Accused (Ganzfield) (7 page)

He frowned. “Even Trevor?”

I grimaced at the sound of his voice—so much for discretion, Seth.
Especially Trevor.
Where’s Zack?

“Gone. He and Ann left this morning. Took three sparks and a healer. Rachel had a vision of Belinda.”

She’s not—?
I hoped Rachel wasn’t putting the baby at risk by taking dodecamine. She’d already been exposed in the first months of her pregnancy.

“Unenhanced. We don’t know how accurate she is without meds.”

Sudden panic twisted through my gut. Zack wasn’t here and I
needed these horrible memories out of my head. I needed to be with Trevor, and I couldn’t put all of this pain and ugliness into the head of my sweet, wonderful man.
When’s he coming back?

“A few days, at least.” Seth answered my unspoken question. “If he’d’ve known how important it was for you to see him, maybe he wouldn’t have gone.”

Next to me, Trevor stiffened and sat up straighter. Dammit! How was I going to get rid of all this crap in my head?

Greg pulled the car up in front of Blake House. Apparently, I looked bad enough that the first stop was the infirmary. Matilda gasped when Trevor and my mom brought me in.

“Maddie! What did they do to you?” Her West African accent grew stronger when she was upset.

I flinched as she brought her hands to my face. She stopped, probably processing that my exaggerated startle reflex meant more than physical trauma. “I’m going to do an assessment now.” She spoke as through trying to soothe a feral animal and was careful not to make any more sudden movements. “It looks like you might have a dislocated jaw.”

I forced myself not to move away as she laid her hands on either side of my face. She gave a sudden, strong push with her palms and the dull pain at my hairline cracked sharply through my skull. I cried out, but Matilda was already pulsing healing energy through the area.

“How long ago did this happen?”

I shrugged. I neither knew the answer, nor had a way to tell her.

“It feels several weeks old. No wonder your weight is down. It must have been painful for you to eat.”

I hadn’t really noticed. I hadn’t wanted to eat.

Matilda closed her eyes as she completed her assessment. She gave me a gentle smile before turning away to write some notes on her desk. Trevor helped me into the annex, setting me on the first cot in the row. The shades were drawn against the afternoon sun and the room was too cool for my light clothes. I pulled into a defensive little ball, wrapping my arms around my knees.

My mom followed us in. “Honey, what do you need?” She seemed to be itching to get closer. I knew she wanted to talk with me, to help me deal with the horrible things running through my mind. I shook my head. Whatever she’d gotten off that touch in the courtroom, she’d already felt more than enough. My mom looked hard at me for a moment, and then turned back to the infirmary and ransacked Matilda’s desk.

She held out a notepad and pen to me. “I’ll stay out of your head, if that’s what you want. But do you need anything? What can we do to help?”

I looked at Trevor. He stood next to me, stiff and distracted. I needed to be able to connect with the love of my life as pure energy—to share all of my thoughts and feelings with him without misunderstandings or complications—but I just couldn’t let him see the horrible things in my memory. I needed Zack to charm them out first.

I need Zack,
I wrote to my mom. I twisted the pad to show it to her and suddenly winced as the needle pricked my arm.

Dammit! Matilda had just given me a dose of dodecamine. So much for getting my head clear beforehand. This was all messed up.

“I’ll go see if I can track him down.” My mom headed out to the main building.

Trevor’s hand on my shoulder dug in almost painfully, and then suddenly let go as though it’d jumped off. “You need ZACK?”

My brows crinkled together. Why did he seem so angry?

“I’ve been sick with worry for months and, as soon as you get back, you need ZACK?”

Oh, crap.

I felt dismay welling up within me as Trevor stomped from the infirmary. I closed my eyes and bit my lip, forcing myself to remember how to breathe. He’d been anxious and hurting all this time, too. I stood to go after him, but the sudden head-rush made my vision go black and the world tilt beneath me. I felt Matilda’s hands guiding me back down. “Maddie, you need to lie still for a while.” She turned the lights down. It was the first time I’d been able to lie in the dark in two months. Exhaustion pulled me into sleep before I had a chance to fight it.

