After It's Over (14 page)

“What do you mean?” Paige asked.

“Daddy is never around. He goes off and does whatever makes him happy, and he doesn’t care that you’re crying at the kitchen table.”

“You heard that?”

“Yep. It’s just another reason you should send me to live with my mommy.”

Paige opened her mouth to speak and thought better of it. She clamped her lips together, pushed the door to the van open, and motioned for Billie to get inside. The little girl shrugged and climbed in. She yanked the door shut just as Billie spoke.

“Maybe you should get a therapist like Mommy.”

Right now I would gladly send you to live with your mom.

“Thanks for the suggestion,” Paige said as she climbed in, fastened her seatbelt, and checked her rearview mirror. She made eye contact with Bev. “I try really hard to be a good stepmom.”

“You’re a great stepmom,” Bev said with a smile. “I love two things in this world—you and cookies.”

Paige smiled back and started the car.

At least one person wants me around. Would it really be so bad if we got divorced and the kids went back to their mom? Could she really take care of them?

“I just want Mommy,” Billie said.

“Yeah?” Paige asked.

Billie nodded. “I came to live with Daddy when I was so small that I don’t even remember what it was like to have Mommy around. You’re nice, Paige, and you try real hard, but I just want my mom.”

Paige looked the windshield and nodded. “I know how you feel.”

I think that on almost a daily basis. I’d give anything to have my mom back.

“You do?” Billie voice was filled with surprise.

“Yes, I do. After my parents died, I went to live with my grandmother. She tried really hard to fill the gap that my mom left, but she couldn’t.”

“What happened to your parents?” Bev asked. “You never talk about them.”

“Well, they died a really long time ago.”

“How?” Billie asked.

Paige pulled away from the curb and headed south towards their house.

Do I tell them the truth? No, they’re just little kids. They don’t need to know about such terrible things. I wish I didn’t know about such things.

“They died in an accident.”

“Like a car accident?” Billie double-checked her seat belt.

“Yes.” Paige stared at the road ahead. The day had proved to be a lot harder than she expected. She used the Bluetooth to dial Ben, but he didn’t answer.

“I’m sorry, Paige. I hope you see your parents in heaven someday,” Bev said.

“Thanks, kid. Me too.”
Though I’m not sure heaven exists.
Paige wiped a tear from her eye and cleared her throat. “I’ll talk to your dad about staying with your mom. In the meantime, Billie, you’re grounded for another week. No computer and no TV.”

“No more Mrs. Watson’s daycare?” the little girl asked.

“Yeah, congratulations—you just got kicked out of daycare.”

“Cool.” Billie flipped her hair and smiled.

“We’ll see if you’re still smiling in a couple of days,” Paige said with a raised eyebrow.

Billie grumbled all the way home.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Ben sat at his desk, staring at his computer screen. His mind didn’t register the numbers in front of him.

Is seeing their mom again really the best thing for the girls? Isn’t having someone like Paige enough? No, it’s not. Billie constantly asks for Mommy.

“Dude, your ring tone is annoying,” Sergeant Aidleman said.

“Sorry.”

Tall, gawky and immature for thirty, Aidleman was one of his least favorite co-workers. Ben searched the pockets of his uniform until he found his cell phone. Taking a deep breath, he answered.

“Yeah, Evelyn, I’m on my way. I’ll be there in ten.” Ben held the phone away from his ear as she barked at him for being late. As usual, he’d lost track of time. “You can either keep yelling at me, or let me go so I can actually get there…Okay. Bye.”

Good grief. She’s still as crazy as ever.

“Was that your latest girl on the side?” Aidleman asked. He leaned back on his elbow and chuckled. “Beth is going to be so pissed. She’s been cursing your name for the last few days because you won’t take her calls.”

“You’d think that she’d want to keep her adultery on the down low, seeing as how we can both be kicked out of the Air Force for it,” Ben said. “Where are my keys?” His palms were sweaty as he searched his desk.

The idea of a one-on-one with my ex-wife makes me want to run to the nearest bar and drink until my liver explodes.

“Girls like that aren’t exactly known for thinking things through.” Aidleman chewed on the end of his pen. “So, who’s Evelyn?”

Ben knew he was bored and looking for gossip. “If you dated instead of spending every night playing
World of Warcraft
, you might actually have a life of your very own.”

“Nah, women just complicate things,” Aidleman replied. “Just look at your life. You are a cautionary tale, man.”

“Cautionary tale of what?” Ben blinked and slammed a drawer shut.
Where are my keys?
He moved and heard a familiar jingle. He felt inside his pants pocket and found his keys.

They were in my pocket this whole darn time. I’m officially losing it.

