Aint too proud to beg sfdg-1 (13 page)

See you, Gwen, he said. Thanks again.

Gwen Anders wasnt the type who slammed doors. So it surprised Rick when she did.

Beth? Josie couldnt believe her eyes. Her sister hadnt once come to see her at work in all the years Josie had been at the paper, and the day she decided to visit, she brought their mother! Mom? Oh, my God, whats wrong?

Josie heard the voice of Denise the newsroom receptionist from behind her shoulder. Conference Room A again? she asked kindly.

Josie nodded and mumbled her thanks, showing her sister and mother into the room. The things that went through her head were in this order: /Dad has had a heart attack; Donald has died in a plane crash; one of the babies has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness./ Her moms face was lined with exhaustion. Beth couldnt look Josie in the eye.

Just spit it out, Josie said. Dont torture me like this.

Well, Josies mother began, glancing quickly in Beths direction. Howie has asked your sister for a separation. Hes already moved his things out of the house and rented himself an apartment in town, close to work.

Josie shook her head as if to unplug her ears. This couldnt be right. /What?/ Beth looked up, her eyes unnaturally bright as they latched on to Josie.

So? Arent you happy? Arent you going to say you told me so?

Josie fell against the seat back, speechless. She had to remind herself that her baby sister was probably in shock and that a /whump!/ upside her head might not be in her best interest.

Thats enough, Beth, their mother said, her voice as tired as her face.

You said you needed Josies help and advice, so lets forgo the bitterness.

Beth looked down, wringing and twisting her hands in her lap.

Josie turned to her mother for some context. Want to fill me in?

Ann Sheehan sniffed. It was obvious shed been crying, so Josie reached out and touched her moms arm. Are the kids doing okay? Just answer me that.

Theyre oblivious, thank God. They think Daddys at work. Theyre with Grandpa right now.

Josie nodded, feeling some relief. Did the two of you have a fight, Beth?

A whopper, she said, still looking at her hands.

What about?

Beth shrugged, slowly raising her face. He came home late again and forgot to stop at the store like Id asked him to. I was really mean to him. I said some really awful things that I shouldnt have.

Okay. Josie looked to her mother, who rolled her eyes heavenward. What exactly did you say, Beth?

Well… I dont remember the /exact/ words.

Their mom blew out a hiss of air. Thats such a load of bullshit, Beth.

Just tell her what you told Howie. Hows your sister supposed to help you if she doesnt know what you did?

Josie tried not to look shocked. Shed never heard her mother say anything more than an occasional hell or damn, and every once in a while a Sweet Mother of Jesus would pop out, which, along with Shakespeares Greatest Hits, was reserved for times of true crisis.

Beth rolled her head around, looking at anything and everything in the conference room except her mother and sister. I told him he was as sexy as leftover meat loaf, she said very matter-of-factly. I told him Id be perfectly happy if he never touched me again as long as I lived. I told him he was useless as a father and I couldnt stand the way he smelled.

Josie shut her eyes for a second and thought, /Sweet Mother of Jesus./ Okay. Anything else? She couldnt believe she dared to ask.

Yeah. I told him I only married him because I knew hed take care of me financially. I told him I settled when I married him. That he didnt excite me and never really had.

Josie bit her bottom lip so hard she tasted blood. She glanced briefly at her mother, whose mouth was pulled into a narrow white line of distress.

Okay. So did you mean any of it?

Beth let out a groan. No! Maybe some of it. I dont know. I just She looked up at Josie with an expression of bewilderment. I think somethings wrong with me, Josie. Ive been so unhappy. Miserable. I ache all over. Im exhausted. Some days I cant even walk up the stairs. Some days I dont… I cant… I dont even like my own babies! Ive been too angry and tired to love my own kids!

Josie reached out and caught her sister as she fell forward into her arms. Josies mom leaned over and kissed the top of Beths head and handed her youngest child a stack of tissues. Beth cried and cried. Eventually, Josie patted her sister on the shoulder and asked, Whens the last time you went to the doctor, Beth?

She blew her nose in a tissue and shrugged. Whenever Chloes last checkup was, when she had her last round of vaccinations. I dont knowthree months ago or something?

Was that the pediatrician?

Beth nodded.

No, Beth. Im talking about /you/. When is the last time you went to a doctor and had a complete physical?

She looked at Josie like she was speaking a foreign language. Uh, when I was in college? I dont knowit had to be before I got pregnant with Calvin. But Ive been to the obstetrician more times than Id like to remember.

