Agent Provocateur (27 page)

‘He has the sexiest smile.’

‘Shit! You do fancy him.’

They both laugh, while Grace protests too much.

Grace changes for her evening job but can’t get her mind off the bet. Her next move will be to take the rest of her finances to Johnny. She is giving him the true story. The savings account, which sits there getting fatter but doesn’t do much else. The dwindling mortgage, which she knows isn’t the best one for her. The credit cards, the receipts for clothes, the household expenses, the insurance policy she took out on a whim – she is giving him her financial life. And, who knows, he might even sort that out for the better, which is an added bonus. But she is in charge of timing, so when she goes back to her notebook and fills in details of the meeting, she writes underneath it: ‘Hard to get.’ Because although they are not dating, that is her first tactic. Johnny might not be trying to ‘get’ her, but he will be by the time she has finished. She leaves for her job, knowing that the next move is in hand. Go for the tried and tested. It nearly always works.

Betty walks through the door, annoyed that Johnny is not there. She stumbles slightly as she bends down to pick up the mail.

‘Bugger, how did I get drunk?’ she asks herself. She is sure she only had a couple of glasses. She goes to the sitting room, sits on the sofa and turns on the television. Maybe if she doesn’t move, Johnny won’t notice. The screen is helping her focus, although she is having trouble with double vision, so she closes one eye.

She hears the door open, and tries to sit up straight. Johnny walks in and goes to kiss her.

‘Betty, is something wrong?’

‘Nah, why?’ She is perfecting nonchalance.

‘Because you are sitting here with your coat on and your handbag still over your shoulder watching football.’ There are flaws in her plan.

‘Am I?’

‘Are you drunk?’

‘Are you?’

‘No, I’ve had two beers. Betty, come on, I’ll help you out of your coat.’

She stands up, amazed at how well she can do it, and shakes her coat off.

‘Have you eaten?’ Johnny asks.

‘Nah. Not very hungry, actually.’

‘Betty, it’s OK for you to be drunk, although it’s a bit early. Anyway, stop trying to pretend you’re sober. I’ll make us something to eat.’

They eat in near silence, because Betty’s head is stretching all over the place and she cannot think of a single thing to say. She tells herself that she is behaving this way because she feels guilty for lying to him, not because she is worried.

Later, in bed, she feels sober again. Sober and silly. If she continues being Betty the lush, that will only drive Johnny into the arms of another woman.

‘Johnny, I’m sorry about tonight. I’m not sure what came over me.’

‘A bottle of wine on an empty stomach, by the look of it.’

‘Yeah, but I don’t normally do that. Sorry. It’s been a shit evening, hasn’t it?’

‘Don’t be daft. Now go to sleep and hope that you don’t have a hangover.’ He kisses her gently, and as warmth and sleep wrap themselves around her, she forgets to worry about Grace. She is in his arms and that is where she belongs.

Grace opens the door and throws her shoes off. They are killing her, but she should know better than to wear that particular pair. She goes to the kitchen and finds a bottle of whisky. She pours a glass, gets the ice tray and throws in some ice cubes, drinks it down and repeats the motion. It was a horrible night, with a horrible man, and the most horrible thing of all is that she couldn’t stop thinking about Johnny. He was with her all evening – she couldn’t shake him off. His image is stalking her. She managed to get her job done, but at times she felt herself losing it. She was angry with herself. This is her bet, her idea and she is in control. But despite the angry words she has with herself, when she goes to bed that night, he is still on her mind, and in her dreams.

Chapter Twenty-Two

On Thursday, Grace calls Johnny to cancel their second meeting, as per the plan. She is a little bit miffed to find that she doesn’t want to cancel, but she pushes that away. She might have developed a tiny little crush on him after their first meeting, but only because of his eyes. And his smile. It is utterly manageable; she is still in control.

‘Johnny, it’s Grace.’

‘Hi, how are you?’

‘Fine, but I have to cancel our meeting tomorrow. It’s work, you see. I’m swamped.’

‘Do you want to rearrange, or maybe you can send me the papers so I can look at them first?’

