Affirmation (7 page)

Regardless,
I got a grand total of two hours of sleep between four and six AM,
which was when my alarm went off. When I drifted off around four,
Matt had me wrapped up in a tight embrace, spooning against me. When
the alarm woke me, his side of the bed was cold, and just like that…
Matt and I were officially done.

So
what’s a girl to do after a night of mind-blowing sex with the
man she loves who doesn’t love her in return, but still managed
to still give her five orgasms last night?

She
pines for him.

All
fucking day.

Shaking
my head, I focus back on my computer monitor. With a sigh, I poise my
fingers to type but my cell phone rings, interrupting my one true
effort at doing some actual work.

It’s
Cal calling. For a moment I consider not answering, because he’ll
know something’s wrong. He’ll dig and push at me until I
spill my guts, and then I can sit on the phone and just imagine all
the ways that he pities me. But it could be something important about
our new firm, so I answer and try to sound as joyful as I can.

“If
this about you wanting to lease that high-tech, super-duper copier,
you can forget it. I won’t change my mind,” I joke with
him as soon as I connect the call.

“You
are not going to fucking believe this,” he practically shouts
into the phone with excitement.

“What?”
I ask, thinking he just landed a multi-million dollar case to add to
our pathetically small caseload of one.

“Matt
just left my office.”

“As
in he had some type of meeting set over at your firm?”

“No,
as in he showed up here at my firm and asked to see me… to
talk to me.”

“About
what?” I ask.

“He
wanted to talk to me about the night that… well, you know…
the night Marissa and me…”

Cal’s
voice trails off in embarrassment, and my heartstrings start playing
a sad tune for him.

“What
did he say?” I ask, completely blown away that Matt would even
approach Cal for something personal, much less give him an
opportunity to talk about what happened.

“He
told me straight up that you had told him some of the details, and
that you had urged him to learn the entire truth and see if he had it
in his heart to forgive me.”

“Matt
said all of that?”

“Word
for word.”

Oh
my gosh. I can’t believe Matt actually did that.

“So
tell me everything that happened. Spare me no detail,” I urge
him.

Cal
proceeds to lay out the entire story. He says Matt listened without
any comment and no snide remarks as Cal embarrassingly recounted what
happened that night. Cal says he didn’t pull any punches with
Matt, including telling him that he was drunk and that contributed to
what happened, but it was no excuse and all the fault lay with him.
He made sure Matt understood that he didn’t “finish the
job,” but that he knew that didn’t make it any better.
Cal finished off by telling Matt that he could never begin to tell
him how sorry he was, and although he really doesn’t deserve
it, he would do just about anything to get Matt’s forgiveness.

“Then
what happened?” I asked with bated breath. This was better than
any Hallmark or Lifetime movie.

“Matt
simply told me that he forgave me. He said that he had been doing a
lot of soul searching, and he felt that he was not the man he had the
potential to be if he was carrying around all of that bitterness. He
also said he forgave Marissa, although that would be another
conversation he’d have to have with her.”

“Oh
my God,” I whisper, my heart swelling with joy that Matt opened
himself up to forgiveness. “I just can’t believe it. How
do you feel?”

“I
feel light, Mac. I feel fucking light. The weight has been lifted
from my shoulders. I know Matt will still never be anything more to
me than a professional acquaintance. The loss of his friendship will
be the cross I’ll always bear. But knowing that he’s
telling me to let it go… that means the fucking world.”

Tears
well up in my eyes because I’m so happy for Cal and so very
damn proud of Matt. I wish he were here right this very moment, so I
could give him a huge hug.

“So,
there was one other thing,” Cal says, interrupting my very own
Hallmark moment. “Remember when I said I told Matt I’d do
just about anything to get his forgiveness?”

“Yeah.”

“Well,
he already called that chip in.”

Dread
wells up inside of me. “What does he want you to do?”

“Well…”
Cal says, hedging a little and clearly afraid that I might not like
what he’s getting ready to say.

“What
did that asshole make you do, Cal?” I grit out, getting all
incensed on Cal’s behalf, before really even knowing what he
will tell me.

“Calm
down there, Annie Get Your Gun,” Cal says with a laugh.
“Actually… it’s not much that he asked me to do.
First, he said he had an idea he wanted to run by me and get my
opinion on. And once I listened to him, and gave him my thoughts
about his idea, the real favor he wanted had to do with you.”

My
breath seems to be caught somewhere between the top of my lungs and
the bottom of my throat, so all I can do is whisper, “What’s
that?”

“Well…
Matt is standing right outside of your office at this very moment,
and all I need to do is convince you to give him ten minutes of your
time and listen to what he has to say. So, what do you think…
can you do that?”

My
head starts spinning. I glance around my office to make sure I
haven’t fallen down the rabbit hole, but nope… still in
my office.

“I’ll
talk to you later, Cal,” I tell him and then disconnect.

Standing
up, I walk to my office door and open it.

Just
as Cal said, Matt is standing there, looking somber and slightly
uncomfortable. I step back, making a sweeping gesture with my arm for
him to come in. Turning, I head back to my desk, hoping that my
racing heart won’t cause coronary arrest. Matt doesn’t
move from the door but stands there with his hands in his pockets,
watching me.

