After Forever Ends (54 page)

“Nobody’s asking you to wait!”

“Do you want me to go then? Say it! Tell me if you want me to go! I’ll go! I’ll be gone tonight! I’m ready to go right now! Just say it!”

“Oh, grow up!” He turned his back and made his way to the edge of the hill.

“I won’t be here when you come back!”

Alexander didn’t turn around. He waved an arm at her as if to say he either didn’t believe her or he didn’t care and he kept going. I watched my brother in law disappear behind our hill. I heard the engine start in his truck and watched the car lamps whip around and disappear through the trees. And then I saw my sister cover her face with her hands and sink to her knees.

“Ah, that cockhead’s gone and done it now, hasn’t he?” Oliver was distinctly aggravated. He made it across the room in two steps and pushed open the door. He was across the lawn just as fast, “Lucy,” I heard him say softly as he knelt beside her, “It’s all right. He’ll come back…”

I came to her other side and put my hand against her back, “I’m so sorry, Sissy.”

“He’s such an arsehole!” She wailed.

“Aye,” Oliver comforted her, “He is.”

“He’s so incredibly obstinate! He’s the most insufferable bastard ever!”

“Aye. He is.”

“I love him so much! And I know he loves me! I know he does!”

“He does. I swear it,” Oliver pulled her under his chin and squeezed her affectionately.

“Then why does he do this? Why does he make me feel like I’m the most precious thing on Earth one minute and the next leave me standing here alone? He does this to me all the time! I don’t know how much more I can take!” She wiped the tears from her cheeks, “I swear I’ll walk away from him! I swear I will! Am I just a friend? Am I his girlfriend? Are we lovers? I don’t know! He won’t tell me! He’s such a dick! I don’t need this shit! I want to leave right now!”

“Don’t be so fast to do that,” I told her gently, “Just give him a little more time. I think he’s worth waiting for.”

“Lucy,” Oliver took her hand, “Come with me to the pub. You and I need to talk.”

“You’re in your pyjamas!”

“I’ve seen people walk in there in worse than this,” He insisted, rising to his feet, “A hard cider and a breath of different air will do you good. My brother’s an emotional midget. He can’t explain himself, so I’ve got to do it for him before he throws away the best thing in his life.”

Fifteen minutes after they left, Alexander came storming into the house. He looked at the empty couch and then turned to me. “Where’s Lucy?” He demanded angrily.

I sat in my chair and glared at him. I wanted more than anything to leap up and jump on to him and start tearing out his hair in clumps. I contemplated walking over and kicking him square in the bullocks, but I didn’t. Instead I decided to be even wicked.

“She’s left.” I said coldly.

“What?”

“She’s left. She went ballistic after you drove off. She’s had it with you. Packed a bag and insisted Oliver take her to a hotel. That’s where she is now. Checking into a hotel. She’s taking a train out in the morning.”

“To where?” He seemed alarmed, “Where is she going?”

“Like I’d tell you!”

“Silvia!” If I hadn’t known him better I might have been threatened by his tone, “Tell me! What hotel did he take her to?”

“How do I know, Alexander? Did I go with them? No! I stayed to look after the children!” I was not going to budge, “She was so upset! She was screaming and sobbing and saying she’d had enough of your rubbish! She said you were a mean bastard and that she was going! We tried to get her to stay and she said no, she’d just walk then, and Oliver told her that if she really didn’t want to stay here anymore, he’d drive her!”

“To Newtown or Welshpool?”

“How do I know?” I was quite enjoying torturing him after what he’d just done to my sister, “They’re both equally as far, aren’t they? For all I know he took her to London!”

“Oh fuck!” He slammed a palm against the top of his head, “What have I done? Fuck!”

“Well, it’s too late now!” I relpied sadistically.

Alexander’s eyes were wider than I’d ever seen them, “No! No, it’s not, Sylvia! Shut your noise! I’ve got to find her!” He pulled his keys out of his pocket, “I’m going to find her!”

“You better!” I warned, “You better go and find her, Alexander, because she’s leaving for real this time! You’d better go and find her and tell her everything that’s in your heart because she’s had it with you!” I leaned forward in my chair, “You’d better go and find her right now, Alexander, because you’ll never find another Lucy Cotton in your life! No matter how far you travel and how hard you look, you’ll never find a woman who loves you and your children like my sister does! There’s only one Lucy Cotton and you bloody well know it, too!”

