Addictive Lunacy (5 page)

I was thirty-fucking-three for Christ's sake!

Thinking of which, did I even know this pretty little thing's age?

Had I asked?

I was two seconds away from whimpering like a girl. And only because she hadn't given
herself
to me, yet. I had been determined not to take it from her and still, not getting her body was driving me insane.

Livana’s cat-like blue eyes were wide and slightly closed off now. “Did you just say you broke up with your
fiancé
yesterday?”

Fuck! Had I really admitted that without realizing it?

Apparently, I had.

5

             
“D
id you come out tonight looking for some sort of physical rebound or something? What is this, have sex the moment you’re single?”

             
“No! I told you, I was supposed to meet my brother. I’m sorry, this wasn’t supposed to happen. It got out of control. You...you turned me on too much and I wanted to tell you earlier but things got out of hand.”

             
Her eyes had watched me, looking like they were trying to read my mind.

             
“Are you serious about that?”

             
“You saw yourself that I wasn’t comfortable flirting. I haven’t done something like this since I was a kid. Probably not even then.” And I hated myself for admitting something like that to her but I also couldn’t stand the look of censure that was starting to bleed into her eyes.

             
Liv mumbled under her breath, her small jaw twitching. “I can’t believe I’m going to do this.”

She tucked a strand of that
blond
hair behind her ear before turning to look me in the eye. “Look, Calum. I’m attracted to you. I like you...in a way I haven’t liked anyone in a while. But not enough to do this. We both know how irresponsible it would be. I don't want to come into something where the other person still has emotional hang-ups because I don't. So here's my number. Wait a while and then if you're still single and interested, give me a call.”

“But how long?”

“However long it takes.”

“I never really cared about her that way.” Another thing I couldn’t believe I’d confessed but I was staring at the business card she’d just given me with a slightly shocked and numbed brain.

She was leaving? Just like that? Funny, I’d wanted to stop what we were doing because it would be right but now that I’d accomplished that, I was regretting it more than I had thought I would.

“Good. Then I shouldn't have to wait long. But there's no way you're fucking me the very next day after. Good night, Calum.”

I had been forced to stand there and watch her leave. She’d given me one last look over her shoulder before pushing the door open and exiting the bar. It wasn’t until a few seconds had passed that I realized two things.

Yes, she’d actually given me her number.

And I was still wearing her hat.

That had been a week ago and in that time, that damned business card had almost burned a hole through my brain. I tried to convince myself to just leave it at home, in my office, where it wouldn’t be around to remind me all the time. But instead, the thing had found a permanent home in my wallet, where it taunted me from within, reminding me that I could call her at any time.

No. Not really. She’d made it clear and she was right. Besides, I’d already told her the truth, there was no going back. I’d been single for a little over a week; this was definitely not the right time to pursue her.

But I wanted to. There was no denying it.

It took the same amount of time for my damned brother to finally show his face. He’d finally come in to see me and in the mental state I’d been in, I’d made the mistake of letting him know how displeased I was.

Oh, and why.

No one said I was running on
any version of
high
–
intelligence at the moment.

             
“So...you met a hot chick at the bar
—
”

             
“A
twenty
–
one
year old
—
”

             
Because although I hadn’t called her, we’d had a text conversation a few days ago when I text her to
remind
her
that
I still had her hat. Don’t ask me why I decided to find out her age then, but I did.

             
“A
very
hot twenty-one year old, by your own admission. And you guys hooked up.”

             
“We
almost
—
”

             
“Damn it, Calum. I still don’t see why you’re so pissed. What exactly is the problem?” Lucas glared down at me, the look of incredulity familiar. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’d been seeing it in the mirror for the last week.

             
“The problem is
…
” I gritted my teeth, stopping. I was really hating what I was about to do. But I didn’t have any close friends aside from Dorian. Acquaintances abounded; true friends were rare in my circles.

And for some Goddamn reason, I couldn’t bring myself to talk to Dorian about this even though I knew that talking to
Luke
about it might be the worst decision ever.

             
Seriously, think about this. Luke?

Who, by the way, was still looking down at me and waiting for me to continue.

“The problem is, I am in no position to just go out there and attempt any type of relationship, seduction, an affair, or whatever you want to call it. I just became single.”

             
“But it’s just sex. You obviously really want this girl. I’ve never seen you this worked up over anything and I definitely never heard of you doing anything this spontaneously rash. I’m proud right now. Or, I was, until you started bitching at me like a little girl. Why not sleep with the girl? You told me yourself that she kissed you first.”

             
Luke had that stubborn look in his eyes. It was the same one he got anytime he didn’t understand where I was coming from. This was nearly all the time. Despite this, the man always thought he knew what was best for me.

