Agatha Raisin and the Curious Curate (23 page)

‘I will, I will,’ said Agatha. And with a rare burst of honesty, she added, ‘You see, I’m not used to concentrating on anything other than people – what motivates them, why they commit murder, that sort of thing. Let’s try again another night. I’ll buy some sort of book,
Chess Made Easy
, or something like that, so I’ll be geared up next time.’

‘If you say so. Do you play cards?’

‘Don’t know many games. Poker. I once played poker.’

‘Like a game?’

‘Sure.’

Agatha actually won the first game and began to enjoy herself. It had reached midnight when she finally put down the cards and said ruefully, ‘I’m keeping you up late.’

‘Doesn’t matter. I don’t sleep much. The old don’t, you know.’

As Agatha drove home, she thought with a shiver of impending old age and loneliness, would she endure white nights and long days? Would her joints seize up with arthritis?

Tomorrow, she thought gloomily, I’ll draft out my will. I’m not immortal.

Had the weather cleared up, Agatha might have put off thoughts of making out a will, but another day of rain blurred the windows of her cottage and thudded down on the already rain-soaked garden.

She went into the sitting-room, carrying her cigarettes and a mug of coffee, and sat down at her desk. She took a small tape recorder out of her drawer and had got as far as ‘This is the last will and testament of Mrs Agatha Raisin’ when there was a ring at the doorbell.

‘Blast,’ muttered Agatha and went to answer it.

Mr Binser stood there. ‘Good heavens,’ said Agatha. ‘Come in out of this dreadful rain. What brings you?’

‘I just came to see you and thank you for clearing up those dreadful murders,’ said the tycoon. ‘I’m curious. How did you arrive at the truth?’

Agatha took his coat and ushered him into the sitting-room. ‘Coffee?’

‘No,’ he said, sitting down on the sofa. ‘I haven’t much time. So how did you guess it was my Miss Partle?’

Agatha, glad of an opportunity to brag, told him how she had managed to leap to the conclusion that the culprit was Miss Partle.

‘Interesting,’ he said when she had finished. ‘You seem such a confident lady. Are you never wrong?’

‘I pride myself I’m not.’

‘You were certainly right about Miss Partle’s adoration of me.’

Agatha felt a lurch in her stomach. ‘You mean I was wrong about something else?’

‘If there is one thing I hate, it is busybody interfering women.’

The rain drummed against the windows and dripped from the thatch outside. The day was growing darker. Agatha switched on a lamp next to her. ‘That’s better,’ she said with a lightness she did not feel. ‘At least you don’t go around killing them.’

There was a long silence while Binser studied her. Agatha broke it by saying sharply, ‘I have a feeling you came to tell me something.’

‘Yes. You are so unbearably smug. You see, Miss Partle didn’t commit these murders. I did.’

Agatha goggled at him. ‘Why? How?’

‘In all my life,’ he said calmly, ‘no one has ever managed to put one over on me – except Tristan Delon. I suppose, in my way, I was as infatuated with that young man as Miss Partle was with me. I married for money, the daughter of a wealthy company director. I never had any real friends. I felt I could be honest with Tristan, I could relax with him. Then he cheated me. All he had ever wanted from me was money. I hated him. I have certain underworld contacts which come in useful from time to time. I arranged to have him beaten up. I got Miss Partle to tell him who had done it. He returned the money and I thought that was that. But the leech wouldn’t let go. He phoned Miss Partle and said he was going to tell my wife unless I paid up. I found he had gone to the country. I went down to Carsely. I had already studied Ordnance Survey maps of the area. I dressed as a rambler and left my car hidden some distance outside the village and crossed the fields so that I would get down to where he was living without being seen. I decided to give him one more chance. I had his mobile phone number. I phoned Miss Partle and told her to go out to the nearest phone-box and call him and tell him I was coming to kill him. I thought I would give him a chance to run for it.

‘I hid behind one of the gravestones in the churchyard where I could watch the entrance to his cottage. The door is clearly illuminated by that one streetlight. I saw him slip out and head for the vicarage. I saw him enter by those French windows and followed him. There he stood in the moonlight like a fallen angel, rifling the contents of the church box. I saw that paper-knife. I was in such a blinding rage. I did not know it was so sharp. I drove it down into his neck.

