Accidentally Yours (19 page)

F
RANKIE FOUND
her old boss, Owen, at home. She rang the bell, impatient to share the happy news.

He opened the front door. “Frankie. What are you doing here?”

“We won.” She pushed past him, into his living room. “We won. The commission isn’t going to give Nathan the permits for his towers. Do you know what this means? We made a difference. We’ll get funding. We can start back up again. There will be press. We’ll be known as the group that took on one of the biggest developers in the country and won.”

She couldn’t stop smiling. Her cheeks hurt, but it was a good pain. A happy one. “I was terrified, but I got through it. I said everything I wanted to and it came out perfectly. He’s finished, or at least broken. That’s a start. I’ve been thinking about what we can take on next. There’s talk about a bridge and I was wondering about—”

“No,” Owen said quietly. “Frankie, no.”

She stared at him. “What do you mean, no? We won.”

“It’s too late. We’re not starting back up. Look, you did a good thing. You did more in an afternoon than we did in three years.”

“No. It wasn’t just me. It was all of us. It was working together.”

He didn’t get it. He had to get it. “We’ll start up again. We were a great team.”

“The team is finished,” he told her. “Everyone has new jobs. I start with the EPA on Monday. We all knew it was ending, Frankie. I tried to tell you. It’s over. I don’t want to try anymore.”

“You’re giving up? But you can’t. There’s too much work to do.”

Owen sighed. “Melody’s pregnant. I can’t keep asking her to live in a shithole like this.” He motioned to the tiny apartment. “We want to buy a house, have a couple more kids. I need health insurance, Frankie, a regular job that pays.”

Horror swept through her. “You’re selling out for a paycheck and health insurance?”

“We don’t all have rich brothers paying for everything,” he snapped. “Some of us don’t have the luxury of taking on losing causes.”

She flinched. “I used Nathan’s money to help the cause.”

“The cause was bringing down your brother. Does anything about that strike you as odd?” He shook his head. “Look, I appreciate your effort. We all do. But it’s over. You need to get on with your life. Maybe go see a doctor or something.”

It was as if he’d slapped her. Frankie put a hand to her cheek, then stepped back. “I don’t need a doctor.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say anything.”

“I’m not crazy,” she yelled. “I’m fine. I’m fine.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Frankie turned and ran from the apartment. She took the stairs because elevators were unsafe, then walked out onto the street.

It was raining, but she didn’t notice the drops hitting her. She stood in the rain, counting to four over and over, waiting for the calm the numbers always brought her. She counted until she was drenched and shivering, still waiting. But all she felt was alone and hopeless. Empty, with nowhere else to go.

K
ERRI PUT THE LAST PIN
in her hair. She’d ridden down in the limo with her hair in electric curlers. Very chic. But she needed curls to pin it up in the so-called casual style that was fashionable right now.

After putting on enough hairspray to withstand a hurricane, she dropped her robe on the bed and slipped into her dress. She pulled on the zipper, but knew she would have to leave the hooks and eyes to Nathan. Last she stepped into her high-heeled sandals.

“This is about as good as it’s ever going to get,” she said as she stared at herself in the mirror. She crossed to the guest bedroom door and opened it. “I’m ready, except for the back. I need you to do some fastening.”

Nathan walked into the bedroom and looked her over. “Impressive,” he told her. “You’re beautiful.”

He looked good himself, the black tux emphasizing his good looks and muscled body.

“Thanks,” she said. “I’m nervous about the party.”

“You’ll do fine. The worst you’ll have to deal with is everyone staring at you because you’re so stunning.”

If only, she thought humorously. “I think I can handle it.”

“We’ll see.”

He fastened the back of her dress, then pulled a black velvet box out of his jacket pocket.

“Don’t get too excited,” he said. “These are on loan.”

Borrowed jewelry? Just like the stars on award-show night?

She practically bounced with excitement. “Is it sapphires?” she asked. “Something so big and bold it’s tacky. Because I’m comfortable with tacky. Tell me it’s huge, please? Please? It’s just for the night. I can handle it.”

He opened the box and she nearly fell off her high heels.

It was sapphires and diamonds. Lots of both. Big, beautiful stones that glinted and glimmered and screamed that they were fancy and expensive.

The drop earrings had a yummy square sapphire at the top and bottom with an impressive line of diamonds in between. The necklace was more subtle—alternating princess-cut diamonds and sapphires getting larger and larger toward the center. The matching bangle bracelet was a double row of the same.

