Agent Provocateur (42 page)

‘You’re having an affair?’ His voice is shaky. He is unsure if it is full of anger but it is full of something.

‘No.’ Johnny still stares at his bottle. He is trying to find the words to describe what he is doing but it keeps coming down to the fact that he is lying to his wife and he has fallen for someone else.

‘Johnny, mate, you’ve got to help me out here. What’s going on?’ The anger has subsided, if that is what it was. Now Matt just wants to get out of the bar and pretend that this evening never happened.

‘I met this woman. She’s a client, a new client, and, well, she’s incredible. Her husband divorced her, and she came to me to put her finances in order. There wasn’t loads of money, but she got to me. She’s beautiful, I think the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, and also vulnerable, and a bit sad – you know, like there’s so much sadness inside her it’s reflected in her eyes …’

‘Slow down a minute. Johnny, are you in love with her?’

‘I didn’t mean to be. But I think I am.’

‘And Betty?’

‘I love her still. I haven’t stopped loving her and wanting her. I’m not having an affair, Matt. I haven’t kissed this woman, nothing, but she feels the same, and now I know I have to do something in case it kills me. Or kills her and Betty.’

Matt gestures to the barman for more beers, then changes his mind.

‘Two double brandies please,’ he says. Johnny doesn’t argue. ‘I’m not sure I can get my head round this. Johnny, you and Betty are the best couple ever. Everyone agrees you’re made for each other. Are you sure that this isn’t just a crush?’

‘No, I’m not sure of anything. When I see her I feel good -you know, warm and stuff- and when I see her I feel sparks. Is it a crush? Should I just not see her? In fact, tonight she told me that we shouldn’t see each other. She doesn’t want to be a marriage wrecker.’

‘But you both know that there is more to this than a platonic friendship?’

‘Yup. I don’t want to lose Betty, but I’m not sure I can walk away from this, it’s so powerful, you know. I’m being sucked into her and I’m not sure that I can resist. When she left tonight, I thought about how I’d feel if I never saw her again, and I was scared. Look, I’m not good at this, talking about my feelings stuff, but this isn’t like anything else.’

‘No, it’s not.’ Matt is trying not to panic. He feels inadequate in his side of the conversation, having never encountered one like it. ‘Johnny, I guess this is a silly question, but do you love one more than the other?’

‘I don’t know. The thought of life without Betty is horrific, but so is not seeing her again. Shit, I just don’t know.’ He downs his brandy, and gestures for two more.

‘Johnny, I think, and believe me I have no fucking idea about this, but I think you should take her advice. Have a few days with no contact, try to date your wife – you know, take her out for a change – and then see. If by the end of the week you really feel like you need this, this … what’s her name?’

‘Grace. Grace Regan.’

‘If you really feel you need this Grace – hang on, did you say Grace Regan?’

‘Yes, why?’ Johnny gives Matt a puzzled look, which Matt returns. He feels a chill sweep through him. The name, why should it bug him? He thinks he’s heard it before, recently, but he can’t remember. His brain starts rejecting all attempts to coax his memory into action.

‘Matt?’ Johnny is still looking at him.

‘Sorry. It’s just that Grace is quite an unusual name. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, well, spend a week apart from her, make an effort with Betty, then we’ll have a chat at the end of it, and see where we go from there.’

‘Thanks, Matt, you’re a good mate.’

‘Don’t mention it.’ As they both lapse into silence, Johnny almost feels better. Matt’s right: the answer he needs will come to him if he just allows himself some breathing space, and he is also right about spoiling Betty. That is what he will do.

Matt drinks his brandy and tries to think. His mind isn’t working but he knows that something is wrong here, and he knows that for Johnny’s sake he needs to figure out what it is. Not being strong on intuition normally, Matt tries to brush it away, but this feeling is too powerful to ignore. He just needs to work it out. He is angry with himself for being so stupid, and not doing something before, but he knows that somewhere in his empty head is the answer, and as his head is empty it shouldn’t be too hard to locate.

Betty is sitting on the sofa watching a documentary on television when Johnny walks in. He goes over to her and sits down.

