Adira's Mate (7 page)

He shot her a curious look, but
didn’t push it. “I’ve made a number of strategic retreats to gain the upper
hand,
or to allow us time to rethink the situation. Only
once have I ever pulled back entirely from a fight I wasn’t completely sure I
could win. I’ve never felt the need to beat an opponent where I’m outgunned, or
outmanned, for the sake of pride. If I feel I can’t win, I’m more than willing
to withdraw.” He fell silent for a moment. “Is there anyone on your home world
you’re leaving behind with a pining, and quite possibly broken, heart?”

That had her grinning. “No.
Not at all.
There is no one that ever was more than someone
to ease a biological ache. The only person that I’m leaving behind is my
brother.” She heard the sadness in her own voice and added, “He’s an admiral in
the Fleet. He’s fought many wars but has pulled back from only one as well.
Odd, don’t you think?”

“
Not really. We can’t win them
all, and it takes a wise and strong leader to know when the battle’s lost even
before the first shot is fired. To get to positions such as mine, or his, you
have to prove you are willing to not only commit, but also to make the hardest
choice of all. To retreat until a better day comes that favors you over your
opponent.”

“
It’s
eerie how much like Petr you
sound,” she blurted. “I like it.” She lay her head back on his shoulder and
asked
,“
And
you have told me that
there is no one home waiting for you. Do you have family?
Sisters,
brothers, mother, father?”

“
No, there is no one,” he said
quietly. “My mother died during an outbreak of some sort when I was barely old
enough to move under my own power. My father was in the Armada, and died in
battle when I was in training as a young man. Could barely shave, yet I’d lost
everyone I considered mine. Bracken was there to get me through the loss of my
father. For that, I can never repay him.”

“
Heavens, I’m so sorry,
Fintan
.” She caught her lip between her teeth. “That’s a
fear that I think everyone with a spouse in the services has, the fear of
losing them.”

“
True,” he agreed. “But that’s a
depressing topic, and one I think we should avoid for the moment. I believe
it’s my turn to ask a question, so I think I’ll ask something a little harder.
What is your favorite part of a sexual relationship?”

“Hmm,
that is a very hard
question.” As strange as it was,
Adira
wasn’t shocked
by his inquiry. If anyone had the right to ask her that question, it certainly
was him.
Adira
closed her eyes and thought about it
for a moment.
“Learning.
Yes, I know that’s a strange
thing to say is one of my favorite parts, but there it is.
Learning
about myself, about my partner.”
Although there were things she hadn’t
been able to experience as of yet. “Although, honestly?” She pulled back so she
could look at him. “I haven’t experienced what I’ve needed as
of
yet. I haven’t found someone that I could give all of my
trust to and allow him to ensure our mutual satisfaction.”

“
Trust is very important,
especially the more adventurous you get. The more you test the limits, push the
boundaries and explore, the more trust is required between partners. You need
to know that, no matter what happens, your partner’s first thought is always on
you and your pleasure.”

She didn’t say anything for a
time, but finally she nodded. “I trust you.” Those three words hadn’t been
spoken by her before to a male, not when it came to sex. She trusted her
brother, but this was physical trust, sexual trust that she gave to
Fintan
.

He looked stunned for a moment,
then
a softer, heated look slid over his face. Cupping her
cheek, he leaned in to press a kiss to her lips. “I trust you as well,
Adira
. More than you’ll ever fully know,” he said, and
kissed her again.

“
Good.” She brushed her nose to
his and nodded. “In a relationship we must have trust, right? If we aren’t able
to fully trust each other, then we can’t very well be able to trust ourselves.
Right?”

Fin
nodded.
“
Absolutely.
You have to trust so you can
give fully of yourself, and so you can also receive everything your partner has
to offer. Without it, it’s shallow and empty.
Which really
makes for a rather awkward and meaningless endeavor.
” Stroking a finger
down her cheek, he pulled her head back to his shoulder when he settled into
place once more. “Next question,” he said to her.

“
Do you have a home outside of
your ship? I know some men in the service prefer to keep their ship as their only
home, but not all.” Her brother had homes outside of his ship but rarely saw
them.

“
Only
an apartment in the city, a few moments from the port.
I’ve always found it too large
for myself, but with position
comes
certain amenities.
I was considering purchasing a home outside the city, but it seemed foolish for
only myself, and would take me too far away when I might be required to ship
out.” There was a moment’s pause before Fin began to tell her a bit about the
city. “It’s beautiful, the city. It’s not like the country but the city has its
own charms that are second to none. I will take you to the market one day. They
line the roads with their
wares,
they barter and trade
with one and all. It’s a sight that I’m positive you’ll enjoy.” His hand
caressed her hair as he spoke.

“
I’d like that.” She nodded and
rubbed her cheek to his chest, her hand stroking him lightly. “What other
questions do you have for me,
Fintan
?” She wanted him
to know everything about her that he might possibly need to know.

“
Many, many questions,” he said.
“I don’t want to embarrass you, though, with them. Since we don’t know one
another as well as I’d like yet, I’m holding my tongue. They are very personal,
very intimate, and will require a lot of detail in the answers.”

“
Fin, you can ask me anything at
all. If I can answer it, I will. I won’t be all weird on you, I promise,” she
assured him. “You should be able to ask me anything, if we are going to be in
this together.”

