After the Storm: Clean Historical Western Cowboy Romance Novel (Dawson Chronicles Book 2) (14 page)

              “She does not hate you.  She is beside herself with anger and grief right now and does not know what to do with it all.  Your wife and other people have been worried about you.”

              “I’m sorry about that, but if I go home, it’ll upset Renee even more and I can’t take seeing the hate in her eyes,” Switch said.

              Black Fox said, “Being the father of a hurting child is not easy, especially when it is the heart that is wounded.”

              “You’re not kidding.  I can see why she’d think what she does, but it really wasn’t like that,” Switch said.  “You see how beautiful she is and I see the way men look at her.  Black Fox, I did what I did because I didn’t want her to get hurt.  I didn’t want something like what happened to happen.  You have to understand something and I don’t know how I’m ever going to explain it to her.”

              “I am listening.”

              “Renee has exhibited risky behavior in the past.  I know this because I had the fathers of two different boys tell me that they’d caught their son and Renee in rather compromising situations.  The boys had been severely dealt with in each case.  I told Hope about it and we talked to Renee about allowing boys to take advantage of her like that. 

“We thought she understood, but a couple of years later, I heard a couple of young men at the bar talking about her.  That’s when I started warning men away from her.  I figured that if she lacked impulse control the way I had, then I would try to control the situation another way,” Switch said.

“I see.  That is a hard situation, especially now that she is an adult,” Black Fox responded.  “You cannot keep doing that, but I understand why you want to.”

“The boys she’d been caught with wouldn’t say anything either way if things had actually gone too far and Renee wouldn’t tell Hope if they had or not.  We hoped, but we didn’t know that she’d still … been … pure.”  He struggled to get the words out.  “Not until Marcus told Hope and me that she had been until she was attacked.”

Black Fox closed his eyes, thinking about Minx, who’d also had her virginity violently stolen.  “I can see now why you would be so protective of her.  It seems that no matter how protective we are, though, bad things happen to our children.  You love Renee very much and only wanted to help her.”

Switch let out a sarcastic laugh.  “Yeah, but it backfired.  That’s why she moved out in the first place.  She found out about what I’d been doing and got mad at me.  So she moved out.  I tried to convince her to stay at home, but she wouldn’t.”

“You’re a smart man, Switch.  Crazy, but smart.”

Switch smiled a little.  “So I’ve been told.”

“This is not your fault.  Do not let guilt stop you from doing what Renee needs you to do.  There is no way anyone could have known this would happen.  Children grow up and leave home.  Renee needs you to make her see how much you love her,” Black Fox said.

“How can I do that when she doesn’t want to see me?” Switch said.  “How can I do that when she hates me?”

“She does not hate you.  You are just where she is focusing her anger.  You must wait until her anger fades.  Then you will be able to explain things to her.  If you stay away, she will think that she is right in thinking you thought badly of her,” Black Fox said.  “You must not let that happen.  Your daughter needs you, and even though it will be the hardest thing you have ever done, you must stay strong in the face of her anger.  If you can survive your parents, you can survive this.”

Switch met his eyes.  “You’re right.  She’s my daughter and I can’t fail her.  I always promised myself that if I ever did have kids someday, I would never let them down the way my parents let me down.  I’m gonna keep that promise to myself, but more importantly to them.”  He jumped up and Black Fox rose with him.  “Thanks, Chief.” 

“You are welcome.”

Switch hugged Black Fox and ran off, intent on getting home to his family.

              Renee was sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper when Switch arrived home.  She looked up at him but didn’t speak.

              He forced a small smile onto his face.  “I know you’re really angry with me and that’s ok.  If being mad at me helps you, then so be it, but I hope you won’t stay mad at me forever so I can talk to you about some things.  And no matter how angry you are at me, I’ll always love you.  I’m your father and I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.  Ok, I’m going to clean up and change and put on more than underwear.  I stink.”  As he passed behind her, he pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head.

              Renee was still angry with Switch and didn’t want to spend the day around him, but where was she going to go?  Could she go out on her own?  There was only one way to find out.  She wanted to go to Elliot’s to buy some boys’ underwear, figuring that she would be able to find something to fit her.  She’d borrowed some from Skip, but they’d been too big.

              She put on her jacket and took a deep breath.  “You can do this, Renee.  You’re a good actress, so just walk along pretending everything is fine and it will be.”

              Making it to the sidewalk in front of her house, she stood for several minutes gathering her courage.  Then she made it across the street and did the same thing, willing her heart to settle down so she could continue on her way.  In a series of short walks, she reached Main Street.  It seemed a lifetime since she’d walked along the street.

              People walked past her, some speaking to her.  Renee returned pleasantries, even as she saw pity in their eyes.  They would never say anything to her face, but she knew that they would talk about her later on.  Some people would think that she’d brought her attack on herself, but she couldn’t worry about them.  It was time to regain her life.