‘And then I ran. I told Miss Partle what I had done and she said that no one would ever suspect me. And then you came to see me. I thought I had shut you up with my statement to the police, and then I found myself being threatened by a village spinster called Jellop who Tristan had told about me. She said she felt she should go to the police with what she knew. She said Tristan had photographs of the pair of us in a gay bar. Now Tristan had taken me to one once. I said I would call and see her and she was not to go to the police until I explained things. So that was the end of her. When Peggy Slither told me she actually had the photographs, I thought the nightmare would never end. I said I would pay her two hundred thousand for the photos and she agreed. I didn’t trust her. She kept crowing about what a great detective she was. I felt she might take my money and tell the police all the same. After she had handed me the photographs and I had given her the money, she suddenly snatched back the photographs. “This isn’t right,” she said. “I told someone I would go to the police and so I will.” I found out that she had not mentioned my name. I said mildly, “All right, but what about a cup of tea?” What a triumphant bully she was. I followed her quietly into her kitchen and slid a carving knife out of the drawer. She turned just as I was raising the knife and screamed.’ He shrugged. ‘But it was too late.’

Agatha felt cold sweat trickling down the back of her neck.

‘I made an arrangement with Miss Partle that should anything break, she was to take the blame.’

‘But why should she do that?’ demanded Agatha hoarsely while her frightened eyes roamed around the room looking for a weapon.

‘I told her if she took the rap, with good behaviour she would be out in ten years’ time and I would marry her. I knew she would go through hell if only I married her.’

‘Are you going to kill me?’ asked Agatha.

‘No, you silly cow, I am not. You have no proof. And poor Miss Partle is now stone-mad. You won’t get anything out of her. If it hadn’t been for you, she wouldn’t be in prison. I couldn’t bear the idea of you sitting smugly in your cottage thinking what a great detective you are.’

‘I’ll tell the police!’ panted Agatha.

‘And what proof will they find? Nothing. You will find that the police, having got her confession, will not thank you for trying to re-open the case. I have powerful friends. Goodbye, Mrs Raisin.’

Agatha sat very still. She heard the door slam. She heard him driving off. She tried to stand up but her legs were trembling so much, she collapsed back into her chair.

And then she saw her tape recorder sitting on the desk.

She had forgotten to turn it off.

Now a burst of rage and energy flooded her body. She went to the desk and re-ran the tape and switched it on. It was all there.

Agatha picked up the phone and dialled Mircester police headquarters and explained she had the real murderer. She got put straight through to Wilkes, who listened in astonished silence and then began to rap out questions: when had he left, what car was he driving?

When Agatha replaced the phone, she wondered whether to call John and then decided against it. Although she would never admit it to herself, she viewed his pursuit of Charlotte Bellinge as a rejection of herself. She phoned the vicarage instead, only to learn that Mrs Bloxby was out. The doorbell went. It couldn’t be the police already. Agatha went into the kitchen and slid a knife out of the drawer and approached the door. She peered through the peep-hole in the door and saw, with a flood of relief, the elderly face of Ralph Crinsted under a dripping hat.

‘You’ll never guess what’s happened!’ she cried, brandishing the kitchen knife in her excitement.

‘Be careful with that knife, Agatha,’ he said nervously.

‘Oh, what? Gosh, I was frightened. The police are on their way.’

‘May I come in? It’s awfully wet.’

‘Yes, come along.’

‘I hope I’m not disturbing you, I thought up a few ideas for the old folks’ club. You seem to be in the middle of a drama.’

Agatha led him into the sitting-room. ‘I don’t know about you, but I would like a large brandy. Care to join me?’

‘Why not.’

Once the drinks were poured, Agatha got halfway through the story when Bill Wong arrived with another detective.

He asked to hear the tape. Agatha switched it on, wincing at the earlier bit, which included the start of her will, and then all her bragging. But then Binser’s dry precise voice describing the murders sounded in the room.

‘We’ll get him,’ said Bill. ‘We have his registration number. He’ll be stopped before he reaches London. I think we’d better start ferreting in his background. He was up for a knighthood, you know.

‘You’d better come back with us to Mircester, Agatha, and make a full statement.’

Agatha was taken over her statement again and again until she was gratefully able to sign it. She then had a long talk with Bill which depressed her. He was doubtful whether the tape alone would be enough to convict Binser.