“Of how not to treat women. You run around messing with their feelings and treating ‘em like they aren’t even human beings. Now with this new girl on the side, well, you are just asking to get shot by some psycho chick you’ve burned.”

“Evelyn is not a girl on the side. She’s my ex-wife.” Ben ran a hand through his hair and yanked on his tie. “Is it hot in here?”

“Nope. Which one?”

“I only have one ex-wife.”

The cooling system is definitely not working in this place. I need air.

Aidleman smirked. “For now.”

Ben shrugged.
He’s probably right.

“Why are you going to meet with the ex? I mean isn’t she an ex for a reason?”

Aidleman had never been married and certainly didn’t have kids.

“She wants the kids back, and I want to know if she’s still a junkie who’s plotting my death.”

Okay, I’ve got my keys. I’m leaving my jacket. What else am I forgetting?

“Seriously?” Aidleman sat up in his chair.

“Yeah, I found some doodles once. I’ve kept a gun in my glove box ever since.”

Ben looked around his desk. If his boss came walking by, he wanted to make it seem like he had just stepped away.

Will I come back after I meet with Evelyn? Depends on how bad it goes.

“Cover for me if Commander Willis comes looking for me?

“Sure, but it’ll cost you.”

“Couldn’t this just be one friend helping another?” Ben asked.

“You don’t have any friends.” Aidleman smirked. “I bet you’d have at least one if you’d stop sleeping with their girlfriends and wives.”

“I’m trying to turn over a new leaf. See ya.”

Ben walked out of the building and hurried to his car. His phone rang again; he sent his wife’s call to voicemail. He wanted to be the kind of guy who would always answer Paige’s calls, but he could only handle one bad situation at a time.

His stomach churned as he drove to meet Evelyn. She’d picked a Starbucks near the base as a neutral territory. He figured it was as safe as any place, though he didn’t want to go. He’d worked hard to come up with solid reasons why he should ignore her fifty text messages begging to see the girls, but then he looked at his daughters and knew he had only one choice—Evelyn should see the girls. But first, he’d talk to her and see if she actually was the changed person she professed to be.

***

Evelyn sat at a corner table; bits and pieces of napkin lay in a pile in front of her. Ben hated to admit it, but she looked good—healthy even. Her long hair was swept up, her skin was clear and she was dressed in casual business attire. Ben took a deep breath. She hadn’t seen him yet, so there was still time for him to turn around and leave.

Too late. She’s seen me. I’m stuck.

“Hi,” she gave him a half-hearted wave.

Ben made his way to the table, sat down and forced a smile.

“Hello.”

Evelyn raised an eyebrow at him and didn’t smile.

“I got you a coffee. You still take it black?”

“Yeah, thanks.” Ben held the coffee in his hands. He lifted the lid and took a whiff of the smell.

“I didn’t poison it if that’s what you’re thinking,” Evelyn grinned.

“Right, of course not.” He gulped and pulled on his tie. “You look good, Evie.”

“Please don’t call me that. I always hated that nickname.” She sighed and checked her watch.

“Okay.” Ben shifted in his chair.
This is going to be rough.
“When did you get so assertive?”

“During my twelve step program, it taught me not to be a doormat anymore,” Evelyn replied. She folded her arms across her chest.

“Right.”

He strummed his fingers on the table, his eyes wandered around the cafe. A couple of hot, young blondes were sitting a few tables over. He smiled and nodded at the one who caught his eye. She smiled back.

This was a mistake. I should leave before she throws something at me.

Ben looked around for a side exit near where they sat. He didn’t find one.

“Why am I here? Couldn’t we have just talked on the phone?” Evelyn asked.

Her tone was angry and Ben only had one reaction to angry women—run.

I can’t run away from everything. Besides, I can’t blame her for being hostile considering the long legal battle I put her through in order to get full custody of the girls.

“Well, you’re asking for visitation with our daughters. Visitation that the court has denied in the past, so I figured the responsible thing to do was meet you in person,” Ben said. His leg shook under the table and he chewed on the lid of his cup.

“Since when are you such the diligent parent? I could understand if Paige had shown up. From what I hear, she’s quite the devoted stepmother. But you generally reserve lunch breaks for quickies at Motel 6. Are you still sleeping with Brittany?” Evelyn raised an eyebrow at Ben who looked away, cheeks flushed, temper rising.

“Beth. Her name was Beth.”

“Right. Like it matters,” Evelyn muttered. “So, do I pass inspection? Can I have my daughters for a weekend visit?”

Ben took several deep breaths and rubbed his head.

“Okay, well, my lunch break is almost over. Text me when you make a decision.” Evelyn stood up, put her purse over her shoulder and pushed the chair in.