‘You smell of booze,’ she says kindly, wondering in her head where he has been. Grace hasn’t called her back, but she is beginning to resign herself to the fact that she has lost. Just how much she has lost she is yet to figure out. She doesn’t want to figure it out. Not yet. Not until she has to.

‘Sorry, but you know what Matt’s like.’

‘Oh, I didn’t know you were going out with Matt tonight.’ She tries to keep her voice level. She spoke to Alison earlier in the evening and she hadn’t mentioned anything.

‘I wasn’t, not at first. I was with a client, then I asked Matt to go for a quick beer. You know what it’s like.’

‘Of course I do, honey.’ Betty feels the anger and the jealousy well inside her. She knows exactly what it’s like because she knows exactly which ‘client’ he was with before Matt. But she pushes the knowledge away because being the perfect wife is not about anger. She is wearing a dressing gown, which she lets slip open to reveal her naked body. ‘Now you’re home, perhaps you might like to take me to bed?’ she says, launching herself at him.

While they kiss, and she tastes that woman on him, or the evening that was with that woman, she prays that he won’t leave her, and she tries that little bit harder so he won’t. Why would any man leave Superwife? He’d have to be mad. Wouldn’t he?

Grace sits in the darkness watching the fish. She is drinking red wine because it reminds her of what she walked away from. She has done with tears and she has work that needs doing. She has to pull herself together.

Tomorrow, she promises herself, tomorrow she will be better. She will get on with her work and be like the old Grace. The trouble is that she doesn’t want to be the old Grace any more. But she has to, because that way she can cope if he decides to stay with Betty.

She wonders what he did after she left. Did he drink the wine, or pay the bill and leave? Or did he, and this is the most horrific thought, did he call his wife and ask her to join him?

Tears return as she fills her glass again. Whatever the outcome she is alone and she has never felt lonelier.

‘You stink of brandy,’ Alison complains as Matt tries to cuddle her in bed.

‘Sorry, but you know what Johnny’s like,’ he replies, slurring his words slightly. He and Johnny left the bar, but instead of heading straight home, Matt stopped at another one on the way. He is still racking his brains for the name Grace. It is in there somewhere.

.’I know what you’re like,’ Alison replies, but she plants a kiss on his head.

He thinks about asking her, but doesn’t want to start a fight, and mentioning the name of another woman you can’t place can potentially do that. He closes his eyes, with the room spinning slightly, and regrets the last two brandies. He is asleep, but then he is awake. He has no idea what the time is but he sits bolt upright, sobriety has returned, as has his memory.

‘Alison, wake up.’

‘Umm.’

‘Wake the fuck up,’ he shouts.

‘What? Is the house on fire?’

‘No, but we need to talk. Get up; I’ll make some hot chocolate.’

‘But I want to sleep. I’ve got work tomorrow.’

‘Alison, get up. This is important.’

There are times when you can mention another woman’s name to your wife. Those times are when her friend is the one who has used that name and you have a feeling that she knows more than she is telling you.

The kettle has boiled by the time Alison appears in the kitchen. She has her bathrobe wrapped tightly around her, and she is yawning.

‘What on earth is this?’ she demands, sitting down at the kitchen table. The light is on, which hurts her eyes. She is angry and tired, and thinks that Matt is just drunk. Matt hands her drink and starts pacing. He has set up an interrogation room in the kitchen, but Alison does not know this. He stops suddenly and turns to face her.

‘Tell me who Grace is.’

Alison opens her mouth, closes it again, and blinks. She wonders if she is in a dream, that her subconscious is worrying about the consequences of her keeping things from her husband. But then, as she feels a chill down her spine, the situation feels horribly real.

‘Who is she?’ Matt asks again.

‘I don’t know,’ Alison lies.

‘You do because I heard Betty talking about her.’

‘Oh,’ Alison says.

‘Yes, oh. But that’s not all. Johnny was talking about her tonight.’

‘What was he saying?’ She can see everything crashing around her.

‘That’s not the point, or not at least until you tell me who she is and how on earth you and Betty know her.’

Alison feels sick. ‘She was Betty’s honey trap woman.’

Alison tells Matt the whole story, leaving nothing out.

‘I can’t believe you kept this from me.’ Matt looks sad, and a bit frightened rather than angry.

