Against All Odds (23 page)

Who shares the man of her dreams?

Who tells her husband it’s okay to fuck other people?

“I’m sorry, Cooper. I was never good enough for you. I wasn’t even able to give you a healthy baby. I wasn’t there when you were grieving and needed me most.” I curl my arms around myself to hide my nakedness and my shame. “I’m sorry for being a constant reminder of what you’ve lost. For only thinking about what I needed and what you weren’t giving me. I’m sorry for not waiting, for not standing by my vows. I failed
us.
I wish I could go back and do it all over.” I swallow and force out this last part which kills me. “I’m sorry you can’t touch me without hurting. Without feeling sick. Without being repulsed. I’m sorry I turned out to be the opposite of the girl of your dreams. I failed you, myself, and Kayla.”

I bury my face in my hands and feel Cooper get up. I look and see him taking off his shirt, pulling down his slacks, and climbing onto the bed next to me again. He pulls the covers back, wraps his arms around me, and pulls me under them. He wraps his body around mine, pulling the covers tight around us. My body releases another sob, my trembling forceful. He pulls me in close, spooning me.

I feel his breath, a soft wisp sweeping across my ear, as he whispers, “You’re okay, Kylie. We’ve both fucked this up. You don’t repulse me. I never said that, and I never would. I wish I could take back what I said to you that day.” His chest heaves as he struggles with words. “I knew the moment those words came out of my mouth that they would tear you down. I never wanted to give voice to them. I don’t know why I did.” He kisses my head and grips me tighter. “You would have been an amazing mother.”

A tear drips on my head, and his voice breaks as he continues. “You didn’t do anything to lose
our
baby. Not one fucking thing. It was just the way the cards fell. We were screwed by life. I’ve let you down too. I let our family down. I just never thought we’d have to deal with that. Never thought it was in our cards.” His body trembles as he opens up to me. “I don’t know how to explain myself to you, Ky. It’s been hard to see you and not be able have you. I don’t know how to work through that. I’m not going to lie to you. A part of me is scared that it’s too late for us,” he exhales, anguish seeping from him. “That maybe too much has happened. But I have
never
stopped loving you. Even in my darkest hour I’ve loved you. It’ll never stop. I’ve been a bastard to you for so long. I shut down. It was the only way I could cope. I wish I could tell you something that would make you feel better, that would heal you in some way, but I can’t.”

He heaves an exhausted breath as if he’s in pain. I turn to face him and gaze into his eyes. His eyes are warm, but they’re still saturated with unease and sorrow. He’s not all the way here, but it’s more than he’s given me in so long.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I love you more than anything. I haven’t shown you that, but you are my life, Cooper. You are my heart, and I’ve lost that. I’ve lost the most essential part of my body. I need you.”

“I don’t know how to give you what you need,” he whispers, tortured.

“Just try. Close your eyes and feel.
Be
with the person you married, Cooper. The girl you loved before everything went bad. We were happy. Don’t you remember the good times? Don’t you remember me, before all the pain? You loved me.”

He looks so unsure. I can feel that he doesn’t know how to react to me. It’s been so long, but here we lay, and the only thing separating us is a flimsy pair of boxers.

“Take a chance. Give me a chance… please, just one.”

He takes a breath and leans forward, gently pushing me onto my back. I breathe hard, my heart rapidly firing in my chest like a shot gun. His eyes close. I feel his breath against my lips as he hesitates, then closes the gap. He pushes against me so tenderly that my body melts. It’s just a peck, but I feel his body release a sigh.

“A chance,” he whispers hoarsely, crashing his mouth to mine.

I moan against him, taken with his taste and his body sliding against mine. Kissing him is like getting rain after a drought or having food after going hungry. It’s life-giving, quenching that ache that pours through every ounce of my blood. His kiss breathes life into me.