‘No, the papers are messy. It’s probably best I explain them, and, to be honest, I don’t trust the mail. I’ll call on Monday to rearrange. Should I call your secretary?’

‘No, call me, I am quite good at looking after my diary.’ He laughs, kindly.

Grace giggles.

Johnny doesn’t know why, but he puts the phone down and feels disappointed. He tells himself that it is because none of his other clients is quite as attractive as Grace, but nothing more than that. Then he ticks himself off for sounding like a horny teenager. He is a happily married man with a beautiful wife. He doesn’t need beautiful clients.

Grace replaces the receiver and smiles. He is so sweet. She almost feels disappointed that she won’t see him, but she brushes that away. Lucky Betty, she almost hates her more now she knows just how lucky that woman is. As per Phase Two of her notes, five minutes after hanging up from Johnny, she picks the phone up again.

‘Sorry, it’s Grace again.’

‘Hello.’ He sounds confused.

‘I was thinking, can we rebook another appointment now, I’m just a bit fed up of having all this hanging over me.’

‘Sure. When do you want to come in?’

‘Next Wednesday. Hopefully I should be able to get away in the afternoon.’

‘Say three o’clock?’

‘Perfect, I’ll be there. Have a nice weekend, Johnny.’

‘Thanks, you too, Grace.’

Make sure you think of me, Johnny, she silently adds, although it might be a bit soon for that.

Betty has arranged for their friends Sarah and Will to come for dinner on Thursday night. It is all part of the normality of life that she is determined to maintain. They are friends of Johnny’s that she knows because of him, which she believes makes them safer than any other couple. Johnny is in charge of cooking. Betty is in charge of making the house, and herself, look nice. She is delighted with her control over the bet. She has barely given it a second thought. She isn’t going to let Grace mess up her life; she has done too good a job of messing up her own. She won’t sink to her level, or play her games. Her marriage is rock solid and there is nothing Grace can do to penetrate its walls.

‘Um, something smells good,’ she says, creeping up behind Johnny and putting her arms round him.

‘And someone looks delicious,’ he replies, turning round.’

There is no way that Grace can come between them. There is no space.

‘Oliver, what a surprise.’ Grace could have sworn that he wouldn’t be calling her again.

‘How are you?’ He sounds formal, stiff.

‘Fine, you?’

‘Busy as always. I wanted to ask you something, I wanted to ask you if you went ahead with that bet.’

‘I did. I am doing. I know your feelings on it, which is why I didn’t expect to hear from you.’ She feels defensive, but at the same time she would really like to talk to him about it.

‘Grace, I care about you. I want you to stop this and be with me, properly.’

‘Hardly the most romantic sounding proposition.’ She has no idea how to respond. Together with him ‘properly’ – the thought terrifies her. She doesn’t love Oliver, she doesn’t love anyone, and she can’t be with anyone ‘properly’ unless she finds her heart. She also realises that she is talking to Oliver but thinking about Johnny. No, there is no way she can be with him. But she still doesn’t want to let him go. What’s wrong with her?

‘I know, but it’s my best. Listen, Grace, I’m not doing this anymore. I’m not dropping in and out of your life. Either we do this, or we don’t. I can’t do half-measures any more. I love you, Grace, and you’re driving me crazy.’

Grace is surprised to find she is crying. She will miss Oliver. He is one of her best friends. She also hears the hurt in his voice and hates that she inflicted that. She doesn’t want to miss him, that much she knows, but how can she communicate it?

‘Olly, I’m sorry, but you know I can’t.’ She wants to say more, but all she feels is a hole opening up inside her. She wants to stop him from leaving her but she doesn’t know how.

‘I’m always going to love you, Grace.’

‘Oliver, please, don’t do this.’

‘Give me one good reason not to.’ He sounds so sad and she feels sad. She could stop him going, but she can’t. She hates herself, and she wants to make everything better, but she can’t. She isn’t equipped for normal relationships, normal life. She is just going to have to let him go, but she doesn’t want to.

‘I care, Olly.’

‘That’s not enough anymore, Grace. I need more. Give up the bet, think about quitting your job. Move in with me.’ He doesn’t sound as if he’s begging, he’s so matter of fact, as if he were offering her a job.