Alexander stood there for just a moment in the centre of the room and looked at me. There was real fear in his eyes.

“Go, Alex, and you better hope it’s not too late.”

Without another word Alexander spun and bolted out the door, not even bothering to close it.

“Nitwit,” I muttered and then I began to laugh. I laughed until my sides ached, wishing desperately that Oliver had been there to see what I’d just done. He’d have been so proud of me.

Lucy and Oliver came home about three hours later. “She’s all better,” He told me, “Just tired and wanting her pillow.”

“Are you OK then, Sissy?”

Lucy gave me a weak smile, “I’m OK,” She said softly, “Oliver and I talked a long time tonight. I think I understand what’s happening with Alex. I’m just exhausted now.”

“Well, lie down then.”

“Where is Xander?”

I began to laugh again and told them the whole story.

“Oh, shite!” Oliver wiped his eyes, “I think I’m going to pee myself! I’m telling you, right now Alexander is checking every place she could possibly be staying between Newtown and Welshpool! He may even have gone to London! That’s hilarious!”

“I hope he runs out of petrol and has to walk home,” Lucy held her side, lying back on the couch.

“Ah, go to sleep,” I told her, “I got your revenge for you!”

“I love you, Sissy. Thank you.”

“It was my pleasure,” I grinned as I exited the room, “Night now.”

“You are so bloody clever!” Oliver put his arm around me, still laughing, and led me to the bedroom, “I’m so proud I’m married to you!”

The sun was up when I heard the front door close and keys land on the kitchen table. There were three footsteps and then silence.

Alexander had come home.

I listened, curious to hear if Lucy had woken up as well, but the house was still. I couldn’t take the suspense. I crept out of bed and padded my way as quietly as I could to the doorway. I tiptoed into the hall and peered around the wall.

Alexander was clinging to my sister, holding her close like a rag doll. I could barely hear what he said, “Oh, God, Lucy! I thought you’d left me! I thought you’d gone…”

“I thought about it,” She whispered, “But I couldn’t.”

“Don’t ever leave me. Please. I’m sorry. I love you. God, I love you…” He kissed her head and her face, little kisses, lots of them, all over.

“I love you, too, Alex. I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t.”

“Lucy, I’ve been such a scrut.”

“Yes, you have.” She put her hand against his cheek. “I forgive you. You know I do.”

“I’m a cocky bastard,” He continued, “And I’ve got a hard head. I don’t listen. A long time ago I could have walked away and let you go, but I can‘t…I need you, Lucy. I act like I don’t care, but I do…”

“I know you do.”

“She messed me up so bad…I can’t even explain how she messed up my head. She made it so I don’t know who I am anymore. I used to know and now I second guess myself…I’m trying…I really am. I’m trying to be what you need me to be…I need a second, yeah? I’m trying so hard…“

“I know. I didn’t mean to pressure you…I just wish you’d talk to me…“

“Don’t give up on me. Please. I want us to be the thing in my life I didn’t ruin. I want you to be the one thing in my life that I did right.”

“Alex, it’s all right, Sweetie! We’re all right!”

“Let me do the right thing, Lucy. Please, for once in my life, let me do the right thing. Give me a second. I didn’t expect this, but I’m trying…please, let me do the right thing…”

“Alexander!” She hissed, taking his face between both of her hands, “Stop!”

“No! “ He shook his head, “I don’t want to stop. I want to explain. I want to tell you everything.

I want you to know everything…“

“Xander! “ She was smiling, laughing softly. She pressed her lips against his, “It’s all right. I know you’re screwed up! I know you’re a prick! I love you anyway! Don’t you know it?”

“Will you marry me then, Bach?” He took her hand, "I don’t have a ring for you. I’ve been too much of a coward to get one… “

Lucy gasped and threw her arms around him.

He was still muttering when I slipped around the corner and back into my bed. I’d seen enough of my sister’s perfect moment. There wasn’t a thing about any of it that had been any of my business, but that moment on belonged only to my sister and Alexander. Oliver was still fast asleep, sprawled out on the mattress, snoring lightly, his face pressed against the pillow. I lie beside him and put my leg over his middle and my arm around his chest.

He reached back and patted my calf, “Just Silvia…and I love her…” He mumbled.

I just lie there and stroked his hair, “And I love you,” I whispered.