I grip his hair and pull him closer, wrapping my legs around him. His warm palms slide up my thighs and land on my ass. I shiver and hear him groan. The vibration pulls something deep and primal out of me. I grip his hands and bring them to my breasts, urging him to touch. I push his palms against them and hear him growl,
“fuck.”
He pulls his mouth away and latches onto my nipple. The feel of his tongue, making its first pass, has me blazing with need. I push his head closer, begging him to suck harder.

I can’t get enough, I can’t get close enough
.

“Cooper, please,” I beg, desperate for more.

He pulls back, breathing labored. I could die happy at the spark of desire whirling in the depths of his eyes.

“Jesus, I’ve missed you,” he whispers, his voice rough with emotion. I watch entranced as his gaze drifts down my naked body, taking in all that’s changed. He runs his fingers over the curves of my hips and up my ribs, leaving goose bumps in their wake. Once they reach my collar bone, he looks at me. “How bad do you need me, Kylie?” His voice is dark, intense and troubled.

His question catches me by surprise. Can’t he see how much I need him? Can’t he tell how much my body calls to his? How desperate I’ve been for him?

“Tell me,” he growls close to my face. “Tell me how badly you need me. I need to feel it. Make me feel it.”

I clutch his cheeks. My heart aches that this beautiful man needs reassurance from me. I’ve damaged him enough that he can’t read me. He can’t tell how badly I want him. “Cooper, let me show you.”

I’ve said a thousand times how much I love him, how much I need him. I need to show him with my body. I have to offer him my heart and be completely vulnerable.

I move my hands to his boxers and pull them down as much as I can, pushing them off the rest of the way with my feet. I stare into his eyes and wrap my hand around his cock. I stroke it, feeling the smooth skin slide against the palm of my hand. I lean toward him and lick the seam of his lips.

He shivers as his mouth opens and his tongue peeks out, meeting mine. I gaze at him with lust and desperation, speaking my love without words.

His eyes gleam with unshed tears. I feel a sharp pain in my chest at how hurt he is, how unsure of us he seems. I urge him closer, stroking the way I know he likes it. I feel him tremble as his cock swells beneath my palm.

I have an overwhelming urge to wrap my mouth around him, so I shimmy down his body, kissing and licking along the way. I stop once the head of his cock is in line with my mouth and his balls rest firmly in my hand. I tilt my head back and meet his magnificent face. His huge body radiates need and hunger, and his eyes burn with fire.

He grabs the top of the head board as my tongue meet the tip of his cock. A groan escapes us both. His intoxicating flavor tantalizes my taste buds. My core throbs as I lick and suck his length. I never take my eyes off his. I want him to know that I love him, and nothing in this world could ever take his place. I caress his length, my body humming with passion and longing that can’t be mistaken for anything else. I move my tongue while rolling my hand against his balls. We’re lost in each other, unable to pull our gazes away.

“Kylie, God… Fuck, I have to move.”

I smile and swallow around his cock, giving him the okay. I want it, all of it. He moves, pumping his hips, the tip hitting the back of my throat. I revel in the choking feeling as I relax my throat. I grip his ass and rake my nails across it, leaving my mark. His body’s taut, strung like a bow ready to snap.

“Ahhhhhh, fuck… I’m going to come, sweet girl, and I don’t wanna do it in your mouth. Not this first time.”

He pulls out, his breathing labored. Before I know what’s happening, I’m being dragged up the bed and he’s between my legs. As if a switch has been flipped within him, his face is possessive, primal, and intense. My core aches for him. He’s on his knees in front of my legs. His eyes are so powerful that my heart skips beats.

“Oh God,” I gasp, unable to contain the anticipation buzzing through me. I’m on edge, every cell begs for what Cooper wants to give me.

He looks at my pussy and swallows, taking a few rasping breaths. I tense, not sure what he’s thinking or what he’s going to do. I’m not sure I can take him walking out on me again. I wait, my nerves picking up with every passing second. When his green eyes hit mine, I gasp at the ache I see behind them.

“I’m fighting the urge to take you rough,” he says. “To fuck you hard. To fuck every man who should have never touched this. Should have never seen this. Should have never been here.” Tears fill my eyes at the distressed, low baritone of his voice. “I don’t want to hurt you, and I’m afraid I’m going to hurt you. I don’t know if I’m ready for this. Ready to face us.”

