Afterthoughts (11 page)

Maybe, it did, at least at that
moment. He finally let her go.

“
I’m serious, Jay. You’ve
been here so much for me lately. Let me return the favor. Please.
I’ll just listen and not pick on you. I promise,” she batted her
eyelashes at him and smiled a devious little smile.

“
Thanks, Paige. I know
you’re here for me too. I really appreciate it but I really am
fine. I’m glad you are back. I’ve missed you,” he said and softened
up to hug her gently.

Paige felt like she had a small
victory by helping him lighten up and hopefully put him in a better
mood. “I’ve missed you too. I know I’ve been a little difficult
lately. Hopefully I can get everything put behind me soon and get
back to being my old self.”

“
Don’t we all?” he
laughed, slapping her on the arm.

“
Now that’s better. I’d
much rather have you telling me what’s what, than moping around all
the time. Besides, since when do you clean off your desk? I can
actually see the wood!”

“
Well, I’ve had a lot more
time lately without you bugging me every five minutes. Now I guess
it will be a mess again!” He couldn’t help himself but he couldn’t
keep his arms from going around again to give her a big hug and a
kiss her on the cheek.

“
Welcome back. I really
mean it.”

“
Thanks. It’s good to be
back but I think I’ll go home now and start all over again
tomorrow. I need to figure out what else I can do to bug the heck
out of you.”

Chapter 16

It was late when Paige got home. She
decided to go to sleep and look at the files tomorrow with fresh
eyes. Her head was spinning with David’s success and Jay’s
problems. It was good for her to think of other things for now and
to begin looking at the case files again later.

She took her shower, put on the
silkiest pajamas she could find and went to bed.

As she drifted softly off to sleep,
she dreamt of a tank of bright orange goldfish. She was watching
them swim peacefully through the tank. The only care they had in
the world was when the food was going to be dropped into the tank
the next time. Their long golden fins moved gracefully through the
water, pushing them along from one side of the tank to the other.
Paige felt as if she floated along with them, feeling the water
gently brush her skin. The dream then drifted to a beautiful
waterfall that fell from a very high cliff. The water was only a
small stream and fell gently on the rocks below. She could hear the
sounds of the water and feel the mist on her face as a breeze
gently moved the air around her. She noticed a bright rainbow
extending from the base of the waterfall that seemed to reach out
forever. Each color vividly displayed. Lying on the bank of the
river below the waterfall, she allowed the mist to fall over her
and it seemed to wash away all of her cares and fears. The bank
became like a cloud as she felt as if she were drifting into the
sky. Peace, such wonderful peace. Flying high above the world, all
of her troubles, all of the pain, seemed so far removed from her.
The warmth of the sunshine made her feel safe, secure.

The alarm clock rang
intensely on her night stand and she had to struggle to wake up.
“It can’t be morning already!” Paige complained as she placed her
feet on the floor. The coolness of her hardwood floors helped to
bring her to consciousness. Stretching her arms in the air, she
stood up. She felt wonderful this morning. The stiffness in her
body was gone and she was struggling against the urge to crawl back
into bed and relax more. She remembered her dream and thought about
how nice it was to not have nightmares. She exhaled a long breath
and decided to make coffee.
“I’ve got a
long day ahead of me,”
she
thought.

After strolling into the
kitchen, she grabbed the newspaper from the door step as Harry ran
out. Her mouth dropped. On the front page was David with a long
haired blonde on his arm. They looked like they were trying to
avoid having their picture taken. It reminded her of the cover of a
tabloid. She could not see the woman’s face in the picture as she
was obviously trying to hide it under her hair and she kept her
hand between the camera and her face. The caption read, “Local
writer scores big.” The article was about David’s success with his
book,
The Artic,
but it didn’t mention who the woman was. Paige tried to push
this out of her mind. It could have been anyone. She was proud of
David and what he had finally accomplished and she was not going to
mess things up with him by worrying about a picture in the paper.
It could be anyone, a publicist, fan, anyone. She sat the paper
down and decided to get ready to go to work.

As she walked by the kitchen table,
she remembered the letter. She pulled it from her briefcase and
read it once again. As she was thinking about the contents, there
was a knock on her door. She peeked through the curtain to see a
small, brown haired woman standing there, wearing a short gray
business suit that fit her small frame beautifully. Her hair was
neat and tidy and the glasses she wore made her resemble what Paige
would picture as a librarian, so she opened the door.

“
Can I help you?” she
asked the woman.

“
I believe I’m here to
help you,” she said as she held out her hand. “I’m Junna
Breck.”

As Paige started to reach for her
hand, she pulled back momentarily.

Catching her breath, she timidly shook
her hand. “What is it you want to help me with?” Paige considered
shutting the door in her face.

“
I want to help you with
your memories. I can see what you are going through,” Junna didn’t
smile. She only stood there confidently.

“
I don’t understand. What
is it that you think you know?” Paige asked nervously, once again
wanting to shut the door in her face.

“
Let me start by saying
that I know you dreamt about goldfish and waterfalls last
night.”

Paige turned from the door and sat
down quickly at the kitchen table, leaving the door open. “May I
come in?” Junna asked her as she poked her head around the open
door. Paige could only nod. Junna walked in and slowly sat down at
the table. “I have a lot to tell you. I’m sure you won’t believe me
at first but I have to try.”

Paige cast a puzzled glance. “How did
you know my dreams? Don’t tell me you are some kind of psychic!”
She sounded agitated.

