After We Fall (12 page)

“Like hurting your mom?”

He nods. “Like that.”

“So why did you become a policeman?”

“Because I wanted to be the good guy for once. Growing up, I was a troublemaker. Always got into fights and cut school a lot. Held back once in elementary school and a second time in middle school because I was so far behind the other kids. It was…not easy being the stupid kid.”

Anger for the little boy he used to be replaces my embarrassment. “You were and are
far
from stupid. You couldn't help what was done to you, or why you missed school.”

“I know that now.” He brings my hand to his mouth, kissing the knuckles. “Just like you couldn't help what was done to you.”

“But I wasn't a kid.” Biting my lower lip, I glance away. “I knew that what he was doing was wrong, but I felt guilty for wanting to leave. I thought I was giving up on him because he was suffering from PTSD. I thought I could change him, that somehow
my love
would change him, that somehow we could work through our problems. That it was okay when he got rough with me because he was jealous. He was always jealous, you know? Always accusing me of doing the things he did.” I'm rambling, not making any sense at all. “His family has more money than they can ever spend and when they cut him off, he stole every bit of mine to pay for hookers and drugs and gambling. I guess I should be happy he had stopped sleeping with me by then. Thanks, Penn, for not giving me an STD.”

A hollow laugh escapes me, and I look up at the ceiling to prevent the tears in my eyes from falling, but it does no good. They streak down my cheeks, dripping on my arms in hot splashes. “I am so messed up. What kind of idiot is happy over that? What kind of woman believes she can change a man who willingly hurts her?”

“A woman who is in love. A woman who was taught to believe the best in people, who doesn't walk away at the first sign of trouble.” He exhales. “Don't punish yourself for being a good person, angel.”

“I didn't have to punish me.” But I'm lying. Yes, Penn hurt me, but I've hurt myself, too. I know that victim-blaming, even when I'm the one blaming myself, is wrong. Unfortunately, my former therapist said it will take a while for my thinking to change, possibly a situation that will force me to change my thinking.

I'm not looking forward to that at all.

“Evangeline, you can lie to yourself all you want, but don't do it with me.”

“Why? Why is this…Why am I so important to you?” I shouldn't ask him this, but I have to know.

“Because I haven't been able to get you out of my mind since the first time I saw you.”

I make a face.

He caresses my cheek before wiping away my tears with the hem of his soft T-shirt. “Not what you're thinking. I've helped countless women, but none of them ever got to me like you. Not a single damn time.”

“Until me?”

“Until you,” he agrees. “You managed to do what no one else ever has.”

“I find it really hard to believe you didn't date before me,” I say, then want to smack my hand over my mouth. “Not that we're dating. Yes, this is a date because of food and stuff, but I didn't mean to imply…”

“Hush.”

“Did you just shush me?”

“It's a date, angel. Like it or not, you invited me over for dinner and a movie. That's a fucking date and you know it.” He sounds grumpy, even a bit growly as he says this.

“And I'm in your lap.” I wriggle against him and he lifts an eyebrow.

“That you are.”

“And you're doing absolutely nothing about it.” I swear his eyebrow goes into The Rock territory, but I can't help going down this path. I waited to have sex until I was in love and look where that got me. Maybe I should try to have sex without love.

“What would you like for me to do, angel?” he says in that gravelly voice I love. No, not love…I like it. Only like it.

“See to my needs?”

He nods slowly, then leans over me and comes back with my plate. “Open.”

“You're going to feed me?”

“I'm starving. You're starving.”

My shoulders droop a little. “Oh.”

“And you'll need this fuel to keep up with all I have planned for you tonight.” He smirks a little at me.

Grabbing a slice from him, I start to chow down on it, slinging white wine sauce on his cheek. “Ack! I'm so sorry.”

I go to wipe it off, but he grabs my wrist instead. “Use your tongue.”

Heat passes through me at first, then begins to travel down my spine as I lean in close. “Like this?” I sweep my tongue across his cheek, licking up the sauce as his five o'clock shadow tickles.