‘I can’t.’ For a split second she wanted to. She wanted to give it all up for him, to be with him, to find a life that doesn’t leave her vulnerable. But then she remembered: it would do exactly that. If she relied on him then ‘she would be exposed and she couldn’t risk that.

‘Then, Grace, I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to but I have to finish this.’

‘Can’t we carry on as we are?’ She knows it sounds lame, she knows that he will say no, but she says it anyway.

‘You know we can’t. Grace, I’m going to go now.’

‘Oliver, please …’ She cannot find the words.

‘I’ll always love you, Grace.’

She regulates her breath, and tries to stem the flow of tears, but when she realises that he has just gone, she cries harder.

If
anyone
could
see
me
,
see
what
I
do
to
people
,
they’d
lock
me
up
.
Or
stone
me
,
or
worse
.
I
destroy
lives
.
Maybe
Betty’s
right
.
I
destroy
people’s
happiness
.

‘So, Betty, how’s work?’ Sarah asks as they are tucking into the starter.

‘Great, as always, although my boss is getting more insane. I’ve got about five stories on the go at the moment, and it’ll be her fault if they get mixed up.’

‘My boss’s like that. He’s piling on the work. I can’t bear it.’ Sarah has some high-flying City job.

‘Oh, Betty, tell her about the story that upset you so much, the honey thing. What was her name?’ Johnny prompts.

‘Gr- Griselda.’ Everyone laughs, Betty reddens.

‘Was she really called that?’ Johnny asks, racking his brain for any memory of her name.

‘No, really she was called Helen, but Griselda suited her better.’ Betty has made a startling recovery and she goes on to entertain them all with the honey trap story; omitting a few major details.

‘What are you up to this weekend?’ Will asks, over dessert.

‘Nothing, I think. I’m going to try to get away with playing golf.’ Johnny reaches over and kisses Betty’s cheek.

‘Well, we thought we might try for a last-minute break in the New Forest, maybe somewhere with a golf course.’

‘Isn’t it a bit late?’ Johnny asks.

‘No, it’s off season. Anyway, if you’re interested I’ll see what I can do.’

‘Count us in,’ Betty says quickly. ‘But only if you find somewhere with a golf course.’

They will go away, Betty knows that. They will spend time with their friends, in the New Forest, eating pub food and drinking pints and walking, maybe, even if it is only for a couple of days. They will be together, and where will Grace be? Alone, like the Griselda that she is.

Grace recovers and takes a phone call from Eddie.

‘It feels like ages,’ he admonishes.

‘I’m sorry, but I’ve been working so hard.’

‘Then I don’t suppose you’ll have time to come away with me at the weekend?’

‘Where?’

‘Bath. I’ve been invited to a restaurant opening. It’s an old friend’s place, so I thought I’d book a nice hotel and make a weekend of it.’

‘Bit last minute – surely you knew before now.’

‘I did, but I thought if I asked you at the last minute, then you wouldn’t be able to wriggle out with an excuse.’ She laughs at his accurate evaluation. Just as she is about to turn him down and find one of her lame excuses, she thinks better of it. A weekend away might do her the world of good, and Eddie doesn’t hate her like Oliver does.

‘That sounds lovely.’

‘Really?’ He can’t help the surprise edge into his voice.

‘Really. It’s going to be great.’

She is smiling when she puts the phone down, as is he. She is delighted with events, because maybe they will take her mind off Johnny. Or maybe they won’t. Whatever, she will enjoy herself with Eddie because he deserves it, and if she can make him happy then maybe she won’t be such a bad person after all.

On Friday afternoon, after she has packed her weekend bag and fitted an automatic fish feeder to her fish tank (purchased for such occasions but never used), she calls him again. This is the last stage in Phase One and it is a bit of a gamble.

‘Johnny Parkin.’ His voice makes her shake; she is nervous.

‘It’s Grace.’

‘Hi, how are you?’ He sounds puzzled by her call.

‘I feel really silly calling you, I hope you don’t mind, it’s just that my solicitor is away and I can’t talk to my boss. I didn’t know who else to turn to.’

‘What’s wrong?’ He is concerned, she can hear it in his voice.