Calvin is almost four, Josie said.

Beth nodded, then blew her nose again.

Mom, she needs an appointment to see her doctor. In the meantime, Josie looked at her sister, Ill talk to Howie if its okay with you. Ill explain whats happening and ask him to hang in there.

Beth blew her nose yet again. I think it might be too late, but thanks, Josie. That would be great. Then Beth mumbled, Im sorry if Ive been mean to you, too.

Josie nearly laughed. Shed been waiting for that particular apology for thirty-one years, and now that shed gotten it, it didnt seem important.

She walked her mother and sister to the elevators and headed back to the newsroom.

As she passed Denises desk, Josie said, Listen, if anyone else comes up here looking for me, tell them Im at a funeral home convention or something.

Will do, Denise said.

Josie made a sharp U-turn. Oh, unless its a really handsome man with gorgeous green eyes and a serpent tattoo that runs up the left side of his neckyou can send him right on back to my cubicle!

Yeah, right. Denise laughed like that was the funniest thing shed ever heard. You are such a riot, Josie, she said.

B
ennett Cummings opted for the northern route. There was no particular reason, other than it was spring, and on a northern route hed be able to witness the earth coming alive one last time. It would be his sixty-seventh cycle of changenot bad, really. It wasnt as long a life as the fellows in the actuarial department might have selected for himwith his excellent health and impeccable lifestyle habitsbut not too shabby, either. Sixty-seven springs had been his to treasure, no matter what happened.

Besides, hed never really taken the time to see the country. In his forty years of business travel hed only become familiar with five-star hotel suites, private airstrips, Michelin-rated restaurants, and the inside of banks, boardrooms, and manufacturing plants. Their exact geographic location had rarely mattered to him.

And so it was that he found himself just west of Albany around dinnertime. It was a rather cloudy day, with a few sprinkles hitting the windshield, when he stopped at a family restaurant off the interstate.

He ordered the fish special. He should have known better, of course, considering how far inland hed come. But he topped it off with a piece of warm cherry pie with vanilla ice cream, accompanied by a strong cup of coffee, which more than made up for the fish.

Bennett didnt know how many hours hed be able to drive after sundown.

His eyesight wasnt as keen as it had once been, and he found the reflection of headlights on wet pavement especially distracting, but he decided to keep going until he absolutely had to rest.

There was something thrilling about this kind of existence, Bennett decided. He was an everyman, a shadow among shadows, guided only by his preferences and the limits of his physical stamina. It was freeing. He wished hed tried this sooner.

The sky turned completely black by eight P.M. The rain was coming down harder, and he squinted between sweeps of the windshield wipers. He and the gardeners car had become old friends in the last couple hundred miles, and hed decided the situation was comical, really. The tires were just shy of dangerously worn. The shift did indeed stick, and not just when putting it in reverse. The alternator needed to be replaced, yes, but so did the wipers and a dozen other components. The heater was intermittently overzealous and the defrost had a mind of its own. And here he was, Bennett Cummings, suffering through all this inconvenience while he owned seven luxury vehicles and had reserved a private jet that, along with its three shifts of personnel, sat idle in a Providence hangar at the rate of seventy-six thousand a day.

The cat-and-mouse nature of all this made Bennett smile. Of course Rick Rousseau was keeping an eye on him. He knew that Rick would know the second any flight plans were filed for that jet. All the financial and technological resources at Rousseaus disposal would make it easy to track Bennetts cars, as well. But a 1991 Skylark with a bum defrost? A guy in a ball cap eating substandard fish at a diner outside of Albany?

No. Rick Rousseau would be blind to Bennetts movements.

The rain continued, and Bennett couldnt help but recall that it was a night like this one that had changed his life. The phone call came just before midnight. The Rhode Island State Police said their daughter had been injured in a motorcycle crash on a rainy country road. She was still alive, but shed suffered what the doctors called a traumatic brain injury. The driver of the motorcycle had just died in surgery, they added.

It was one of those moments in a mans life that went beyond rational explanation. The police hadnt said who owned the motorbike, but Bennett instinctively knew it was Rick Rousseau. The truly strange thing was that Rousseau hadnt been in Margots orbit for a decade or more, not since hed gotten her pregnant in college. But Bennett had recently heard that the young man was back from his travels, and somehow, he put the two events together in his mind. As Bennett and Julia drove to the emergency room that night, he took some comfort knowing that justice had been handed down by the universe. Rousseau had been punishedhe was dead!