“Like that.” He turns his head, capturing my tongue with his mouth, and sucks it in. I forget all about the pizza, all about our conversation, and any resistance I've had until this point melts away.

I hear my plate crash to the floor. Hunter murmurs something about cleaning it up later, but I don't care about the mess. I search for his mouth again and he gives it to me, cupping the back of my neck as he presses his lips to mine. He devours me as his other hand roams my body, finding one of my breasts and squeezing.

Moaning into his mouth, I arch into his hand even more. He responds with a low chuckle and lets go. Before I can protest, his hand is up my shirt, skimming my overheated skin until it comes in contact with my bra. His fingers curl, pulling at the lace cup until I hear it rip. Then he's pushing me down on the sofa, his big body covering mine as our kisses go on and on.

I'm barely coherent as he strips away my clothes, as he kisses my fears away and ignites liquid fire in my veins. His mouth is searching, seeking, and finding the most sensitive parts of me. My neck, my tight nipples, and the inside of my thighs, but he doesn't go to where I ache for him the most. Instead he teases me, turning me over and kissing the backs of my knees and licking a path to my bottom.

Nipping at me, he grabs my hips and pulls me up to him, whispering that he's so hard for me, that he's going to take care of me, and that I'll want him in my bed, pleasuring me every night.

I can't protest because it's true. I do want him. I do trust him to take care of me, too. It's almost like it's a natural thing with us, something I've never experienced before. My first boyfriend was safe. My husband was dangerous. Hunter is a combination of strength and raw power.

Turning me over, he kisses the tips of my breasts, licking my nipples until my head won't stop thrashing against the cushions. His chest touches mine and I gasp at the feeling of nothing between us.

I dig my fingers into his short hair, holding him close as he nibbles and sucks on my earlobes. There is no part of me he's leaving untouched.

“I want to fuck you,” Hunter says, leaning up while pressing his hips into mine. His erection slides through my curls, over and over, teasing my clit.

“Yes,” I say. “Here is fine.”

“Bedroom is better.” He takes his delicious weight away and I frown, reaching for him. He grabs me, sweeps me off my feet, and carries me the entire way to my bedroom.

Despite my early vow of sex only, I feel romantic notions take hold with each footstep. This is how things should be between a man and a woman. This loving, safe, mutually satisfying feeling is how it should be.

As he lays me down in the center of the bed, I wrap my arms around him and pull him down. He doesn't pull away, doesn't try to call the shots while we kiss, touch, and explore. His hands cover my breasts while his mouth blazes a path down to my core.

Spreading my thighs wide, I wait in breathless anticipation. His head dips and the first long, slow kiss of his tongue makes me moan. I can't be quiet. I don't want to be quiet.

With each pass of his talented mouth and tongue, I edge closer and closer to my orgasm. My body shakes and trembles, and my hips attempt to find his rhythm, only for me to quickly realize that he's trying something new. Something that makes me gasp his name and my back arch off the bed.

His fingers work their way inside me, finding me so completely wet for him that there is very little resistance. Before I can comprehend what's happening, I cry out his name, my orgasm rushing over me like the tide.

It's all at once sweet and painful, because I wasn't ready. “I wanted to come with you inside me.”

Hunter peers up at me as he gently removes his fingers. He licks them, eyes closing like he's savoring the taste. “You will.” Reaching to one side, he grabs his jeans and pulls a silver square out of the back pocket.

“Mighty confident, aren't we?” I'm not just referring to the condom but to his insistence that I will come again.

“Any other way I should be?”

You're perfect,
I want to say, but I don't. “No.”

Setting back on his heels, he rips open the condom and rolls it on. Then he's over me again, spreading my thighs wide, and my hands go to his back, urging him on. The broad head of his cock pushes in, stretching me.

I can hear his teeth grinding in my ear before he whispers, “Relax, angel, and let me in.”