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re what?”

“I’m sorry…you know, for everything.”

She frowned and turned to walk away. After a loud sigh, Evelyn turned around, came back, yanked the chair out and sat down again.

“Sorry for what?”

I just ripped the lid off Pandora’s box.

“For Beth and all of the other women.”

“Since when do you apologize for anything?”

Ben was surprised by Evelyn’s anger. In his head, he’d figured she’d be grateful for the apology. He’d expected her to forgive him and maybe even buy him a muffin to go with his cup of coffee. “Since Bianca chewed me out.”

“It took a lecture from a fourteen-year-old girl to make you realize that adultery was wrong?” His ex-wife looked at him with disbelief.

Ben shrugged. “What can I say? I’m the jerk who drove his wife to the brink of suicide. It’s my fault you got into drugs in the first place.”

Evelyn’s face softened. “Look, I made those choices. You didn’t put a gun to my head and force me to do anything.”

“But I hurt you.”

“Yes, you hurt me, but I did drugs, not because of how you made me feel, but because of how
I
made me feel. I never should have dropped out of college and honestly; I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. That was something I did because it was expected of me and not because I wanted to.”

Ben sat back, surprised by this new information. “I had no idea.”

“How could you? I conformed to what I thought you wanted me to be. I never told you the truth. Maybe if I had, things would have been different. I mean you would have been a cheating bastard because that’s what you are, but I wouldn’t have stayed so long or gotten into drugs.”

Ben laughed. He wasn’t sure why, but he laughed and laughed. Evelyn grinned and then laughed too. He felt the tension in his stomach fade.

“You’re cheating on Paige, aren’t you?” she said when she finally caught her breath.

Ben stopped laughing and cleared his throat. He couldn’t bring himself to say the words so he nodded.

“You know why you do it, right?”

“Because I’m a jerk?”

“Because you can’t stand the thought of anyone getting too close. Every time things got better between us, you’d end up in some tramp’s bed. You don’t have to be a man-whore any more than I have to be a drug addict! It’s all about choice,” Evelyn said, emphatically waving her hands.

Ben smiled. “I’ve missed how enthusiastic you used to get. It’s been a really long time since I’ve seen you this—”

“Sober?”

“Yeah. What happened?”

“I woke up in a pile of my own vomit on the floor of my dealer’s bathroom. You’d think that losing my children would have been my lowest point, but it wasn’t. That was my all-time lowest. I hadn’t showered or slept in a week and when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t recognize the person looking back at me.” Evelyn closed her eyes; an expression of pain crossed her face.

“I’m sorry.” Ben reached across the table and covered her hand with his.

She opened her eyes and removed his hand. “I can see that you’re sorry, Ben, and I forgive you for all of the lying and the cheating. But I don’t want to be friends. The only way I can keep moving forward is to not look back.”

Ben studied his ex-wife. She wasn’t as pretty as she was when they were in college, but she was definitely smarter and wiser. Sitting there with her, he remembered for a brief moment how much he had once loved her. He felt a stabbing pain in his heart as he thought about the best friend and lover that he had so readily dismissed.

“Okay, we won’t be friends.”

“If you’re really sorry, Ben, stop cheating on Paige. Get a therapist or something and be the decent guy you have it in you to be.”

There is no way on God’s green earth I am ever going to see a therapist. Maybe I’ll quit cheating, but I am not going to get my head shrunk.

Ben nodded. “How’s this weekend for taking the girls? I think my wife and I could use a date.”

“How about Friday night after the dance?” Evelyn said, standing up again.

“What dance?”

“Seriously?” She rolled her eyes and shoved her chair under the table.

“Yeah, what dance?”

“Ask Bianca. I’ll text you later.”

Ben watched his ex-wife leave; a myriad of emotions filled his head and chest. He pulled his cell phone out and checked the missed calls. Paige had called twice. He was texting her when a shadow fell over his table. Ben looked up to see Beth standing in front of him. Her eyes were red-rimmed and her skin was blotchy. She clutched a large purse, and wasn’t dressed in her uniform.

“What’re you doing here?” he asked.

“I needed a cup of coffee.” Beth chewed on her nails; her hands shook.

I’m pretty sure that’s the last thing she needs right now.

Ben wished again that he’d sat closer to an exit. He braced himself for an awkward confrontation.

“Why haven’t returned any of my calls?” Her voice was low and urgent. She ran her fingers through her unwashed hair and glanced around the cafe.

“Because I can’t see you anymore.”

She shook her head, swaying back and forth. “No, that’s not right. We belong together. We’re supposed to be together.”

“Why’s that?” Ben asked.