“
You’re right of course.” He
shifted
slightly,
lifting one of her hands up, and
began to play with her fingers. For a time he was quiet. A quick glance made
her think he was considering his words. “First I think I should tell you
something, put it out there, see if it’s something you’re comfortable with.
Which you will need to be if we actually bond, because it is who I
am.”

Fin looked to her then, met her
gaze dead on and held it for a time. “I don’t know if the
Imarians
are aware of this or not.
Craegin
males are highly
dominant. We’re naturally this way, always have been, likely always will be.
Our women, while submissive, are by no means under our thumbs. The males of my
race are aggressive, but we channel it specifically so that we maintain a
societal balance, and so we’re not always in scuffles and such, if that makes
any sense at all.”

That had her frowning and she
tilted her head, moving so that she could look at him. “Okay. No, I didn’t know
that about your people, but I’m okay with that.” She felt herself blushing, the
heat moving across her cheeks and the bridge of her nose. “I actually like
that.
A lot.
With the position that I have, I’ve never
been able to let go and give in to the needs inside of myself. I’ve had to put
up walls to keep from showing the desires that I’ve always had inside of me.”

“
This isn’t something that gets
turned off when we leave our home,
Adira
,” he said.
His voice held a warning. “It’s all the time, forever. I’m not the type that
will manage every second of your day, but there are rules that will be followed
at all times whether I’m with you or not. If you want to work you
are more than welcome
to, most of our women have jobs, some
are even in our Armada. That is completely up to you, and what you feel is best
for you.”

“
I’m a medical doctor. Would you
be able to use someone like me?” she asked quietly. “And I don’t mind it being
all around the clock. I really don’t. As long as you would know that there
would be some things that I couldn’t do. But I would tell you what it
was,
ensure that you knew my limits fully.”

“
All
things that we’d discuss and put into writing.
A contract between you and
I
, and only us. The
particulars of
whatever we agree upon is
for only the two of us, no other. The rules,
though, are non-negotiable and are not only for us, but for all of
Craegin
society. They aren’t that difficult, or hard, and
there are only a few to know and live by.”

“
And what would those rules be?
These are something that I will need to know before your people pick us up,
perhaps?” She wasn’t sure if she would learn more about his world and rules for
his society before they were picked up or if she would have to learn while on
the destroyer that would take them to his home world.

“
Yes, you should know what they
are.” Lifting her hand, he pressed a kiss to her fingers,
then
nipped at a fingertip. “The main one is to always be respectful. This is of
everyone,
myself
included, especially when outside our
home. Inside our home you are more than welcome to speak your mind. I welcome
it, in fact. It will allow us to better figure out our dynamics. But never,
ever get confrontational with someone outside our home, no matter if you think
you are in the right. If you see a potential problem you take me aside, tell
me, and I’ll handle it. I know that may chafe a little, or a lot because of
your previous position in
Imarian
society, but things
are very different in
Craegin
society.”

That had her frowning but she
understood. “As the head of the Medical Ministries I was used to making
decisions, the hard ones that I hated to make. I think maybe it will be good to
be able to allow someone else to make those choices.” There was a moment’s
hesitation before she added, “However, sometimes I might see a situation in a
different light. Will you be able to take my insight on the situations or not?”

“
As
long as you are not confrontational about it, of course.
As I said,
Adira
,
you can tell me
anything,
say anything to me without
fear. I want to know what you are thinking, hear your opinions, and I will even
solicit your advice as I hope you would mine. But that is in private. In public
you must maintain that level of absolute respect to everyone, no matter what is
going on.”

She nodded and chewed her lower
lip. “And you will help me through that?” She trusted him, though perhaps it
was odd that she trusted him as much as she did. “It sounds as if this is like
some of the relationships that I’ve viewed on my world as well. It’s a
Dominant/submissive relationship.” She wasn’t certain if he would believe her
or not, but it was something she had secretly always wanted.

“
It is precisely that,” he told
her. “Some on my world prefer the Master/slave dynamic, but that has never been
to my tastes. I don’t want a woman that has no voice of her own, and I
definitely don’t have the energy to run her life as well as my own. That’s why
we have the rules. It gives you the guidelines I expect you to live by, and yet
still affords you plenty of freedom to be your own person.” Leaning in, he
pressed a kiss to her nose. “I will always help you,
Adira
.
With anything you need. I do not plan on throwing you into this and seeing if
you make it. I intend to be there to guide you as we learn together about who
we are as a couple.”

She smiled and nodded. “I like
how that sounds.
That you will be there for me, to guide me
in all that I do.”
It warmed her; deep inside it made something inside
of her shift slightly and reach out to him. She needed him, she realized in
that moment. She needed him in her life, always.

“
We’ll both have a time of
training, so to speak, as we get started.
Both for you to
learn the rules, and for us to learn one another.
Not every
Dominant/submissive relationship is the same, so we can’t be expected to fit
into a mold. What works for us won’t necessarily work for
others,
and the reverse is also true.
Also why we will do the contract.
We will do it for a set amount of time with specific guidelines, and at the end
of the time we renegotiate, adjust, add, or take away certain things. There
will be hard lines, things I will never do to you no matter what, and you’ll
have things you will never allow me to do to you. That I doubt will ever
change, but the future is fluid so I can’t say that with any certainty.”