“I'm not nervous. I'm excited,” I admit, and I can feel him smile against my cheek.

“You're very wet, too.” He presses forward, no stopping until he is fully inside and I gasp his name. “God, that's a sweet sound.”

Turning my head, I kiss one of his strong biceps. “You feel so good.”

“I can feel even better.” He thrusts hard inside me, his hands going to my wrists and pinning them to the bed. “Spread your thighs wider.”

As I obey him, he is able to slide in the smallest of distances, but it's enough to make me feel as though I am about to burst with him. He's so heavy, so big, and—his hips begin to move, his strokes measured and tight. My breasts bounce, rubbing my hard nipples against his chest.

I glance up at Hunter. His jaw is set painfully tight.

“Am I hurting you?” A foolish question if there ever was one.

“Yeah, but it's not your fault.” He retreats, taking his cock away from me. “Good damn thing I'm using a condom. Or I'd be unloading in you right this fucking minute.”

Lifting my hips, I rotate them. “Does this help?”

“You know it doesn't.” His eyes narrow. “You want to play? I play, but I'll win.”

“How about we both get to win?”

He lets go of one of my wrists and puts his hands between us, his fingers finding my sensitive clit and stroking it. Rubbing. Teasing. “I think you're talking too much.”

My body tightens, and when his head dips to allow his mouth to suck on one of my nipples, it explodes. I come so hard that I see sparks, then my vision gets all foggy. Pieces of me are falling, even as I feel Hunter surge inside me faster and faster. He mutters a curse, shouts my name, and thrusts so deeply that I'm sure we are permanently one.

His lips find mine and his tongue is thrusting inside, mimicking what his cock was doing only seconds earlier. Incredibly, desire starts to build again, encouraging me to take more and more of him.

Suddenly, he rolls onto his back, taking me with him, and he moves so that his erection slides out of me. “I need to keep my head on straight.”

With a sigh, I melt into him. Strong hands glide up and down my back until my eyes are closing without my permission.

“You okay?” he asks.

I nod, unable to speak.

“I brought more condoms.”

That makes my head jerk up. “You did?”

“What can I say?” He gives me a lopsided yet confident smile. “I'm an optimist.”

“Do you want me to stay the night?” he asks, pushing my hair away from my face after round number three of sex. I'm sore in places that haven't been used in a long time. He's already disposed of the condom and even used a warm cloth to clean me up as well. I don't think I've ever been taken care of like this before.

It is
The.
Best. Feeling. Ever.

When Hunter leaves my bed, it won't be to find something that I've done wrong in his eyes. I won't live in this blissful peace until he literally tears it away from me.

It's lovely…and disconcerting.

Mistaking my silence for a no, he says, “It's okay if you're not comfortable.”

I simultaneously love and hate how considerate he is being. I'd rather he make the decision and tell me. Foolish, yes, especially when I have been craving freedom. Except, what if he's not being considerate at all? What if he's merely being nice? What if he's ready to bolt now that we've finally slept together and—

“Shit. I can't, Evangeline. I can't lie about how I am not okay at all with leaving you tonight.” Tenderly, he kisses me and I have to wonder at the emotion behind the kiss. “I want to stay. Tell me to stay.”

I smile up at him, my heart pounding, because this can be the absolute worst decision I make since leaving Penn. “Stay.”

So he does.

Gathering me in his arms, he rolls to one side and pulls me flush against him. The heat of his body overwhelms me and I become drowsy. It feels so right to be held by him like this. It feels like…home.

The next morning I have to leave Evangeline in order to let Jake outside. Of course, I get in another round, taking her hard and fast until we both come hard.

Sex with Evangeline is going to kill me. Honestly, I can't think of a better way to die.

I grin.

Except, I'm not sure how things will be now. When I left her apartment thirty minutes ago, she was half asleep. Her goodbye kisses sweet after I told her of my plans. I'm pretty damn sure she was still riding high on the orgasm I'd given her and that can make people forget all about their prior reservations for getting involved.

