Across Eternity (14 page)

She laughed as she turned and laid her legs across his lap. Scooting down, she
rested her head on the cushioned arm. "That was amazing. They were so
much fun."

"I’m glad you enjoyed them."

She closed her eyes. "How could I not. I know I’ve already told
you but you are so lucky to have them."

"Yes, I am."

"I can’t believe it, but I’m exhausted. And the funny
thing is I didn’t really do anything." When he started rubbing her
feet she sighed. "
Mmmm
, that feels good."

"They loved you."

She opened her eyes. "Do you think so?"

"Of course."
He rolled his finger in
between her toes and grinned when she flinched. "My mom said you’ve
captured my heart." His hands became still as he stared at her toes for a
moment. When he looked down the sofa at her, he spoke, "You have. But
then I’m sure you already knew that."

"I like hearing it."

He grinned. "You do, do you?"

She nodded as she pulled her feet from his hands and moved down the sofa
toward him. Lifting her leg over his lap she straddled him, fitting herself
tightly to him. She framed his face with her hands and then her fingers went
through his hair resting at the back of his neck. "You’ve captured
mine too," she whispered.

Logan smiled.

"I’m assuming the woman you sculpted was me, yes?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

He fingered her hair. "I think it was therapeutic in a way. As you
know I don’t sleep much but at that time when I was actually able to doze
off you were instantly there. It bought me time until I could actually touch
you."

"Did I look like the sculpture? I mean was I nude when you dreamt of
me?"

"Sometimes you were." He was quiet, and then he said.
"Every night, you always changed.
Your hair color, your
skin, your height, and your eyes."

"Which one did you like the best?"

"It doesn’t matter what you look like—it never has."

"Why?"

"Because it’s always you."
He
pulled her closer. "And every change brought me pleasure." He
smiled gently as he ran the tips of his fingers over her lips.

She kissed his fingers before he pulled them away. "Did you
win?"

He nodded. "Much to my mom’s horror, I did. And the last time I
checked the piece was still displayed in the museum."

Slowly, she leaned down and dropped a single kiss on his lips.
"I’d love to see it." She kissed him again, this time a
little longer. "Will you take me there?"

"I will take you anywhere you want."

Her eyes never left his as she pressed herself against him and adjusted her
hands. Moving her head slightly she kissed him deeply.

"Amber—"

She silenced him with another kiss. This one causing shivers to rip through
both of their bodies. Her hands ran over his shoulders as her tongue touched his
lips, lingered, and then moved into his mouth. She tasted the sweetness of the
wine they’d had with dinner and the strong masculinity that was such a
part of him. It was an intriguing combination that made her want more.

The kiss deepened even further and became even more intense when Logan
glided his hands tenderly down her spine. Lacing his fingers behind the small
of her back he pulled her closer to him.

"Logan," Amber said, breathlessly as she pulled away and leaned
her forehead against his. She closed her eyes, trying to catch her breath.
"Oh, God."

She could feel his chest rising and falling and she could hear the rapid
beating of his heart. She wanted to take it slow. She needed to take it slow,
but slow was a million miles away. Lifting her head she took a deep breath and
looked at him. "Don’t stop. Just keep going," she begged.

"Amber, I want you to—"

"Remember first. I know. I will remember. Just touch me." She
kissed him. "I know it will all come back to me if you make love to
me," she whispered in between kisses.

Logan moved his head to the side. "Amber—"

She stopped and looked at him. "Why is it so important?"

"Because there are things you need to know.
Things
that you must remember."

"Then just tell me them."

He sat very still.

She moved off of him and stepped away. "If I never remember,
you’ll never make love to me, is that it?"

"No, that’s not it."

"Then why? Why are you still pushing me away?" When he
didn’t answer her question she turned. "I’m tired. I’m
going to turn in early."