Kerri’s excitement was tempered by the heady math of figuring out how many lifetimes it would take her to pay back the price of anything lost.

“How much is it all worth?” she asked, not sure she wanted to know.

“About half a million.”

“Dollars?”

He picked up the necklace and slipped it around her neck. “It would be less in euros.”

“Right.” Breathe, she told herself. She had to remember to breathe. “You, um, have insurance, don’t you?” she asked, trying not to faint as she held up one of the earrings and realized the bottom stone had to be at least three carats.

“Don’t worry about it. We’re covered.”

“Even if I lose a stone? Not that I want to, but it could happen.”

He bent down and kissed her shoulder. “Relax. Have fun. Nothing bad will happen.”

She wanted him to be right about all of it. She wanted to relax and enjoy the night. All of it.

Rather than make Tim drive her back so late, she was staying over. Michelle had Cody and had promised the same as Nathan—that nothing bad would happen. Of course her friend had also made her promise to spill details about the upscale party and the hot sex sure to follow. Kerri planned to at least talk about the charity event.

Thirty minutes later they walked into the hotel
ballroom. The space was crowded with the well-dressed cream of Seattle society. There was a stage at one end where the auction would be held later, and draped tables along the side with pictures of the various items available through the silent auction.

“You can bid on a trip to Aruba,” she murmured, catching sight of one banner. “I’ve never been to Aruba.”

“It’s nice,” Nathan told her. “You’d like it.”

“I don’t even have a passport.”

“Do you want to get one?”

“Not tonight.”

He drew her hand into the crook of his arm. “Ready to be introduced and gawked at?”

“Sure. I’m okay with this. Hanging out with rich people. I’ve been telling myself they’re not all that different. Some are really nice and some are mean and they all have problems.”

“Good attitude.”

She let him lead her into the first small crowd. There were introductions and a blur of names and faces. Kerri smiled and nodded, making mental notes about dresses and jewelry and who was drinking what.

“You’ll get the tower on appeal,” one man said. “Damned commission. Why do they have to care so much about the environment?”

“Hard to say,” Nathan murmured.

“Without jobs, without a thriving economy, we’ll
have plenty of time to hang out with the spotted owl. You’ll get them, Nathan. You’ll win. You always do.”

The man and his wife moved on. Kerri watched them go.

“I like owls,” she said.

Nathan laughed. “I’m not surprised.”

“So you’re not going to tell anyone that you’re not appealing?”

“There won’t be an announcement. I didn’t see the point.”

She faced him. “You’re giving up because you don’t deserve to win?”

“I’m walking away because it’s not worth the fight.”

As he wasn’t someone to give up easily, she had to believe him. But was his decision a good thing or a bad thing? And what was going to happen to them? Was there even a “them” to worry about?

She knew that all she had to do was ask and Nathan would tell her the truth. The problem was she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the truth. Not tonight.

He touched her cheek. “I’m glad you’re staying the night,” he told her.

“Me, too.”

“Would you be more comfortable staying in the guest room?”

She leaned close. “I’m not here for the charity, big guy. I’m here for the sex.”

He laughed. “Good. Me, too. I’ll go get us both a
drink. What do you want? They have very expensive champagne.”

“I’ll start with that.”

He kissed her cheek. “I’ll be right back.”

Kerri watched him go.

“He never looked at me like that,” a woman in a beautiful black gown said with a sigh. “I would have given anything for it to happen, but it didn’t.” She smiled at Kerri. “Betina Hartly.”

“Hi. Kerri Sullivan.”

“Congratulations. I didn’t think anyone would catch Nathan. After his divorce, he simply wasn’t that interested in getting serious.”

Kerri forced herself to keep smiling. “We’re not serious.” At least she didn’t think he was. “We’re, um, friends.”

“If that was friendship I saw, then he and I were distant acquaintances. It’s all right. I don’t mean to pry. I guess Nathan is the one who got away. I’m curious.” She held up her left hand and wiggled her fingers to show off the massive wedding set there. “Not that I’ve locked myself away or anything. Still. Nathan. I’m impressed.” She smiled again. “Have a nice evening.”

Nathan returned with the drinks. “Who were you talking to?”

“One of your old girlfriends. Betina.”

“Hartly,” he added. “She married into a big banking family.”

“Big banks or lots of family members.”

“Big banks.”

“You dated her for a while.”

He sipped his champagne. “Are you asking or telling?”