The sad news of our dear Lucy coming to stay with us in the wood was that eventually she left. And when she did, she took Alexander, Nigel and Nattie with her. It wasn’t completely tragic as they only went as far as to buy a lovely house outside of Welshpool, but for me it was heartbreak. I had, after all, raised Nigel and Natalie as if they were my own and now I had to hand them over to a new mummy. Even if that new mummy was my own sister, the whole thing sucked completely.

I cried and cried the day they left. Alexander didn’t understand it at all, “Silvia, my God!” He told me irritably, “It’s not like they’re being shipped off to live with strangers! We are their parents!”

“Oh, shut up!” I snapped back, “I’ve been with those two children twenty-four seven for as long as Nattie’s been alive! Don’t tell me I’m not allowed to be sad about them going!”

“All I’m saying is that it’s not so bad.”

“And I'm saying it’s the worst thing ever, now piss off!”

I did a fair job of pulling it together for the next few hours and not crying it in front of Nigel and Nattie, but once they had gone, I cried like someone had died.

Oliver went back and forth between comforting Carolena, who had planted herself on the front porch in a stubborn attempt to force Alexander to allow Nigel to stay, and me, who was sobbing hopelessly in the kitchen.

“They’ll be back,” He rubbed my shoulders. “They didn’t move out of country! They’re fine!”

“How do I know that?”

“Silvia,” Oliver sighed, “You know I love you, but you have control issues, Sweetheart. You don’t need to protect them from Alex and Lucy.”

“Alex I do! He’ll bash Nigel!”

“No, he won’t bash him!” Oliver laughed, “No more than the boy needs! And whether you want to admit it or not, Nigel needs a bash here and there! Alex won’t beat him to death! Our dad would strike us when we were particularly terrible and we lived!”

“But I won’t see them every day!” I bawled, “Lucy’s staying home with them! They’re my babies sure as I bore them out of my own body and I had to give them away! Just like that! Bang! They’re gone!” I know it sounds insane, but I swear my breasts were aching like they did just after my own children were born. It was like a physical need to find Nattie and Nigel and hold them close. “I miss them so much!”

“Ah, Sil, I know. I miss them, too, already. It’s way too quiet. No one’s screaming, nothing’s spilling or breaking. Alexander’s not shouting. It’s very strange.” He glanced around the room, “But I need you to come with me now. Caro wants you outside. She doesn’t quite understand what’s happening and she needs you to help her see why they’ve left. She’s had it with me. She’s says she’ll stand on the porch until Nigel comes home.”

It was even harder on Carolena to watch them go. She didn’t understand at all why we couldn’t all just continue to live together at the wood. She’d never known it any other way. “Why can’t they sell their house?” She demanded, clinging to her yellow rabbit, “And come back here?”

“Uncle Alex has asked Auntie Lucy to marry him,” I tried to explain, crouching in front of her so I could look her in the eye, “When people get married they get a house of their own.”

“You’re married and you have a house and we all lived here before!”

“Uncle Alex needed a place to stay for a while,” I told her, “He couldn’t take care of Nigel and Nattie by himself. He was alone then. It was never supposed to be forever they lived here. Now he has Lucy to help him and they’ve gone to Welshpool, not far from your grandmum and granddad’s house, near the park, so when we visit…”

“I want my Nigel!” She screamed, “I don’t care! I want my Nigel!”

“What if we ring him, Muffin?” Oliver suggested, “Would that be OK? Would you like to talk to Nigel on the phone?”

Caro sniffed and nodded.

Every night for a while, if she didn’t see her Nigel, Carolena would call him before she went to bed. It was enough to get her by. The three of us adjusted after a time to seeing the others when we could, but our happiest times were when we were all together at the wood. Those were the times when everything seemed as if it were perfect and right.

My husband’s twin brother married my little sister on a cool and breezy Saturday afternoon in November. The ceremony was lovely and simple, held in the same church where Alexander and Oliver’s parents had been married and where the twins and all of our children had been baptized. Just our families and a couple of old friends from Bennington were in attendance.

Lance was there, of course, taller than he ever had been before, and sporting a brand new haircut, with his girlfriend, Daneen, who must have been a half giant, Oliver said, because she was at least three inches taller than her date. I’d met her two times before and I liked her quite a lot. She seemed a sweet woman and I hoped that Lance had found his Miss Right after never having had a lot of luck in the love department. Lance, for all of his goodness, deserved to fall in love and live the rest of his life with someone who appreciated him.