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Authors: Ian Irvine

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'I'm
pleased to be able to repay you so easily,' she chuckled 'You could walk there
from here. Oellyll is delved into the rock directly beneath Alcifer.'

Eighteen

Ullii
was sitting on a rock a pebble's throw away, Staring at Nish, as she had done
all morning. She expected something of him and he had disappointed her. What
could she want? He liked Ullii and cared about her, but did she really expect
him to pick up from where they'd left off, months ago, as though nothing had
happened since? It seemed she did – her nature was single-minded, obsessional.
Nish could not reciprocate, for his life had been turned inside out and he
could not make sense of it. He wished Irisis were here — she understood such
things instinctively.

'Let's
get moving,' said Flydd.

Nish
brushed away the few tracks they had left on the stony ground. Flydd rubbed
crushed mustard-bush leaves over their boots and they set off to the north,
taking advantage of the cover afforded by vegetation along dry creek beds. It
was midday and a sweltering northerly blew in their faces. Nish, who came from
a cold and drizzly land, had never experienced such heat. Green, iridescent
flies hung about their eyes, noses and mouths, not to mention their wounds and
whip marks, and no amount of arm-waving could get rid of them.

'I've
swallowed enough flies to make a hearty meal,' he grumbled as they took a hasty
break in the early afternoon. 'Where do they come from?' They were sitting
under an arch of grey rock, its roof toothed like the mouth of a shark.

'Good
eating for maggots, over on the battlefield,' Flydd grunted.

'Can't
say the same for us.' Nish was chewing on the stem of a piece of dry grass. It
generated a little moisture, which only reminded him how hungry he was. And his
boot was coming apart again. He looped another lace through it, knowing it
would soon wear through like the others.

Pull
your belt in another notch.'

'If I
do it'll cut me in half.'

'At
least it'll be an end to your infernal griping.'

Nish
didn't react — Flydd's carping was almost affectionate these days.

'I'm
thirsty,' said Ullii plaintively.

'We'll
get water down in that gully, Ullii,' Flydd said. 'It won't be long now.' He
treated her far more gently than he did Nish. But then, Ullii never did
anything wrong.

The
baked earth crunched underfoot as they went out into the sun again. It seemed
to grow hotter, and the flies more numerous, with every step. For some reason
that Nish could not fathom, they swarmed around Ullii. The little seeker
plodded on, not complaining, but in misery.

'Stop
for a moment, Ullii.' Flydd tore the bottom off her green smock, knotted the
corners into a bag and dropped it over her head. Ullii didn't need to see where
she was going.

Several
times they saw air-floaters behind them but all were moving around the army
camps, or following the lines of clankers being dragged to the north-west. Late
in the afternoon, however, one appeared close to the node crater, now two
leagues distant. The machine circled it several times, floated upwards, then
turned directly towards them.

They
were scrambling along the rim of an undulating plateau which afforded a good
view but little cover, just scattered mounds of orange boulders, sparse,
scrubby undergrowth and occasional small trees twisted into bizarre shapes by
the wind. Some distance to their left, a deep ravine cut through a corner of
the plateau.

'I
don't like it,' said Flydd. The air-floater seemed to be following every twist
and turn of their path, as if they had left a trail on the ground. 'How can it
track us from that height?'

'What
if we were to slip into the ravine?' said Nish.

'Too
easy to bottle us up.'

They
watched the air-floater in silence. Ten minutes passed. 'It's still tracking
us, Nish said anxiously. 'Is there something you haven't been telling mem
surr?'

'There
are a thousand things I haven't told you!' Flydd exclaimed in vexation. Pulling
his tattered trousers up, he felt along his right thigh. With his knife, he
made a careful slit that matched the one on the left thigh, and felt inside.
After some wincing he withdrew a bloody crystal half the length of his little
finger.

Flydd
bound the wound with his other sleeve. Limping across to the edge of the
ravine, he peered over and tossed the crystal in, underarm. 'I don't know how
they could track a charged crystal, but how else could they have followed us?'

'Perhaps
they have another seeker/ said Nish, 'and she's sensing some aura it leaves
behind.'

Flydd
cast him a perceptive glance. 'I hope not. A seeker might locate me, in which
case I've wasted my only weapon for nothing. We'll soon find out. Come on.'

Before
it grew dark, from a hill only half a league away, they saw the air-floater
drop out of the sky into the ravine. 'If they're tracking the crystal, that'll
be the end of it; said Flydd. 'We'd better keep going, just in case.'

'I'm
at my limit, surr.' Nish felt quite light-headed from hunger. Nothing seemed
real any more, and he could hardly think straight. 'My belly feels like a
pickled walnut. And my boots are falling to pieces.'

'I
thought you'd fixed them.'

'I
did, but the leather is worn out.'

'Then
you've got a long walk ahead on bleeding feet.'

'Thanks!'

'Sympathy
won't get us out of this mess, only sheer bloody-minded toughness. How are you
getting on, Ullii?' Flydd was always solicitous of her welfare, though Ullii
was nearly as tough' as the old monster himself. Life had taught her to endure.

fortunately,
the moment the sun had gone down, the flies disappeared. Ullii took off her
head-covering and her mask. 'Hungry,' she said softly.

Then
we'd better find you something to eat,' said Flydd. 'After all, you're eating
for two.'

It
was like having a bucket of cold water thrown in his face. Ullii was pregnant?
How had that come about? It took Nish a long time to make the link to their
lovemaking in the balloon after they had repelled the nylatl. It wasn't that it
hadn't mattered to him. It had been a precious moment, but so much had happened
since, it seemed like another life. Another him.

That
day, he realised, probably marked his delayed transition from youth to
adulthood. It seemed so far off; almost like a tale he'd heard about someone
else.

