Affirmation

By Sawyer Bennett

All Rights Reserved.

Copyright © 2014 by Sawyer Bennett

Published by Big Dog Books

ISBN: 978-1-940883-10-6

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

No part of this book can be reproduced in any form or by electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without the express written permission of the author. The only exception is by a reviewer who may quote short excerpts in a review.

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Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Epilogue

Things
are off, and I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Ever
since Marissa showed up this past weekend and took Gabe, Matt has
been a little withdrawn. When I ask him what’s wrong, he gives
me a bright smile and says ‘nothing’. When I try to talk
about something personal, he deflects and gets me turned around in
another direction.

Some
things are the same. For example, the sex is still nuclear and
consistent. We can’t get enough of each other and for that, I’m
thankful. Still… I feel like I’m grasping onto Matt,
like he’s on the verge of slipping away, and that is causing me
a lot of anxiety.

“That
smells fantastic,” Matt says as he comes up behind me while I
stir the spaghetti sauce. He puts his hands on my hips and leans his
chin on my shoulder to watch me cook. It’s a simple gesture,
but one that gives me hope that maybe things will be okay.

“Why
don’t you set the table? This will be done soon.”

“Sure.
Will Macy be joining us?”

I
shake my head. “She’s got a date, and by date, I mean she
has a one-night stand.”

Chuckling,
Matt grabs a few plates and silverware to take to the table. “I
thought I used that service a lot, but Macy takes the cake.”

Turning
to look at him, I try to keep the jealousy out of my voice. “Exactly
how often were you using it before you met me?”

Setting
the last fork down, he turns to gaze at me, with a knowing smile on
his face. He walks up to me and holds my chin between his thumb and
forefinger. Leaning down, he gives me a light kiss. “I used it
a lot, Mac. But none of those one-night stands ever compared to you,
and I don’t miss it in the slightest.”

And
just like that, Matt has erased some of the uneasiness I had been
feeling about our relationship.

After
dinner, we both get comfy in my living room. I have to review a
deposition transcript, and Matt is watching ESPN’s Sports
Center. We sit beside each other companionably until I finish, which
is indicated by the fact I throw the transcript on my coffee table
and give a huge yawn.

Matt
practically pounces on me. “About damn time you got done. I’ve
been dying to fuck you.”

Giggling,
I wrap my warms around his neck as he kisses me like his life depends
on it. “You could have had me at any time,” I tell him
when we come up for air.

“I
was trying to be a gentleman,” he says as he lifts me from the
couch and carries me back to my bedroom. “But I’m not
feeling so gentlemanly now. Think you can take it a little rough?”

I
slide down the front of him when we reach my bed, feeling how hard he
is already, and a thrill of excitement goes through me. “I can
take anything you’ve got.”

Eyes
firing hot with desire, he pulls me back to him and crushes my mouth
with his. It’s carnal, possessive, and I love it. Just as he’s
pulling my shirt over my head, his phone starts ringing. The ringtone
is
Heart’s Barracuda,
and Matt tenses up when he hears it.

“Fuck,”
he says, stepping away from me and taking his phone out of his
pocket.

Connecting
the call, he holds it to his ear and snarls, “What do you
want?”

I
watch as he listens to, who I’m guessing is Marissa, on the
other end. The ringtone sort of gave it away, but Matt’s
demeanor pretty much solidifies it. He listens for several minutes,
his face getting even tighter. He even clenches one hand in a fist
until the skin on his knuckles pales to white.

“Absolutely
not,” Matt says. “I won’t agree to it.”

He
listens for a bit more, and I can practically hear him gritting his
teeth. Then his face changes, softens slightly. His voice is warm and
open. “Hey buddy. So what do you want to do this weekend?”

Again,
Matt listens and his eyes close as if he’s in pain, causing my
heart to lurch for him.

A
wounded smile graces Matt’s lips, and he says quietly, “Okay,
Gabe. Sure… I’ll see you soon.”

Another
two seconds and, apparently, Marissa is back on the phone because
Matt says, “You fucking bitch. Don’t ever pit him against
me like that again, or I will sue you for full custody.”

Then
he disconnects the phone and just stares at it.

Taking
a step forward, I lay my hand on his arm. “What happened?”

Matt
seems caught off guard and looks at me in surprise. Then his features
smooth out, and he says, “Nothing. Marissa’s taking Gabe
to Hershey Park this weekend.”

“But
it’s your weekend. You were going to take him to Coney Island.”

Matt
gives a harsh laugh, and his voice is bitter. “Yeah…
doesn’t work that way with Marissa. Not when she bribes Gabe
and then puts him on the phone to tell me how much he wants to go. I
can’t say no to him, and she knows it.”

His
body is radiating tension, and I feel the driving need to take it
away. I step into him, wrapping my arms around his waist. Laying my
cheek on his chest, I rub his back. Up and down, side to side, round
circles. His heartbeat is galloping under my ear.

“Can
you take her to court or something to get her to stop doing this?”