“Asking.”

“A few weeks. It wasn’t serious.”

It had been for Betina, Kerri thought, wondering whether she would suffer the same fate. Remembering Nathan and knowing he never thought about her.

“Are there a lot of Betinas lurking in the shadows?”

“A few, but you don’t have to worry.”

Before she could ask why, her cell phone rang. She set down her champagne and reached for it, telling herself there was no reason to panic but already feeling the cold sweeping through her.

“Kerri? Thank God.” Michelle’s voice shook. “It’s Cody. Oh, Kerri, I’m so sorry. Please. You have to come right away.”

N
ATHAN LOOKED
out the window as Kerri changed from her evening gown to the jeans and T-shirt she’d worn that afternoon on the drive down. Her quickly packed suitcase lay at their feet in the back of the limo.

“You’ll want these,” Kerri said, handing him the jewelry.

He dropped the pieces into his jacket pocket. “You all right?” he asked, knowing the answer and realizing it was a stupid-assed question.

“Fine.”

Sure. Her kid had collapsed and was being rushed to the hospital. She was great.

She slipped on athletic shoes and tied them, then pulled pins out of her hair and finger-combed it until it hung in loose curls down past her shoulders. When she finally leaned back in the seat, he turned to her.

“I’m sorry,” he told her.

“I know.”

“This isn’t your fault.”

She looked at him, her blue eyes wide and dark with pain. “You’re going to tell me that it isn’t any
one’s fault. That this was going to happen regardless. Cody’s disease is progressive. I know the drill.”

“But you don’t believe it.”

“No, and you’re not going to convince me. You’re the one who won’t pursue the condo tower because you think it will make up for you ignoring your sister for years. We all do what we have to in order to get by.”

He knew she was right. The problem was he didn’t know how much she blamed him for specifically.

“I can stay,” he told her. “At the hospital. I want to stay.”

“You’ll need to get back to Seattle.”

“No, I won’t.”

She stared out the window. “There’s nothing you can do to help.”

She did blame him. He shouldn’t be surprised. He should walk away—it was what she wanted.

But what did he want—from her, from them? Was there a “them”? Kerri had lied and blackmailed her way into his life. He should be happy to be rid of her. But he wasn’t.

An hour later they pulled up in front of the hospital. Kerri was stepping out before the car had come to a stop. Despite what she’d said, he went in with her. A frantic woman hovered by the door.

“Oh God, Kerri, I’m so sorry,” Michelle said, her eyes filled with tears. “I don’t know what happened.
One second he was fine and the next he was on the floor. I was so scared.”

“It’s okay,” Kerri told her. “You didn’t do anything. This was going to happen. I’m sorry you had to deal with it.”

Nathan moved next to them. “Go find Cody,” he said. “I’ll talk to your friend.”

Kerri nodded and jogged down the hall. He turned to the other woman. “I’m Nathan.”

“Michelle. Brandon’s mom.”

“It wasn’t you,” he told her. “You couldn’t have done anything to stop what happened.”

Michelle shook her head. “You can’t know that.”

“I can. I’ve been through this already. Beating yourself up won’t help. Kerri’s going to need a friend. Don’t let unnecessary guilt come between you.”

K
ERRI BENT OVER
Cody’s unconscious body, her hand holding his as she willed him to wake up.

“Come on, baby,” she whispered. “Open your eyes. Say hi. Tell me a joke. You know I love your jokes. You make me laugh and right now, laughing would be a good thing. Come on, Cody. Just open your eyes.”

Nothing happened. His breathing was steady and she told herself that was a positive sign. She hadn’t seen the doctor yet but knew he’d been paged.

Fear gripped her. Icy-cold fingers of terror twisted
around her muscles and made it hard to think about anything but the worst.

Cody couldn’t die. Not now. Not without them talking to each other again.

He was pale and looked so small, lying there in the hospital bed. He had an IV in his arm and there were several pieces of scary-looking equipment nearby. Fortunately none of them were hooked up.

“You’re not that bad,” she said desperately. “Come on, you know you’re not. You’ve got a long way to go. Stay with me. Stay with me. You’re strong. I know you’re strong. You’re always—”

His eyelids fluttered. “Mom?”

“Hey, you.” She kissed his forehead. “You really scared Michelle. She’s got a streak of gray hair that has your name on it.”

He shifted slightly, then groaned. “I hurt.”

She pushed the call button. “I’ll get the nurse in here. They’ll give you something.”