But Margot was alive, and Bennett would spend every dime he had to ensure shed be as good as new, as quickly as possible.

Hed failed, of course. Margot was never good again. The ultimate betrayal was that doctors had the skills to drag Rousseau back from the dead, but they left Bennetts little girl to wither away in a coma. Hed remained hopeful during those long seven years. Bennett never gave up, not like Julia did with her pills and her private world. Bennett visited the nursing facility twice a week, every week, and with each medical consultation he demanded his daughter be kept alive with every trick in the book. He knew a miracle was just around the corner.

Hed been wrong about that, too.

Bennett peered through the rain and pulled into an inexpensive chain motel, his eyes and throat burning from the memories. He paid cash and registered with his fake ID. He took a shower in the flimsy bathtub, and got under the scratchy sheets. Thats when he turned on his BlackBerry.

Bennett knew that making calls or texts from the device would leave a trail of digital breadcrumbs along his route, so he would use his cheap pay-as-you-go phone for that in an emergency. But he would allow himself to use the BlackBerry to look at old photos, to remind him why he was on this journey.

He clicked through dozens, including Margot as a golden-haired toddler, running down to the boat house with her favorite stuffed rabbit clutched in her hand. Then there was Margot as a ten-year-old snowflake in the winter pageant. The dressage competitions of her early teen years, with her beloved Thoroughbred mare. Their father-and-daughter excursion to New Zealand. The Yale years.

There was one last photo of Margot, and it was the most heart-wrenching of them all. It was taken just months before the accident. Bennett had caught Margot unawares as she sat in the morning sun on the east veranda. She looked up from the newspaper, erupting in an openmouthed smile of surprise.

She wore no makeup, yet her face glowed. She was a woman in the prime of her beauty, with plenty of time to turn things around, if she would only apply herself.

Shed shooed Bennett away, laughing. Go away, Daddy! Im sorry I ever got you that stupid thing! Shed smoothed a hand over her mussed-up hair and gone back to her newspaper and morning coffee.

Bennett zoomed in on the image displayed on the small digital screen. He studied it carefully. As always, he recognized the veiled sorrow in his only childs eyes. It was a sadness shed carried since the abortion.

Margot had never forgiven herself for getting rid of the baby. She never would. Shed told him so.

Bennett powered down his BlackBerry and turned off the bedside lamp. He lay there in that cookie-cutter hotel room, in the darkness, listening to the rumble and whine of the interstate. The stinging in his eyes and throat started up again, and this time he welcomed the hot rush of grief it carried in its wake.

Bea, can you just let it go? Please? I have enough on my mind at the moment.

Bea understood completely; thats why she told Roxie not to worry about itif shed just read aloud the license plate numbers from the previous night, then Bea would take care of everything.

It took Roxie a moment to respond. I hate to say this, Bea, but I think theres some kind of weird rescue fantasy of yours at work here. Josie is a thirty-five-year-old woman and she doesnt need us to rescue her! Maybe you should get a second dog or something.

Bea chewed on the pencil she held between her teeth. So youre not concerned about her?

I want nothing but the best for her, Roxie said. But I know that if she let a guy in her apartment, then she already knows who he is. Josie may be a little too gullible at times, but shes not entirely stupid.

Okay. Fine, Bea said, then changed the subject. So are you ready for your meeting with the board next week?

Roxie groaned. Im meeting with a labor lawyer today. Hes going to review my contract and tell me what options I have, if any. Plus, I have the forms I need to apply for food stamps.

Bea laughed. Youre not going to need food stamps, woman. Think big! Your Web site is already burning up the Internet. If the bozos here fire you then you can focus on turning your site into a real moneymaker.

Yeah, Ive thought about that.

Then do it, Bea said. You could sponsor a contest for the worst boyfriend of the week. You can sell T-shirts and coffee mugs and bumper stickers. You can go on the self-help lecture circuit. You can become the mouthpiece for the spurned and burned from every corner of the globe. The phone was dead silent. Did I lose you? Hello?

Bea, Roxie said breathlessly. Youre a freakin genius! /?

[http://I-vomit-on-all-men.com] I-vomit-on-all-men.coma cyber haven for the spurned and burned./ How rockin is that?

Pretty rockin, Bea said, grinning. So, werent you going to read me the license plate numbers?

Oh, hell, why not? Just promise me you wont go launching some intervention without me and Ginger.

Girl Scouts honor.

Roxie read the series of numbers and letters to Bea and they hung up.

