Ahead of the Darkness (25 page)

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I
t was my first night back, and it felt so good. I couldn’t stop smiling. Drew eventually let me leave the apartment, but only to have lunch with Georgia. She had been so upset that I hadn’t taken any of her calls, and I had to explain that it wasn’t like that, and that I’d had my phone off, avoided all interaction. She eventually forgave me, explaining that if she had broken up with Ryan she would have been in a similar state. I still got a lecture about how if I ever hurt Drew again she’d have to hunt me down, but we were good.

I was restocking the gin when the strangest sensation came over me. It was kind of like the feeling you get in tight spaces, as if the oxygen suddenly dropped in the room. All the tiny hairs on my arms stood up,

And I saw
him
. In the mirror, behind the wall of bottles.

The soulless black eyes that scanned the crowd were impossible to miss. They were exactly how I remembered them, how they still haunted me at night.

I froze in place. I could do nothing but stare at him as he searched—searched for me. He looked much older, with deep-cut lines in his face. His skin looked like overstretched leather, and his head was neatly shaved as it always had been. I’d know him anywhere, even if I were blind, but how? How did he get so close and find me after all these years? I knew he’d never stop looking. I just thought I’d been one step ahead of him.

I couldn't breathe. My feet felt glued to the floor, but as his head started to turn towards me I dropped to the floor. I scrambled backwards until I bumped up against bar, almost smashing the gin bottle still locked in my hand. Drew’s gaze shot to me, his face bunched, and his eyes narrowed. I struggled to lift my hand to stop him before he headed my way. The last thing I needed was anyone to notice me hiding. Thankfully, Drew slowed his progress, evened out his features, and continued to tend the bar, but he didn't stop walking until he was standing right next to me.

He casually dropped his hand to stroke my hair and cheek. I could have cried at the tenderness of that simple act. I reached up to cup his hand to my cheek, but I felt
him
coming closer to the bar and I started to shake. Drew’s hand twisted to grip my hand and I held on, biting my tongue to stop the scream bubbling up in my throat the closer he got.

“Hey, mate. What can't I get ye?”

“I'm looking for a girl, about twenty-four years old. Amelia, or possibly going by the name Lia. I’ve been trying to find her, and someone here contacted me saying they'd seen her about the place.”

“Are ye a cop, like? This Lia lass, she in trouble?”

“No, no. She's my daughter. Runaway, you see. I just want to bring her home. We miss her terribly, and want to make sure she's okay. I have a photo, but it's old. Her hair might be different.”

Drew squeezed my hand quickly before he let go and reached across the bar. I looked up to see him frowning at a photograph as he shook his head.

“Sorry, mate, can't say I've seen this lass, but I can take ye number and give ye a call if I do.”

“That would be appreciated. My business card. Please call, any time.”

“Aye. Can I get ye a drink for ye troubles?”

“No, I best be off. Cheers.”

“Aye. Good luck.”

Drew made a show of pocketing the business card, and I prayed to every known god that he wouldn't use it. I listened for the door but couldn't hear anything. I looked back up at Drew, but he shook his head at me.
He's still here? What if he shows the photo to a customer? What if they recognise me?
What if, what if? A million questions ran through my head, but the hardest one to process was, how will I leave Drew again?

“Who was that man?” I jumped when Drew dropped down to me, resting his hands on my knees, our faces inches apart.

“My ... father.”

“I thought he was in prison?”

“Yes. He was. Please, Drew, I don’t have time. I need to get out of here. Can you get me out of here.”

He stood up, and lifted me to my feet by the arms. His firm grip kept me on my shaky legs as he ushered me out of the bar. He used his tall frame to shield me from view and headed towards the storage room and out the delivery door in to the pouring rain.

“Go straight home.” He placed his keys in my hand.

“Why ...?”

“My home, Amelia. I need ye to go straight to my apartment, right now. Dinnae stop for naught. Do ye hear me? Right now. I'll be there as soon as I can.” His mouth crashed down on mine, not waiting for a response.

I didn't notice the sting of the relentless rain as he kissed me furiously. My heart broke at the finality of it, and I lost the capacity to feel anything else.