As she walked away, Logan dropped his head in his hands and blew out a long
breath. He knew the moment he met her he would be taken by her but he’d
never anticipated the actual feeling of it because it would have been just too
much for him to comprehend. This was almost too much to bear. If she looked at
him like that again—if she kissed him like that again he’d never be
able to resist her. He stood up and walked into the kitchen, shaking off the
notion. He wouldn’t do that to her. He could never give in to the desire.
He knew she would eventually thank him for this.

After a quiet lunch in town, in a restaurant that Logan didn’t own,
they drove to San Juan Capistrano to see a matinee at the Regency. Following
the movie, they drove down to the beach and went for a long walk.

"You know what we need," Logan said. "We need a
kite."

"I haven’t flown a kite since I was a kid," Amber replied.
"And I’m sure the kites they make nowadays are way cooler than the
little pieces of plastic I had when I was a kid." She rested her head on
his shoulder as they walked. "When was the last time you flew one?"

"I don’t think I’ve flown one since I was a kid
either."

"Not even with Kevin?" she asked somewhat surprised.

He shook his head as he thought. "No, now that you mention it,
I’ve never flown a kite with Kevin. I think next time they are up
I’ll have to make sure we do." He put his arm around her shoulders
and drew her into the crook of his body. "However, I do remember the last
time I flew a kite though."

"Tell me about it."

He turned his head into the wind for a moment. "In Napa Valley we
don’t have these nice coastal breezes so we inland kids had to actually
wait for a windy day. I remember there was this huge storm blowing through town
and a few of us neighborhood kids wanted to fly our kites. I went into our
garage and took one of my dad’s fishing poles. I pulled off the fishing
line and put my kite string on the spool. "

She looked over at him and smiled.

"We were having a contest to see who could fly theirs the highest. I
won."

"I bet you did."

They watched a surfer in the distance ride a wave and then Logan guided them
off the beach and to the sidewalk. The foot and auto traffic was busy as they
made their way down the walkway in the direction of their car. "Before we
head back home, do you want an ice-cream?" Logan asked.

Amber glanced into the sun. "An ice-cream sounds nice."

Hand in hand they crossed the road twice to get to the small ice-cream shop,
which was located on the corner. Logan chose a double scoop, one of chocolate
and the other of pistachio. Amber chose two scoops of strawberry. Pulling two
napkins from the holder, Amber handed one to Logan.

"Thank you," he said, as he wrapped it around his cone.

She smiled as he held the door open for her and they walked back outside.
"You’re welcome and thank you."

She turned her head to the side and licked a drip running down the cone.
"This is so good."

"We parked the car down this way." Logan pointed. They stopped
at the cross walk and waited for the signal to change. "Take a taste of
this pistachio, it’s fantastic."

Amber pulled her hair to the side and took a lick. "Mmm, that is
good."

When the signal changed they each took a step into the cross walk. At that
moment everything happened so fast. Amber felt Logan’s hand shove her out
of the way as a car turned right into their path. Her ice-cream went flying as
she stumbled back a few feet before she caught her balance and was able to
move. It took another fraction of a second for it to register what had just occurred.

Brakes screeched as the car came to a jolting halt. People on the sidewalk
all rushed to the other side of the car, toward Logan, who Amber realized she
could not see. Frantically, she pushed past them trying to get to him.

"Logan," Amber shouted.
"Oh, my God,
Logan."
She pushed at the group trying to make her way through.
"Get out of my way." She rounded the front of the car to see the
driver jumping out. "What the hell is wrong with you," she screamed
at the terrified man as she hit the hood of his car with her fists. "What
were you thinking? You were driving like a maniac." She pounded the car
again.

Her eyes followed the driver as he got out and began nervously looking for
the person he had just hit.

"No, no, no," she mumbled under her breath as she shoved a
person out of her way. "Move, please move." There were too many
people she couldn’t see. Where was he? She looked around hysterically,
glancing everywhere for him. "Logan," she said desperately. Then
she began shouting his name. "Logan, Logan."

"He’s okay," a voice came from the crowd.
"He’s okay. Here he is."

Amber watched as people parted and she could see a man helping Logan up from
the ground.