I
start the conversation. “Cal said you forgave him.”

Matt
shrugs his shoulders as if it were nothing. “It needed to be
done.”

“Why
is that?” I ask, completely fearful and yet totally needing him
to tell me.

But
he doesn’t. Instead, he reaches into his coat pocket and throws
an envelope on my desk. I immediately recognize it as the envelope
that had my letter of resignation in it. The words “Matthew
Connover” are written in my completely messy handwriting.

I
glance up to Matt, who returns my stare.

“Open
it,” he says.

Opening
the flap, I reach inside and pull out a pile of paper, all torn up
into itty-bitty pieces. I can see clearly enough that it’s my
letter of resignation, completely shredded.

“I
don’t accept your resignation,” he says, his voice
authoritative and commanding.

“Excuse
me?” I say in shock.

“You
heard me. You’re not quitting. I need you.”

Hmmmm.
He needs me?

“You
don’t need me,” I scoff at him. “You can put an ad
in the paper and have a hundred attorneys lined up in the morning,
all with better grades and references than I have.”

“No,”
Matt says with equal authority. “You don’t get it. I.
Need. You.”

He
punctuates each word so that I hear him clearly.

I.
Need. You.

And
that’s all it takes for my heart to start really hammering.
Matt takes two steps until he is directly in front of me, and I have
to lean my head back to look up at him from my chair. He doesn’t
make me strain my neck for long because he drops to his knees in
front of me.

His
eyes hold me. I see all the things I’ve been dying to see.
Desire, care, nurturing, tenderness, and passion.

I
also see something else.

Pleading.

His
eyes plead with me to understand something, but I’m not sure
what it is he wants me from me. Before I can even fathom a guess, he
leans in, wraps his arms around my waist, and lays his head in my
lap.

He
squeezes me, gently, and I can’t stop my hands from coming up
and stroking his head.

He
stays in that position for several minutes, just squeezing me, his
head nestled in my lap. My mind is racing… I have no clue what
this means.

Finally,
he lifts his head and looks up at me. The pleading is still there,
along with fear and uncertainty.

“I
need you, Mac,” he says with a shaky voice. “I need your
smile, your touch, and your wit. I need your tenderness, your
brilliance, and your common sense. I need you to be my champion, and
I need you to want to come home to me every night. I need all of
those things… desperately. I think I might die without them.”

He
stares at me… a storm of emotions brewing within those golden
eyes, and my heart is thundering so hard right now, I’m
surprised he can’t hear it.

“You
need me?” I ask, completely shell shocked over his
proclamation.

He
nods and his lips curve upward, his dimples just starting to pop.
“You’re usually not this dense, Mac.”

I
smile in return and push my hair behind one ear, leaning it slightly
toward him. “It’s just… I’m not sure I heard
you correctly. You did say you need me?”

“Yes,”
he says as his hands come up to hold my head. He leans in and kisses
me, so very sweetly. “I need you because I love you. When you
love someone the way I love you, the need for that person is
unquenchable.”

“And
when did you come to this realization?”

The
smile he gives me is so loving, that my heart just turns over and
kicks its little heart feet up in submission.

“I
think I’ve always known it. I was just too filled with so many
other things that I refused to acknowledge it. But last night…
I held you while you slept, and I just laid there… the entire
time, realizing how wonderful it felt to have your body next to mine.
When it got close to the time I needed to leave so I could get ready
for work, I felt like my heart was being fucking pulled out of my
chest. That’s the moment I decided to acknowledge it.”

“Why
didn’t you just stick around… tell me then?”

“Because
I had to let my hatred of Cal go first. And Mac, I mean it with every
breath in my body. I did hate him. But the minute I decided to
forgive him, I became a different person. A better person.”

My
hand reaches out, and I stroke his cheek. His eyes close at my touch,
and a serene smile lays over those sexy as fuck lips. “I’m
so proud of you, Matt. You’re really kind of amazing.”

“And
you love me?” he asks with a grin, as he stands up and pulls me
from my chair.

“What
makes you think that?” I tease him, just before he leans in and
kisses me.

It’s
a kiss I’ll never forget. It’s our first true kiss,
because it’s being done after he proclaimed his love for me.
When his lips finally leave mine, he answers, “Because you
already told me you did.”

I
wrap my arms around his neck and step into his body. “Yeah, I
guess I did.”

“Say
it again,” he demands of me.

And
because I’d give him anything he asked of me, I say, “I
love you… so much.”

We
kiss again, and it starts out sweet but, before long, we’re
both pressing into each other hard and our breaths are choppy.

“Let’s
take the rest of the day off,” he whispers urgently in my ear.
“I need to be inside of you.”

I
groan over the thought but shake my head in denial. “I can’t.
I have to get this stuff finished. You know, today’s my last
day and all.”

Matt
laughs and kisses me again. “Didn’t you understand me?
I’m not accepting your resignation. There’s no way I’m
letting you out of my sight. And I sure as hell don’t want you
working around Cal unattended. I don’t trust the bastard.”