              She stopped walking when she neared the Shutter Shoppe.  Looking up, she saw the windows to her apartment and experienced a flashback.  Trembling, she closed her eyes, forcing herself to calm down.  “They’re not here.  You’re strong and there’s nothing to be afraid of,” she whispered.  “Now go to Elliot’s and buy some damn underwear!”

              “Renee?”

              She opened her eyes to see Tim standing before her with an uncertain expression on his face.  “Hello, Timmy,” she said, smiling at him.

              “Hi.  Are you all right?” he asked.

              “No, but I’m pretending I am,” she said.  “And the more I pretend, the quicker I will be.  I’m going to buy some boys’ underwear come hell or high water.”

              Tim’s mouth curved with amusement at her feisty statement.  “All right.  May I come along on this underwear shopping?  I can help you pick some out since I’m a boy.”

              “How do you always know what I need?  Yes, I would love for you to escort me,” she said.

              He offered his arm to her and as she took it, Renee remembered how they’d done that so many times.  She felt more darkness slip away, letting a little more light back into her soul. 

              “Does Skip need underwear?” Tim asked.

              “No, I do.  I told you that I wasn’t going to ever wear a nightgown again and I meant it.  I don’t want to wear pantalets to bed, so I’m buying boys’ underwear,” Renee said.

              Before he thought about it, Tim said, “Damn.  I wish I was still staying over with you so you could model them for me.”  Realizing how that sounded, he stopped walking.  “I’m sorry, Renee.  I’m just so used to being playful with you like that.”

              Renee grinned at him.  “I’m glad you said it.  I need that, Tim.  I need us to get back to the way we used to be.  I feel completely safe with you.  Please don’t walk on eggshells with me.  Not anymore.”

              “Anything for you, Snuggle Bunny,” he said softly as they started walking again.

              She squeezed his arm and giggled.  “I’ve missed you calling me that.”

              “I’ve missed calling you that,” he said. 

              “Well, I better hear it from now on, Mr. Dwyer,” she said.

              “Yes, ma’am.”

              Buying underwear with Tim was a hilarious affair and did Renee a world of good.  She looked at union long underwear, but it would be a pain to have to unbutton everything when she needed to do her business, so she bought several sets of B.V.D. undershirts and knee-length drawers.

              As they left the store, Tim asked, “Can this lowly cowboy buy you dinner this evening at the Grady House?”

              “I would be delighted to dine with you, but there’s nothing lowly about you.  You’re my knight in shining armor.”

              “Pick you up at six?”

              “Six it is, and if you hear of anyone hiring, please let me know.  I need a job and to keep getting back to normal.”

              Tim stopped walking.  “Are you sure you’re ready?  I’ve been really worried about you since the other night.”

              “I’m so sorry about all of that, Tim.  It was so awful and I’m so sorry I put you through it.  It was like all of this anger was trapped inside.  I felt like a volcano and I finally exploded.”

              “It’s all right, honey.  Please don’t worry about it.”

              She nodded.  “All right.”

              “Do you want me to take you home?  I brought a buggy,” he said.

              “No.  I appreciate the offer, but I need to be able to go places by myself and you need to let me go by myself.  No one can be with me all the time, Tim,” she said.  She rose on tiptoe to kiss his cheek.  “I’ll see you tonight, handsome.”

              “Ok.  I’ll see you tonight,” he said.  As she walked away, Tim desperately wished that he was going with her.  Only when she turned the corner, walking out of sight, did he get in his buggy and drive away.

*****

Eating out that night made Renee nervous, but she was able to get through their meal thanks to Tim’s attentiveness and his holding her hand.  His touch helped dispel her anxiety.  When they were done, she asked to go for a drive and he was happy to comply.  After driving around for a while, he took her home. 

He hugged her close, reveling in the way she felt in his arms.  “I love you.”

She snuggled against him.  “I love you, too.”

They stayed that way for a little while before he pulled away.  I’ll walk you in,” he said.

Renee laid her hand against his jaw.  “Timmy, please kiss me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.  I need to know you still want me,” she said.

“I’ll always want you, Renee.”

Lowering his head, he brushed his mouth against hers before kissing her more firmly.  Renee closed her eyes and forced away her fears.  This was her Tim she was kissing, the man who’d captured her heart and made her feel loved and respected.  The man who excited her and made her burn with need.  Winding her arms around his neck, she kissed him back, answering his silent question by moving closer to him.

It had been so long since he’d kissed Renee like this that it was hard to hold his passion in check, but he forced himself to go slow.  He never wanted to do anything to frighten her.  She meant too much to him to rush.  Her slightly vanilla scent was delicious, as were her soft lips.  Holding her closer, he kissed her a little harder, a small moan escaping him. 