‘You’d have told Johnny.’

‘And a good job that would have done – stopped all this nonsense. I can’t believe you let Betty agree.’

‘She needed to. She had to keep her job.’

‘Oh, don’t be so dramatic. Do you really think she would have lost her job?’

‘She might have.’

‘And that was worth losing Johnny for?’

‘She didn’t think that he’d fall for it.’

‘Well, he hasn’t. Not yet anyway.’ It is Matt’s turn to tell Alison what Johnny has said.

‘He’s in love with her?’

‘He thinks he is. He thinks he loves them both.’

‘But nothing’s happened?’

‘No, nothing. And you know what? She hasn’t pushed him either. Tonight she suggested that they have some space from each other.’

‘But that doesn’t make sense, not for the bet.’

‘Well, Alison, this whole thing doesn’t make sense, but the worst is that Johnny is going through agony and it’s all a damn setup. How could you not tell me?’ He is shaking with rage.

‘Betty begged me not to.’

‘Has she lost her marbles?’

‘I think she might have done. You know, she’s been turning herself into the perfect wife for him, so he doesn’t stray.’

‘Christ. We have to sort this out.’

‘How?’

‘I am going to tell Johnny.’

‘But Betty’ll go mad.’

‘I don’t care, Alison, and I won’t mention you. Maybe she’ll think I managed to put it together all by my clever self. But don’t tell her that I’m telling him.’

‘Why? I have to.’ It is all getting messier and messier.

‘No, because Johnny has to work out what to do, and if you tell Betty what I’ve told you, and that I’m telling him, then it’ll be a bigger mess.’

‘I’m not sure that’s possible.’

‘Neither am I. But promise me, AIL’

‘OK, but you’d better sort it out quickly.’

‘I will.’

Johnny untangles himself from Betty and goes back to the living room. He can’t sleep, and he feels wretched. That night he confessed to his best friend that he might be in love with another woman, and then he has sex with his wife. He’s hypocritical; he’s in a huge conundrum. He goes to the kitchen and makes himself a cup of tea. He then sits on the sofa until he manages to fall asleep.

Betty opens her eyes and sees that he isn’t there. She wonders if he is downstairs thinking of her or thinking of Grace, a thought that makes her angry and more determined. She regrets starling this, she has regretted it from the word go, but even more so now, because her husband is on the brink of being stolen. A theft that she has almost invited. She tries to get back to sleep before he comes back. If he is ever coming back.

Grace tries to imagine what he is doing but stops herself because he is probably in bed with his arms around
her
. If she had known what this would do to her she would never have started it. Or she might, because at least she knows now that she can fall in love. But she also knows she was right all along: love always hurts. As she makes her way to bed, she realises that she feels more miserable than she can ever remember feeling.

‘Maybe, we should go to bed now,’ Matt suggests.

‘Yeah. I am really sorry that I lied to you.’ Alison strokes his arm.

‘I just don’t think it was the sensible thing to do.’ He is beginning to thaw.

‘I know, but if you hadn’t recognised the name, would you have told me what Johnny told you tonight?’

‘Probably not.’

‘It’s hard having best friends married to each other.’

‘Especially if it threatens our relationship.’

‘But we won’t let it, will we?’ Alison feels scared.

‘No, Al, we won’t.’ But they both feel cold as they climb the stairs because somehow it seems that every relationship has been threatened now, and all because of one stupid bet.

Chapter Thirty-Three

‘I feel dreadful,’ Alison says when the alarm goes off.

‘So do I.’ Matt looks at her and kisses her. Not only is he tired but he is also worried. But he has already decided what he’s going to do.

‘Do you want first shower?’

‘No, you go. I’m pulling a sickie.’

‘Good idea. I’ll join you.’

‘No you won’t. I’m taking the day off to sort things out and I don’t want you around.’

‘Oh God, you’re going to tell Johnny.’ This makes her feel even worse.

‘I think he has a right to know.’

‘But what about Betty?’

‘Alison, Betty might be losing him anyway. I have to tell him. We decided that last night.’

‘I won’t be able to concentrate at work.’ Alison adopts her little girl voice. She wants to pretend that none of this is happening. She is terrified.