Poor Miss Partle. Had Binser said something to her during his prison visit that had finally tipped her over the edge? Had he always been respectable?

John Armitage watched her climbing out of a police car that evening. He hurried round to her cottage and listened amazed to the story that Agatha was now heartily tired of telling.

‘Did they get Binser?’ John asked when she had finished.

‘He was stopped on the road to London. He’s denying everything. He’s got a team of lawyers. Bill says they are digging into his past. He says Binser seems always to have been a pretty ruthless person.’

‘And you thought he was straightforward and decent.’

‘I got there in the end,’ said Agatha crossly. ‘Get your ring all right?’

‘Thank you. As a matter of fact, I’m thinking of moving back to London.’

‘Not a good time to sell. The house market’s in a slump at the moment.’

‘I’ll take what I can get, and,’ John added with a tinge of malice, ‘I shall think of you down here busy at work on your old folks’ club. So Miss Partle’s off the hook?’

‘If she ever recovers her sanity, she’ll probably be charged with aiding and abetting a murderer and attempting to murder me. I’m glad it’s all over. It’s up to the police now to prove he did it.’

‘They’ve got that taped confession.’

‘Bill told me after I’d made my statement that he might get away with it. He’s saying he only told me a load of rubbish because he thought I was so smug. He’s insisting it was a joke at my expense. Also, I don’t know if that tape would stand up in court. There was no one in authority here, he wasn’t cautioned and he wasn’t on oath.’

‘You should be worried. If he gets away with it, he’ll come looking for you.’

‘No, he won’t,’ said Agatha. ‘I’m no threat to him. He seemed pretty confident I couldn’t find out anything. And if they don’t get him this time, then they can’t charge him with the same crime twice.’

‘Well, I can’t share your confidence. I’d best be off. I’ve got enough in the bank to rent somewhere in London until this place is sold.’

Agatha wanted to say, ‘Will you miss me? Did you care anything for me at all?’ But fear of rejection kept her silent.

Instead, she said, ‘I suppose you’ll be seeing a lot of Charlotte Bellinge.’

‘That silly woman,’ he said viciously. ‘No. She turned out to be a terrible bore. I shall be glad to return to all the fun and lights of London. The thought of being buried down here in the winter is an awful prospect. I don’t know how you cope with it.’

‘Some people would think three murders was enough excitement for anyone.’

‘Anyway. See you around, maybe.’

John went back to his cottage and stood looking around. May as well think of packing some things up. He’d be glad to get away. And whoever it was that Agatha was romancing, he wished her the joy of him.
He
didn’t care. She meant nothing to him. Infuriating woman. And as a proof of his lack of interest in Agatha Raisin, he kicked the wastebasket clear across the room.

Despite Agatha’s assurances to John that she was not worried that Binser would come looking for her, she felt edgy and nervous.

She tried to call Bill several times only to be told that he was not available, and her heart sank. She really should have apologized to him about her remarks about Alice.

So when she opened the door to him a week after Binser had been arrested, she flew at him, crying, ‘Oh, Bill, I’m so sorry about those dreadful things I said about Alice.’

‘That’s all right,’ he said. ‘Let’s go in. I’ve some good news for you. Never mind about coffee,’ he said, walking with her into the kitchen to a glad welcome from the cats, ‘I want to tell you right away.’

‘What?’

‘We’ve got Binser all sewn up.’

‘How? What happened?’

‘Well, I phoned the top psychiatrist at that psychiatric prison she’s in and asked how Miss Partle was getting on. He said he was just drafting a report. He said he was rapidly coming to the conclusion that she was faking madness. Maybe she was tired of keeping up the act, but he said twice he had surprised her reading a book with all the appearance of intelligent enjoyment. I talked to my superiors and arranged an interview. She sat drooling in front of me, all blank-eyed. I told her that Binser had confessed. I didn’t tell her he might get away with it.

‘She looked at me, startled, and then she began to cry. She switched the mad act right off. She said when he had visited her in prison, she had asked him whether he had told his wife yet that they were going to get married. He said, not yet. He would wait until she was free and then they would run off together. It was that, she said, that suddenly made her realize he was lying, for she knew he would never leave his work. He relished his position and he relished power. But she did not know what to do. She still loved him, however, still hoped. She said she had sunk so low that all she wanted to do was live in the hope of seeing him again. He told her if she faked madness, then she wouldn’t stand trial.