             
“It’s not going to work out that way. She wanted me right up to the point I told her I had just become single. She might not be shy but she does have issues with sharing her body with a man that was recently engaged.” And I respected that.

It also made my situation worse. I wasn’t sure if she was in the habit of freely sharing her body but at the least, she wasn’t the type to just jump in no matter what the circumstances
were
.

             
“I really don’t understand why the fuck you had to let her know that.”

             
I glared up at my
“
little
”
brother, feeling like I wasn’t going to get anywhere with him. Which was most likely the truth.
I should have just called Dorian.

             
“Okay, Mr. Honest-to-a-damned-fault. If it’s hopeless with this Liv chick, then you can go out there and find someone else to sleep with.”

             
“This isn’t just about that,” I snapped, letting my pen fall onto my desk. The resulting sound seemed to echo throughout my suddenly too quiet office. I swear to God, if Luke didn’t get that look off his face in two seconds...

Luke’s face twisted with confusion. “But you barely spent a few hours with the girl.”

             
I stared up at him, reaffirming in that moment something that I had always believed about him. Luke was probably the only man I knew that had definitely never had any type of relationship outside of the sexual.

He’d once admitted that he’d never felt anything for a woman other than lust. To him, women really were nothing more than bodies to use. He could never possibly understand what I was going through.

             
I honestly had to wonder which one of us was better off.

             
“I never said it wasn’t ridiculously stupid and although I understand I am attracted to this girl too much, I have no logical explanation for it. But I still blame you for this. This would’ve never happened if you hadn’t invited me, convinced me, and then ditched me.” I didn’t really blame him for it; after all, it’s not his fault Liv existed.

But the outraged look on his face did make me feel a little bit better about my situation.

             
He liked to annoy the shit out of me. Time had come for me to do the same to him.

             
Luke opened his mouth, looking comically annoyed.

The door to my office opened before he could say anything else. One of the new girls I’d hired as an intern walked in. She was a family friend from long ago, the daughter of one of my mom’s best friends, and she’d recently moved back from France with her mom.

             
Angelina had a folder in her hand and as she walked towards my desk, I was surprised that there was no recognition on Luke’s face.

No, wait. There was something on his face but it sure as hell didn’t look like recognition and I couldn’t place what the look on his face meant.

“This just arrived from accounting, Mons
—
sir.” Angelina spoke slowly, her French accent slightly bleeding through. Her mom had moved to France with her when she’d been only four. She spoke English fluently, albeit with a trace of an accent. An accent she was trying really hard to eliminate, I could tell.

             
I accepted the folder from her. “Thank you, Ms. Molyneux. Anything else?”

             
“No, Monsie—I mean, sir,” she said, catching herself again.

             
Not only was her accent still around, she seemed to be trying to speak only English words. Useful in the business world but not necessary. Almost everyone
we dealt with
knew French.

“Angelina, please. There’s nothing wrong with your accent or vocabulary and I do think your mom would have an apoplexy if she found out that you were trying to get rid of both.”

             
Angelina looked down at me, her hands on her hips. “And who’s going to tell her,
Monsieur
Alexander?”

             
I knew the child she’d once been. I remembered how stubborn, impetuous, and out of control she
had been
when she was young. I managed to hold back my smirk when I answered her. “I will, if you give me reason to.”

             
She merely raised an eyebrow at me, somehow still looking polite while that one brow screamed “insolence”.

             
Sigh. The things I do for family friends.

Not that it bothered me having her here. She’d only started a few days before and she was already showing promise. I’d known her mother since Luke and I had been kids. Her mom and my own had been inseparable, even when they had resided in two separate countries. That is, until my mom died five years ago.

             
“Do you need anything else?” Angelina asked.

             
“Tell Janelle I said hi when you speak to her.”
             

             
“Wait. Janelle? Molyneux?” Lucas’ eyes went wide as he stared between Angelina and I. “Shit...Angie? That’s you?”

6

             
A
ngelina gave Luke a smile.
“I
was wondering if you’d ever recognize me.”
             
             

             
“Recognize you? No. I don’t think I recognize
you
at all. But, damn...it’s really you, isn’t it?”

             
“No,
Monsieur
Alexander. I am merely a
fantôme
born inside your mind due to all of your partying.” Angelina gazed stoically at Luke as I tried to hide my laugh behind my hand.

             
I failed, naturally.

             
Luke, meanwhile, was staring at her with a shocked look
.
H
is mouth kept opening and closing as if he wanted to say something but didn’t exactly know what.

             
Had I paid more attention, I would have realized what the look in his eyes meant. I would have noticed that his face was actually turning red.

But I realized none of this. I had actually stopped looking at him, my eyes falling to my desk as my mind let go of the small distraction before me in favor of returning to my large fixation.