“
No, I’m not a psychic. I
can’t see into the future, just the present, like you, only at a
different level.” She reached for Paige’s hand and Paige quickly
pulled it away.

“
Relax Paige. I need you
to do something first.” Junna placed both of her hands flat on the
table. “Please, just think outside yourself. Don’t form words or
pictures in your mind. Just let yourself understand what I tell you
without thinking in words. Can you do that?”

“
I’m not sure I
understand,” Paige looked at her and somehow a feeling of trust
came over her.

“
That’s it. Just feel
things. Don’t think them. The words and pictures in your mind can
be read by some people. Feelings cannot be. They can only be
guessed at. Right now, I can tell you are feeling something and you
just thought of how crazy you think I am.”

Junna was right. Paige blushed because
she was saying to herself that Junna was crazy. But then again, who
wouldn’t? It was an obvious guess on Junna’s part. Paige rubbed her
face with both hands and ran her fingers through her
hair.

“
Clear your mind Paige and
just listen to me carefully.” Junna paused for a moment, looking at
Paige. “There are three levels of consciousness that all of us
have. One level is the one of words and pictures in our thoughts
and dreams. These are in the collective conscious. It’s like a
dimension for our thoughts. We all share in the collective
conscious.

The second level is one of our
feelings and only we can see that clearly.

Others can get a sense of it, but only
we, ourselves understand it. That is like knowing something is
wrong with someone, but you can’t put your finger on it.” Junna
then touched Paige’s hand again. “The third level is that of our
immediate surroundings like what you see and touch. Only those
around us can share in that with us. But they can’t experience them
like you do unless you form the words in your mind.

Am I making sense?”

“
I think so.” Strangely
enough, she did.

“
There are people that can
tap into the collective conscious at will.

They can hear the thoughts as the
thoughts pass through it. They are called readers. I am one of
those. That’s how I knew about your dreams.

You can stop me by clearing your mind
and by only feeling, hearing, seeing, and touching things. Don’t
think about them or form words and pictures in your mind. As soon
as your thoughts go through the conscious they are gone. They do
not stay as if they were permanent record of what you were
thinking. Then they become part of you memory and can only be
brought back by you thinking about them again. Someone has to catch
them at the precise time you are thinking them. Do you
understand?”

“
I think so,” that seemed
to be the only words that Paige could form.

“
I can’t tell you anymore
now, Paige. I can help you but I need you to learn to block me from
your mind. If you can block me, you can stop anyone from reading
you. I am going to leave you with this. Try to clear your mind as
often as possible on things you do not want anyone else to know.
Say things out loud instead of thinking them. That way, they are
part of your surroundings and not in the collective
conscious.

When you are ready, I will come back.
It was a great pleasure meeting you.” With that, Junna took her
hand from Paige’s and walked out the door.

Chapter 17

Paige sat in silence for
most of an hour
. “Am I dreaming?”
she thought to herself.
“Wake up, Paige. This is just a nightmare.”
She finally stood up and walked to the kitchen
sink and splashed cold water on her face.
“I have to be dreaming.”
She dried
off with a dish towel and walked back to the table. There was the
note staring back at her. She picked it up and rubbed it between
her fingers. “What is this all about,” she muttered aloud to
herself as she sighed and placed the letter back on the
table.

She decided that she was better off
going to work and thinking about something else for a while. She
was determined to make good on her promise to Sarah and refused to
let her down again.

As she showered, she tried
to clear her mind and only feel the water and smell the shampoo.
She could hear Junna saying,
“Good”
as if she were in the room with her. “I am going
crazy!” Paige shouted as she hit the water tap and grabbed her
towel. She hurried and climbed into her clothes, dried her hair,
grabbed her bag and headed out the door.

When she pulled into the station, she
thought about whether or not to tell Jay about what happened this
morning. Would he think she was crazy as well? She sighed and got
out of the car and headed for the door. As her hand touched the
door handle, she was suddenly chilled to the bone. She felt as if
someone’s hands were on her shoulders, trying to massage her,
telling her to relax and forget what happened this morning. As she
started to give into the feeling, the thought came to her to clear
her mind. She shut her eyes and felt the door handle under her
hand, listened to the cars buzzing down the road behind her and
felt the weight of the bag on her shoulder. Paige suddenly felt
better and she opened the door.

“
What in the hell was
that?”
She thought to herself as she
walked to her desk. Her hands were trembling uncontrollably.
“It had to be Junna. What is Junna up to? Is she
getting into my mind?”
She slammed the bag
on her desk and headed out for coffee looking toward Jay’s office
as she went. It was empty. Right now, she was glad of that. She
wouldn’t have to face him with the temptation to tell him
everything, at least not right now. Needing to figure out what was
going on in her head before she could begin to share it with
anyone; she wondered if she should go back to Dr. Southerland.
“Maybe this is something he can help me with,” she whispered out
loud, just in case.

She fixed her coffee and went back to
her office to start looking at the Steckler file again. It occurred
to her that Junna may be trying to help her solve the murders.
Paige tried to clear her mind and looked at the pictures again. As
she looked at the newspaper clipping of the scene of Sarah’s death,
Paige suddenly felt ill. She grabbed her coffee and took a good
long drink then leaned back in her chair and shut her eyes. “Just
where is this collective conscious? Where do my thoughts go?” she
whispered as she tried to feel where her thoughts went. “Jay would
really think I’m crazy.”

As she started wondering
where he was, she could hear words form in her
head
. “Oh no. She’s here now. Come on Jay,
get a grip on yourself.”