"He’s fine. He wasn’t even hit," the Good Samaritan
said to the gathering crowed. "That was a close call, you’re one
lucky man."

The driver of the car reached Logan. "Sir, I’m so sorry. I
didn’t even see you." He ran his hand through his hair. "I
thought it was my light. I didn’t see either one of you. Are you
hurt?"

Logan straightened his shirt and dusted off his legs. "It’s
okay," he said calmly to the driver. "I’m fine." It was
as he turned, and thanked the man who had helped him up, that he saw Amber
standing in the crowd of people several yards away, completely paralyzed with
fear. Her look caused his gut to tighten, he knew something wasn’t right.
He had to get her out of there, before she totally lost it. Logan turned his
attention back to the diver. "No harm was done." He pointed.
"You better move your car. There is a lot of traffic backing up."

"Are you sure you don’t need to see a doctor?"

"I’m fine. Just a few scratches that’s all." Logan
shook the hand of man who had helped him and then waved off the crowd before he
quickly walked over to Amber. "I’m fine," he said to her very
calmly as he approached. Her eyes were wide with uncertainty, her posture was
stiff, and her complexion had turned an odd shade of pale.

She didn’t move.

Not here
he,
thought. They couldn’t do this
here. He swore under his breath. This was not the time for her to remember.
Damnit.

"I’m going to be sick." She pressed her hand to her mouth
as she tried to stifle a sob.

"Amber, look at me. I’m not hurt. I jumped out of the
way," he said logically.

Her hand moved to her chest as she almost gagged. "I’m going to
be sick," she repeated.

It was like she couldn’t hear him. Logan took her by the arms gently
to try and get her attention and break her out of the trance like state she was
in. "No, you’re not. Just take a deep breath. You’re scared
that’s all."

"No, no, no," she mumbled over and over quietly to herself.

"Amber, look at me. You’re fine and I’m fine," he
said evenly. "We’re both alright."

Amber finally looked at him, but her stare was empty and unclear.
"That’s not all. I—I—I," she couldn’t get
the words out. "That’s not all."

Logan glanced at the people around him. "I know that’s not
all," he said as he moved in closer to her. "But we can’t do
this here," he whispered.

She stared at him, unable to move, unable to speak.

"The car is right down the road." He reached for her hand.
"Let’s go."

"Logan," she said his name desperately as she followed
despondently behind him for a few steps.

He stopped mid step and pulled her trembling body tightly into his arms for
a quick moment. His hand cupped the back of her head and he whispered in her
ear. "I know what just happened was very scary, I also know you’re
confused and that this accident most likely triggered a memory. Am I right? You
remembered something, didn’t you?"

She nodded and she clung to him.

"I want nothing more right now than to hold you and comfort you and
help you through this. But we can’t talk here. We have to go home. We can
work thorough it there." He kissed her ear, ignoring the lingering people
who were still staring "You understand?"

She nodded again.

"I know this is hard, but everything going to be okay."

She nodded again.

He pulled away and kissed her cheek. The worst feeling settled over him when
he looked at her. "Trust me, Amber."

They were both deadly quiet the entire ride home. Dread that grew stronger
with each passing minute and mile hung over them. Neither of them commented on
it but both felt it. Logan had known this moment would happen. This just
wasn’t the way he wanted things to come out.

Logan tossed the keys on the counter as they both filed into the kitchen.
Neither of them spoke. They just stood there quietly waiting for the other to
initiate the conversation. Logan backed up to the counter and leaned against
it. Amber stood on the opposite side of the island, eyes averted, hands
trembling.

"You’re going to have to talk about it," he said as he
stared blankly at the floor. He knew he could give her more time, but he could
give her all the time in the world and she still wouldn’t be ready. He
would have to gently pry it out of her.

Amber shook her head.

"Amber—"

"It makes me sick to even think about it." Her hands went to her
stomach.

"Take a deep breath—"

"Breathing isn’t going to help," she insisted irritably.

A deep breath may not help her but it would sure help him.
After a few cleansing breaths, Logan spoke again.
"We
can’t pretend like it didn’t happen."