Another
harsh laugh from Matt, but he doesn’t answer me. Instead, he
pulls my face up and starts kissing me. It’s instantly deep and
sensual, his tongue knowing immediately how to pull me into the game.
I think briefly about pulling away and making Matt talk to me, but
it’s like he senses my thoughts.

He
murmurs against my mouth, “No more talking, Mac. Just fucking,
okay?”

His
voice sounds pleading and needful, and it’s not so much that he
needs my body… he just needs to not think about Marissa and
her evil ways. He wants to purge thoughts of her and what she does to
him out of his memory.

While
I really want to have a conversation about this with Matt, because I
think he needs someone to vent to, I know that it is much easier to
give into his physical needs right now.

I
relinquish myself into the lust and passion that always flows hot
between us. Within minutes, we are naked and he is sunk deep into my
body.

I
unlock my apartment door and push my way inside, immediately
depositing my briefcase on the floor as I kick off my shoes. I’m
exhausted.

“What
are you doing here?” Macy asks as she walks out of the kitchen,
holding a glass of wine.

“I
live here. Or did you forget?”

Macy
turns around to head back into the kitchen, and I follow. “I
didn’t forget. It’s just you’re usually over at
Matt’s, or Matt is here with you. This is like the third night
in a row you’ve been here… by yourself.”

My
shoulders sag under the pitiful reminder that it is indeed the third
night in a row that Matt has begged off spending with me. I’m
sick with confusion over this.

“So
what’s the deal?” Macy asks as she pours me a glass of
wine and hands it to me. She has something cooking in the oven, and
it smells heavenly.

Sighing,
I shrug my shoulders and lean against the counter. “I don’t
know. Last three nights he’s apologized, said he has a ton of
work to do, and kisses me on the forehead with a promise we’ll
get together soon.”

Macy
looks surprised and gives me a devilish grin. “I’m
surprised Matt can go that long without banging you.”

I
grimace in return. “Well, he didn’t really go that long.
Right after he told me he couldn’t come over tonight, he locked
my door, pushed me up against the wall, and screwed the hell out of
me in my office.”

“Nice,”
Macy says, genuinely impressed.

“No!”
I insist. “It’s not nice. He’s pulling away from
me, Macy, and it’s tearing me up. This is how he was before.
Just wanting the sex and no intimacy. I’ve been feeling it ever
since that weekend Marissa took Gabe away.”

Not
to be deterred, Macy sort of nudges my shoulder with hers. “But
you got to admit… pretty hot screwing you right there in your
office, right?”

Rolling
my eyes, I take a deeper sip of wine. “Yes, that’s hot,
and I’m the first to admit I like that stuff. But I’m
afraid that we’re heading back to where that is
all
there is between us.”

I
finally get a sympathetic look from Macy. “Have you talked to
him about it?”

I
snort hard and take a gulp of wine. Waving my glass, I say, “Talk
to Matt? Are you kidding? Like an actual conversation? Any time I
try, he sidetracks me with sex. He’s deflecting me by preying
on my ovaries.”

“Maybe
he just needs a little time. I mean, this stuff with his ex-bitch
just happened. Don’t get all upset now when he may snap out of
it in a few days.”

I
empty my glass of wine and pour another. Perhaps she’s right.
Maybe Matt’s just having a few rough days, and I need to have
some patience with him. It’s hard though, because although it
was never brought up again between us, I certainly have not forgot
the night I was drunk and confessed I loved him. Yes, I remembered
that clearly the next day, just as I remembered he didn’t say
the words back.

So
I want to have some patience with him, and I want to help him work
through his woes, but the feeling is made even more desperate by the
fact that I’m in love with him and the thought of losing him is
crushing.

And
worse yet, Matt is just a portion of my woes.

At
the beginning of the week, Matt introduced Kylie Wynn to the firm,
the newest attorney on our legal team. She wasn’t an employee
of Connover and Crown, but Matt was contracting with her to help work
the appellate case on the
Pearson
trial that he had lost a few weeks ago.

While
Matt is fully capable of handling the appeal on his own, his trial
load over the next several months is insane, so he wants extra help
to work the case.

After
Matt introduced Kylie to the firm, he called her and me into his
office to discuss the appeal.

Let
me just say, I hated Kylie from the minute she opened her mouth, and
for a variety of reasons.

First,
she’s one of those lawyers that thinks her shit don’t
stink. Yes, I know that is bad grammar, but it punctuates my feelings
rather well. She is condescending, rude, and arrogant, except with
Matt, of course. She talked to me like I was a third grader, and
spent an inordinate amount of time blowing rainbows up Matt’s
ass.

Second,
and this is not being said with any hint of partiality or bias, but
she has the hots for Matt. I can tell, and worse yet, I know Matt can
tell. Oh, some of her signs are subtle, such as licking her lips and
bending forward to expose cleavage.

Other
signs are not so subtle, like the way she sits in a chair and crosses
her legs just so her skirt slides up and exposes the bottom of her
thigh-high stocking. To Matt’s credit, his eyes didn’t
stray down, but then she made a big production of pulling her skirt
down in the hopes of garnering his attention. It was at this precise
moment that I had seen enough and clumsily happened to knock my glass
of water over on the table.