Hunter unzipped his fly and I tried to fight him off. He punched me in the face and I felt the pain… felt him push me down. And it wasn’t in my head. He was actually—

“Maddie!”

I woke in the dark, gasping for breath and still trying to fight off my dream attacker.

“Maddie.” I knew Trevor was here. I could hear his thoughts strongly again and I knew he’d seen my nightmare. The dodecamine must be fully in my system now.

Trevor? What are you—? I thought—
I was making no sense, not even in my own head.

“You wanted Zack to charm the memories away, didn’t you?”

Sadness radiated from him in waves the color of dirt. “So you wouldn’t share them with me.”

You shielded me
. I was stating the obvious. He’d come back to the infirmary while I was sleeping. I didn’t know how long he’d sat by my side, holding my hand, and then pulling a mental shield around us when I’d started dreaming.

“I knew… I knew you wouldn’t want to throw any nightmares while you were in here.”

He’d shielded me. He’d been feeling angry and hurt, and yet had still cared enough to come back and…
Oh, Trevor.

A sudden wave of emotion slammed into me, washing great, wracking sobs out of me. I cried uncontrollably, unable to stop. Gulping breaths couldn’t bring enough air into my lungs. Trevor gathered me up in his arms. My face contorted with pain—with the overwhelming force of it all.

Trevor pulled us up and carried me out of the infirmary.

I felt Matilda startle, but she watched as I clung to Trevor’s neck.
He’ll make sure she’s all right.

As soon as we were out the door, Trevor used his ability to speed us across the open space in front of the main building. I could feel most of Ganzfield gathered in the dining hall for dinner. We flew down the wooded path to our church. He slowed to key in his code as we approached the door.

Inside, he held me as we sank to the floor and I bawled without a mental or physical audience. Tormented emotions pulled and twisted at his heart. He wanted to know what had happened to me, but he was afraid to find out. He felt guilty for leaving me in Hunter’s custody, even though he knew I’d needed him to go for help. He was angry and frustrated with how long it’d taken to get me back, and he was mad at himself for not immediately figuring out why I’d been asking for Zack.

Trevor, I don’t want you to see all the ugly stuff in my mind.

I want to help you. You’re hurting. I want to make you whole again.

It’s bad.

Then Zack can wipe my memories when he does yours. I don’t want you in pain anymore. It kills me to feel you in this kind of pain.

I finally caught my breath.
Let me take a shower first, okay? I… I just want to feel clean.

In the bathroom, I froze as I caught sight of myself in the mirror over the sink.
Ah, hell.
I finally understood why everyone was so shocked by my appearance. My cheeks were sunken and hollow. The skin around my eyes was a bruised purple, and the rest of my face was pale and drawn.

I looked like a cadaver—an
underfed
cadaver. Ugh.

I took a long shower, letting the hot water steam up the mirror and cloud away my dead-looking reflection. My ribs and hipbones jutted against my skin as I soaped up. I must’ve lost fifteen pounds—maybe twenty—and I’d been pretty trim before. Now I looked ready to star in a
Lifetime
movie about the dangers of eating disorders.

I dried off, finding the clothing Trevor had left just outside the door. I pulled the fleece top over my PJ-pants, glad that the pants had a drawstring since I needed to cinch them to keep them up. I then brushed my teeth for the first time in two months.

Ick. How nasty has my breath been all this time?

Trevor had changed into sleep clothes, as well. He waited on the side of his bed in the center of the sanctuary, head in hands, worrying about me. I crawled into his embrace and wrapped my arms around him.

Can I just tell you instead of showing you?

He nodded and braced himself emotionally.

Oh.
Oh!
He saw that dream… he thought it’d actually happened, like my recurring nightmare flashbacks from the attack in the van.

Trevor, except for getting hit in the head a few times, I wasn’t physically touched.

He tried to make sense of that.
Then your nightmare—

Hunter came up with things that would torture a telepath, but not a “human.” At least, that’s the way he thought of it.

Trevor’s arms tightened around me. I could feel him blinking back tears of relief.
Is it really selfish of me to be happy about that?