He closed his eyes then opened them again. “What happened?”

“I don’t know. Michelle said you were fine one minute, then you hit the floor. I’m sure it was impressive. I’m sorry I missed it.”

Cody managed a faint smile. “Me, too. My head hurts.”

“Rumor has it that you’re fine. No permanent damage. You’re going to be a little flat on that side, though. It will make finding hats difficult.”

He chuckled, then moaned. “Don’t. My chest hurts.”

The nurse came in. “Mrs. Sullivan?”

“Kerri.”

“The doctor is on his way. He’ll want to talk to you.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

The nurse walked up to Cody and checked his pulse. “Handsome, you’re awake. I know you’ll want to start making demands. That’s what all this is about, isn’t it?”

“He hurts,” Kerri told her. “Do you have something for the pain?”

“I do, right here.” She winked at Cody. “It’s magic. I’ll put it in the IV. You won’t feel a thing.” She injected a liquid into the IV line. “Take a couple of breaths and the whole world will look better.”

“Thank you,” Kerri told her.

“No problem. We’re on a schedule here.” The nurse smiled at her. “We’ll keep him comfortable.”

That was important, Kerri knew. Gilliar’s Disease was cruel in many ways.

She pulled up a chair and settled in next to Cody’s bed. The painkiller went right to work and in a matter of minutes he was sleeping. She waited until she was sure he was comfortable, then went in search of coffee. It was going to be a long night.

As she stepped out of the room, she was surprised to see Nathan in the waiting area. He rose when he saw her.

“You didn’t have to stay,” she told him. “I thought you’d go back to Seattle.”

“I wanted to hang out here for a while. See what’s going to happen.”

He knew what was going to happen, she thought, suddenly angry. Cody was going to get worse. He was going to suffer. It was going to be awful for all of them.

“I’m not giving up,” she told him. “I won’t let him go. I know you’re going to tell me I should, but I don’t believe that. So you can just forget it.”

“I agree. Hang on as long as you can.”

What? “You don’t mean that.”

“I do. You have a kind of faith I could never find. Hold on, Kerri. Hold on forever.”

He wasn’t supposed to say that, she thought as her eyes began to burn. He was supposed to fight her. Being mad at him, at the world, made her strong.

“I don’t want you here,” she said. “You should go away.”

“You need me.”

“I don’t. I don’t need anyone. Cody and I are fine by ourselves. We’ve always been a team. There isn’t room for anyone else. You’ve only made things worse.”

She knew she wasn’t making any sense, but that didn’t seem to matter. She was desperate to find the inner strength to go on, by any means. Right now she didn’t care about fair.

“You still blame me?”

“Yes. For everything. It’s all you. Go away. Go away, now.”

She sounded like a petulant child, she thought, embarrassed. But calling back the words was impossible.

“You only hired me for the tower project and if that’s over, then you don’t have any need for me. I’m fine. You have business in Seattle. Take care of things there.”

“Kerri, this isn’t helping.”

“Do you think I care about that? About you? Do you think you matter? You don’t. You never will. I only love Cody. Only him. He’s all I have.”

Tears filled her eyes. She blinked them away, but more came and more until they were spilling down her cheeks.

She wanted to collapse onto the floor and sob out her pain. She wanted to take it all back and tell Nathan the truth—that she’d fallen in love with him. But if she loved him, didn’t that mean Cody would die?

Without saying anything, Nathan wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. She started to fight him but didn’t have the strength. It was so easy to sink into him, to let him be the strong one.

She cried, her tears burning, her body shaking. She cried because her son was dying and no matter what she did or how she bargained, she couldn’t make him better.

“I don’t want him to g-go,” she sobbed. “Make it stop. Make it stop.”

“You don’t know how I wish I could. I hate feeling this helpless, Kerri. I would do anything to save Cody.”

She believed him, because he knew. He’d lost a child the same way. He’d suffered and been empty and a thousand other horrors she couldn’t begin to imagine.

“I can’t do it,” she whispered. “I can’t be strong for him anymore.”

“Sure you can. It’s what you’re best at. You’ll be Wonder Mom because that’s what Cody needs to hang on.”

“I can’t let him go.”

“No one is asking you to.”

A
BRAM HOVERED
in the hallway until he was sure the boy was alone. Right now he had nothing to offer Kerri Sullivan and he couldn’t imagine facing the grieving mother. When he saw her leave and heard one of the nurses telling her to avoid the beef stew in the hospital cafeteria, he knew he had a few minutes until she returned.