His lips left mine all too soon, and he was gone before I could catch my breath. I stood there, just looking at the back door where Drew had left, the rain continuing to pelt down. I didn't have time to ask even one of the questions circling my mind. I just ran. I ran to Drew's. Why? Because he’d asked me to, and at that moment I couldn’t think. I just needed to act. Eventually the shock would wear off and then, then it would be bad.

I was in a daze by the time I reached Drew’s apartment and let myself in. I stood in the doorway and shivered as I took in the quiet room. If felt so different without Drew here.

I snapped out of my stupor when I noticed how much I was dripping on the floor. I couldn’t comprehend the thought of dirtying Drew’s apartment, so I tiptoed to the bathroom and robotically stripped off my wet clothes, putting them in the dryer. I towelled myself off, not caring about a shower, and put on the clean gym clothes I had left at Drew’s at some point. I meticulously dried the floor. Now what?

I cleaned the bathroom and kitchen from top to toe. Then I swept all the floors, and then mopped them. Colour coordinated Drew’s clothes. Alphabetised all his books, games and DVDs. I ran out of things to do after dusting all the furniture, but had found Windex under the sink. I had just pulled it out when the door slid opened.

My heart stopped in a moment of panic, thinking that
he’d
followed me here, broken in downstairs and was going to kill me. It restarted in overdrive when Drew appeared instead. The cleaning fluid hit the floor, spilling everywhere as I dropped it and ran, throwing myself at Drew’s slightly damp form. He caught me and clung like he was my only lifeline. In reality I had only been waiting a few hours, but it felt like a lifetime.

“Shhh, love, it's okay, I'm here.”

“I ... I thought ... I thought he might have followed me, or seen you.”

“I made sure he dinnae.” There was a menace in his voice I didn't quite understand. I broke away from him to look up into his eyes and saw determination and a fierceness I’d never seen.

“What? What did you do?”

“Naught, but he cannae hurt you, nae while I'm here.”

“You're crazy! He's here, he found me. I don't know how, but he did. You can’t protect me from him, no one can. He’ll never stop! For six years he hasn’t stopped trying to find me, but this is the closest he's ever been, physically, at least. I can't risk it.”

“Ye cannae guaranty that he willnae find ye again, and I cannae lose ye. It would tear me up inside nae knowing where ye are, if ye're safe. Stay with me, here, and I'll keep ye safe ... always.”

“What?”
Always?

He captured my face in his hands and my eyes franticly searched his, watering at what I found. “I love ye, Mia. Have been for a while now. I was crazy about ye the moment ye fell off that damn treadmill.”
No
.

I closed my eyed and pulled my face free. “You can’t.”

He can’t ...

“Aye, and I know ye feel it too. This is real.” He indicated between us. “I see how ye look at me, it's in yer eyes. It's in every touch. I feel it when we kiss. Ye try real hard to fight it, but ye cannae keep lying tae yerself anymore.”

I sucked in a sharp breath. “Everyone I love dies. I can’t ...”

“Mia.”

“Don’t.”

“Nothing’s going to happen to me. I promise.”

"You can't know that What if he hurts you, or Anne—oh God, Anne!”
Oh God, not Anne. Please, not Anne.

"Dinnae worry, I'll call her."

All I could think about was going home and finding Anne ...

"... Aye, she's here, aye. She can stay here, with me, and we'll sort it out. I'll come, nae, stay home. I'll go the long way to be sure he doesn't follow, and pick up her things."

What?

I stopped listening. My skin prickled and my heart fell to my stomach. I slowly started backing up towards the door, and did what I did best.

I ran.

I ran out Drew’s front door, and left my shattered heart behind.

"Mia!"

Drew’s panic-stricken voice came screaming down the stairs, but he was too slow. Distracted by the phone call, he hadn’t seen me leave, and even with his long legs he couldn't catch up. I was out the security door before he'd reached the last flight of stairs.

"Mia!"

It was sort of ironic, how fast I was now. Drew couldn't have foreseen I'd be using the training he’d given me against him. I turned left instead of right and ducked down the side alley, desperately hoping he wouldn't hear my footfalls as I rounded the corner.