Something inside Amber suddenly snapped and she quickly looked over at him.
"Why are you so calm?" she demanded.

"
Me
getting upset isn’t going to help
any."

"Why are you acting like you
know
?" She
stared at him though he wasn’t looking at her. "You do, don’t
you," she said abruptly. "How is that possible?"

"Why don’t you tell what happened—"

"No," she shouted at him. "Why don’t you tell me
exactly why you want me to remember," she demanded. "Damnit, answer
the question, Logan. Why should I have to tell you when you already
know?" She felt the energy between them brimming and contracting and
drawing them tighter together. "You said you’d tell me anything.
Tell me why. Why do you want me to remember?"

"Because it will make things easier if you remember on your
own," Logan said sympathetically, though he couldn’t look at her.
He wasn’t sure he was strong enough to see the pain and emotion in her
eyes. "You need your own memories, not the ones I put there." He
waved his hands. "It’s complicated and I don’t want to add
any unnecessary…"

"Unnecessary what?"

He shook his head. "I don’t know," he snapped.
"Problems, emotions, feeling, memories, I’m not sure, I just know I
want you to remember in your own way. Then I won’t have to convince you
it’s true. You’ll know on your own." He ran his hand over his
face and sighed. "Amber, please tell me what happened."

Her gut tightened as she moved around the room, watching him, feeling the
tension develop, and knowing there was more to it than what he was saying.
"I know things happened quickly, but when I saw that car and then you
fell and I couldn’t see you, something in me changed for those brief
moments."

"What changed?"

"I couldn’t feel you."

"Go on."

"For a moment you were gone."

His jaw clinched as she spoke the words.

"I felt empty and alone. Even when I saw you get up and I knew you
were okay I still felt like I had lost you."

Logan couldn’t look in her eyes it would kill him if he did.

"You were gone, Logan. Gone," she shouted as she pointed an
accusing finger at him. "There’s something you’re not telling
me."

He was quiet. For a very long time he was quiet.

"Am I right?"

"You know the answer to that question."

"Is this what you wanted me to remember? All this time was for this
memory?"

He nodded.

Silently, Amber allowed his words to soak in. "Why would you want me
to remember something so horrific? Why after all this time? Of all the memories
we have shared, the lives, the love, why would you want me to remember what
it’s like to…" she couldn’t say it.

He supplied the word for her. "Have me die."

"I’m not stupid Logan. I know we die—it’s the only
way we can come back. If we’ve had many lives together we’ve also
have many deaths together. There’s no news flash there. What I want to
know is why it is so important for me to discover this on my own and why
now?"

"Why did Heather die? And I’m not talking about what caused her
death."

"It was time for her to go." Amber answered, but wasn’t
really sure why the topic had shifted from them to her sister. "She was
ready."

"How do you know she was ready?"

"Because she told me she was." She moved and leaned against the
wall. She had the feeling she was going to need the support. Something about
him made her nervous. "When she was diagnosed she said she knew it was
her time and she was ready," she explained.

"Do you think that people are truly ever ready to die?"

"Yes, I do." Why wasn’t he looking at her?

"And you believed your sister when she said she was ready?’

"Of course I did."

"What if I told you I was ready?"

She felt like the life had been knocked out of her, causing her lungs to
collapse and any words, which she might have spoken, were shoved back down her
throat. She clutched the wall fearing she’d fall if she didn’t.

"Amber?"

How she managed to get the words out she’d never know.
"I’d ask you to look at me when you told me something like
that."

For the first time, his eyes held hers. "I’m ready," he
whispered.

Something in her stomach lurched causing her to catch her breath. "Are
you sick?" she demanded as she moved to him with lighting speed. When she
reached him, she sank to her knees as a sense of despair swept over her. He sat
down beside her. Perhaps, this was what she’d been feeling. Perhaps, deep
down she knew there was something wrong with him. Her fingers shook as they
found his and squeezed them tightly. She looked up at him, her eyes brimming
with concern and welling with tears.