Renee answered with one of her own and pressed harder against him, loving the way his powerful arms held her and the heat he created inside her.  She felt him begin to pull away and the kiss ended.  She noticed that his eyes had darkened with desire and that his chest rose and fell a little harder than normal.  Her hands rested on his chest and she ran them over his hard muscles.

“I wanted you to be my first, Timmy.  I wanted to give myself to you, but now that’s gone,” she said, tears welling in her eyes.

He kissed them away when they spilled over.  “I will be.  What happened wasn’t lovemaking, honey.  I’ll still be your first.” 
Your one and only if I have my way.

Her gaze held his.  “You want to make love to me after what happened?  You’re not … repulsed by me?”

An intense expression settled on his handsome features.  “If you repulsed me, would I kiss you like this?” 

Even though he moved slowly, the kiss he gave her was desire-filled and left them both breathless.

“I guess not,” she said.

He smiled and blew out a breath.  “Lord, what you do to me.  We’d better go in.”

Renee agreed and they walked up the walkway holding hands.

*****

              A few nights later, Tim picked up Renee for dinner, but they didn’t go to any of the restaurants in town. 

              “Where are we going?” Renee asked.

              “You’ll see,” Tim said with a mysterious smile.

              Renee bounced on her seat a little.  “I love surprises.”

              “Good.  Oh, and Jake wants to meet with you tomorrow at one to discuss a job he has available,” Tim said.

              Her eyes lit up.  “Really?  As what?”

              “A waitress.  Roberta quit.  Do you think you’d like it?  There’s no pressure on you to take it, but I guess he thought of you right away,” Tim explained.

              “I think that would be so fun,” she said.  “I’m glad they still have enough business to stay open.”

              “The cover charge and pool tables combined with the drinks really help.  Will it bother you to be around that many people?”

              “No,” she said, forcing away her fear.  “I’ll be just fine.”

              “Ok.  I think you’re a great fit for the job, plus you’ll probably make out good on tips,” he said.

              He turned left onto a less-used road and Renee recognized it as the one leading to the Dwyer family cabin.  She asked him again what he was up to, but he refused to tell her.  Going inside, she saw that there was already a fire going in the large hearth in the great room.  Tim lit a couple of lamps and she saw her phonograph player sitting off to the side.

              At her questioning look, Tim said, “I thought you might like to do some dancing.”

              “I would love to dance,” she said.

              Tim took her hand and twirled her around.  “Then dance we shall.  Go put on whatever you’d like.  I just have to check on dinner.”

              “You cooked?”  Now that he mentioned it, she smelled something delicious.

              He nodded.  “Yes, I did.  I’ll be right back.”

              Going over to the player, Renee picked out a song and cranked the player to life.  Tim returned.

              “Dinner will be a little while, so we have time for a few dances,” he said, taking her in his arms.

              As they danced, they talked and laughed.  Renee felt freer than she had in a long time as they moved around the room.  They were well matched and danced well together.  When it was time, Tim finished getting dinner ready.

              “Come on in the kitchen,” he called to her.

              Entering the room, she smiled upon seeing the candlelit table, which had been covered by a checkered cloth.  Tim seated her.

              “What did you do?” she asked.

              “Something nice,” he replied, pulling a baking dish from the oven.  “I hope you’re hungry.  Think you can eat some stuffed shells and garlic bread?”

              “I’m starving and that smells heavenly,” she said.  “Hurry up.”

              He laughed.  “Yes, ma’am.”

              Once he’d dished up the food, Renee savored the tangy, cheesy meal.  Watching her enjoy the food made Tim feel good.  He wanted to do special things for her and show her how much she meant to him.  Once they’d finished, Renee insisted on helping him clean up and it was nice doing such a domestic thing together.

              “Would you like to dance some more?” he asked.

              “I’d love to.”

              Tim put a song on and wrapped his arms around Renee.  “Do you have any idea how happy you make me?”

              Not meeting his eyes, Renee said, “I’m sure I haven’t made you happy for a while now.”

              He lifted her chin.  “That’s not true.  Yes, I’ve been worried about you and I’ve been so angry about what they did to you, but I’m always happy when I’m with you.  I love everything about you: your smile, the way your eyes shine when you laugh, and your naughty sense of humor.  You’re the most beautiful woman in the world and I can’t imagine my life without you.  I love you so much.  Will you make me even happier by becoming my wife, Renee?”

              Renee gasped and stopped dancing.  “Did you just ask me to marry you?”

              “Yes.  Will you marry me?”

              Light and joy flooded her being and she felt as though she were floating.  “I would love to become your wife.  Yes, I’ll marry you!”  She threw her arms around him and kissed him.