It wasn't until I turned left at the end of the alley that I realised where I was going. The few times I had been playing on my phone maps, I had subconsciously been memorising the streets. I couldn't go home along my usual route. Drew would catch up eventually but worse, if
he
had followed, he'd know where Anne lived, and I couldn't, I couldn't bare the thought of something happening to her, to either of them because of me.

The guilt burned like acid through my veins, and I ran even faster. Every time I heard the rumbling of a bike or the purr of a car I’d freak, and duck behind a bush or fence.

No one can find me. I can't be found. Please don't find me ...

I circled the town and weaved in and out of different streets to come around behind Anne's. My legs burned by the time I arrived. I’d taken a good hour to get there. I stuck to the shadows as I made my way closer to the house making it almost impossible to find me. Just as I’d feared, Drew's bike was in the drive. I was too exhausted to go anywhere else and I couldn't go inside, so I hid in the neighbour’s yard and waited for him to leave. He couldn't stay all night, could he?

I must have dozed off at some point, because the rumbling of Drew’s bike woke me as he kick-started it.

"I'll find her, Anne, ye can count on that."

My heart shattered some more at the desperation masked in his voice. He sounded so sure and so strong, but I could hear the strain, the pain.
Drew
... I watched with tear-soaked eyes as he rode off on a futile expedition.
I'm sorry
...

I waited until I couldn't hear the rumble in the distance, and then I left the shrub, tentatively walking towards Anne. She was still on the front step, staring after Drew, looking lost in thought and hugging herself.

"Anne ...?" She gasped, and clutched at her chest. I did try not to startle her.

"Oh Heavens, child. You startled me." I walked a little closer and Anne pull out her phone.

"No, please! Don't call him."

"Why ever not? He's worried half to death. We’ve both been worried half to death."

"Better half than all. Please, Anne, he can't know I'm here, not until after I leave. Please."

"Oh, love ...Well, hurry up and come inside, and tell me what's going on. I won't call the young man." The unspoken
yet
hung in the air.

I made the few final steps to Anne, and she pulled me in for a tight hug.

"I am so pleased you are in one piece." She released me to look at me closer. "You are in one piece?"

"Externally, yes." I walked inside, and Anne closed and bolted the door behind us. She looked at my puffy eyes, and more concern contorted her face.

"I'm not injured, I assure you."

"But hurting all the same. You love the young man, don't you?" I didn't need to think about my response. It had plagued me, fuelled me while I ran.

"Yes. Most regretfully." I couldn’t help the tears that flowed freely down my face. The dam had well and truly been broken.

“He loves you too, does he not? I can see it in his concern for you.”

“Yes. He can’t know I am here, Anne. I don’t want him to come for me. I can’t stay.”

“Someone wants to hurt you? Is that why you’re leaving?”

“Yes. I am so sorry to have brought this on you. It was never my intention to put you in harm’s way. I made sure I wasn’t followed. He’s never gotten so close before. I’m so sorry, Anne, so sorry.”

“Hush, dear, you can’t help these things. I’m not as frail as I seem. I’ll be alright. Now, what is to be done?”

“I, I have to leave. Right now.”

“And where will you go?”

“I ... I don’t know. As far away as I can.”

“Well then, you will be needing a car.”

“What? No, Anne, I can’t take your car. I don’t even have a license, I can barely drive.”

“You can’t very well catch the train and Drew’s told me you’re drive just fine.”
When?
“I have insurance. I’ll report it stolen, and get a replacement. Stick to the back roads and under the speed limit. You should be fine.” She winked at me. “Come on then, get your things together, and I’ll pack you a bag of food.”

I was speechless. I hugged Anne tight for several seconds, and ran off to my room. God, how I was going to miss this house, this ... home. Drew wasn’t the only one I’d learnt to care for, and it hurt all the more, having to say goodbye to someone. It was the first time I’d felt anguish at packing my things instead of relief, and I struggled, each item taking longer to place in the bag than the last.

I finally reached for the last item to pack, kissing the photo of my mother. I put it in the inside slip of my suitcase and sat on my bed, staring at the rest in the mirror. I struggled with the fact I couldn’t bring this life with me into the next. The past haunted me enough as it was. I didn’t think I would survive any more physical reminders. So I left them behind, with the last remnants of my heart.