It’s like what Belinda did to you a few months ago, when she charmed those fake memories of cheating on me into your head. I really was relieved that it was mental, not physical. So trust me, I understand.

But he hurt you.

Yeah, he did.
I started from the point where I was taken from the airport. I told him about the hospital, about the drug addicts in withdrawal, and the bullet and stab wounds. I told him about the underground cellblock with the loud music and the sleep deprivation, and how relieved I was when he and Seth and Drew had turned up.

Did Seth give you my message?

Yeah, but it looked like he was being tortured when he said it.
Trevor suddenly blanched at what he’d thought to me.
Oh, God. Maddie, I didn’t mean—

I tightened my arms around him.
Don’t worry about that. I’ve heard worse.

Sorry.

I hesitated, steeling myself, and then tried to clinically explain the rest of Hunter’s mental torture in a cool, detached way. It didn’t work—I began to shake and cry again. It was too strong in my head. I felt like it had stained my soul.

Trevor wrapped himself around me and waves of love flowed through me. I was safe. I was home. I would be all right—
we
would be all right. He wiped the tears from my face, holding me gently, lovingly. After so long apart, there was an unfamiliar quality to being with him again. I wanted that to go away—for everything to be like it was before all this had happened.

I tilted my head up to meet his eyes. It was like I hadn’t been able to really look into them yet—to meet his gaze without feeling like I had to hold things back. My breath caught in my chest. His beautiful, warm, brown eyes were filled with love. I felt the pull begin between us… and then felt Trevor’s hesitation.

I don’t want to rush you.

My hand slid up to touch his cheek. I suddenly felt the wonderful reality of being in Trevor’s arms again—like every-thing had shifted back into focus.

Safe
. I’m safe.
I opened my soul to Trevor, letting him feel my love for him—my sense of being safe with him. We let the world dim and the energy grew between us—tender and strong—filling us both and taking us beyond our physical bodies so we could connect as souls.

Afterward, we lay in each other’s arms, feeling restored and whole again. That jittery, lonely insecurity was gone. We both felt the worst of my trauma drain away. I smiled into Trevor’s eyes, feeling how underused those facial muscles had been. Could smile muscles atrophy?

Trevor grinned back, hearing my thoughts.
I think we’ll need to do some intense rehab to restore those muscles.
I reached up and traced his lips with the tip of one finger. Invisible fingers combed through my hair in a slow, soothing rhythm. The sense of unfamiliarity was gone.

I reluctantly left to go up to my bed in the loft. I’d almost risk another broken leg just to be able to stay in Trevor’s arms, but sleep was pulling me and Trevor would be here in the morning.

Every morning.
He smiled.

I climbed the ladderlike stairs to the loft, collapsed into my too-cold bed, and was instantly asleep.

CHAPTER 6

I watched it from the sidelines—like it was happening to someone else. Hunter punched me in the head, shoved me down, and unzipped his fly. Across the room, Trevor fought against the manacles that held him back, forcing him to watch as Hunter—

“Trevor!”
Oh, my God in Heaven.
This was
Trevor’s
nightmare. I was watching horrible things happen to my dream-self in Trevor’s dream. I forced my way over to him—moving in that too-slow dream motion—and finally threw myself to block his view. “Trevor! TREVOR!” I grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to focus on the real me. “You’re dreaming. It’s just a dream!”

“A dream?” The anguish in his voice rasped at my heart.

“It’s a dream.” I said again, cringing as a tortured scream came from the dream-me behind me.

He tried to focus—to change the dream—but it wasn’t working; he was too upset. Finally, he just grabbed a chair with invisible hands and threw it. Hard.

Something crashed around the sanctuary, waking us both.

DAMMIT!
A shuddering horror filled my mind. My arms wrapped around my head, squeezing tightly, trying to could hold back the flood of pain and guilt.

“Maddie? Are you okay?” Trevor vaulted up beside me, radiating concern.

I was so selfish! I should’ve stayed in the infirmary!

“Maddie, it’s okay.”

It’s NOT okay! I… I polluted your mind!
Like Hunter had polluted mine. It was like a mental virus or something.