Unease tries to worm its way inside me. Based on how Evangeline responded last night, I'm sure she was just as into me as I was into her. Only, I'm worry that I rushed things with us. Made things go light-years ahead when all we really needed was a couple of steps forward.

Thing is, I'm in for the long haul. I know that now because there is no way I would have slept with Evangeline otherwise. How long, though, remains to be seen. A gentleman would leave it up to her, let the ball be totally in her court, but I'm no gentleman.

But I'm also not sure what I'm doing.

While Jake runs around the backyard and marks his territory, I check my email to get my mind off Evangeline. Unfortunately, the first one is from Saylor at Forrestville Animal Shelter and she doesn't email me personally unless it's an update about Jake's adoption process.

“Damn it.” I click on the link. My heart sinks as I read it. It's confirming that Jake's forever family will be picking him up today.

I fucking hate having to give him up, but it is what I agreed to when I took him on. Besides, this family might not work out, either, and he can come back. Jake will always have a home with me, even if I don't feel right about it.

Swiping my hand across my face, I head to the bathroom for a quick shower and get dressed. Nothing remains of my good morning or even unease. All I can think about is my dog. If I weren't a cop, I wouldn't bring Jake back at all. Then again, if I weren't a cop, I would have adopted Jake myself by now.

My fucking schedule blows.

At least Evangeline doesn't seem to mind. Then again, her shitty ex was in the military, so I can only imagine the insane hours she had to endure. Maybe she won't mind dating a cop with sucky pay and crappy hours.

Opening the door, I whistle for Jake and watch as he runs for the stairs, his tongue hanging out of his mouth in pure joy. Pretty sure that was the look on my face after the last time Evangeline and I had sex.

I grab his leash and attach it to his collar before snagging my phone, wallet, and keys. Since Jake loves to ride shotgun in my truck, it's no problem at all to get him in the passenger side.

My heart pinches.

Poor guy doesn't know that I'm lying to him. That this will be the last time we're together. Yeah, it might not be manly for a guy to get upset over his dog, but I don't give a good damn.

By the time we get to the animal shelter, I've already considered at least half a dozen different ways to keep Jake from going with his forever family, but I know I have to do the right thing. It's not just about what I want but what he deserves.

Jake's tail starts to wag as soon as we get out. He actually loves the place and the people who work there. When we walk inside, Saylor and a family of three are waiting for us. The sullen-faced teen looks like he wants to be anywhere but here.

“Jake,” Saylor shouts. “How are you? Ready to meet your forever family?”

The mother shifts her weight. “You make it sound like it's till death do us part.”

“Oh, it totally is,” Saylor says, smiling as she bends down to pet Jake. “Pets are just like family. You wouldn't get rid of Grandma just because she got old, would you?”

“Yeah, they already have,” the teen says.

The father turns a dull red. “She's in assisted living.”

“She's leaving everything to them in her will.”

Both parents sigh.

I hold up my hands. “It's okay. I get it. Not everyone is happy.”

“Oh, no, we are very happy to get Jake,” the mother insists, but she won't look me directly in the eye. Sure, cops don't do that, but the average joe can't help himself.

Saylor doesn't seem to notice, though. She claps her hands and gets all giddy. “If you'll give me just a moment, I'll go in the back to get dog food and a new leash. Then you can almost be on your way.”

Mercifully, she returns less than a minute later…with Evangeline behind her. She's hefting the bag of dog food, her eyes widening and then turning sympathetic when she sees me.

“I'll take that,” the teen says, surprising me. Usually, people act exactly how I expect them to, with no regard for others. He grabs the bag from Evangeline, flashing a smile as he hefts it on his shoulder.

Then again, he could want to show off for two pretty women.

Evangeline smiles, then walks away, the kid's gaze following her the entire time. His eyes round when she stops beside me.

That's right kid, she belongs with me.

To my everlasting shock, she slips her hand in mine before stooping to rub Jake's head.