'Are
you saying that I'm a father?' Nish said, to Flydd rather than to Ullii.

'You
will be, in a few months.'

'Why
didn't anyone tell me?'

'I
assumed you knew.'

'How
could I know?' Nish exclaimed. 'I'm not a mind-reader.'

He
perched on an angular rock, trying to come to terms with this dramatic,
momentous development. He was going to be a father! Nish was so caught up in
the whirlwind of emotions that he didn't even look at Ullii, who was watching
him anxiously, desperately waiting for some gesture towards her. He gave none,
for Nish was still running through the implications. And what would his mother
say?

She
would not be pleased. Ranii Mhel was a clever, ambitious woman who'd always
tried to control her children's lives. Nish could only imagine what she would
make of Ullii, who had no family, no money, no education or social graces. As
far as Ranii was concerned, it would be the most disastrous match in the
history of the world, and she would have no part of it. Ullii would be paid off
and sent away with the baby, as far as a ship could take her. Nish would never
see her, or his child, again.

And
deep down, Nish understood why Ranii would do that. He and Ullii could have no
future together, for he could never give her the total, cloying devotion she
required. They would tear each other apart, or drive each other mad.

But
how could he let her suffer so? Equally important, how could he go through life
knowing that his child would never know its father? Plenty of children had lost
fathers in the war, but few were abandoned by them. Not his'. Children were
infinitely precious. I will not become my father! he thought, and the decision
was made.

Nish
realised that Ullii was watching him out of the corner of her eye. She must
feel exposed, vulnerable, afraid. She was looking for some kind of commitment
from him and afraid he would not make one. Afraid that he would not want the
child, or her.

On
the contrary, Nish was pleased he was going to be a father. After all, everyone
was brought up to cherish parenthood, in a world where there were never enough
young to replace the people who had died because of the war.

'Oh,
Ullii,' he exclaimed, reaching out for her. 'Why didn't you -?'

The
blow came from nowhere, knocking him backwards. 'I don't want to have a baby,'
Ullii said shrilly. 'And I don't want you!' She fled into the darkness. 'You
abandoned me. You never cared about me. I hate you!'

'The
balloon carried me away,' Nish cried. 'I couldn't get back.'

He
began to run after her but Flydd caught him by the collar. 'It won't do any
good. Leave her.'

'How
can she blame me?' Nish said, bewildered. 'I was half the world away — I
couldn't do anything about it.'

'She
needed you but you didn't come back. To Ullii's mind, with her history, that
constitutes rejection. And then, in the Aachim camp before the battle, you
didn't seem very pleased to see her.'

'I
was a prisoner,' said Nish. 'And . . , it's hard to show your feelings amongst
a crowd of strangers.'

'It's
hard to believe you even like her,' said Flydd. 'She's been reaching out to you
and you've ignored her.

'I —’
Nish hesitated. 'I like Ullii a lot, but . . .'

'Just
as I thought,' Flydd said coolly. 'You want the child but not the mother. Stay
here.'

'What
was I supposed to do?' said Nish.

'You
were supposed to think before you made her pregnant. Some women just want the
child and don't care about the father, but Ullii isn't one of them. When she
gives, she gives her entire heart, and you've refused it. What is she to make
of that, after her tragic life?'

'Can't
you make her see sense?' said Nish.

'It
would be easier to beat it into your numb cranium.'

'But
it's my child too.'

'You
took your time about it.' Flydd sighed. 'I'll see what I can do, though it has
to be said my credibility with Ullii isn't high either.'

'But.
. .' Nish was confused. How could she not want him? He was the father.

It
was a long time before Flydd came back with Ullii, and Nish had plenty of time
to fret about what had happened, and fail to understand it. Had she expected an
instantaneous declaration of love and commitment? He wasn't like that; he had
to think things through and become used to them. It didn't mean he cared any
less.

They
appeared out of the darkness, right beside him. Ullii could move as silently as
a tracker. He could not see her face, so Nish had no idea what kind of mood she
was in. Flydd, however, seemed pleased with himself.

'We
found a tree in fruit,' he said, pressing a knobbly object, like a bush lemon,
into Nish's hand. "Try this. They're rather good.'

Nish
broke the skin with his thumbnail. The fruit was soft in places, firm
elsewhere, and with the creamy texture of avocado. He peeled the pointed half
and bit into it. It had a rich, oily taste, immensely satisfying to a starving
man, though a residue clung to the roof of his mouth afterwards. He put the
other half in his pocket for later.

'Finish
it off' Flydd advised from the darkness.

'I
gathered a shirtful.'

Ullii
kept her distance and, with Flydd beside her, Nish found no opportunity to
talk. They tramped through scrubby bushland then long dry grass before entering
a patch of open forest. The moon was rising through the thorny branches
sur-rounding a small clearing. It was nearly ten o'clock.

Flydd
let out a stifled groan. 'We'll stop for a few hours' sleep. I can't go another
ell.'

Nish
was surprised the old man had managed to go this distance, with a wound in each
leg and his hack a mass of sores. Not daring a fire in case the air-floater was
still searching from on high, they felt around on the ground for obstacles
before lying down. At least, he and Flydd did. As Nish was working out what to
say to Ullii, she disappeared. Perhaps she was curled up in the fork of a tree.
There was no point looking, for she could have been anywhere. Tomorrow, he
thought. As soon as it's light, we'll sort it all out.

Around
midnight, Nish woke with a crick in the back of his neck. The moon cast long
shadows across the clearing. He rolled onto his whipped back and had to bite
back a groan. Through the trees, in the southern sky, a light flashed and was
extinguished, like a silver dagger plunging through black velvet.

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