He knocked once on the open door, then stepped into Cody’s room. The boy looked at him.

“Hi. I’ve seen you before. Are you one of the specialists?”

“No. I’m a research scientist.”

“Yeah. We went to your lab. The one here in town. Are you going to fix me?”

“I’m still trying.” He reached into his lab pocket and pulled out several small bottles. “I’ll be taking these to your doctor. Some may make you better, some may make you worse. We just don’t know.”

Cody looked small in the adult-size hospital bed. He wore pajamas instead of a gown and there were toys piled next to him.

“It would probably be good to start with the one that works.”

Abram smiled. “An excellent point. We’ll do our best. There’s a whole team working on a way to manage Gilliar’s. We want to slow the degeneration, but so far we haven’t made much progress.” He paused and frowned. “Are you too young to hear this? Should I stop?”

Cody managed a smile. “You’re the grown-up. You get to decide.”

“I think it is better to know than to wonder. What do you think?”

“I want to know.” The smile faded. “I’m going to die, aren’t I? My mom says I’ll be okay, but she kinda has to, you know? It’s a mom thing.”

“Yes, it is.” Abram wasn’t sure what to say to the child. He was a great believer in the truth, but this wasn’t his son. “There are always questions about what will happen,” he said instead. “You’ve had a better run at the disease than many.”

“But I’m still going to die.”

“We’re all going to die.”

Cody closed his eyes. “That’s cheating. Don’t cheat. Then you’re just like everyone else.”

Abram pulled up a chair and sat next to the boy. “Yes,” he said slowly. “You will die.”

“Soon?”

“I don’t know. There’s so much I don’t know.”

Cody opened his eyes. “What’s it like to die?”

Abram considered the question. “I have no firsthand experience myself,” he began, only to stop when the child laughed softly.

“I think it would be bad to have a dead doctor,” Cody said with a chuckle. “Even a really good one.”

Abram smiled. “An excellent point. What I meant is I’m a research scientist, not a physician. My experience with dying is limited. I know you will be sedated at the end. You probably won’t know what’s happening. It will be like sleeping and then you’ll be gone.”

If he was lucky, Abram thought. For some, the pain could not be controlled. He found himself wanting to pray that Cody was one of the fortunate ones.

“It’ll be real hard for my mom. I’m the only one she has.”

“Death is most difficult on those left behind.”

“Thank you for trying,” Cody said. “I know my mom kind of forced you.”

“She reminded me about what was important.” As had Linda. “I will do everything I can to save you, Cody. I have a whole team working on a cure. We all think about you and pray for your recovery.”

“Sweet.” He shifted, then winced. “Maybe they could do something to make it not hurt so much.”

“We’ll put that on the list.”

A nurse walked in. “It’s time for more medication. How does that sound?”

“Good. I’m tired.”

“I’ll bet you are.” The nurse looked at him. “And you are?”

“That’s Dr. Wallace,” Cody said. “He’s going to cure me.”

“Lucky you.”

Abram held out the bottles. “There are instructions on each of them. The order and the timing is very important. You’ll find the approval is already in the chart.”

He rose. “Goodbye for now, Cody. I hope to see you soon.”

“Me, too. And if you don’t find a cure, I’ll let you know what it’s like to die. So if you have to, you can tell another kid it’s okay.”

Abram didn’t know what to say to that. Unexpected emotion flooded him, making it difficult to speak. He nodded at both of them, then walked out. When he was in the hallway, he leaned against the wall and tried to catch his breath.

He needed a miracle, he thought grimly. A last-minute reprieve. But as far as he knew, there weren’t any in sight. If only he‘d started sooner. If only Cody Sullivan’s disease hadn’t progressed so far. If only…

In science there were no if onlys. Just the truth and protocol and more attempts to find the answer.
Which left the very real possibility that they were all going to be too late to save the boy.

K
ERRI DID HER BEST
to relax. Linda had shown up at the hospital and insisted she go home to her own bed, at least for a couple of hours. In theory it was a good idea, but Kerri couldn’t stop thinking about Cody, which made it impossible to sleep.

Everything hurt. Her whole body ached because her son was dying and she couldn’t do anything about it. She could only stand by his side and pretend to be strong. It sucked. The whole damn situation sucked.

She sat, then rose to her feet and walked into the living room. Tim and Lance looked up from their card game.