Within five minutes, Bea was finished chatting with an old friend at the Motor Vehicles Administration.

She looked down at the chicken scratch in her notepad: /CPS Incorporated of Berkeley, California./ Hello there, Romeo, Bea said under her breath, staring at her handwriting. I sure hope youre on the up-and-up, otherwise, youre going down.

The sun was setting as they walked the last few blocks to Josies place.

I had a great time tonight, Josie said, looking up at Ricks handsome, smiling face. Thanks for bringing the pizza.

Rick wrapped his arm around her shoulder and squeezed tight. Ive loved every minute, he said.

It was a sweet enough moment, but Josie had been sensing a soft hum of uneasiness between the two of them all evening, while they ate their vegetarian thin crust and laughed, while they sat on the balcony and talked, and all during their hour-long walk with Genghis. It was nothing she could put her finger on, really, just an occasional look in his eye or twist to his voice. It could be that Rick was experiencing one of those Oh-my-God-what-have-I-done? day-afters. But it could be something worse.

One thing Josie knew for sure: If she were truly taking a different approach to dating this time around, shed need to come right out and ask Rick what was up. She had to ask even if she was afraid of the answer.

It was a bold move shed never managed with Spike or Billy or Wayne or Lloyd or Troy or any of the others, so shed never had a clear sense of the status of the relationship on any given day. No wonder every one of her liaisons had been a road to nowhere. No wonder the end was always a surprise to Josiea /Starsky and Hutch/ swerve down an exit ramp she didnt even see coming.

Josie smiled back at Rick and squeezed him around the waist, thinking that Rick might not be troubled by their brand-new romance at all. Maybe he was distracted by his work. Or, God forbid, he could be thinking about the danger Mrs. Needleman had warned of.

Theres something Id like to talk to you about, Josie. / Guess I better buckle up./ I really like you. I think youre wonderful and fun and beautiful.

Josie sighed, wondering which breakup clichй Rick Rousseau would select, because, if she didnt count Spikes alien abduction, shed never had a relationship end without one of the Big Three: /This is not working for me. I really think we should see other people. Its not you, its me./ God, did she ever hate that last one.

Rick took a breath. What I wanted to tell you was that Ive thought about it, and…

He was going to pick the last one, she just knew it!

Id like you to come spend the weekend with me at my ranch. Ive never invited a woman there. But I want you to see it because its the place I love more than anywhere else in the world.

Josie turned very slowly and looked up into Ricks face, dumbfounded. Her arm fell away from his waist.

Oh, Rick said. You have other plans. Thats cool.

Josie shook her head.

Look, if Im going too fast, all you have to do is let me know. I completely understand.

Josie grabbed his hand. Her heart was kicking up its heels under her breastbone.

Rick laughed. Oh, man, this is patheticIve lost my game, Josie. I dont know what the hell Im doing.

She laughed, too. You dont need a game with me, she said.

Good, because Im feeling about as suave as a twelve-year-old right now.

He raked his fingers through his wavy hair. Look, I know Im going fast, but Im crazy about you and all I want is to spend time with you.

Josie nodded, so overwhelmed by this mans honesty and goodness that she thought she might cry. She averted her eyes momentarily and checked on Genghis, who was peeing on a tree.

Can I bring Genghis?

Rick chuckled. Absolutely.

Because I can have my parents watch him if its not convenient. He can get wild sometimes.

Ill remember to pick up my boxers from the floor, Rick said, giving Josies chin a little pinch between his thumb and forefinger. The G-man is always welcome. There are a couple dogs up there to keep him company, so theyll have the run of the place.

Really? Josie didnt know what excited her morethat Rick had invited her to his ranch or that he owned dogs! /He loves dogs! Another item from my list!/ I had no idea you had pets.

Of course I do. What kind of pet store owner would I be if I didnt?

Excellent point.

There are about sixteen barn cats up there, too, but only one of them finds humans worthy of his time. Rick paused, letting his fingers brush the side of her cheek. So youll come with me?

When do we leave?

How does now work for you?

Perfect.

Rick grabbed her and hugged her so tight she couldnt breathe for an instant. Even without oxygen, shed never been this happy in her life.

It was a shame that the Sonoma Valley was blanketed in darkness by the time they pulled into the automated wrought-iron gates at Samhain Ranch.

The hour drive from the city was always spectacular, and Rick had never forgotten the impact of the first time he drove up the lane to the property. /Magic./ Thats all he thought. Hed even said it out loud. This place is magic.