I panic, not wanting him to withdraw. My heart beats so hard that my face throbs, and the whooshing in my ears gets so loud I have to close my eyes. I feel his body slide across mine. I grip my arms tightly around his waist and quiver as tears seep out the corners of my eyes.

“I’m not leaving you, baby. Don’t cry, please. I want to love you tonight. I just want to be honest with you.” His fingers caress my cheek, drying my tears. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to hurt you.”

My throat is tight, my body aching for him. “Please don’t make me beg for you. I need you. Let me feel you. I want you close. We can figure the rest out later. Right now it’s just you and me. Please.”

His cock nudges my entrance, and I hold my breath, scared he’s going to back away. He looks at me and places a kiss on my lips. Inch by inch, he slides his length into my wet, throbbing core. He groans deeply, burying his face in my neck and sending shocks of electricity through me. My body spasms around his. Once in, he stills, and our labored breathing is the only sound in the room. He pulls his face out of the crook of my neck and looks at me. His expression is so tender, so intimate that tears form in both our eyes.

“Kylie.” His voice is the gentle whisper of a lover coming home after years away.

“Cooper,” I breathe, gripping his face.

He doesn’t move for a while. He just stays inside me, taking in everything. His eyes pierce mine with warmth. My heart burns with a love so deep it’ll never die. A love that borders on addiction, that feeds my will to live.

I lean forward for a soft, intimate kiss. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him close. I want our bodies to touch in every area. He begins to move, his chest rumbling with a moan.

I move my hips with his and meet him thrust for thrust as tears flood their way down my face. I feel a burden release from my shoulders as he opens his heart to me. Goose bumps blister a trail of unrelenting bliss all the way up my body as Cooper says my name over and over like a cry to the universe. I cling to him and give him my soul, purging my pain with each of his thrusts. I pray in this moment we’ll be given peace from the heartache that has ravaged our bodies, hearts, and lives.

“Oh… Cooper,” I groan, my body firing rapid spurts of ecstasy.

I can’t contain the tremors that shoot through me and curl my toes as his chest rubs my nipples. He surges in and out with crushing thrusts. He possesses me, putting his stamp on my body and reclaiming me as his. I give him everything as I orgasm, screaming his name and clamping my teeth in his neck.

“Oh fuck, you feel so damn good,” he says. “So good, baby. Nothing compares… nothing. I’ve missed you so fucking much.” He pounds into me until his release shoots through him. Then he pulls his face from my neck, eyes hazy with pleasure. He shakes his head, his hair whipping against his face. “I forgot just how incredible you are. It’s been so long. Too long.”

I smile at him, not knowing what will happen after he leaves our bed, but happy he gave me this. It’s enough to pull me through any future hurdles, to hold me over while we scale the pitfalls of our marriage.

“It has,” I say, leaning into kiss his cheek. “I’ve really missed you, too.”

He smiles and I feel a little flicker of hopefulness swell within me again. “Why don’t you sleep? You’ve been up a while, and it’s getting late.”

He’s right. My body’s exhausted and my mind is ready to say good night, but I don’t want him to move. “I am tired. Will you be here later?”

“Yeah, I’ll be here.” He winks. “I’m not going anywhere. I do need a shower though, if that’s okay?”

I nod. He kisses my head before getting out of the bed. I roll over, feeling nervous energy beginning to whip around me. We have so much between us, so much to fix. I know sex changes nothing. He’s still unsure of us, of me, and I hate that.

He might not be ready to deal with us.

But I forged ahead anyway, laying my heart and body at his feet. I will choose to wait and give him whatever he needs until he’s ready. I’ve hurt him. I’m not perfect. We’re both responsible for ripping our marriage apart.

I close my eyes and drift off slowly. A little while later, the bed dips and his arms wrap around me. I allow myself a moment of relief. My body lets out a sigh as his warmth cloaks my heart.

All I need is him.