she was sure he had settled again did Lila ease herself out of the bed, creeping quietly into the lounge where her discarded clothes lay. Shivering as she pulled on her underwear and slipped on her dress and shoes, Lila decided to use her mobile phone rather than risk waking Declan by using the hall phone. Unsure of the house number, Lila gave the street to the taxi company and said she’d wait outside.

‘What are you doing?’

The light flooded the room, making her blink as she stood there as guilty as if he had caught her going through his wallet.

Declan stared at her for a moment before crossing the room and taking the mobile from her. ‘Cancel the taxi order, thank you.’ His voice was curt. Clicking
off the phone, he handed it back to Lila, his eyes questioning.

‘I have to get home.’

‘Then why didn’t you wake me? I’d have taken you.’

‘You were sleeping.’ She fumbled for excuses.

‘That’s what people do at four in the morning Lila. What’s so important that you have to get back?’

Lila shrugged. ‘I just do, that’s all.’

‘Come on Lila, you’re thirty years old now. You never had to rush home eight years ago, so what’s changed? Unless, of course, you were hoping to avoid me.’

‘I…’ She stood there, mouthing silently. ‘Thirty-one actually.’

‘What?’

Lila gave a nervous laugh. ‘You said I was thirty years old, I was just saying I’m actually thirty-one.’

‘Do you want me to sing ‘‘Happy Birthday’’? Perhaps we should have a make-up class for all the bloody birthdays and Christmases you made us miss out on?’

And though she was fully clothed, while Declan stood there naked as the day he was born, it was Lila that felt uncomfortable. She looked at his face, saw the hurt, the utter confusion, and she knew it was time for the truth.

‘I have to get back to my mum, Declan. She’s not too well.’

‘So why didn’t you tell me?’ he rasped. ‘Did you think I wouldn’t understand? Did you think stealing out of bed and creeping off in the middle of the night was a better way of going about things?’

‘No.’

‘Then why, Lila?’ He ran a hand through his hair and his eyes burned with unanswered questions. He had never looked more gorgeous in her eyes, or more unattainable.

‘What aren’t you telling me?’

‘Work it out, Declan,’ she choked. ‘You’re the doctor, work it out for yourself.’ Her voice was rising now. ‘It’s been eight years since Mum was diagnosed. She’s not the woman she was. I’m going home to wet sheets and pressure-area care, and after that I’ll try and cajole her into taking a few mouthfuls of porridge. That gets me to eight a.m. You say you understand, but how can you? I’m not free to have a relationship, not free to be with you.’

‘We can work something out, Lila,’ he reasoned. ‘Together.’

She shook her head. ‘What, you’ll find a terribly nice home for her? For my benefit, of course.’

‘I didn’t say that. There must be some solution.’

Her hands shot up to her ears, a childish gesture she hadn’t used in decades.

‘Stop it!’ she shouted. ‘Stop it. There isn’t a solution, Declan.’

He grabbed her hands, pulling them away from her ears and forcing her wrists to her sides. ‘We can work something out.’ His words were loud, sharp, but devoid of any anger. ‘We can, Lila,’ he pleaded. ‘If we want to be together then we’ll work something out and get through this.’

She didn’t dare hope, didn’t dare believe there could be an answer. She hadn’t even told him the
worst of it, that in six weeks they might be looking for a new home.

She couldn’t let them get back together only to break up later, couldn’t bear to go through the pain she had endured all over again. The agony of watching their relationship die a slow and painful death was more than Lila could bear. Better the quick relief of a mortal wound. ‘Maybe I don’t want that.’ She watched him flinch. ‘Maybe I don’t want to be with you.’

‘But before…’ He gestured to the sofa. ‘Didn’t that mean anything to you?’

‘We had sex, Declan, good sex, and that was all that I wanted from you. Let’s just leave it at that, shall we?’ She hated hurting him, hated what she was saying, but it was kinder this way. Kinder than the truth. Taking on Lila would change his life. It simply wouldn’t be fair. ‘I didn’t come looking for a ring. Now, can I have my mobile back so I can ring for a taxi?’

He didn’t let her get a taxi. Instead, he pulled on some old jeans, a T-shirt and runners. He might be too responsible to drink but there was nothing mature about the way he accelerated out of the driveway.

He accepted her directions without comment. Pulling up outside her aunt’s house, he stared out of the windscreen as Lila pulled off her seat belt.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, her hand on the door handle. ‘But it really is better this way.’

He turned to face her, his lip curling with distaste as he looked at her.

‘I mean it this time, Lila.’ His voice was like ice.
‘I’m through trying to work you out. Do you know what I hate about all this the most?’

When she didn’t answer he continued bitterly. ‘I hate the fact that I’m as much to blame for all this as you are. I’ve let you walk over me again and again but this time I’m finished. I’m totally over you, Lila.’

As she stepped out of the car he sent his parting shot.

‘Have a nice life, Lila.’

*

Through her tears, Lila managed a smile as she let herself in. The lounge looked like a bomb had hit it, the video still whirring away, half-drunk glasses of wine on the table, an empty box of chocolates. At least Ted and Shirley had had a good night.

Wincing at the creak, she opened her mother’s bedroom door. Creeping over to the bed, she perched on the edge.

‘Oh, Mum.’ The real tears came then, not loud, just muffled, agonised sobs as she held Elizabeth’s hand. But Elizabeth’s hand didn’t tighten on hers. She didn’t take her daughter in her arms and soothe her child. Promise that things would be better soon, that there was a reason for this pain. There was no comfort because there was none to be had. Her mother was gone, as surely as if she had died.

As she slipped into her own bed, Lila closed her eyes and let the one comfort she had left in life hold her close. The memory of Declan’s arms around her. She had been wrong tonight. Wrong to use him, knowing it could go nowhere, yet as she remembered the passion and tenderness of their love-making she couldn’t regret it…

*

There were a lot of eyes avoiding each other on Monday night.