She holds my hand the entire time Saylor goes over everything with the forever family. I'm so stunned that I can't speak. Plus, I don't want to break whatever spell she is under. The woman can't be willingly holding my hand, especially not in public.

As soon as Saylor takes Jake away from me and starts to walk outside with the trio, Evangeline gives me a little squeeze. I glance at her questioningly.

“I'm sorry. I know you love Jake,” she says.

“Yeah…I love him.” Since she doesn't seem to be in a hurry to let go of my hand, I don't release my grip.

We stand there for a few minutes in uncomfortable silence, but it has nothing to do with her. “I don't deal very well with loss,” I finally admit, and she leans against me. I want to ask what's gotten into her but refrain. If she wants to give me affection, then who am I to question her motives?

Except I always question people's motives.

She's not a perp,
I remind myself.

Evangeline leads me away from the front entrance and into a small office. “Your eye looks better today.”

“No it doesn't.”

She shakes her head, a smile on her full lips. “It really doesn't.”

“I'll be fine. Looks way worse than it feels.” Honestly, it is tender, but the punch to my eye was off-center, putting more damage on my outer cheekbone than anything else. “As long as I don't touch it, I should be okay.”

“And stop having work-related accidents.”

Guilt pricks at me, but I shove it away. I don't have time for it and eventually I will tell her. But right now, there's no need. I'm not actively hiding it from her; I'm merely choosing not to share it.

“There is that.”

“Hopefully, I kept my hands and mouth away from your eye last night,” she says, even as a bright pink blush stains her cheeks.

“Pretty sure you could have given me another black eye and I wouldn't have minded.” I lean down. “Especially when you were on top. You look fucking hot riding me.”

Her breath hitches.
“Hunter.”

“You brought it up,” I remind her, enjoying this playfulness between us. “I'm thinking a new position for tonight.”

“Now I'm really regretting saying yes to Saylor.”

I give her a stern look. “You made plans without me?”

Just like that, something changes in Evangeline and she lets go of my hand, stepping far enough away that I can't grab her. “I didn't…you're not in charge of me or what I do.”

The harshness of her tone takes me aback. But the panicked look in her eyes tells me everything I need to know. “I was only teasing you, angel. You don't have to check in with me for anything.”

Her gaze slides away, focusing on something behind me. “I…I'm sorry. For a minute, you reminded me of Pe—not so happy times in my life.”

“No need to apologize.” I take a cautious step forward. “I should have been more thoughtful.”

She shakes her head. “I don't think that's possible.” Her white teeth nibble on her lower lip. “You've been nothing but thoughtful and kind to me.”

Taking another step, I slowly reach out to touch her face. When she doesn't flinch, I trace the contours of her high cheekbones. Finally, her pretty ocean-colored eyes meet mine. They're stormy, full of blues and greens competing for dominance.

“If you want to go out every night of the week, that's your right. But I would like some warning if it's with another guy.”

“I don't want to go out with another guy.”

“I don't want you to, either.”

“What does this mean for us?”

I weigh my words before saying them. Either I'll make her run, or I'll keep her forever. Both scare me, but one option a million times more than the other. “It means that I want to claim you as mine.”

“Do I get to claim you as mine, too?”

“Sure as hell hope so.”

“Then you're mine.” A smile pushes the curves of Evangeline's lips up. “When you're feeling lonely because you're missing Jake, I want you to come over and let me make you feel better.”

“Seriously?”

She nods. “Seriously. You've done so much for me, Hunter, and it's the least I can do in return.”

“Don't feel obligated.”

“I don't. I want to be there for you.”

A fist pump into the air would not only be inappropriate at this time, but I'm twenty-eight, for Pete's sake. However, the urge to give in is almost as overwhelming as kissing her.

She stands on her tiptoes. “Kiss me before I have to get back to work.”

“Yes, ma'am.” I brush a light kiss against her lips, wanting more but knowing that I can't expect more. While office sex with her would be hot, I won't push my luck.

Yet.